So hats off to Mature Metal. They do make a fine product that will serve me well for many years to come. But my writing is not about the perfect fit, it's about my time out of chastity. I didn't like it. I missed it. And I realized that I am a man that needs it. You see, a few things happened while I was free to make choices of my own. First, the lack of a cage really did make me 'feel' less owned; less submissive. Yes, I knew that nothing relationally had changed, but to wake up in the morning and dress without having to lock up was like the old days - before D/s. Being able to stand when using the Rest Room was nice. Being able to touch myself and self-stimulate was great. But that was wrong. In fact I found myself on two specific occasions wanking off when I knew that I shouldn't. I didn't ask and for that very reason, it was wrong. But I made a choice and my choice reflected my weakness of heart to remain disciplined.
I didn't tell Katie because at the time I didn't think it was a big deal, but I realize now, if for the very reason that I'm bringing the acts up now, that it was a big deal on some level. I thought for certain that my itch to masturbate had been cured. I was wrong. I succumbed to my id, my urge, my sexual wants, and pleasured myself without telling Katie.
I've written on many occasions that I believe chastity can do nothing but enhance a relationship, partly because it takes away this very choice. Men can't self-pleasure. They can't focus on their impulsive desires. They can't because things down there aren't accessible. They only become accessible when unlocked and that choice is not one they can make. Only 'she' can decide. Chasity works at its most basic level because it forces proper behavior. When locked continuously, it encourages a behavioral change. For me, I thought this change was complete. How disappointing to me that it isn't!
Ladies, sometimes a woman needs to apply tough-love to a situation. Locking a man's penis, when he wants out, is one such time that she needs to remain strong. It's an act of love. It demonstrates her care for the man, and the relationship she has with her submissive.
As I reflect on my own situation, I regret my choices. I wish I could have looked back on those few weeks as a period where I had the choice to enjoy my self but chose not to. Unfortunately I can't. As I look ahead, I hope that Katie removes the chance of choice altogether by keeping me locked continuously, or nearly so. It would be a gift of love that she gives, and one that would allow me to spend even more time in the cage that feels so comfortable to wear now.