Monday, June 10, 2013

Is My Mother a Domme?

About three years ago I first discovered D/s and really had no clue that this subculture of a lifestyle existed for thousands of people. If you had asked me then if my Mother was a Domme I would have laughed. But now that I know what to look for; now that I look and listen with discerning eyes and ears - well, now I might answer that she indeed is - or at least has those tendencies. 

I was raised in a house during the 50's and 60's where Dad was in charge.  Oh, I can't tell you how many times my Mom told me, "you just wait until your father gets home."   Those words were scary words. I knew that once my deeds were told to my dad that I would get what I deserved and that it would come in the form of a spanking.  Mom deferred to dad in that situation.  Every once in a while mom would punish but once she knew that her hand on my butt didn't hurt anymore she stopped. Thank goodness she didn't resort to a belt. That would not have been good for me, cause Mom had a temper.

But Mom ran the house. She planned the meals. She paid the bills. She designated funds for immediate needs and saved for vacations or larger expense items that required substantial money; she carted us kids around as was needed and basically ran the house from dawn til dusk.  That was mom back when I was young.  In the last few months she's said some things that give me pause to reconsider if maybe she has changed, just as I've changed.

For example, she will be talking to me on the phone about 'him' and say things like, "he drives me crazy. I told him to go find something to do or I was just going to lose it."

Last year they took an extended vacation. Upon returning she told me, "I'm never going on a vacation with that man again. Next time I am going to go with my sister and have fun and leave your dad at home."

Just a few weeks ago, my sister called to talk about a significant issue that happened with one of her kids. She was quite upset and when she got on the phone my mom could tell there was something wrong.  Apparently dad picked up the other land-line phone at the same time.  My mother, realizing that her daughter was upset decided to have a time of privacy with her daughter. "I told him to get off the phone because I could tell something was up with your sister when she called."  When I heard that I thought, “wow, my mother told my dad to get off the phone?"

Quite recently we were talking on the phone.  I hadn't talked to her in a few weeks and we did some catching up.  We were discussing something when Mom just interjected, "OK, we are done with this topic, let's talk about...." and on she went to discuss whatever else was on her mind.

Then last week I was visiting them and someone recollected a time when Dad was asked to do something and they noticed his first reaction was to immediately turn to his wife as if to get her nod of approval rather than make the decision for himself.

There are all these indications that Mom is the one in charge.  Yet I don't think she feels like she's in charge.  I don't think she feels that her voice is not heard, either, but I doubt that she would tell you that she runs the family. Mom comes from that older generation of the 20's and 30's. For those of you in the States, she was raised during the 'Happy Day's' years as the old TV show portrayed.  But more recently she is seems to have changed. She's more outspoken. She is definitely the cog of the family about which she and her husband function. She plans. She decides. She asks for his input and will tell you flat out how much she loves Dad and how important he is to her. Yes, he drives her crazy at times but living together for 60 years will do that every now and then.  What is so different is that I never, ever heard Dad say "get off the phone," or "your Mother drives me crazy," or anything negative about her.  He loves her. He respects her. He knows she's intellectually smarter than he. Above all else, he loves her.  And that is how they are supposed to live.

I left for home after spending a few days with them. She called to let me know that I forgot something. As we conversed, mom commented on her and dad sleeping together while Katie and I visited. Mom had given us her room and she moved back in to sleep with Dad. The two of them snore and wake the other up so they decided some years ago to sleep separately.  Mom said to me, "it was sure nice to sleep with your dad; I love to cuddle with that man."  Her comment made me smile.  They are old and they can be crotchety but they indeed do love one another.  I just wonder if Mom now runs the show and in the back of my mind, I wonder if she would have enjoyed being the Mistress of the home had dad ever approached her and asked if she would accept his submission.  I will never know that answer but it sure makes me wonder how their life would have been different if he did, and she accepted.
I'm Hers


  1. Having grown up in the same era as you, I'm thinking that your parents have pretty much a normal relationship, judging by your comments, and comparing them to many couples that I have known.

    Many women manage most aspects of family life, because, more than anything, they are simply be good managers. You say that she's outspoken, and it sounds that she does have a dominant personality, however that hardly makes her a Domme.

    1. HH, I do understand your perspective. Mom is not one to control Dad sexually. She is however, quite uninhibited about speaking her mind, although she doesn't go so far as to have him fetch this and that for her while she deliberately refuses to do what she's told him to do for her.

      I wonder if Ms. Hightower (see comment below) has hit the nail on the head with her comment. Thanks for stopping by!

  2. Past a certain age, when estrogen declines, women care less about what others think of them. It seems very freeing, and I wish they could bottle and sell it to younger women.

    Aside from the "We're done with this topic" episode, that's what it sounds like to me. I like that, though - I'm adding it to "You're dismissed" as my new favorite phrase. :)

    1. Ms, Hightower, I happened to find a wifi hotspot between here and there and checked my blog and found your comment. I've been 'in the woods' as of late and about to go back into the forest but wanted to respond to your post....

      I don't know how old you are but I do agree that as I age, I have become less worried about what others think. It's not that I am now rude or obnoxious but that I realize that it's really not that big a deal if my socks don't match, that my fly is part wa down, or that my hair is a bit unkept. Who cares! What's the big deal? Oh to be 15 again.... or 25...... I think that would be a life I"d never wish to return to.

      I do think that Mom is just not concerned with how her comments, thoughts and feelings come across anymore. It was her, afterall that gave me the advice to marry Katie sooner than later. "Your 56 years old, why are you waiting? she commented last November, and how right she was. I took her up on that advice and we married 6 weeks later.

      OK, I'm done talking about this topic :)

      Got to make my way back out of WiFi and cell reception for a few days. Stop by again! I'm going to check out your webpage now that I know you have one.

    2. Still sounds like the classical family model to me, but perhaps she would really be less upset if she did seize control.

  3. Does not sound like a Dominatrix to me; sounds more like a domineering woman who has menopause and kind of a bitchy attitude. :-(

    1. Anonymous, Thanks for being frank and forthright with your thoughts. Unfortunately you pegged my mother all wrong - or maybe I penned her all wrong for you to come to you conclusions. Hope you stop by again and share again.