Friday, March 29, 2013

Dominant vs. Superior

This may be a post about semantics and if you use these two words interchangeably, then this post isn’t for you. However, some blogs speak of their girlfriend or wife as being their Dominant. Others refer to their female counterpart as Superior. Still others call that woman their Mistress. To me, words like dominant or mistress refer to one who is more powerful. When I hear the word superior I think of words like better, greater, advanced, of a higher order, or having qualities that are above and beyond that of others.

Personally I view Katie as my Mistress Wife. She is the dominant partner in our relationship. We made an agreement in which I agreed to submit and she to assume a leadership role. We later finalized that agreement as one we will forever live when we married. She made promises to forever remain my Mistress Wife in a wife led marriage and me to forever submit to her authority as final.

What neither of us espoused to was the view that Katie is my superior. I would submit that she is better at certain things than I but then I am better than her in others. I know that there are some women that view females as the superior sex. Some go so far as to say that all women are superior to men. Let me be candid on that point. You’re an idiot to believe that! :) Don’t believe me? Just listen to the news. Some women are real bone heads. They do some really stupid things. Some show no value for life and have no respect for others. They murder, steal and commit all forms of crimes. To say that all women are superior to all men – meaning, that even the woman that has way too many loose screws is still superior to the most gifted of men is just ….. I won’t finish that sentence, but you know where I was going with it.

But let me follow that line of thinking for a minute. Let me pretend for a minute to be that superior woman. If I’m superior than I am better than men. I am smarter, wiser, more gifted, etc. But sometimes I’m lonely. I love companionship. I love interaction. I don’t like being lonely. I don’t enjoy being alone. I love stimulating conversation. I love to be challenged. I love to think. I love being with others that I admire and enjoy their company. So, whom should I seek out to adequately satisfy these needs? Hmmmm. I have two choices, a lowly inferior man or another woman of superior intellect? Well, if the man is beneath me, then why on earth would I ever want to hang around ‘him’? He doesn’t challenge me as much as Betty does. He doesn’t have Sharon’s intellect. Rather, he has ADHD and a conversation with him is an exercise in frustration because ALL men have IQ’s so much lower than all females!

Do you see where I am going with this? We tend to be attracted to others that compliment us. Now that compliment may be a partner that enjoys serving, while the woman enjoys being served. The man may be good at tasks and she good at coming up with ideas for him to complete, but then again, there are many men that are right-brained and have that creative mindset that serves as a great compliment to the analytical female computer geek or engineer. It is in those complimentary relationships where a Mistress can thrive if her partner embraces her as one who deserves the very best. If he has the desire to please her, cater to her, and daily seek only what would make her smile he may be a potential submissive man that can compliment a woman’s desire to lead and rule. In fact, even if he has strong dominant traits but also is caring, sensitive and thoughtful he functions best serving and yielding to a woman as his authoritative figure or his wife helping him see that ‘other side’ and assuming a leadership role.

Should a woman find a man that is indeed willing to let go, step aside, and say ‘yes ma’am’ she has found a submissive. That however does not mean that she becomes his superior. Rather it is an agreement or an understanding that there will be a power differential that must exist for the relationship to continue. If not, she cannot continue to be the Mistress wife. She cannot be his Domme and he will no longer be her submissive.

My own thoughts are that the latter relationship is the only way for a D/s relationship to last. I would think that one that is based on a superior/inferior relationship would eventually lead to disrespect, affairs and other evidences of a loss of mutual respect and love that is necessary to hold a relationship together through hard times. I would also think that there will come a time in a Mistress wife’s life where she will experience weakness and succumb to those emotions of being overwhelmed with life.

For example, disease and disability are commonplace, especially as we age. What happens when a woman is struggling to live due to a cancer? What happens should she have a stroke? What happens when she’s been disabled due to a serious auto accident that changes her way of life forever? What happens to a single woman who suddenly loses a job and cannot find another? In those instances she needs a helper. She needs a rock. She needs a partner on whose shoulder she can weep. She needs a man whom she can poor out her fears and anger. She needs an emotional and intellectual equal because it is in those hard times that her true humanness is reviewed. We are all weak, fragile creatures at times. We all have insecurities. The world and it’s problems and evil is so much bigger than us individually. We need others. We need help and security and knowing we are not alone. We need others to talk with and receive counsel. Can only women be of help to another female in that situation? Are you telling me no male is up to the task?

A woman can say she’s superior when everything is going her way but what about in those other times? What if she broke down on a deserted back road at night? What if she happened to find herself in the middle of a violent crime scene? What if she was traveling in a foreign country and became isolated and lost? What if someone came barging into her house and found her home and pointed a gun in her face? Would she still feel superior? Would she feel better and more capable of handling her superior self in each of those situations? Would she really consider herself better than all the men around her? I don’t think so. I think she’d feel weak and vulnerable. She’d be out of her element. She’d be scared. She’d be unsure of her next move. Whatever power and status she felt when things were well would instantly vanish. She becomes what we would all become, a weak scared and insecure person who doesn’t feel quite so self assured and confident at the moment of crisis.

So call yourself what you want. Men, refer to your woman as you will. That is your right to do as you wish. For me, Katie is my dominant partner not my superior. She will forever have the authority to lead our lives as she wishes. I will forever obey her for she is my Mistress Wife. She is my Miss Katie. She is also my Katie-girl, my best friend; my partner and the love of my life.

I’m Hers


  1. That is a most beatiful post. John knows that he is not only my slave, but my lover as well as my protector. He is the person who was by my side when my parents died. He was there when our children were born. That night when we were walking alone he was the one whose stern looks scared the moggers away. He is my hero, and I will always love him. He is the special gift that the Lord gave to enrich my life. In return I have enriched his life by becoming the mistress whom he needs. Femdom is based on love, not the whip.


    1. Kathy,
      Thank you! I could just stop there as I do so much appreciate you, John, and all that you have given me personally with your comments and writings. I hope I too can be as John is to you. I feel so blessed to have found Katie and love that she is learning how to lead as a woman with so much potential to do so. Have a wonderful Easter holiday.

  2. Another interesting post. I tend to agree with you, I have never understood the whole superior woman thing and men are worms. It is one thing if a guy gets off on that in a verbal teasing, but if that is the true way of thinking of each other that to me is not right. I believe in the power exchange and there are certain things that David is better at than me, there is nothing wrong with that. The difference is that he wants to serve me, whether that means doing something mundane, or doing something better than I can, I don't care, what matters is the service to me, the respect to me and the devotion to me. I would never want to be with anyone that I didn't feel was just as good a person as I am, to be this lifestyle is about finding the perfect partner that compliments you and the enhancing that relationship with the D/s aspect. And I love how you said she is your Miss Katie and your Katie-girl. I think that most D/s relationships that work and are most true have to be like that. There is a time and a place for the hard core power exchange and the play scenes, the verbal degrading, etc but at the core of it all there must be a man and woman in love and totally committed to each other in order to have the most that this lifestyle can offer.

    1. Mistress Marie, I am personally glad to see that 'you get it' with respect to men having value - dominated yes. Submitted yes. But with value - indeed they do.

      Thanks for commenting.

  3. This seems to be the flip side of your slave or submissive post back in December but I think on certain levels the idea that the Female is "Superior" is not meant to mean that every Woman is superior to every man in all categories but rather speaks to a fantasy society where Women would be the legal superiors to men. Up until around 1960 you could have a marriage where the Woman might be smarter and a better person but legally and socially the male was nevertheless expected to take the lead, be the breadwinner, give HIS name to the family (including the woman) and so forth. There were restraints on married Women's credit, ability to own property in their own name and so forth. A woman who was smarter and a better person than her husband was said to have "married beneath her" but her husband was still her legal superior. Much Female Superior fantasy invisions a similar world but with the Woman in legal charge and the male being subordinate. At one time I had fantasies abougt finding a Woman who was smarter, better educated, older, taller, heavier, and more financially secure than I was. Well I was ultimately acquired by S who is older, smarter, is more broadly educated (I don't know about better, it depends on the definition) is shorter but has a more powerful build. Although S cannot our agreement in a court of law if I chose to disobey, I have accepted a role as Her chattel and am at least morally committed to a lifestyle where I have no rights and my role in the marriage is defined at S's whim. So I would say She is superior to me in the marriage. I usually beat Her at board games and She beats me on the behind, very firmly too I might add.

    1. Anonymous, I love it when you post because you provide a perspective of a man that is truly a slave to S. I completely agree with your thoughts and the change in society from that of life in the 60's. Thanks for commenting.

  4. As with many words there are several definitions of superior, here are a few I found at

    [suh-peer-ee-er, soo-] Show IPA

    higher in station, rank, degree, importance, etc.: a superior officer.

    above the average in excellence, merit, intelligence, etc.: superior math students.

    of higher grade or quality: superior merchandise.

    greater in quantity or amount: superior numbers.

    showing a consciousness or feeling of being better than or above others: superior airs.

    The one I would take as referring to a D/s relationship is #1 of higher rank. If we were to take the military as an example a General is of higher rank than a corporal and so would be accepted as a corporals superior officer. He would be expected to salute and defer to a General at all times. This doesn't mean that he is stupid or unintelligent in any way, he is not thought to be any less capable of fighting the enemy. Whilst I do not choose to call myself superior, in this context I see nothing wrong with those that do

    1. Miss Tilly,
      Thanks for sharing. I would agree with you in totality. As I stated, this may be a post in which some look at superiority and dominance as one and the same - as you and I apparently both do. It's those that say all women are better than all men that I disagree with. This - D/s, is about taking control and giving up control. It's not about smarter and stupider. I agre with definition #1 as well and that is my life with my Dominant woman. She is superior because it's her way or the highway and I would want it no other way - nor doe she anymore. Thanks for sharing.

  5. Another interesting post. When my wife and I decided to have a WLM after 17 years we both had a good idea what are strengths and weakness were already. I knew she was a natural leader and was better at running our household but being raised that that men are to be the head of the household it was hard for myself to let go of what I was taught.But after almost two years of a WLM I have learned so much as to what a wonderful life a man can have with this type of a relationship. I see us as a team with her being the team leader in our relationship. She will ask my opinion but her word is always final.

    1. Amen. Amen. Amen!! I love your last two sentences. Couples need to continue to be a team and someone needs to be in charge. As you and I have found, when 'she' is, the unit works most efficiently and both members can feel fulfilled and satisfied. Thank you for sharing. I love your perspective. May you have many more years of living happily and content while your wife directs your relationship.

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    Mr. IH,

    I am curious your thoughts about the trend reported in the above link. It seems to be a reoccurring topic recently in main stream media.



    P.S.- I would agree that the idea that ALL women are superior is silly. However, there are objective government statistics which show an unambiguous delta in the educational success between the genders. I fail to see how it can be called anything but 'Superior' in reference to women's performance over men's.

    I do think there are negative connotations to the word 'superior', but from an objective dictionary definition, I find it the right word to use for what we are seeing.

    For instance, there are no women in the NFL. Therefore, men are superior football players. Some women are better football players then men, so not every man is a superior football player to every woman.

    Still, no women in the NFL is an objective statistics that men are superior in this respect.

    So too, the objective government statistics demonstrate that women are superior in obtaining educational advancements as of late and the trend shows no sign of abating. In fact, the trend is accelerating.

    Lean In:

  8. National Center for Educational Statistics:

  9. Mr SH, Sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I've been out of town. As to the article of women, the one you sent initially, I agree with it. The article speaks of the value of women and how they process and look at life and issues differently than men. The article also speaks of the importance of 'diversity' and the benefit to society when both men and women have equally valued input on issues.

    I think you and I look at 'superiority' differently. You keep going back to education. I agree that more and more women are being educated and to a higher level, yet I fail to see how intellect equates with superiority. For me, it's about power, and yes, a higher degree can allow a woman to move to a higher position within business positions. Yet that doesn't make a woman superior, at least to me. What if a woman got a PhD and decided to stay at home and raise children and never use her degree for economical benefit. It doesn't change who she is - a well educated woman. My mother turned down a full ride to an Ivy league university years ago. She regreted that decision but fell in love and looked at marriage more than an education. But that doesnt' change who my mom is. I see value in both genders. I am certain your wife sees immense value in her husband, as you do in her. You have different ways of looking at life and together you work as a unit better than if you worked alone. I'm rambling. sorry. Take care.

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  11. Mr. IH,

    you seem to be skirting a direct question.

    1) Are men Superior football players - Yes/No
    2) Are woman Superior in Intellect and the skills our society is placing an economic premium on - Yes/No

    My answers to both questions are Yes.

    If you say #2 is a yes, as you seem to be in your previous reply, they are from a societal standpoint, of more economic value.

    I do agree men and women are equal on a spiritual level though.

    Men are superior at the skill needed to be successful in the NFL. Women are superior at the skills needed to get advanced education certificates.

    1. Yes, and I don't know. I mentioned my mother because she could have been an Ivy League scholar but chose not to go. Does that make her any less intelligent? I have a brother that loved to work with his hands. He chose to be a mechanic and within a couple of years became a Master Mechanic. Because he chose to work with his hands instead of choosing higher education does that make him any less 'bright' intellectually?

      You cannot equuate intelligence with educational level. I work with impoverished kids. Many don't see the value of education because their culture, their parents (if they have two of them still at home - which is rare),their friends downplay the value of education. It's not cool to study and learn in school and so many bright kids never get out of their family situation financially or socially. Does that make a kid that is intelligent but remains relatively uneducated any less of a person?

      I don't equate superiority with intelligence. I just don't. I know where you want to go with this but to make an across the board comparison, I don't see it per se. You are placing a higher value on intellect than physical. You are placing a higher value of intellect than motor skill/labor. Are you also placing a higher value on intellect than character? What about wisdom? I dont' think it's so cut and dry. Good debate :)

  12. Actually, I don’t want to go anywhere with it. I am just pointing out what I see to be inconsistencies with your view.

    You say men are superior at football. Yet when presented with women getting more educational certificates, you come up with a complex rational why the word superior does not apply.

    It seems you are nit-picking micro examples in an attempt to shy away from answering the macro question. Women are of more economic value since they hold more educational certificates. This is simple objective economic reality. The word, superior is appropriate to them the same as it is to men in respect to their football skills.

  13. Mr SH,
    If you want to equate superior to education then I would concede you are correct. However, my definition of superior is broader and in that light, I don't see a difference. To me, wisdom far outweighs educational degree since a degree in the hands of an intelligent moron is useless. Would you rather have Kim Jung Wacko be smart or wise at this moment in time? Likewise for our Pres? Those require no education.

    Maybe we will just agree to disagree and move on. Thanks for your input.

  14. Sounds good. Let's move on.

    BTW, it is not me who says holding an education certificate makes you a more valuable worker. There are plenty of objective statistics I can draw on demonstrate economic earnings of those who hold college diplomas is greater (i.e. superior). Therefore, those who hold educational certificates are from a societal economic standpoint, of greater value.

    Again, this is not my view. It is just reality.

    You can try to skirt the issue by calling the intrinsic value of “wisdom”. However, there is no societal economic value to a monk or nun contemplating the mysteries of life in pursuit of nirvana.

    The game that is afoot is really quite simple and I feel can be summarized in this one simple statement.

    “In a post industrial society liken which we find ourselves, women are superior and of more value.”

    This is speaking in a macro economic sense and I fail to see how an argument can be made to the contrary.

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