Tuesday, June 18, 2013

My Desires

The book Uniquely Rika changed my life and in the process, changed Katie’s. It was after reading that short book and after talking to a woman that had lived the life of a Domme for many years on Collarme that Katie and I had our discussion about service submission. It was then that I presented her a list of offerings I wanted to do and it was then that she circled the chores and expectations she agreed with and drew a line through those that didn’t appeal to her. That was a life changing event. From that day forward my life changed. That day taught me about giving as I realized that submission isn’t about getting but about what I had to offer the woman I wanted to serve. I began my life as the king of the kitchen. I watched the laundry grow in the basket and knew that she wasn’t going to touch it anymore. It was my responsibility to clean what was there and return each article to its proper place. That and a slew of other chores that I offered to do for her began the process of reprogramming me into the new me.

One of the hallmarks of the Rika way was the understanding that a submissive should never expect. His role is to serve. His partners’ role is to expect. His role is to give for no other reason than the joy he experiences while serving his Mistress. To a large measure I have come around to that way of thinking. Mostly I have no regrets about my life as Katie’s submissive husband. There is hardly a day when I don’t thank Katie for being my Mistress wife. We were talking tonight and realized that it’s been about three years since we made that choice. I am a submissive man. I have no trouble saying that and do not feel insecure to admit that to others. A good friend and older woman in her 70’s asked me today while I was helping her around her home, “who does the cooking, you or Katie?” Without pause I told her that I do. I went on to tell her that Katie does not enjoy the kitchen and I offered to cook for the two of us. She asked no further questions and I knew that her curiosity was satisfied. Telling others who I am is getting quite easy. In fact, I enjoy doing so.

But I do have wants. I do have desires. The majority have been satisfied when Katie took me has her sub but there are always wants. At least a few. Mostly those desires have to do with Katie asserting her dominance more. Knowing what I do of her, I don’t think I’ll ever experience her taking joy in putting me over her lap to discipline. That is simply not who she is and I really have no idea if I would enjoy it either. But I do wish she had more desire when it came to reminding me that I am indeed her submissive husband. I mean, she did vow to remind me that I was her sub. She did promise to cultivate that submission. To me, cultivating means more than telling me “I’m hungry, make me a sandwich.” Cultivating is a process of reinforcing our differences. I’d love for her to call me from the other room, “Sub, I need this room vacuumed now.” Or, “you’re here to serve me, clean this cat vomit up while I go downstairs and check my email.” I love it when she uses that word “sub”. I love when she kisses me and tells me how much she loves her “submissive husband”. It’s that word. It is a powerful word. I think the word slave would hold an equal power but that is another one of those taboo terms for her.
 
Sometimes I wish that she’d tell me to massage her feet while we sat together. Sometimes I wish she’d tell me to kiss her feet, or take me by the hand to the bedroom and tell me to kiss her body from head to toe, and to do so because it’s something a submissive man should do for his wife every now and then. Sometimes I wish she’d put my face between her legs and tell me to just stay there without giving me permission to kiss her most intimate parts. It would be a wonderfully powerful tease but also one that would teach obedience and discipline. Sometimes I wish that she would designate a day every month or so where she’d be deliberately dominant. It might be serious. It might be playful. She might tell me to pick up every Christmas tree needle one by one as Lady Grey had her submissive do. It might be a command to clean the kitchen floor with a toothbrush. It might be repeated commands throughout the day to kneel before her until she gives me permission to stand and carry on with what I was doing. It might be a command to reorganize her walk in closet or the job of canvassing of the yard to clean up every drop of dog feces hidden in the grass. She could give me one or two of a hundred things that are not a part of our everyday life that causes me to live out the life of the submissive I am as she executes her right to have be do anything as my dominant wife. The task is not nearly as important as the feeling on both of our parts. For her, it’s getting the guts to make me do something out of the ordinary and different while it’s the associated feeling of surprise and awl that I’d feel knowing that she is upsetting the routine and asserting her rightful rule over me.
 
OK, I feel better. I got this off my chest by writing my thoughts out. I love Katie but sometimes I just feel that we are so vanilla in our manners and actions. Having a reality check, a shock to the routine, a change in how things are done, a surprise appearance of Dominant Katie, would go a long way to cultivating both my submission and her dominance as well as just being fun and create memories and possibly a tradition.
I’m Hers.

13 comments:

  1. A beautifully written post. The sentiments expressed are thoughtful as are the wants. I hope Katie reads this. But for a minor editing detail in the last sentence of the second-last paragraph, I'd say it's perfect.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you miss Erica for the kind words. You know, when I went away to college my mom would send me letters and point out my spelling and grammar errors. It helped but obviously its still a work in progress :) Feel free to assume this 'mom' role if you lfeel the need to do so.
      Cheers!

      Delete
  2. It sounds as though you share the same thoughts and desires that I, and I suspect the vast majority of husband's in our position do. We all seek that "little something" more from our basically Vanilla wives. That sounds very selfish, and may even imply some sort of criticism of our wives, but it’s not intended to.

    I think the basic fact is that the vast majority of wives will never truly meet the expectations of their submissive husband’s desires or needs, because they either don’t enjoy, or at least, get very little self satisfaction from treating their husbands in the way that they desire.

    If it’s not in their nature to be dominant or bossy, or demanding, and it’s very likely that most do not get any sexual satisfaction from being so. So why then should they understand or want to give us what we all want from them?

    The simple truth is that we all want our wives to want this (D/s) as much as we do, and we want them to encourage our submissive behaviours, and therefore massage our submissive minds, by letting us see them do so in a variety of different ways. We want to be ordered around, put in slightly humiliating situations, made to feel submissive, in fact many of the things that you describe in your post.

    Of course, in a loving and sharing relationship, a WLM or FLR can blossom for even the most vanilla of couples. But it will only ever go as far as the woman is comfortable with. As the person seeking this form of relationship, the man has to either just accept that his wife will only take things so far and that he might remain forever slightly frustrated wanting more, or he should avoid going down this path altogether.

    But I suspect you already know this?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AAT and Wishful4, I do agree with both of you and I think that one of you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned that we men, always want more. If I had all those desires that I stated met, I am certain there would be others that I'd think of that I wish she would do. I have a wonderful life. Katie loves me and gently rules me. That should be enough and it is - at least it is 99.9% of the time..... then those wants creep in to make up the other .1%

      Thanks so much for sharing. I do appreciate you expressing thoughts as others need to read your thoughts as much as they do mine. Have a great weekend.

      Delete
  3. IH,

    Very good post. I sometimes have many of the same feelings and wonder if a submissive is ever capable of being fully dominated enough. We seem to always want more and are never satisfied with the status quo. I touched on the following in a FemDom101 comment, but one of my biggest issues with my spouse is getting her past all the negative baggage associated with the words we've been given to describe this lifestyle. The porn fantasy world has given negative views to all aspects of dominance and submission in books, internet, TV and when we broach the subject with our spouse, she often is terrified by what she thinks we are asking for as a result of what she has seen and heard about the subject. As comfortable as you and I are about being submissive, it is quite the opposite with her. She is not comfortable with the thought that we may want her to become a leather clad, whip wielding domme when nothing is further from the truth. Maybe we need a new vocabulary for this lifestyle instead of the time worn D/s that's been in use for a long time. Thank you for letting me vent, too. Here's wishing that we both make progress in our quests.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ...fyi, mistress kathy's femdom 101 blog went off-line today.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kathy is a staple to femdom. Her viewpoint needs to be heard. I so wish she would continue writing. She is a weath of wisdom and encouragement to so many. This is a sad day.

      Delete
    2. With regard to FemDom101, this has happened before. I am hopeful she will be back up soon.

      Delete
  5. Great Post, I was aware of your blog, but thanks to Robert Anthony for making me aware of this post I just became better aware of your blogs authenticity and value to men in our lifestyle while reading this post, and began to follow it. I look forward to back reading your older posts and learning more of your journey. So where do I start, I could write for hours in response to my feeling on this post and your situation, but I will try to highlight the main points and if you want to discuss more feel free to contact me.

    First off, the idea of creating a list and having her circle or cross off her interests is a great idea, Miss Jessica and I have done some similar exercises to help define our roles, but that idea was great.
    I am expected to do many of the daily chores that you described, and yes you are correct, the true submission comes through the intent of what you are doing, not the actual act or chore in which you are doing. As far as the random acts of dominance in which you describe your desire to do off the wall chores, they will come, when you least expect it, and when you are doing them you may not even realize that it is a random chore because as you said, we basically reprogram ourselves to do these things as a way of offering our submission to the woman that we love and serve.
    I understand your frustrations about your submission not always being acknowledged in the way that you would like, but at some level regardless of your wife's personality traits, that will come in time and be more natural for her. Of course you can not re program her to be more dominant, but just keep assuring her in subtle ways ( through your submission) that you are OK with her dominance and do not push her, and things will develop. Submission to the woman we love is a life long journey, not everything happens at the pace we want. I think that all of us regardless of our experience as subs or doms deal with this at some level.
    I agree with many who commented about the taboo words and kinks related to the lifestyle and how they may deter the woman from the lifestyle. There are certain aspects of this lifestyle that I know Miss Jessica will never warm up to or make take longer in doing so, that is the case for all of us. There is no perfect D/S relationship that entails all aspects of the lifestyle you may see or associate together in your mind from the collection of porn and or online resources. Just follow the journey as it happens in your life, communicate, submit, and as you said be thankful for what you already have, everything will work out from there. I would love to say so much more, but I feel like I am rambling and my comment is likely longer than the original post. feel free to contact me or check out my blog at http://femdom-subhub.blogspot.com I look forward to following your journey and communicating with you in the future.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the above comments Eric. There are many men like you and I living under the loving care of our wives that dominate and make the decisions within our household. I'll stop by your blog and read up on it. Thanks for suggesting it. Til next time.

      Delete
  6. A lovely post, so full of feeling. I've been away hence the late response.

    It seem so easy to us for our dominant other to cultivate our submission, particularly through language and command. But maybe we have the easier task; perhaps picking up her clothes, washing, ironing, folding and putting them away; keeping the house spotless; shopping and cooking etc is less demanding that being able to address us as 'submissive husband' or commanding us to kneel instantly. Our ladies have grown up in a culture of male domination. They've been trained by their mothers to defer to a male. They're taught that girls are made of 'sugar and spice', to seek a prince that will whisk them off to a fairytale life. And even those who grew up in the 60's with the start of women's lib seem to be so conditioned.

    Which is what makes ladies like Amanda such a jewel. Teaching her daughters to lead their brother, teaching him that it's OK to accept female leadership; having her husband model submission is just priceless.

    I hope Ms Katie can bring herself to cultivate your submission. I hope Ms Amanda will show us how she trains her husband. Maybe our ladies will feel able then to adopt some of her teachings. Maybe other dominant females (particularly those following the Ms Rika model)will join in so female leadership is seen as being more common than we believe it to be. I fear I will never experience the leadership I seek; maybe our grandchildren will.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks for sharing such insightful an thoughtful post. I think you are so right about the backgrounds and upbringing of most women in our society. It may take another generation or two before real change is seen - even though there is lots going on now. Most of that change is kept within the home and not shared by other women to their friends as in the old days where groups of women would get together and share about their families, kids, husbands, etc.

    You and I may be too old to see those profound changes. As to my cultivation of my submission, this is a slow process. In many respects I wonder if I am the one cultivating my own submission and Katie just goes along for the ride rather than her telling me I want you to do this now, rather than that. She may in time and she has moved so much from the woman I first knew. But she did make a promise and I know how she feels about promises - she intends to keep them. :)

    ReplyDelete