Saturday, June 22, 2013
Free for Awhile Now
Katie and I left home almost three weeks ago. I of course was locked as I always am. We traveled to see my folks and while there Katie debated on letting me be free for a few days. It just so happened that I mentioned to my mom that I forgot toothpaste. The next morning there was a tube of toothpaste in my toiletry bag – the very bag where I put the Jailbird when not wearing it. I told Katie. She was horrified that she almost exposed her mother-in-law to our way of living. I too was relieved that Mom didn’t make that discovery for I am certain that she would have told Dad, who would have confronted me, and totally not understood anything that I would have said in response.
But be that as it may, we left to go camping, something we love to do. This time it was deep in the mountains of New England for a few days. The morning that we were to leave I asked Katie if she wanted me locked as she told me no. I raised my eyebrows in surprise but obeyed. That was June 6th and I have not worn the Jailbird since. At first it was nice, then I began to wonder, and now I can honestly say that I almost miss it and wish she’d have me locked.
Why? Because the symbolism of being locked is powerful for me. I think it is analogous to a slave not having a steel ring around his neck or ankle after being locked for so long. At first it’s nice, but after awhile, one misses feeling the power the steel possesses. I love Katie. I love living my life as her sub. I love feeling her dominance. I love hearing her tell me to lock. I love being told what to do. I love statements so much more than questions that allow me an ‘out’ to what she is requesting.
I am writing this feeling free as a bird, and yet I miss the imprisonment. Maybe someday soon I will be told once more, “Lock up my sub”.
Until then I will wait and live as she would want me to live – as one that is locked even if I am not.
PS. I wrote Katie to have her approve this post, something I always do. Her response was a follows:
Post approved, but I told you to lock up when you asked after I left. Not while working just in case
someone bumps up against you, but other than that, yes.
So, I guess I'm back in the cage. And to be honest, I need it. Last night was a tempting night for me. I came quite close to doing what I would have later regret. I need to be locked. She needs to keep me locked.