Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Chastity, Denial and the Hesitant Wife

I personally find chastity to be one way that a woman can almost instantly cause significant positive changes in a man who has an interest in male submission. When a woman locks a man's penis so that he cannot touch it or use it to pleasure himself, or use it to dictate sexual activity without her wanting sexual intimacy it changes a man. It impacts his psyche in major ways. It's like taking a thick black marker and writing on the soul of his being "I love you but I'm the one now in charge!" Yet I think that many women shy away from trying this because they feel awkward or feel that they are being mean and/or cruel to their husbands. Others believe its just weird to do incorporate chastity into their relationship. Others believe that in order to be a woman in charge you need to be mean and unloving. None of this need be the case and it is to you that this post is directed.
There are two basic premises that I am basing my thoughts on:

First, I am going by the assumption that submission and chastity is a topic of discussion that your husband has had with you. I am assuming that there have been hints left that have led you to believe that he desires you to be the head of your home; that he would love to be your helpmate rather than you submitting to him as the head of your home. On the topic of chastity I would suspect that he has either verbalized, hinted or if pressed for an answer, desires you to take control of his ejaculations and decide when and how the two of you will make love. My guess is that his desire deep down is to focus on pleasing you since that is at the heart of true submission.
Second, I am assuming that you are somewhat hesitant to try male chastity or you aren't really interested in embracing this as a part of your relationship although (and that is the key thought) you know enough about female dominance to know that you very much enjoy and relish your husband becoming a man who wants to submit to you, do those things for you that you  have always wished he would and make you the center of his hife.  I am assuming that you as a woman have at least some interest in letting him submit so you are free to make family decisions and have things done the way you want, but you don't particularly care to make chastity a primary (or even a secondary) focus of your life. You find the fact of being the holder of the key interesting, enticing and even inviting but you really don't want to be put out and have demands put on you by your man to unlock you when HE wants to be unlocked.

Ladies, is this you? Can you identify with me at least a wee bit with where I am going?  If you can, let me explain how I would go about revolutionizing your man's attitude toward you. Not only will it inject a ton of fun and life into your bedroom but it will instantly cause him to submit, obey, and focus on you in ways you could have only before dreamed he would do.  You need to do very little to make this all a reality. You won't need to give his midsection much thought, you won't need to worry about how his parts are doing down there, you won't need to do much of anything unless you want to tease and play with him as your comfort level with chastity increases. 
Here is one way remove many issues that couples often have conflict with, and how to make his desire YOU and you alone.  Chastity changes a man. It changes him in ways you can't believe.  And there's not much you need to do because you aren't the one locked up. He is. It is he that will have to cope and adjust to the fact that he is locked and now under your control. It's him whose job it becomes to please and make you happy since that is the only way he is now ever going to get unlocked.  Yet even though he is going to want out, he's also going to NOT want out. It's a wonderful paradox for both of you. You may never come to understand how he feels but I can tell you that he will want to be relocked and will ask you to lock him for even longer periods because of the sexual tension that results when he is denied, the passion he feels for you, the sexual tension, and the fact that he can't follow his urges. When the device is secured, he will change. There will be no more masturbation. He will not dictate or push you to have sex when you aren't interested. Oh, he will want to please you. He'll want to be near you. He will be wanting to hold and cuddle the woman he loves but he can't go much further than that unless you permit it. It's not the chastity that will cause all of these changes. I believe part of it has to do with denial, part to chastity and a significant part due to a loss of independence and resulting increasing dependence on you. Doesn't that sound wonderful to you as a woman? You get a man that not only wants you but now needs you and desires to court you once again.

If your husband approaches you with the desire to try chastity, or if the two of you happen to have a discussion and you feel that he might be interested in spending time as a chaste man then proceed. Tell him that you want to give this a try but that it will only work on your terms and not his.  If he agrees, tell him to research various chastity devices and in a weeks time come to you with three of four options from which you will choose one for him to purchase.  I'd have him do so with the added requirement of researching the pro's and con's of each.  In the end, you decide.  If there are measurements that need to be taken, make it his responsibility to do all of the leg work and come back to you with the final details. He can even place the order and have it sent to him.  As an aside, when you do order a chastity device (and I have ordered two), companies send them very discretely. No child or postal delivery person will ever suspect what is in the box that arrives via UPS, FedX or via your mail.
When the package finally arrives all you need to do is to tell him to figure out how to put it on, lock himself up and to give you all keys that were sent.  You don't need to see it, look at it, or touch it.  Now as a man, it's way more fun and erotic for him if you do take at least some interest but even if you did, it doesn't need to be much.  At this point, there is no worry on your part. He won't die. He won't have anything fall off. He'll be just fine.  He will have to get use to it. He will soon realize that he will be sitting when urinating rather than standing. If he sits for hours, he may find that putting a small pad under his bottom will make life more comfi but all of that he is more than capable of figuring out by himself.  There's no need for you to bother worrying about his health and well being.

What you need to be aware of is that there will be a breaking in period for him as he accommodates to the additional hardware now attached to his body.  Making him wear it for a day and then taking it off at night for a day or so and then increasing his time in chastity is probably a good idea.  I would work him up to a week in the tube over a 3-4 week period.  Just because you let him out, doesnt' mean that he is permitted to masturbate or have an orgasm while inside you.  That is your choice and you will need to gently let him know that that decision is up to you. If he complains there is no reason to worry or get into a fight with him.  Simply remind him that this was his idea and that he agreed to do this under your terms, not his, before you ever gave him permission to purchase what is securely encasing his organ.

When my wife first put me in chastity (something I was more interested than she) she had me on a 2-4 day period of being kept chaste and then let me out for a day (or an evening).  What she didn't like was the feel of the CB6000 (and later the Mature Metal Jailbird) against her body at night.  She enjoys the two of us sleeping quite cuddled and the hard material wasn't enjoyable for her so she decided to have me sleep unlocked and has continued to do ever since.  She worried initially that life in a tube was a form of punishment and often caved when I asked to be set free for a period of time.  As the months wore on, she became quite immune to my requests realizing that the benefits to her far outweighed my emotional swings and now doesn't even worry about whether or not I am ok being locked for longer periods of time. I think you will fine that many men are kept chaste 24/7 for weeks and months and live very normal lives as healthy and virile men.

Another worry that Katie had was the effect of denying me for longer periods of time on my prostate health.  I offered to do a Google Scholar review for her exploring past studies done that dealt with this issue - eg. infrequent ejaculations and prostate health. After researching for several hours I found NOTHING to indicate that less frequent ejaculations causes any harm on a man's health, sperm count, risk of cancer, etc.  Remember ladies, that when the prostate is full it will spontaneously empty on it's on. Teens and younger men often refer to this as wet dreams. As we age, the prostate may not empty quite so abruptly as with a night time ejaculation but will drool or leak seminal fluid throughout the day.  If a man has bubbles when he urinates, that is most likely due to fluid leaking form the prostate.  All that to say - don't give this a second thought. You aren't going to impact his health by keeping him chaste. If this was a concern, that information would be all over D/s and BDSM blogs and it is not.  Trust me. I looked into this quite extensively because I wanted to ensure that I was not doing something that would cause ill health to my body.

So in summary, if he wants this and you are interested, have him explore, have him order, have him put it on and you decide how long it will stay on, whether it will remain on at night or not and how long you will restrict his ability to orgasm.  I hope that you understand that there aren't risks, pains, negatives or punishments when you do all this.  You are doing this because it will develop a more intimate relationship with better communication. You are doing this because you want to control your sex life and never more want to feel the pressure to perform. I would encourage you to try it. Give it a few months. What have you got to lose? Nothing. What have you to gain? More fun and joy and intimacy than you ever thought possible.

I'm Hers


  1. Mr, IH,

    thank you for taking the time to write this. It is well thought out and has many good ideas.



  2. Mr SH. Maybe you too should write on this topic. You have more experience than I and probably far more viewers to your blog. I think there is a real need to communicate to normal, healthy vanilla women, the value of assuming control as your wife does with you.... no kink.... just an understanding that she's in charge and you are there to serve and will remained lock for as long as she wishes. Give it a thought. You write well and different perspectives are good.

  3. After I gave my Wife a CB-2000 12 years ago she commented, "Males really don't need to ejaculate." She was so vanilla that I thought she would never want to keep me locked all the time. She soon became very demanding about me wearing it all the time. She now keeps me locked all the time and its been five years that I've been a CB-6000S.

  4. Anonymous, it's nice to hear that your 'vanilla' wife, meaning, she wants you to love her without her being forced or wanting to be kinky with you can command such control. I appreciate you sharing this with readers. My hope is that many others might share as well as I"d love for other 'vanilla' women to feel that they can do this without fear or hesitation if that is something they have an inerest in.

    Thanks again!

  5. Thank you for this clear route to getting started with chastity. I had been waiting for my wife to get round to reading a 260 page treatise and she never seemed to have time. Your article has got us moving and I can't wait for my device to arrive and for her to securely lock me in.

    There really is no option but to begin and experience what it is like. One can read, read and read all the literature, but only one's experience counts. The only way to know what it is like to feel under her control is to put yourself there. And now, thanks to your clear writing I am heading that way.

    And with a bit of luck, my dearest will discover she really enjoys having my cock under her lock and key and will quickly extend her control to other aspects of our life together and teach me to submit to her fully.

    I am sure I'll feel frustrated when locked up, but for now the only frustration is waiting for the device to arrive.

    1. My hearts desire, You made my day. I love your story. I hope that you two enjoy this and that more than anything else, it brings the two of you closer together. In the end, relationships aren't about kink and chastity but about communication, and love and I hope this is one way to infuse a dose of that into your relationship. I hope you keep me posted as to how things go. Feel free to email if that's easier. Thanks for sharing!!

  6. Thank you, hopefully you are opening some doors for us (no pun intended)...from a husband who is desperate to be subservient and a wife who is trying to enslave.