Friday, March 29, 2013

Dominant vs. Superior

This may be a post about semantics and if you use these two words interchangeably, then this post isn’t for you. However, some blogs speak of their girlfriend or wife as being their Dominant. Others refer to their female counterpart as Superior. Still others call that woman their Mistress. To me, words like dominant or mistress refer to one who is more powerful. When I hear the word superior I think of words like better, greater, advanced, of a higher order, or having qualities that are above and beyond that of others.

Personally I view Katie as my Mistress Wife. She is the dominant partner in our relationship. We made an agreement in which I agreed to submit and she to assume a leadership role. We later finalized that agreement as one we will forever live when we married. She made promises to forever remain my Mistress Wife in a wife led marriage and me to forever submit to her authority as final.

What neither of us espoused to was the view that Katie is my superior. I would submit that she is better at certain things than I but then I am better than her in others. I know that there are some women that view females as the superior sex. Some go so far as to say that all women are superior to men. Let me be candid on that point. You’re an idiot to believe that! :) Don’t believe me? Just listen to the news. Some women are real bone heads. They do some really stupid things. Some show no value for life and have no respect for others. They murder, steal and commit all forms of crimes. To say that all women are superior to all men – meaning, that even the woman that has way too many loose screws is still superior to the most gifted of men is just ….. I won’t finish that sentence, but you know where I was going with it.

But let me follow that line of thinking for a minute. Let me pretend for a minute to be that superior woman. If I’m superior than I am better than men. I am smarter, wiser, more gifted, etc. But sometimes I’m lonely. I love companionship. I love interaction. I don’t like being lonely. I don’t enjoy being alone. I love stimulating conversation. I love to be challenged. I love to think. I love being with others that I admire and enjoy their company. So, whom should I seek out to adequately satisfy these needs? Hmmmm. I have two choices, a lowly inferior man or another woman of superior intellect? Well, if the man is beneath me, then why on earth would I ever want to hang around ‘him’? He doesn’t challenge me as much as Betty does. He doesn’t have Sharon’s intellect. Rather, he has ADHD and a conversation with him is an exercise in frustration because ALL men have IQ’s so much lower than all females!

Do you see where I am going with this? We tend to be attracted to others that compliment us. Now that compliment may be a partner that enjoys serving, while the woman enjoys being served. The man may be good at tasks and she good at coming up with ideas for him to complete, but then again, there are many men that are right-brained and have that creative mindset that serves as a great compliment to the analytical female computer geek or engineer. It is in those complimentary relationships where a Mistress can thrive if her partner embraces her as one who deserves the very best. If he has the desire to please her, cater to her, and daily seek only what would make her smile he may be a potential submissive man that can compliment a woman’s desire to lead and rule. In fact, even if he has strong dominant traits but also is caring, sensitive and thoughtful he functions best serving and yielding to a woman as his authoritative figure or his wife helping him see that ‘other side’ and assuming a leadership role.

Should a woman find a man that is indeed willing to let go, step aside, and say ‘yes ma’am’ she has found a submissive. That however does not mean that she becomes his superior. Rather it is an agreement or an understanding that there will be a power differential that must exist for the relationship to continue. If not, she cannot continue to be the Mistress wife. She cannot be his Domme and he will no longer be her submissive.

My own thoughts are that the latter relationship is the only way for a D/s relationship to last. I would think that one that is based on a superior/inferior relationship would eventually lead to disrespect, affairs and other evidences of a loss of mutual respect and love that is necessary to hold a relationship together through hard times. I would also think that there will come a time in a Mistress wife’s life where she will experience weakness and succumb to those emotions of being overwhelmed with life.

For example, disease and disability are commonplace, especially as we age. What happens when a woman is struggling to live due to a cancer? What happens should she have a stroke? What happens when she’s been disabled due to a serious auto accident that changes her way of life forever? What happens to a single woman who suddenly loses a job and cannot find another? In those instances she needs a helper. She needs a rock. She needs a partner on whose shoulder she can weep. She needs a man whom she can poor out her fears and anger. She needs an emotional and intellectual equal because it is in those hard times that her true humanness is reviewed. We are all weak, fragile creatures at times. We all have insecurities. The world and it’s problems and evil is so much bigger than us individually. We need others. We need help and security and knowing we are not alone. We need others to talk with and receive counsel. Can only women be of help to another female in that situation? Are you telling me no male is up to the task?

A woman can say she’s superior when everything is going her way but what about in those other times? What if she broke down on a deserted back road at night? What if she happened to find herself in the middle of a violent crime scene? What if she was traveling in a foreign country and became isolated and lost? What if someone came barging into her house and found her home and pointed a gun in her face? Would she still feel superior? Would she feel better and more capable of handling her superior self in each of those situations? Would she really consider herself better than all the men around her? I don’t think so. I think she’d feel weak and vulnerable. She’d be out of her element. She’d be scared. She’d be unsure of her next move. Whatever power and status she felt when things were well would instantly vanish. She becomes what we would all become, a weak scared and insecure person who doesn’t feel quite so self assured and confident at the moment of crisis.

So call yourself what you want. Men, refer to your woman as you will. That is your right to do as you wish. For me, Katie is my dominant partner not my superior. She will forever have the authority to lead our lives as she wishes. I will forever obey her for she is my Mistress Wife. She is my Miss Katie. She is also my Katie-girl, my best friend; my partner and the love of my life.

I’m Hers

Monday, March 25, 2013

Looking at the Big Picture

I was just about to write a post on how life has changed for Katie and I since I became Katie’s sub when I happened to read a post by Subservient Husband some time ago. I'd encourage you to read it if you haven't done so already as it is akin to this one in many ways. Since I asked Katie to assume leadership and accept my service as her submissive our life has changed in many ways, and yet she has not changed much at all. I have become her servant - just as I asked her if I could. I asked if I could take care of the laundry, household chores and all kitchen responsibilities and she accepted. I asked if I could do many other smaller tasks to make her life more enjoyable and she accepted my offers without hesitation.  I brought up the idea of chastity and she agreed to lock me. The routine she has instituted has been one of periodic chastity – locked except when sleeping since she doesn't care for the feel of a chastity device against her body.  She has experimented with denial and although for the first many months the denial was nonexistent or very limited, it’s suddenly become quite prolonged. 

Yet in many ways we live as we’ve always lived; two people who love one another and are the best of friends.  We share as peers. We laugh and interact with friends as if we are a vanilla couple. Yes, even in that setting she expects me to serve her but it is in subtle ways rather than overt acts of submission to her dominance.  But things have changed. She is much more comfortable expecting from me than a year ago. She has become comfortable with keeping me in denial as the very fact that I am denied, makes for a better lovemaker. She loves that I stay hard and can become hard in seconds with just the gentle touch or squeeze of her hand.  She has become accustomed to leaving the kitchen and relaxing with a glass of wine or tea to read, work, or relax while I prepare the dinner meal. 

Our life has changed. It has changed for the better. She is becoming a stronger woman. She is becoming a more confident woman.  One of the fears she had when we first started this venture was not wanting to become a bitch.  She has become anything but that. She has become so much more of a woman that I could have ever dreamed.  She is quiet; almost shy to some, yet she is not one to cross. She fends for herself. She handles business decisions.  She knows what she wants in life. Now that she lives in a wife led marriage, she now has the freedom to act and decide without the worry of conflict or repercussions from me for the decisions she now makes.

I'm Hers

Sunday, March 24, 2013

H _ _ _ A N D S

Katie "called me the other day out of the blue.
"You know," she said, shortly after I said hello, "you can't spell 'husband' without the letters  S, U, B."

She laughed at her own words and I smiled at the other end of the line after hearing her.

"Every wife needs a good submissive husband," she added.

"Yes they do."  And I knew she was right.

Enjoy your Sunday, HSubbands!" And wives, I hope you thorougly enjoy your Hsub-bands as well on this weekend afternoon. :)

I'm Hers

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Long-term Chastity

I read on Locked and Kept’s blog recently a post about chastity. The author commented a change in attitude that he noticed in himself as he now spends more time in chastity and is denied for longer periods of time. I believe he commented that after a week or two he doesn’t even notice that he is in chastity – that the device he is wearing simply becomes a part of himself. As I reflect back to as little as two years ago when Katie denied me for a few days to a few weeks at most I remember spending more time out of chastity then in  during some days. What I remember feeling back then was a deep sense of eroticism because everything was so new. I felt like I wanted out. I couldn’t wait for the next time she’d let me experience an orgasm. I felt quite horny most of the time.  But during the fall of 2011 things changed. Katie decided to experiment with longer periods of denial after learning that hormonally a man’s testosterone levels peak after a few weeks and then remain relatively elevated. She thought she noticed that my penis would respond more rapidly and remain more engorged with blood when touching me and didn’t particularly like the refractory period of me not becoming instantly aroused after an ejaculation. She likes touching me. She enjoys feeling the change arousal brings while stroking me gently at night. She also thought I became more affectionate and submissive in my attitude toward her when being denied for extended periods. She seems convinced that this is so since she has not deviated back to shorter periods between orgasm but in fact has only lengthened them over time. What started as a sudden denial period of about three months has now approached almost six months recently.

When I look back on the last year or so I feel much the same psychologically as Locked n Kept mentioned – to some degree. What is different with my situation is that my device is typically removed nightly and then refastened each morning. The exception to that rule is weekends when she will sometimes lock me and sometimes allow me to remain free. Whenever I am away from her presence for any period of time (meaning away at work, or traveling separate from her) I am to be locked and there is no leniency in that rule unless she gives me permission to do otherwise.

I mention the difference between my situation and Locked and Kept’s situation because my life in chastity is not static. It’s ever changing. I’m in. I’m out. I’m out some weekends and not others. Every morning I usually send Katie a text while I am upstairs getting dressed and she is downstairs doing something else what the order of the day is for me relative to locking. Almost always the response is “Lock it up”. There is a bit of playful fun that we have when we send those texts but I send them almost daily because I am curious to see if she might give me a day of freedom. I also ask daily because I want Katie to become comfortable in telling me what she wants as my Mistress Wife. She’s the Dominant and I want her to feel as such. Ideally I’d love her to tell me to ‘make sure you lock up before you leave the room,’ or ‘don’t you dare come down without first locking’, or deciding to lock me herself. I want that because it’s fun. I want that because it builds a degree of openness between us with respect to her controlling my cock and in what state she will keep it for the day. Verbalizing is more direct than a text. Making a conscious decision to lock me up personally or stand and watch me lock up is even more adventuresome – and probably uncomfortable or awkward for her at the moment – but probably a very healthy thing for us to seriously consider doing.

But with respect to my experience with long term chastity, there is a sense of resignation that I feel when the days mount. I’m at Day 50ish range now. I don’t anticipate her letting me ejaculate anytime soon. I know the last time was 178 days and I would suspect that I have no chance before day 100. So although Katie lets me out so she can enjoy my cock; although she loves to touch and fondle it at night or give it a passing kiss or suck in the morning after I shower; even when we make love a few times a week, I know that there will be no permission given to feel the sudden rush that she feels with respect to orgasm. Rather I feel a rush that is somewhat diminished yet prolonged. In a way, it’s almost better than being allowed orgasm. In some ways it’s incredibly frustrating to be left so close to cumming. I love that feeling but it leaves me like a music scale that lacks that final note that completes it. I’m left unresolved. I’m left wanting, hard and still desiring her with an intense lust to remain close and intertwined. She always leaves me wanting more. Every time we make love I am left that way. When she is fully satisfied she leaves  knowing I am not. I know she will leave to continue on with her day while leaving me still rock hard and wanting more. It’s how she loves it. It’s what she loves and I know that this will most likely be the way I will live as long as we remain sexually active.

And that makes locking up 15 minutes later that much harder. No the Jailbird that I wear doesn’t ever feel like it’s a part of me. I never feel that it becomes a part of my body. Yes it is quite comfortable most of the time and I don’t notice it for much of the day, but the weight of it tugging on me often reminds me that I am an owned man. Yet the fact remains that the routine remains unchanged. I get up. I shower after her. I blow dry and brush her hair. She dresses and leaves the room while I clean it up and make it presentable. I lock and then I head downstairs to make a breakfast of her choosing. It’s the routine that never changes. It’s always the same. I always lock up except for an occasional Saturday or Sunday where I will be free.

Yet to be honest, there is security in being made to lock. I want her to tell me to lock mostly when I am with her, not apart. I understand her rationale for me being kept secure when away but I love it when she puts me in chastity during the weekend or while away on a trip together. It excites me to be chaste and have her press her body tight against my steel encasement when embracing. I love knowing that she can feel her prize position safe and secure inside its cage. To have her grab my cock at anytime is fun but for her to do so because she knows that I am locked because she told me to lock is extra special - and I hope it is for her too. Those times excite me - especially when she lets on that she enjoys the fact that she has the power to lock me at her whim.
Those instances serve as a reminder that I am indeed not just her husband but her submissive husband whom she has complete authority over. Katie, promised me in her vow that she would culture and push me into deeper submission. That was a promise she made and I believe she will keep. I fully expect her to keep me locked more often as a way to ‘culture’ that submission. I would hope that she would do so with more deliberate intention both to remind me that I am her submissive husband as well as to remind herself that she exists on another level of freedom that I’ll never experience as a Dominant woman who owns a submissive man.
Long term chastity is incredibly rewarding. I don’t know how I”d feel if I was locked and never touched for 6 months. I think I would find that life quite difficult. But to be denied while being used for her enjoyment on almost a daily basis is so different. As the days build, the understanding that I am powerless grows. The realization that she is in charge grows. The desire to cum grows. The times that I ask for her permission to cum while making love become more frequent. The incredible ache to cum feels like nothing a man could ever imagine unless you’ve been there and done that. I love it and I hope she never chooses to toss the Jailbird in the bottom drawer, never to be used again. 
I once read a story about a dominant woman that used and abused a man - just because she could. She kept him in her basement and did many things to him that he hated. She promised him that she would keep him as her slave for 15 years. At the end of that time he had changed so much, that all he knew was his life as he lived it in her basement which included the daily pain and testing of his limits. When the 15th anniversary ended she let him go. He walked out of her home a free man. But he wasnt' free. He belonged to her and he chose to knock on her door asking if she would take him back because she was now a necessary evil in his life.  I am finding being locked in chastity very similar to that fictional story. The longer Katie locks and denies me, the more I feel the need to be locked more often and for longer periods of time.  When locked I want out and I want release, yet when given the option, my response is like the man who was given that same choice and chose to return to a life that is now all he can associate life as being. That is what I want with respect to chastity - I want it to never ever end.

If I could change one thing it would be to play with ruined orgasms while still remain denied the privilege of a full-fledged orgasm, but that is a topic for another post.

I’m Hers

Monday, March 18, 2013

A day filled with gifts

This 24 hour period started last night at 11pm when I was laying in bed cuddled close to Katie.

"I want a massage," she spoke out of the blue.

"Now?"

"Uh-uh, I want a full body massage," she repeated.

I smiled inside. I was surprised but I smiled as it has been a few weeks since I've heard those words.  For the next 45 minutes I rub deeply, lightly, used my hands, my knuckles, my foreams, the tips of my fingers and loved her with unspoken words as she rested quietly, eventually falling asleep. She had given me a wonderful gift, reminding me I was hers to enjoy (and she was mine to enjoy, but in a giving rather than receiving way).

In the morning I got up and we did our usual routine, she showered, I followed. I used her towel and dried with her sitting at her vanity while watching me in the mirror drying myself behind her. One of my most favorite and intimate chores she has me do for her is to blow-dry and brush her hair, ending each time with a kiss on her neck and me uttering the words, "I love you," in her ear.

Katie left to do something in the bedroom and I finished in the bathroom, cleaning up clothes she left from the evening before, replacing used towels and wash cloths with clean ones to be used the next time she showers and cleaning the cat litter - still unclothed.  I felt a soft pat on my butt as I did. It was Katie, who crept up from behind and bent over to acknowledge me doing one of those little things she's asked me to do.  I loved it. I hope she loved the view from behind.

After making up the bed and straightening more and locking myself in chastity I headed downstairs.  She wanted to take me out to look at something but told me to make her a hot breakfast. Another gift. It's another every day gift but it's still a gift of service that, like the cleaning the cat litter, making the bed, blowdrying her hair, cleaning up her dirty clothes, reminds me that she and I don't function on equal planes.  But they are gifts to me. They remind me she's in charge. She allows me to serve. I love it. So does she.

We went out, returned a few hours later and before I left for work I asked if there was anything else I could do for her. As if the dog was listening, he vomited his morning meal all over the carpet.

"Yes, you can clean this mess up," she said on cue to my question.

I looked and saw a huge brown, mucky mess on the light colored carpet. I ran to get a towel, and kneeled and did what I was told. When done, Katie directed me to another part of the room and pointed to a smaller slimy pool of dog vomit that I was to clean.

A gift? You better believe it. As I see this now, somebody has to do it. It was either she or me and there is absolutely no reason for her to have to clean things like this when I am around.  Off I went to work.  While gone she shampooed the rug and cleaned it thoroughly.

On my way home I asked if there was anything that needed doing. She was going to arrive home shortly after me after working out at the gym.

"Yes, I need you to fix me some soup for dinner, there are clothes at the top of the step that need to be washed, make sure you let the dog out and let the cats down."

It was a mouthful but I got it all.  I found myself organizing how to get this all done, knowing I only had a few minutes before she arrived. As I pulled in to the drive, I noticed the trash cans that needed to be brought back to the house.  I got it done. I was there when she arrived, ready to great and kiss her.

I love working for her. I love it more when she speaks her mind and tells me what she wants. All of those little things were constant reminders of her control. Never once did she ask if I wanted to do something. Each time she spoke her mind, she told me what she wanted. It wasn't mean. It wasn't demeaning. It was just a stated fact of "I want you to do this for me." I love being told. I love being dependent on her. We function so well as a team. No arguing, no griping. Just an understanding that she's my Mistress and I her sub.

It's not quite 11pm now so there may be more coming before finally falling asleep. Another massage maybe?  I hope so.

I'm hers

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Just a Fun Day

Earlier this week Katie told me that she had made plans for us on Sunday. She told me that we were going birding with a group, something we have never done before. Both of us enjoy birds. We have a few feeders in the yard. We enjoy looking at them but have never gone with others that actually know what tons about birds.  As soon as she told me, “I made plans for us on Sunday,” I could feel myself getting hard inside my chastity cage.  I didn’t think about it. It just happened. It was an instantaneous response.  Then she filled in the details and I felt pleased that she decided this would be a fun event for the two of us to do.
And it was. We met 10-15 other middle-age and older adults at a park and returned almost four hours later having seen over thirty different species of birds including a Bald Eagle and a couple of Owls. We just had a nice time. We walked 2-3 miles. We met some new people and enjoyed the walk, the sharing of information, and the time outside on a nice Sunday morning.
In a post on Femdom 101 Kathy addressed Katie and shared some words of wisdom. She reminded Katie to never take me for granted. I can assure you that she takes great care of me.  In her post she advised Katie to remind me daily that she is the Mistress and I the submissive. I mention that because when Katie told me the plans she made for us, I had an instant physiological response to the very words, “I made plans for us….” In essence she told me that she was in charge and the reminder of that excited me and met some deep need when she verbalized that fact.  Just as the Mistress enjoys being in charge, the submissive slave enjoys knowing, and being reminded that she is.
We left the birding event knowing we had to stop by two stores before returning home. Katie was hungry and told me that she wanted to stop by her favorite restaurant before doing anything else. We did. When finished, and the waitress handed me the check, I immediately passed it on to Katie. She signed it and added the tip; something I don’t do much anymore unless she asks me to.
While shopping now, she gets what she wants in the quantities she deems necessary. I push the cart and do as I’m told. We work as a team and our D/s relationship works perfectly for us.
Just as the dominant woman loves the feeling of being waited on and having the freedom to choose as she wishes, the submissive receives the gift of knowing they are dependent on the woman they serve. As much as it would appear to the outside world that Katie is being obnoxious and demeaning when she tells me to do something she’s being far from that. Her insistence and expectant attitude are gifts. They are acts of love. Being told what we will be doing for the day. Having me push the shopping cart, unload the car when home, work in the yard while she does what she wants inside on a hot day are gifts. They are reminders that she is not taking me for granted.  And I love her for it.
I’m Hers

Thursday, March 14, 2013

My Promise to Katie

Katie, you are my best friend, my life partner, and the one I am giving myself today in marriage. I am kneeling here for a reason. Kneeling is symbolic. Kneeling shows respect and honor and acknowledges my desire to serve. I want to do more than serve. I want to obey you as you take me as your husband. I have longed for this day as I knew almost instantly that you were the woman that I have always dreamed of spending my life with. You are so beautiful; beautiful in every way. I love everything about you. Katie, you complete me. You bring out the best in me, so much so that I can’t ever imagine living apart from you. You have shown me unwavering and unconditional love on a daily basis ever since we first met and now it’s time for me to make promises I intend to keep as we formally tie this knot of marriage. Today I am giving myself to be yours forever. 
Today I give you my heart, my soul and my body. I ask that you take me now as your lawfully wedded husband. In the presence of God, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful husband. I promise to stand with you in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, in joy as well as in sorrow; to love you faithfully and unconditionally, to trust you and support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, to share my deepest thoughts. I promise to be affectionate as I want you to know without a doubt just how deep my love is for you. I promise to hide nothing from you, to forsake all others, but to love you faithfully regardless of the obstacles we may face together.
I will stand beside you and walk with you daily, I promise to stand behind you and let you lead me personally, and us as a couple, knowing that you want the freedom and power to lead. Katie, I love that you have such confidence. I admire it. I’m attracted to it. I love seeing you so confident and secure and promise to submit to your leadership of our home. I see myself as a husband whose role it is to assist you, to stand by you and aid you in all you do. I promise to protect, support, affirm, adore, and revere you. I promise to help you become even more confident and self assured. As the head of our home you will need these attributes and I will support you in every way as you assume this responsibility. 
I promise to wait on you, care for you, and look after you. I desire only life’s best for you and want you to never feel alone. I will never challenge your authority but rather support your decisions always. I want you to feel secure as my dominant, knowing that I will always have your back. I want you to wake up each day knowing I will always be there. I hope you live each day knowing you are loved and adored, and I hope you end each day falling asleep in my arms feeling warm and secure.
I kneel before you as a symbol of my submission and your dominance. I promise to always submit to your authority. I will never challenge you. I will never betray you. I will do whatever you decide or tell me to do.
I promise to obey you. I will obey you. I want to obey you. I understand that by submitting to you now in obedience that I am giving myself completely to you. This is what I desire – to be taken by you as your submissive husband. 
In that light I promise to accept your correction for poor behavior knowing your desire is to keep my heart close to yours. 
I promise to please you sexually. I give you the freedom to deny me for as long as you wish, knowing denial makes me more loving, affectionate, and attentive to you. I promise to save my body for only you. Only you will ever touch me intimately. Only you will enjoy me sexually. Only with you will I give myself in totality to be enjoyed and to fulfill you sexually. 
I promise complete openness with respect to my thought life. I will reveal any and everything to you whenever you wish to examine my thoughts. I want you to know me and will share any and everything with you that you wish to know. 
I promise to give you ownership of my finances and do so willingly. All I own is yours to use as you wish. 
I promise to give you complete ownership of my time. My time is to be used as you wish me to use it. I will ask permission when opportunities arise for me to do something I wish to do but understand that you have final say with regard to how that time is used.  
I want to devote myself to fulfilling your needs, wants, desires and wishes. I want to be known as a man whose desire it is to please and serve you. I want others to see the love and attentiveness that I have for you. I want to be known as your sub but I wish others to see my submissiveness as positive because they can see how devoted I am to you. I hope others see my submissiveness and your dominance as contributing to the special love we share.  I want to live under your rule because I know you love me and because it’s the best way for me to love you. Katie, you now own me. I am completely yours. 
As your submissive husband and one living in a Wife Led Marriage I promise to never challenge your authority unless you ask me to speak my mind. I will embrace your decisions regardless of my personal views. I will follow your lead as you guide us as a couple through life’s many challenges. I promise to fulfill my role as your submissive, understanding that my obligation is to serve you by doing those things you wish not to do; to make your life more enjoyable; to present you to others in a positive light; to cater to your needs; to satisfy your desires; and allow you to live your life as you see fit. I promise to honor your dominance by obeying you and embracing my submissive life knowing that you will have freedoms that I will not. It is the life that I want. It is the life I want you to have. I promise to learn your ways so that I may better serve you. I promise to never stop being the man that you fell in love with; the man who challenges you, who makes you laugh and giggle, who stimulates your thinking, who makes you feel proud by embracing your dominance, submitting to you obediently and acknowledging you as the head of our home.
 I want you to know just how much I love you as the Katie I first met; the one that swept me off my feet the moment our eyes and hearts touched that first day; the one who I fell in love with, the one I kept coming back to again and again, the one I committed to, and the one who promised to become my dominant partner and accept my submission. I ask that you accept my submission not as a sign of weakness but as one of strength. My submission is my gift to you. Take me now as your lawful husband who promises to love, serve and obey you until death separates us from one another. 
Take this ring as a symbol of the promises I am making now. This ring is a reminder of my promises to obey you, submit to you, serve you, honor you, love you, protect you, and forsake all others. This ring is your property just as I too become your property. I belong to you. I am now owned by you. I am now completely yours. I hope this ring will serve as a reminder of how much you are loved but also of the man that is yours forever. We share a love and bond that only death will separate. This is a wonderful day. This moment is a wonderful moment. May we never lose the love for one another we feel now as we begin our life together anew.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Katie's Vow to Me

Katie and I recently married. It was her decision on the actual date although both of us tossed ideas back and forth with regard to when. We thought about a spring or summer wedding but my mother questioned why we were waiting. That thought resonated with Katie and so she chose for us to marry during the Christmas holiday season.
Katie wanted something simple and decided that our marriage would be conducted by a local magistrate. She didn't want to bother with dresses, flowers, invitations, caterers, music and a slew of other things that had nothing to do with what her goal was - to marry me and have us be ‘legal’ according to the law. She made the arrangements, setting up the date and time. She learned that even a simple marriage by a magistrate required witnesses so she asked a girlfriend friend who agreed, and who offered her husband to serve as our witnesses.
The day started like most other days. I made her breakfast and we later met our friends and took them out to lunch. Having nothing to do for an hour we just drove around town and window shopped to kill time. We arrived at the courthouse, made our way to the magistrate's office, our witnesses completed required paperwork, and we were married. The ceremony was short and simple, lasting less than two minutes. It's amazing how easy it is to tie the knot of matrimony - and how inexpensive a wedding can be. We left and went back to the house where we shared a glass of wine and readied ourselves for a dinner with several friends and a night of celebration at a New Years Eve function.
The ceremony with the magistrate was as generic as you could imagine. The magistrate asked if we'd 'have' and 'hold' one another; if we'd love and cherish. I know that sounds pretty boring but we really didn't want to get into all of the D/s vows with her and our witnesses. Yet we wanted to make promises to one another that were both binding as well as express those promises from a Mistress/submissive perspective that we both wanted. Katie decided that we would make those promises just after midnight on New Year’s Eve (actually the night of the 30th. Alone, at home we read our vows. Katie went first as the dominant partner and I followed. Katie promised to lead, guide, love, keep and forever maintain me as her submissive and enjoy her life as the dominant partner while promised to follow, obey, love, adore and commit to Katie forever as her submissive husband. Katie stood while I kneeled. I looked up while she looked down.  It was a beautiful time. Our vows were long and we stated again and again the same key points – leading vs following; being served and obeyed vs serving and obeying; etc.
Typical of how Katie thinks, she told me to write the vows that we would both read and present them to her as a draft. She critiqued what I wrote and I made the necessary changes. Once they were written as she wanted we printed them off and saved them until the day they were to be read. As I labored over the wording, I knew that I was writing my own fate. I was writing those things that I knew she wanted, and at the same time, writing of the life I also wanted. I wrote the vows in kind of a parallel format. The wording was such as those promises Katie would make as my Mistress would be the same promises I would make as her submissive husband but came from the opposite perspective.  For me, writing them was almost as enjoyable as our private ceremony when I had the opportunity to kneel and listen to those words coming directly from the woman that would forever be my Mistress wife.
Some have asked for me to post these vows. Below is Katie’s vow to me. In the next post, I will include my vow to her. I welcome your comments, criticisms and opinions.
I’m Hers
This is the time I’ve been waiting for. You and I will finally be together. Married. It’s what I’ve always wanted. I love you. I love being with you. I love talking to you. I love everything about you and it is so right that we marry. You are the man for me. You are the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. You make me so happy. Kneel before me as we express our marriage vows.
Having you looking up to me as you are now represents how we will live. I will forever be the dominant partner and you will forever be my submissive husband. This will never change. You will never have the power or freedoms that I have. I will always live this life. I will forever be in charge but I will always love you. Just know that I will never relinquish my role as the head of our home. I will control every aspect of our lives; our finances, our sex life, what friends we associate with, and how we live each and every day. By insisting that you kneel while we exchange our vows you will remember the significance of the power I have and the power you will never have. I want you to never forget this moment. It’s important that it this becomes seared in your mind. You are marrying me on your knees and it makes me happy seeing you this way. Standing over you while I look down on the man I love excites me. It’s how I love seeing you. Having you look up to me no is what I’ve been waiting for. I love this. This symbolism will serve us both of what we are formally creating – a marriage in which I am in charge.
I am the dominant one and today I take you as my legal husband and sub. I am assuming the role as head of our home. I want you to understand that although I desire your thoughts and input I will be the one making final decisions that will affect you personally and us together as a married couple. I am taking ownership of you today. My ownership will be all encompassing. I will take possession of every part of you and will do so until death separates us. I will own you forever.
Tonight I take ownership of your body and because I do, it will only be used for my pleasure. I will enjoy it as I wish. I will enjoy it whenever I wish. Your body’s purpose is to please me, to please only me and please me it will.
Tonight I am taking ownership of your thought life. You will never keep a secret from me. Should I ever want to know what you are thinking or feeling, you will completely disclose any thoughts regardless of how those thoughts will make me feel or react.
As of this moment, I am taking ownership of your money. Any income you earn immediately becomes mine. I will use it to take care of us but understand that you will have nothing unless I give money to you. When I do, I expect you to use it wisely. However, I will have free discretion to use my money however I wish. I promise to also use it wisely.
I now own your time. I will determine how you spend it. Anytime you want to do something you will first ask me for permission.
By taking ownership of you, your life becomes completely mine. Its focus will be devoted to serving my needs, my wants, my desires, and my wishes. Your purpose is pleasing me and by doing so I know that it will fulfill you as a submissive man. I expect complete obedience in all facets of your life. There are no exceptions. You will comply. Our marriage will be wife-led. It is something I know we both want.
I love that you desire to submit to me and have me take you as my own. I love knowing that I am the dominant one. I enjoy you reminding me often that I am. I love your submission and the effort and time you put into making me feel loved and cherished. I love that you encourage me to do as I wish and enjoy life with you and with my girlfriends. I love the support you show me. It’s like nothing I’ve ever before experienced. I don’t want you to ever think your submission to me as your Mistress Wife implies that you are weak. You are not weak. I see strength in your submission. I love knowing that by submitting your mind dwells only on me. Your submission makes me feel very secure. I know that as my submissive husband you will always be at my side ready to please, protect, serve and obey.
I promise today, in the presence of God to take you as my lawfully wedded submissive husband. I promise to love you unconditionally and make it known to you just how deep my love is for you. I give myself fully as your faithful, loving and dominant wife. I promise to stand with you in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you faithfully and unconditionally, to trust you and support you in your goals, to correct you when you err, to honor and respect you, to keep you and comfort you, to laugh with you and cry with you, to share my deepest thoughts. I promise to be affectionate as I want you to know without a doubt just how deep my love is for you. Because I trust you completely, I promise to keep no thought hidden from you that you should know and expect you to never hide anything from me. My desire is that our marriage is characterized by openness, love, and intimacy and I will do what is necessary to maintain that. I will forsake all others, but will love you faithfully regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I will lovingly lead us to the best of my ability knowing you will fully embrace my decisions.
I promise to lead the two of us in a wife led marriage. As the dominate I understand there is much responsibility in this position. Yet it is one that I desire and promise to always keep. I promise to be responsible for you. I promise to take care of you. I promise to teach you how to best serve me and love me and I expect compliance. I love that you want to obey and follow me. I promise to take leadership of you as my sub. Because I own you I will do what is necessary to cultivate your submissive qualities. I will teach you how you can best serve me. I will do my best to help you with struggles you have as my submissive. I will remind you that I am dominant because I know you enjoy the security of knowing I am in charge.
It pleases me that you want me to lead a Wife Led Marriage and I promise to remind you often that we indeed live as such. I love so much that you have a desire to submit to me and obey me and I promise to honor your submission. I treasure you. I love you. I desire you. I promise to never stop reminding you just how much I care about you.
My heart is open to only you. Only with you will I share my deepest desires. Only with you will I give my body to love. I want you to enjoy our physical closeness. I love that my body pleases you. I promise to let you enjoy my body by pleasing me sexually and affectionately. In turn, I promise to enjoy your body. I promise to use it for my pleasure as it brings me great joy and fulfillment to know it is mine. I will enjoy you as I wish and expect you to fully yield to me when we are sexually intimate.
At this point Katie read a short statement as she gave me a ring to seal the promise she made with me.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Why is Dominance Such a Difficult Gift to Accept?

 I have had a few conversations with submissive men during the past few months with regard to how they can encourage their wives to embrace the D/s lifestyle.  The two such conversations have revealed that although the men sincerely want to make a commitment by submitting, and have their wives lead the home as the dominant partner, their wives either seem oblivious to the gift their husband has presented them or they are having difficulty embracing it because they don't see themselves as a dominant woman.
 My most recent conversation with M got me thinking on this more. I have quite a long drive to work and I decided to shut the radio off and just think for a change; something I enjoy doing every now and then.  Memories of parenting came to mind. As a parent there is a power differential that needs to exist for the home to function practically and efficiently.  There cannot be a power struggle between parent and child.  In essence it is a D/s relationship.  What mom and dad say is what must be obeyed.  Now it's not like there can't be a discussion when questions arise but the final answer as to what the verdict will be must come from the top and not from the bottom. A mother most likely does not view herself as a dominant woman with respect to raising a family but she is.  If questioned on who is the authoritative figure - mother or child - she would agree that she was.  If asked who leads, who guides, who educates, who teaches who decides, she would agree that she is the one that does this. Even with teenagers she would indicate that although there is increased freedom with age, there are still certain mandates, certain principles, and certain rules that must be obeyed if the freedoms given are to remain freedoms. She could probably site multiple times where violations of those rules and principles have either lead to discussions with her child to clarify and express concerns or disappointments, or when there were consequences that she delivered as a way to both punish as well as teach her child.
 Every woman has 'been there'.  Every woman that has ever raised a child has lived the life of a Domme when set against the framework of raising a family.  I would dare guess that most of those women have also been the ones that their husbands would admit are the cog in the wheel with respect to how the family unit functions.  Women often budget. Women raise the children. Women decide where income is spent. Women largely determine family functions including entertainment, vacations, holiday itineraries, etc.
 So if M's wife J has most likely lived 'that' life, why is it so hard, when her husband, whom she loves, comes to her and expresses his desire for her to accept his submission and take the mantle of leadership that she's probably handled unknowingly for years?  That was the question that I had a hard time wrapping my brain around as I drove to work today. Why?  Why the difficulty in taking a gift that has such a wow factor? Doesn’t every girl love attention, love being pampered, love being the most important in her man’s life?
 I don’t know if I have THE answer but I did think of a few possible reasons. First, I think that the word 'dominant' scares women. I don't think a woman likes to be known as being dominant or being referred to as a Mistress.  It sounds odd. It's different. It's not who they are. It’s not how they want their friends referring to them, even jokingly. Yet all three of the men that I've corresponded with have indicated that their wives have dominant qualities. They have mentioned how they enjoy having things their way. One man noted how his wife loves to dictate the frequency and activity of the bedroom. Another noted that they love the service their husband provides. All have indicated that they enjoy the increased intimacy and affection since the topic of femdom came up in discussion and their husbands’ submitted.  So why then is accepting this incredible gift such a hard thing to do? One man just aches to have his wife take that gift but fears that she never will. She loves the service he’s provided her but doesn’t want to lead and acknowledge his submission.
 That leads me to my second hunch- guilt. I talked to Katie during that drive and we discussed the difficulty we had during those first several months.  When I came to Katie with my list of chores and gifts I wanted to give her, she eagerly accepted most of them. It was easy for her to accept my desires to honor her by promising to be the perfect gentleman, taking her coat, sitting next to her, giving her control of the TV remote, intentionally being more affectionate and other similar gifts.  But for her to sit and check her email or watch TV while I took 45 minutes to prepare dinner after working all day didn't come as easily.  When it was late and she watched me spent the evening preparing, serving, and cleaning up dinner and then fold and return clothing that I washed to the bedroom it was hard for her to tell me to give her a massage. She knew I was tired and often she’d ask me if I was. I knew there was more to the question than just wanting that. She wanted a massage but felt guilty asking me to do one last thing before falling asleep. And so she didn’t.  When she changed clothes and left them on the floor or laid her robe over a chair rather than hanging it, it was hard for her to leave those items there until I came home after work when it was just as easy for her to pick them up herself.  Katie experienced a lot of guilt because I was doing those things she had always done.  Yet I told her many times, "I can do that for you," or "I'll take care of that."  The fact was, I wanted her to watch TV while I did dinner. I wanted to do the laundry. I loved her watching me fold the wash while she sat nearby smiling. I ached to give her a massage and I enjoy cleaning up after her. But it took a long time for her to work through sudden change in our relational dynamic. She struggled with living the life of a woman that now deserved when she had lived the role of a traditional woman for so many years. She has gotten over most of it but it’s still a work in process, and to be honest I think she would tell you that she's still working through that to some degree.
I know that Katie loves every conscious act of service I give her. Every meal I made she was thankful for what I prepared as well as the fact that she didn't have to bother doing something she doesn’t enjoy doing. Every massage I've ever given has been filled with comments that have expressed how much she loves my touch. I know she loves the thought that I will pick up the room and she can just let the untidiness ‘be’ for me to address. I know she loves where my mind now. It never strays away from her and her needs, wants and desires.  She literally has become the center of my life. She loves that she is always on my mind. She loves the continual texts, calls, emails and thoughts throughout the day. I remind her constantly how much I love her, how much I love being her sub and her being my woman in charge. It’s where she wants me and where I want to be. But then there are those feelings of guilt that haunt her. "He does so much." "This is so different than how it used to be". Those thoughts still seep into her life – even three years into this experiment.
Yes, I do more than her, and yes this life is different from how it used to be but it is also something that I came to her and proposed.  She didn’t force me to do any of this. All she did was agree to let me do what I offered. All I asked of her was to accept my submission and assume the head of our home. I wanted to give her the gift of my heart and I wanted her to agree to continue to accept that gift daily. All I requested was that she take control and make decisions as she saw fit. I wanted her to take control and I knew that she relished doing so anyway.  When we married we made vows expressing that. She told me that she would promise to be the dominant one forever. I told her that I would always submit to her authority.  It sounds odd, yet it is what we both want. It's where we both desire to remain. It's the life that fills the empty places in our hearts. 
I hope M and J figure things out. I hope B and W continue to enjoy the life they have. I feel bad for E and  K because I just don't think E wants to embrace the gift K wants to give. I find that sad because it is such a wonderful gift.  I hope if you are a woman that is where these women are that you will get over the stigma associated with being a dominant woman.  Why deny who you are? Why not except the easier road rather than the harder one, especially when your partner desires to take the harder path so you don't have to? Why not embrace your man’s gift of submission and enjoy the fact that he wants to make you the center of his world?
As Katie tells me often, "What woman wouldn't love this life?"  She's learning to enjoy it and I know she will do so forever. Won't you consider that as well should you be given the choice to do so?
 I'm Hers