Monday, April 22, 2013

So Comfi in Chastity, So Needing to Stay Locked

I mentioned a few posts ago that I sent my Jailbird chastity device back for resizing.  I ordered one a few years back and the retaining ring and spacing between the ring and cage were just not quite right.  I asked Katie if I could try a different combination of ring sizes and spacings and after about three weeks of freedom I tried on the new ring and the tighter spacing and I'm in heaven.  It fits like a glove and it feels so comfortable. 

So hats off to Mature Metal. They do make a fine product that will serve me well for many years to come.  But my writing is not about the perfect fit, it's about my time out of chastity.  I didn't like it. I missed it. And I realized that I am a man that needs it.  You see, a few things happened while I was free to make choices of my own.  First, the lack of a cage really did make me 'feel' less owned; less submissive. Yes, I knew that nothing relationally had changed, but to wake up in the morning and dress without having to lock up was like the old days - before D/s.  Being able to stand when using the Rest Room was nice. Being able to touch myself and self-stimulate was great. But that was wrong.  In fact I found myself on two specific occasions wanking off when I knew that I shouldn't.  I didn't ask and for that very reason, it was wrong. But I made a choice and my choice reflected my weakness of heart to remain disciplined.

I didn't tell Katie because at the time I didn't think it was a big deal, but I realize now, if for the very reason that I'm bringing the acts up now, that it was a big deal on some level.  I thought for certain that my itch to masturbate had been cured.  I was wrong.  I succumbed to my id, my urge, my sexual wants, and pleasured myself without telling Katie.

I've written on many occasions that I believe chastity can do nothing but enhance a relationship, partly because it takes away this very choice. Men can't self-pleasure. They can't focus on their impulsive desires.  They can't because things down there aren't accessible.  They only become accessible when unlocked and that choice is not one they can make. Only 'she' can decide.  Chasity works at its most basic level because it forces proper behavior.  When locked continuously, it encourages a behavioral change. For me, I thought this change was complete. How disappointing to me that it isn't! 

Ladies, sometimes a woman needs to apply tough-love to a situation.  Locking a man's penis, when he wants out, is one such time that she needs to remain strong.  It's an act of love. It demonstrates  her care for the man, and the relationship she has with her submissive.

As I reflect on my own situation, I regret my choices.  I wish I could have looked back on those few weeks as a period where I had the choice to enjoy my self but chose not to.  Unfortunately I can't.  As I look ahead, I hope that Katie removes the chance of choice altogether by keeping me locked continuously, or nearly so.  It would be a gift of love that she gives, and one that would allow me to spend even more time in the cage that feels so comfortable to wear now.

I'm Hers

7 comments:

  1. So when you say you masturbated during this time did you cum? It is a shame that you betrayed her trust in you not to self pleasure yourself, but no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, even the most eager and devoted of slaves. Did Katie expect you to not play with yourself while unlocked?

    I find it interesting how different everyone is. David dreads being locked because he does have the will power to obey me, and I prefer to have him unlocked where I can use him in ways a device would prevent, but then others want and need the device more.

    Don't dwell on your mistakes though just move forward and learn from it.

    Has Katie given you a punishment for these mistakes?

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    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts M Marie. I agree that it is a shame that I betrayed her trust. That is what bothers me. The act of mistrust could have been anything but the point of my feeling frustrated is the fact that I didn't master temptation. Rather, it mastered me.

      I haven't said much to Katie about this. She knows about it but so far hasn't said much to me directly and I'm not going to raise the issue...... mostly due to the fear of doing so.

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  2. IH,

    Don't beat yourself up too bad. I am the same way. It may well be a laudable goal to move beyond wanting to self pleasure when I'm unlock but I'm a long way from that place. My spouse asked me why I wanted to be locked up long ago. I tried to explain it as simple as I could even though the reality is probably much more complicated. I told her, "The purpose of the chastity device was simple. Help to stop my addiction to masturbating so that when you are ready for lovemaking, I will definitely be ready. It also serves as a reminder to put your sexual satisfaction ahead of my own. I also like being teased and denied and love very much the feeling of constant frustration." I agree with you completely that male chastity can only enhance a relationship. The simple fact is, men like us are much better when kept locked and you are right, it is an act of love on the part of our spouse.

    At this point, it's probably best to confess your feelings to Mrs Katie and ask her forgiveness for your shortcomings. Maybe in the future we will reach that place where we have to strength to remain chaste without the device. However, we are not there today. But were it not for our mistakes, we would not learn. I wish the best to both of you!

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    1. Wishful4, I hate it when I don't do what I'm expected/supposed to do. It just really bothers me. Yea, it's not a big deal but it what I did, I did behind her back and that bothers me. In hindsight, it scares me because I don't want to confess my wrong as I don't want to be scolded/punished. So I took the passive approach and wrote about it knowing that she reads these posts. She hasn't said anything to me so maybe it's not a big deal to her. That would surprise me but she's said nothing and done nothing to punish the wrong I wimpishly admitted via the blog.

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  3. Let me paraphrase: Locking a man's penis is an act of love.

    We're just taking 'baby steps' along this path. My wife has just given me her first ever list of tasks. My cage arrives in a week or so and I am looking forward to being locked. My wedding band reflects one aspect of our relationship; my chastity device, her ownership.

    Without temptation, where would we be?

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    1. My Heats Desire, I am s proud of you and your wife for taking these steps. I hope more than anything else that your submission leads to a more content and loving relationship. I hope that your wife is really able to take loving ownership of you. You both will benefit immensely if she does. I wish you well and thanks for sharing.

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  4. I can relate. Glad MM fixed it for you. They make quality products.

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