Sunday, June 23, 2013

A Request from Katie

Katie has asked me to write this post and specifically address the women readers that happen to see this particular post as she wishes to get perspectives from others with regard to how other dominant women who have charge of a man would handle two specific situations
I mentioned in my last post that I have been out of the Jailbird for awhile. Actually I asked Katie when she wanted me to lock up one day while she was traveling with me on business and she told me to lock up the day after she flew home. That was last week. I didn’t. I just figured that she’d say something to on the day I was to lock but she never did. I assumed wrong and deliberately didn’t lock because I was enjoying time out of the jailbird. I hinted that I was unlocked by mentioning on the phone that I was standing to pee and how nice that was. When I wrote the previous post and sent it for her to approve, I added her response – it was obvious to her that she assumed I was locked, however I wasn’t. Is this something that would bother you? Is this something that would require further discussion, punishment, consequences? Katie would love to hear a female perspective. She is not one that punishes. I’ve only been punished once and that was because I was flirting with another women a few years ago online
The second situation occurred last night. Katie is home. I am away working in the northeast. I’ve been staying in a hotel. On my first evening there, Katie went with some friends to hear a favorite singing group perform. She asked when I was going to bed and I told her around 10 pm. When she got home she texted me sometime after midnight. I woke, responded incoherently and went back to sleep.
Last night she went with girlfriends to a piano recital. I went out to eat. She told me she’d be home in an our of so but I never heard back from her. I returned to my room after my dinner meal. The reason I never heard from her was because I forgot to bring my cell in from the car. I climbed in bed, watched TV and browsed the web. The night got later. Katie didn’t call. It was well after 11 when I checked my email and noticed two panicky emails from her wondering where I was. I looked for my phone that I thought was in the room. It wasn’t. Going to the car I found it along with several missed calls and texts. Katie was obviously worried that something happened to me. I called and realized when she answered that she was crying. She was sobbing in fact. She didn’t know if I had lost my phone, if I had gotten into an accident or what had happened to me. She knew that my instructions were to always keep my phone with me and keep it on, unless I was in an area without cell reception. I felt terrible. We talked and slowly she calmed and relaxed but I knew that this mishap really disturbed her, not from an anger point but from a worry of ‘where is my husband’, perspective.
Ladies, is this something that should be addressed? It was a mistake. I was sloppy with my care of the cell phone. Katie reminded me that I never called her knowing that she told me that she’d be home in an our or so. I assumed she was just out late with her girlfriends and decided not to call – just as she didn’t the night before when she stayed out late at the concert. Does this need to be addressed? Punishment, discussion, new rules, consequences, etc? Katie would love to hear your thoughts and ideas as it relates to her controlling her man; her maintaining order as she expects; and me understanding that my job is to obey and uphold the standard she has set for me.
Comments from males are welcome but Katie would love to hear the thoughts of other women on these matters.
I’m Hers


  1. First to the not locking up when she told you that you should, absolutely yes you should be punished. You deliberately stalled it and relished in being unlocked and could have been playing with her cock or even making yourself cum. I think you should be punished. A suitable punishment could be keeping you locked up during love making, her doing everything she can to arouse you and make you bust at the seems of the device, all the while you having to penetrate her with a dildo rather than your cock, to drive home the point that you should always obey, especially if you ever want to be allowed inside of her. There are many other suitable punishments that she could come up with but yes, you should be punished for that and then if it ever happened again, even more harshly.

    As for the phone thing...your rules are to have your phone on and ready at all times, and you left it in the car. As the night went later, why were you not looking for your phone, waiting on the call or text, or even sending her a text yourself. It seems to be that too long passed by without you having your phone to be excusable. You caused your wife and Mistress undo worry, and I know how that type of worry feels. So glad I am not the only one who gets worried as she did. This may have been an accidental mistake on your part, not deliberate, but you still let too long pass without doing something which would have initiated you realizing your phone was in the car. In this kind of case I would punish you, but more for the sake of really making you think. I would count up however many minutes it was from the time Katie started to worry about you, until you finally contacted her and then let's say if it was 90 minutes, or 120 mins, put you into a predicament you would not enjoy at all such as making you write 120 sentences about how you will be more responsible, or make you kneel in a corner with your nose against the wall for 120 minutes. Something to drive home to you exactly how long that time was for her, to make you further appreciate it.

    I think that any D/s lacking a degree of punishment or correction is really lacking something, because why are there rules if there are no consequences? When you do not perform or behave as you are supposed to you should not be allowed to get away with it so easily. Perhaps disciplining you will help fill in the gaps you have mentioned before, where you crave more of her dominance over you. Not that you should ever misbehave on purpose though to get a stronger reaction out of her.

    1. Mistress Marie,
      Thanks for taking the time to respond. I don't have much to say other than I understand your perspective. I will forward your comment to Katie's email so she can read it and help her decide what my fate will be. Thanks again for commenting

  2. With the being unlocked issue, it sounds like you are doing everything in your power to provoke Miss Katie, probably on purpose, but possibly because you feel a need for stinging red reminders of her devotion to you.

    As for your not taking care to pick up your one true pride and joy, how can you look her in the eye? You have responsibilities, so act like it! At the very least she should take enough money for a cab ride home, but it would probably be good for her to give you a contingency plan in case you lose the cell phone. "If you don't hear from me be back by ..." She has fundamentally transformed your existence, act like it.

    1. I think that this was a little meanly stated. I think to ask how he can look her in the eye is a bit uncalled for. Maybe I'm Hers will be okay with what you said but I think that this was mean and there is no good reason for it. He made a mistake. He never meant to worry her like he did. No one should be crucified for a mistake. Corrected and punished yes, but spoken to this way, absolutely not. Sorry IH I had to voice my thoughts.

    2. Anonymous, I dont mind hearing emotion from you and sometimes one needs to hear raw emotion from others to drive home points. As to your assumption tho, you are wrong. Yes she told me in a quite nonchallant way to lock in a few days and yes I didn't. What I totally expected was a check on my compliance and when she didn't I assumed that the lock date was really no big deal. I was wrong as I later learned.

      As to the phone, I was deeply hurt when I heard a crying voice on the other end. It bothered me that I had gotten her so worried. It was an honest mistake but as I said, I should have checked up on her rather than just assume that she'd be checking up on me. The issue there is me disturbing her 'girl friend' time. I don't want to be a pest or interrupt. Hindsight is 20/20.

      Mistress Marie,
      Thanks for guarding my back. I do appreciate it but what was spoken was not over the top in my book. I asked for responses and was given one. Thanks to both of you for taking the time to write

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  4. I have been thinking a lot about your post and Mrs Katie’s questions. As a couple, I feel you are far enough along in your D/s relationship that some additional structure may be required. Mrs Katie needs to make sure you are aware of the short list of things that are most important to her. One of which obviously is your health & well-being. Another is your staying in contact when you are apart. You have blogged about a list of things you have pledged to do for her, but do you know what is most important to her? For that short list of things, there needs to be a consequence for your failure to comply.

    Mrs Katie seems to be somewhat like my spouse. As long as things are running smoothly, she is content to be a mostly hands off Mistress wife. I would like it if my spouse were more hands on and get the feeling that you would also. Maybe it is time for Mrs Katie to step a little outside her comfort zone and experiment with a little much needed discipline and additional structure for you. First, maybe the two of you need to have a heart to heart talk to see if you can figure out the cause of these lapses in your performance. Are you trying to provoke her to encourage a more active dominance stance on her part? Maybe you just need to be honest and tell her you need more and what it is you are missing. Honesty is usually always the best policy and usually the hardest for us subs. It’s may be embarrassing to admit some of the things that we need and desire in our life.

    I don’t have any suggestions to Mrs Katie as far as discipline for you. I can only suggest something that is not pleasant for you and will change your behavior. I know for me, little things make all the difference in the world. In my situation, I am trying to walk the walk of submission and I wish that, sometimes, my spouse would at least talk the talk. She does surprise me once in a while, but at other times, I tend to misbehave as you do. I tink it is counter productive and sends mixed signals. By doing so, I supposed I’m asking myself why I’m doing this. Maybe none of this makes any sense, but maybe some of it will. Have a great 4th of July holiday coming up!

    1. I tend to agree, I think you two have come to a place where the basic foundation is in place but you long for more submission and more dominance from her. I think that it is okay for you to want more, as long as you communicate it to her in an appropriate way. I remember your recent post where you did voice wanting more dominance, but did you tell her that yourself point blank or just hope she gets the picture from the post? Also remember your vows you cannot have privacy in your thought life, so you are kinda required to tell her flat out what you are thinking, and if you are thinking you want more under her control and more of her direct dominance, then you must at least tell her that.

    2. Wishful 4, you speak from the perspective of wisdom and advice, vs one or rashness and harshness. If I step back at this situation and predicament I am currently in, the issue is really not about whether or not I locked or got my phone but rather what are the consequences to disobeying, even if I thought the command she made was important. I see this as me learning that I shouldn't be the one interpreting the urgency or promptness of the command given but rather learn that when she speaks I do as I am told, when I am told.

      I do view Katie as a gentle domme. Sometimes I fear her, but usually its just every now and the and really because the potential consequences and not because she has followed through on anything 'painful' or 'humbling'.

    3. IH,

      I wish I did speak from the perspective of wisdom, but in reality, I'm just a coward. I fear more than anything that she will stop allowing me to serve and stop doing what little dominating she does. On top of that, I am scared to death to really tell her how deeply I want to submit to her for fear she would change the way she looks at me and feels about me forever. Don't get me wrong, we have been together a long time, and I am thankful for her and for her willingness to allow me to explore the lifestyle of male chastity and submission, but I feel, sometimes, we are only a discussion or wrong word or action from me away from her refusing to participate. Regardless of what I hope for, I have to be content to not get too far ahead of her for fear of ruining everything.

    4. BTW, she did allow me to send my MM Queen's Keep in for a gap adjustment and to smooth out a rough spot. So, I'm free for the time being and since I already been chaste for a couple of weeks, She expects that I'll be on the honor system until it is returned. Wish me luck!

    5. I think we all fear that the woman that we serve will say enough of this, I quit. I read your post to Katie and shared that exact thought. She didn't say anything but I know she understands just how much I not only love her but need her to remain the authority figure within our marriage. So hang in there and don't get down over the 'what ifs' that you cant control. Rather, love your wife so much by serving her that she'd never ever want to let go of you and the freedom and choice she has as a woman in control

  5. Regarding your purposeful disobedience, you should be severely punished for being disrespectful to your wife. It should be something big and bad. If it were my sub, I would tell him that he was going to be severely punished that weekend for his disrespect. Then that weekend, I would restrain him naked to the bed with an absorbent pad under him. I would then soundly paddle his bare butt until he couldn't take it any more - then some more. I would then give him a two quart, warm soapy water enema. After he was holding the full two quarts, I would then paddle or strap his naked butt again. I then would sit back and wait until he fully expelled the enema.

    After he showered, I would tell him we were repeating the punishment for failing to think about me by leaving his phone in the car for hours. As another woman pointed out, you should had thought about your wife and then realized the phone was left in the car before hours passed.

    If Katie does not want to use an enema punishment, she should utilize a punishment that is as severe and memorable as possible.

    Good luck to Katie.


    1. Rachel,
      I'm glad you live so far away :) You are a scary woman! I did however pass on your comment to Katie. So far I have not heard what the verdict will be. Thanks for sharing and taking the time to comment.

  6. As a dominant, I would certain have to make some kind consequence for both instances. Katie clearly told you she wanted you locked up when you got home. Just because she didn't remind you, you chose to "forget" and that obviously deserves some kind of repercussion.

    As for the incident of leaving your phone in the car... Again, just because it was an honest mistake doesn't mean it should go unpunished. You are responsible for keeping your phone on and near you. You left it in the car, not her. Therefore, you are to blame for her misery!

    Far be it from me to suggest a punishment. That would be entirely up to katie. but I do recommend some kind of consequence for the errors you made. After all, one of them was intentional. It's not nice to test your Mistress!


    1. Mistress Ivey, I like your last paragraph. Yes Katie did want input and the general consensus is that a rendering should take place for me neglecting to lock when she told me. I do like the sensitivity you expressed as to how that rendering should be carried out - that it is really Katie's decision and no one elses.

      What I have found so interesting is that because I am away and because Katie has not levied her punishment, the guilt of knowing that I've done wrong has hung over me - amost to the point that I feel as if I want and need to be punished just so I can ask her to forgive me. Odd feeling, but it's there, nevertheless.

  7. I've been following your blog for ~ 6 months. Thank you for sharing your journey. My qualifications, if they matter, are a dominant fantasy life, an egalitarian relationship with a man with a submissive personality, and a little bit of spanking play with fellow enthusiasts in the local kink community.

    It seems to me that punishments should be for transgressions, not honest mistakes. Hence, if she is inclined, Katie might punish you for not keeping track of your phone, but not for scaring her so badly. The scare is a big thing and the transgression a minor thing, so it seems silly to punish for the little thing, but that's my analysis. Of course the big thing should be addressed with discussion(s) and maybe a change in phone protocol.

    The matter of the unlocked Jailbird is should definitely be punished. I understand that following up on every thing she tells you to do is impossible, but when she finds her authority tested, she must address it. As a sadist, my inclination would be to address it with a good spanking. However, whatever the punishment is, it should positively reinforce her role for her, as well as be a punishment for you. I can imagine her taking the Jailbird away from you for a week and insisting that you masturbate daily in some joyless, untouched, hygienic sort of way, if she finds tease/denial gratifying.

    Reading this entry, I keep thinking of her vow to you: to continue to acculturate you to submission. You wrote that you've only been punished once and I wonder if your disobedience indicates a desire/need for ya'lls dynamic to move into new territory.

  8. Teaweed,
    I love it when others come and share that have not done so before. How does one have a dominant fantasy life while being involved with another man in an equal partnership? I find the two interesting. Your man needs to submit my friend. Tell him to write me and I'll tell him of all the benefits of doing so. It's a wonderful place to be and he will admire you all the more when he gets to that place in life.

    I was traveling yesterday and before I read your post I was thinking about my vow - specificlly the comment by Katie that she would cultivate my submission. How interesting that you were thinking likewise.
    I have not forwarded your comment on to Katie yet but will do so. She is away from the computer for the day but will return this evening. Thanks for commenting and stop by again.

  9. Greetings to you and Ms Katie.

    As followers of Ms Rika we both know that the only punishment is not being allowed to serve. However that seems harsh and our beloved loses as much as we.

    I feel that maybe the best way to address your behaviour is through exercises that seem pointless, cannot possibly be enjoyable and which cultivate obedience; such as being told to stand in the corner, write out lines, hold the penny against the wall etc. - the sort of non violent way we'd discipline kids.

    I don't know about you but I suspect a spanking (unless really severe - and I don't have the impression Ms Katie is into that) might be something you'd enjoy, in which case there's the temptation to play up again.

  10. Your ideas are much more in line with Katie's personality. She is not a violent person and I very much doubt that I will feel her wrath over something as small as what I did/didn't do. She is much more likely to do something that is nonviolent as you said..... yikes. I need to continue this later as Katie is calling me up to bed. I must go. Til later.