Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Solace in Submission. Solace in Control

When I first married some 30 years ago I fell in love with a woman. We shared our life together. We did most things together as a couple. We enjoyed one another’s company. Over the years, life happened. Stresses entered. The honeymoon didn’t last forever. Tensions entered our lives regarding, finances, relationships, how to raise children, house maintenance, expectations, etc. We came to view life, priorities, finances, and how we wanted to spend our time differently.  We changed. Stressors tested us and we failed miserably many times handling many situations. Eventually our marriage broke.

As I’ve mentioned before, I grew up with conservative roots. No one in my family has ever severed a marriage. Yet I did. It was painful and was something I hated going through and yet knew there was no way to ever resolve what was broken.  It was that pain that caused me to self-reflect and do a lot of self evaluation.  In looking back, a key component to the stress was the tension created by our inability to fully see the others point of view. It was our failure to concede to the other. It was our incapability to let one partner lead and the other to follow. There was no head of the home and as a result we fought over things that we had no business arguing over.

I knew that I never wanted to go back to that place in life again with another woman.  I hated, not liking another person. I hated myself for feeling that way. Yet I didn’t know how to fix the problem and I didn’t want to admit that there were many times when my decisions weren’t the best ones. We said things that burnt indelible scars on our souls. Pride, hurt, insecurity and mounting history of pain had much to do with what broke that bond.

What I have come to learn with my marriage to Katie, and my submission to her prior to our matrimonial bond is the peace that has come when I chose to submit.  I don’t know that she would have married me if I hadn’t said the words “I promise to always obey you” in my marriage vow. She told me before we ever married that she’d never go back to an egalitarian relationship after we tried it prior to marriage. Although that comment wasn’t delivered as an ultimatum of ‘marry me as a submissive or else,’ I understood that she realized just how much she desired our relationship to function with her at the helm and me in a supportive role – e.g. as her submissive counterpart.

I knew without a doubt that Katie loved me and it was that loving bond that formed as time elapsed that serves as the foundation of our marriage. Yet there is a gigantic block sitting on top of that foundation that is our femdom relationship. It is all encompassing. Everything we do is impacted by the fact that she is my head and I am powerless to decide and delegate without her permission. It’s as if those two blocks have meshed over the years into one solid bolder that now defines us and how we relate, interact and function as a team.

As a middle-aged man, I have finally found long term peace. Katie has found that same solace. We both have learned, quite by chance, that living in a wife led marriage is what works best for us.  For her to assume the head and for me to submit is not odd.  It’s not abnormal. In virtually every aspect of life there is order. Every family unit has that structure – it may not be quite as defined as that found in a WLM but its there. It was in my former marriage. It was there but the leadership was not given to just one partner. It was divided, and in that division, that divided leadership, became the cause of our marital tension. I thought I was the head. She thought she was the head. There was no solution when we periodically butted heads when situations arose. Katie and I don’t have those issues.  We have had tensions. There have been times when I have not agreed with her, yet I have been able to step back and ‘let go’. I’ve been able to take a deep breath and tell myself to trust. I’ve let her decide because I made the promise to obey.  Letting go is not completely natural. It’s becoming more natural but there is still a part of me that wants to control and decide.  Katie likes my input. She wants to hear what I have to say, but in the end she expects me to trust her.

You know, as a child there is security in knowing that you are safe with mom and dad around.  When at work, there is security in knowing that if you do what is expected from your boss, that they will have your back. When on a team, there is a sense of peace that happens when you do what the coach wants even though you may think another way is better. By trusting, you agree to give your will to another. By trusting you allow another to take responsibility and bear the weight of that decision. By trusting you free yourself from the stress of worry of the decision at hand.  I love trusting Katie, not because I don’t like deciding but because I have found that by trusting her I can focus my energy supporting her and keeping her back.

Giving up control gives her power. Watching her lead is sexy. I love knowing that I am married to a woman that is a take-charge girl. I love knowing that she loves having me be there to support and embrace her decisions. I really love being the man, that when asked to ‘do this’ or ‘do you want to do go here’ by others, that I can respond by telling friends that those are decisions Katie will be making, or telling them that I need to pass that suggestion by Katie first.  I don’t respond as one that is a spineless husband but rather conveys to others that I have Katie’s thoughts and interest at heart. Does that make sense?

Ladies, if you are a married woman, wouldn’t you love to live as Katie lives? Wouldn’t you love to bounce ideas, thoughts, and aspirations off of your husband or boyfriend and then make decisions that you feel are best? Wouldn’t you love to be that woman that can tell him that you don’t feel comfortable making ‘this’ decision and require him to make it on your behalf? Wouldn’t you love to have the freedom to know that your path in life will be set by you with the complete backing and support of him?  Wouldn’t you love to have complete control of your finances knowing that you can spend what income you have as you see fit? Wouldn’t you love to go to bed without feeling an inkling of stress about sex because you know that he fully understands that whatever happens or doesn’t happen is totally up to you?
For me, that is what living in a wife led marriage is about. It’s about being there for her. It’s knowing that she is the one that will always decide. It’s knowing that when we discuss and have differing viewpoints that she will hear my thoughts but decide as she feels is best. It’s trusting her. It’s leaning on her. It’s a world view of life in which her interests, her wants, her desires become the axis about which all revolves. It’s loving her like I’ve never loved before and seeing her through the prism of one I’d never want to be without.

One of the things I have found myself doing recently is leaning my head on her shoulder when we sit side by side in the evening. It’s an action I usually think of a woman doing, not a man. Yet when I do it I feel feelings that I associate with my ever increasing dependence and trust in her. I feel so loved and so cared for that resting my head on her small shoulder is simply an expression of my love for Katie and an acknowledgement of me wanting to rest in her as my superior. It’s as if I need to lean on her; I want to have her hold me. I want to nuzzle in close to her breast and rest there knowing she is my source of strength.

This change has come slowly. I didn’t even feel the change. Yet when I step back I can see changes in my attitude and how differently I view things now. I have become so much more dependent. I want to cuddle her. Her presence gives me such security. I know she loves to be held but I feel so secure when I can be held by her. I feel loved and cared for when she holds me. I am completely at peace as I can rest in her strength as my Mistress wife. 

There is such a peace to being hers. Katie will tell you the same. There is peace and security on her part in knowing she has a husband that she knows will obey her. She loves having me there as her partner. Femdom – meaning – she lovingly-leads and I lovingly-obey makes for a beautiful way to live.  I wish more couples would come to see this.  I was blinded to it in my past marriage.  I don’t know if I could have ever moved from living as I did to submitting to one that caused me such pain (as I viewed it) and I don’t know if you can if you are experiencing those same emotions. But if you are living happily or if you feeling that there is something missing from your marriage, it sure may be worth having discussions and consider living with her in charge.  There is no hurry and the steps can be small. Give it a try. Give femdom a chance. Be that supportive man. Don’t be afraid to tell him what you want. When she asks you your opinion, share it but tell her you will embrace whatever she decides.  I think you will find that your bond will grow and you will see one another with a new set of eyes that come to appreciate the strength and love in each other in ways you haven’t seen before.

I’m Hers

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Soliciting Guest Female Writers

In response to the last post, "Women Wanted" one comment asked if I might host other women that have comments they'd like to share. I would love to do that!  Ladies, would you like to post one, two, or several posts periodically expressing your thoughts, concerns, apprehensions, etc?  If so, please email me and let's talk. As long as the content of your writing is more pragmatic and relationship oriented and not focused on kink, humiliation, degredation, etc my offer stands for you to write and post your thoughts for others to read, comment and contemplate.

To be honest, I'd prefer to have more vanilla women write because you make up the majority of women in society. I don't mind a lady that's been a dominant woman for years and years, but if you are even thinking about this but never taken that first step, the door is being held open for you to share. To have thoughts shared that express how uneasy you are about venturing into a FLR, or how uncertain you are of making chastity a part of your relationship, or if you are feeling guilty about having your husband or boyfriend do more while you do less, or if you'd like to share positive thoughts that you've experienced or desire that are/might be possible through a FLR , or if you just need to vent and express your frustrations, these and other topics are possible ones for you to write and share.

So ladies, if you have the interest in sharing, just write me an email. The address is on the upper right of this page.

I'm Hers

Friday, July 26, 2013

Women Wanted

When I write blogs, my usual routine is to jot down a few thoughts in an email and save that email as a draft.  I must have 15 or 20 ‘ideas’ currently sitting in my draft box currently, some of which have been there for over a year and will probably be never see the light of day.  I am not one that is great on just spitting out a blog without giving the topic some thought. Sleeping on an idea for a week or two, talking about it to myself while I drive to work, bouncing ideas off of Katie or others are all ways that help me to process an topic so that it’s more presentable to the reader when I finally sit down to write.

Currently it’s early in the morning and I’m sitting in a lobby while my car is being serviced. This is as good a time as any to write about something near and dear to my heart: women.  You see, since I first thought about this topic both Femdom 101 has gone offline and Ms. Amanda has discontinued writing on the Worshipping Your Wife blog – both sad decisions for the many readers that I am certain have benefited from their voices being heard.  I have a bent in my view of WLM and FLR similar to them.  I am not so much into the kink – really I’m not into the kink at all, but I am very much a proponent of the value that women have in becoming and remaining the heads of their respective homes.  My hope is that more and more women will assume this leadership role but to do so I think a few things need to happen.

First, there needs to be more women willing to share online.  Kathy, Angelique (Queen and her Knight) Ms Amanda, and Nancy (WYW) and others have all opened up their hearts and gave us, the reader, peeks into the workings of their respective lives.  That takes courage, time, thought, effort and a bit of vulnerability for them to do that. Yet so many have benefited. Can you remember just how many comments typically were posted on an average Femdom 101 post or have you checked to see how many have commented on the WYW blog when Mark, the blogs host have had women serve as writers?  The answer is many, many comments – many more than typically respond to a blog authored by a male.  I wonder why? Maybe it is because their viewpoints are so refreshing and straightforward with respect to them running a home and ruling their man. Maybe it is because those posts were written from the perspective of a woman.

I wish more women would write and share. I wish the topic of those blogs would focus on life at home, how the home is structured, money, vacations, decisions, manners, control, power differential, raising children, family stresses, who does what, how problems are handled, what the respective roles are of husbands, children, live-in parents, etc – whomever happens to make up the family.  I wish that the focus would stay away from pegging, playtime, kinky dress, cuckholding, and other peripheral topics that really have nothing at all to do with the essence of a woman being the dominant partner in a long-term, loving, relationship.  I’m not saying that anything that has to do with sex should be viewed as taboo but rather that it’s kept within the perspective of a healthy loving relationship and one in which the woman maintains control.

 As one that can clearly remember when I first became interested in submitting, I thought back to  the day I discovered the world of D/s.  I had no clue what it was that I was at first reading about and fortunately for me I happened to find a website that gave a rather practical overview of life within a FLR home.  That is what caught my attention. That is what allowed the ‘lights to be turned on’ in my brain, so to speak, and caused me to see that I had so many of these same desires and wants.  What I had to sift through was site after site of porn that pertained to femdom that really had nothing to do with where I hoped my relationship with Katie would move toward.  It was the notion of a woman taking charge. It was the realization that there was this way of living that advocated a man living under the rule of his wife, where he obeyed, he submitted, he gave up control, he listened, he deferred and she made the rules, decisions, and served as the family’s guiding light.  That was what I was so interested in because I knew from the moment I read about this, that I fit the submissive template perfectly. I knew too that Katie fit the dominant role as well, not because she was an outgoing, whip-welding woman, but because she had convictions and opinions that she held to and would not bend, no matter how great the temptation.  She loved me, but I could also see that she had a strong inner self that preferred to live life her way rather than having to compromise to that of my will and desires all the time.

I see this blog as not being so much a story about my life with Katie but rather one in which I would hope I can serve as an encouragement to other men and especially to other women that are feeling now, much of the same emotions I felt several years ago.  But I’m a guy. I write from a guy’s point of view. I don’t have the heart of a woman and I never will and it is for that reason that I would hope that there would be other women that would step up and fill the voids left by these women that have left the blogging world.  Other women need to hear from women. Other women need to be able to connect with like minds. I would think that women would value the opinions of other practical, common sense females more so than from that of other men’s writings.  I know that Katie, although not one to read the blogs would listen to the words of Kathy, Nancy and Amanda whenever I read a post or portion of one of their posts because they were the thoughts of another dominant – not one written by a man.  She doesn’t even like to read my posts if they are too long, and she approves mine.

So I ask that if you are a woman that is the head of your home, that you give serious thought to sharing your story, your views, and your philosophy with others. You don’t need to be anyone special – you are special just because you are the head of your home and relationship.  But consider focusing on the pragmatic side of life. Try to avoid all the talk about kink, toys, humiliation, and other topics that deters others from really coming to grips with what it means to lead a home, lovingly dominate a man, and live the life of the confident, controlling woman that typifies your FLR.  Consider giving back. Consider stepping out and sharing. I think you might find that the response you get will be overwhelming and rewarding.  I hope you take the risk if you have the time to do so.  I wish you well.

I’m Hers

Monday, July 22, 2013

Did God Really Command Women to Submit?

I grew up in a Christian home.  I was brought up in a protestant church.  I was taught the Bible and believe that the Bible is the Word of God and that it is true.  As a teen I never really thought about the purpose of the Bible but knew that it was both a history book about the nation of Israel as well as telling the story about God and His interaction with people since creation.  As to creation, I grew up believing that God created the universe as we know it in six days.  Then I went to college.  

 In college I took a Bible class.  My professor talked about different views of the Genesis account, one of which was a ‘young earth’ view that the world is 6000ish years old. Other views talked of the world being millions of years old.  I still held to my belief in a young earth.  Then one Sunday I was on a ball field playing catch with a friend.  I was 18.  This old man walked up to us and started talking.  He was old, had a long flowing white beard and had a sparkle to his bright blue eyes.  We chatted for over two hours.  I learned this man was a physicist that worked on the Manhattan Project, you know, the one where they developed the atomic bomb.  He was like wicked smart but so cool.  We got on the topic of creation and it was there that he talked about the earth being old. He talked about God; he talked about what he knew as a scientist of our world’s geology. He talked about the accuracy of dating fossils.  He believed that there was an answer to the question of creation but realized that the Bible was not a science book. Rather it was a book about God, man, sin and redemption.  But he did say that he believed that God wasn’t out to trick us.  For example. If we can see the light from galaxies 4 million light years away, then isn’t that galaxy at least 4 million years old?  If fossils can be dated to be millions of years old, then aren’t they really quite a bit older than 6000 years?

We talked – actually he talked and I listened.  He told me too about the Hebrew language. He told me they didn’t use articles – you know, a’s, an’s the’s etc, the way we do. So when you read Genesis 1 it says, In "THE" beginning….. He pointed out that it could just as well be read, In "A" beginning….. And if you look on the bottom footnote of Genesis 1:1 you will see a footnote in the NIV translation that the brains that put that translation together acknowledged that indeed it could be read that way.  This guy told me that the footnote was HIS contribution to the NIV translation.  Like I said, he was a smart man.  I mention that to you because he believed in the Gap theory of creation. He believed God did create the world (In a beginning God created the heaven and the earth). Period.  And then he believed that millions of years later, the earth was destroyed somehow. And Genesis states this: "And the earth was without form and was void, and darkness covered the face of the earth."  And it is here that this guy told me that he believed there was a recreation. He believes this because he can make sense of fossils that are dated millions of years old, and make sense of finding animals in Siberia that were frozen and eating vegetation, and make sense of galaxies that we see that are millions of light years away.   OK, so where am I going with this?


Well, back to my childhood. I grew up being taught that women were to submit to men. That they were not to hold leadership positions in the church. That they were to wear head-coverings (we didn’t take that part literally, maybe because it was inconvenient). We also didn’t have issues with women teaching Sunday school because no man wanted to teach, and we didn’t have any problem with women leading a church in some distant part of the world because a man didn’t want to go there and talk about Jesus to those people.  I saw discrepancies.  If women were to submit then shouldn’t it be all the time? If women were to not be in leadership positions, then what why could they lead some remote island but not in the States?  Well, last week I stumbled upon Genesis 2:18 which states: The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” I read more about the word helper. I learned that helper in Hebrew was the word ‘ezer’.  The definition of ezer in Hebrew means to rescue, to save and to be strong. I never knew that growing up in my church, nor in my protestant college.  I did a Google search and typed in ‘genesis 2:18 Ezer’. You should do the same.  Here is but one of many excerpts you can find o the topic:

“The traditional teaching for the woman as help (meet) is that of assistant or helper subservient to the one being helped. This definition would appear to line up with Strong's definition of the word. However, if you look at the context of every other use of the word ezer in the scripture, you will see that ezer refers to either God or military allies. In all other cases the one giving the help is superior to the one receiving the help. Adding kenegdo (meet) modifies the meaning to that of equal rather than superior status. Scripture is so awesome. God says just what He means.” Source of quote is here.

So what does this have to do with my submission to Katie? After all that’s one of the purposes of this blog. It has a ton to do with it. One of the hang-ups I had was reconciling my submission because I didn’t want it to conflict with Scripture.  I had no problem submitting since the act of submitting practically demonstrates my love for her by every chore, deferral and act of affection I give her.  That is love. That is what we as men are commanded to do.  If you read Ephesians 5 it talks about Husbands loving their wives to the point of dying for them. That is submission in action.  Now it also speaks to wives obeying their husbands as well. Hmmmm. So there’s the rub.  But what about the 17 times that ezer is mentioned in the Bible? What’s going on here? God tells us that woman is ‘ezer’. She’s strong. She’s a rescuer. She was given to man to save him.  And then there are all these other uses of ezer throughout the Bible that further clarify the meaning of that word for us.  But somehow, in a male dominated society that was pretty barbaric – you have to admit that – where might made right – and women were relegated to servant and subservient roles, the very purpose of womanhood that God wanted for all women was lost. She wasn’t ezer. She wasn’t strong. She wasn’t a rescuer. She wasn’t one that saved man.  I found this website which helped me to understand the use of ezer. 

For me, this helps. For me this opens the door for Katie to serve as the strength of our relationship. This allows me to reconcile the fact that God stated that woman’s role was to save man and to rescue him.  And in light of the changing role of women in our society, can’t you see the good that has come by allowing them to take on such roles?  Now I’m not going to go so far as to say that they are superior, but I am going so far as to say that they are equals. God made woman the same as man – bone of bones. He also brought Eve into the world because he saw that 'it wasn't good for Adam to be alone.  He created Eve, one who was there to rescue him, save him and be his strength.  I like that, as it pertains to Katie.  We function as a team; a marriage partnership. Yet Katie has final say in all things. She is my strength. She respects and loves me yet she is my ezer - not one less than I but equal and more. For us that kind of partnership works perfectly.

I don’t know if you have a belief in God. My purpose is not to debate that.  But I do know that for so many individuals you too were probably brought up like me. You were taught that the world was 6000 years old. I’m sure you wondered how dinosaurs fit into that world view to though didn’t you? And like me, you were taught that women were to submit to men, weren’t you?  Well I’m glad that I met the physicist one Sunday afternoon and got to talk to a man that was incredibly intelligent and wise – and grew up in a VERY conservative Christian home as well.  I’m glad too to have read other viewpoints on the Genesis account.  I by no means am some genius on Hebrew. Actually I know but one word, ezer :)  But I know enough to know that my IQ is about 100 – just that of an average guy – just like your IQ – just that of an average guy or woman. I know that I have limits, but it sure seems clear to me that what is stated here in Genesis gives credence to woman as having a role equal if not superior to man.  Just some food for thought.  Have a great day.

I’m Hers

For further reading on the topic of submitting to a woman I invite you to read a previous post.http://godswordtowomen.org/help.htm

Saturday, July 20, 2013

New WLM Blog

I came across the following blog. I enjoyed the read. I like where these two are headed. Their priorities seem to be purposeful as they both desire to live with Ms Ellie at the helm. I thought others might find the reading interesting as well. Enjoy. http://servingher247.blogspot.com/

I'm Hers

Friday, July 19, 2013

Submission and Symbols

I’ve been thinking about the importance of symbolism with respect to my submission.  Mostly the chores or deference I show her have to do with the little things that make up life; things like never asking her if its time to go home when out with others, opening doors for her, helping her on with her coat, jacket or sweater, cooking meals and cleaning up after while she relaxes, folding laundry in the den while she sits and enjoys watching me perform this small chore,  locking up each morning after I shower and shave my body so it is smooth and hair-free, just as she likes it, refraining from orgasm when we make love, etc. Symbols, or acts of service, that demonstrate my submission to her are so important to me.

A segment of a post in a recent Worshipping Your Wife blog got me thinking about this when Ms Amanda wrote how she told her husband George that she now expects him to sit on the floor beneath her when she comes home from work and massage her feet rather than sit next to her on the sofa as he had been doing. I loved that idea. That change in routine to one of now sitting on the floor struck a chord. It was that one comment that got me thinking about the physical position of George in relation to his dominant wife.  She owns him. She rules their home. She loves him dearly, yet she expects him to conform to her desires, dictates and commands.

I don’t know why but when I read that comment I envisioned myself in a position of submission with respect to Katie. It wasn’t an image of me sitting on the floor beneath her. Rather, I immediately felt as if I needed to ask her if she would like me to wait by her bedside, so I could kiss her, tuck her in and then ask if she would like a massage.  I don’t know where that thought came from as I’ve never had that inkling before, yet it’s something I felt I needed to ask, and ask I did. I texted her while I was away working earlier this summer.  She liked the idea and agreed that I should begin this routine as soon as I returned home. It’s not a big deal but it is another gesture of respect. It is another symbol of my love and desire to keep her first and foremost in my life.  I do hope she enjoys this knowing she has a man that will wait every night, no matter how long it takes for her to ready herself for bed.

 I promised to obey her and I intend to do just that. Maybe this is simply a step along a path of me becoming even more submissive to her as my dominant partner. Waiting is an act of love as well as one of obedience.  Men are such visual creatures.  Being told to sit on the floor and massage a woman’s feet while she relaxes in her favorite chair, or stand and wait patiently for her to come to bed, or massage her to sleep while she rests comfortably, or bow when a finger is snapped, or clear the table when a subtle hand gesture is made are all powerful symbols of a woman’s’ dominance and control over the man she owns. These behavioral patterns reinforce the power differential between husband and wife. These commands that require an immediate response move from the realm of novel to normal behavior when repeated again and again.

Submission is a way of life. One can never submit too much to the woman that loves her service-submissive. Her love for him is his shield of protection against abuse and disregard.  Everything I do for Katie, or rather, everything that Katie has me do for her are expressions of love. Massaging her once she’s in bed will now serve as the final chore of my day. Since asking about this latest request Katie has had me massage her every night for over an hour with the exception of one night. She’s enjoyed my service and I have enjoyed providing it. It’s been a win-win close time for both of us. What has been so nice has been the unexpected. When Katie comes to bed, she shuts the light off in the room. She is wearing only her robe, I feel her when she comes close in the black of night, I remove her robe and we embrace and kiss passionately. I ask usually and if I don’t ask soon enough she’s gotten into the habit of asking me, “now what is it that you are going to ask of me tonight?”  And so I ask if I can massage her and of course she tells me she would. It’s a beautiful end to our day. She climbs into bed. I climb in after. I sit and stroke her body first with my hand and then with oil. She moves from side to stomach as she wishes and I move to accommodate her.  I love it, even if I am dead tired after a long day. Serving her is the best, and the gift she gives me is the reminder that she is all-powerful and all controlling with respect to our relationship, marriage and run of our home. It’s how a woman should feel and it’s how a man should feel about his wife.

I’m Hers

Friday, July 12, 2013

Thoughts While Scrubbing the Floor


It happened to be that time of the year. Katie told me she wanted the tile floors cleaned. Ugh! We have a lot of tile and although one can scrub while standing and holding a mop, I knew the best way for me to get pressure on the tile meant me doing this job on my hands and knees.  So with bucket and brush and a pad to spare my knees some discomfort down I went - scrubbing, rinsing and towel drying. She wanted the floor clean and she didn’t want me leaving any streaks from leftover detergent.  I one-upped her and used plain water and a ton of towels to make sure it looked great when I was through, and indeed it did.

When a man is on his knees scrubbing with nothing to stimulate the mind except to watch one’s own sweat drip onto the floor and hear the abrasive sound of the brush loosening dirt and debris, he has time to think.  I began thinking about how little I had done. I thought of how much I had to do. I set goals of getting ‘this section’ clean or getting to ‘there’ before taking a break.  At one point I thought about why I was here in the first place.  Yes I was sweating and getting a good upper body workout because Katie told me she wanted this done and indeed she was right, the floor needed cleaning and someone had to do it.  The question then was ‘who?’  That job fell to be my default as her submissive husband. So it was only right that I was where I was at the time.

As Katie’s sub, my job is to do those things that she either can’t do or doesn’t want to do. It’s not that she doesn’t work. She does. I’ll come home from work and see that she’s been digging in the garden, or has cleaned the carpet or hauled boxes from one place to another, or reconciled a months’ worth of bills with her check book, etc.  But that’s not my point.  My point is that if I have the ability to do those things I should, period. I shouldn’t even hope that I’d walk in and find her down where I was laboring.  I think it would honestly hurt me if I did find her doing so. 

I believe that too many couples expect the other to do their part of the work, as if there is some unwritten rule that they should and will. Where is that rule written? Who came up with that rule? Where did the idea of a 50/50 relationship (expectation) come from anyway? I’ve never heard anyone make that promise when they married.  If you go back to the beginning of humankind it states that when Adam and Eve screwed up that Adam, not Eve, would have to sweat and toil as a result of their error (note, I said their error and not his error :).

One profound understanding I have learned since committing my love and service to Katie has been an attitude change to one of not expecting. By not expecting every chore she does, every thing she does around the home, every gift she gives me becomes that much more special.  But, by not expecting I do more. I don’t live under the guise that I should only do half of what needs doing.  I will admit that I went through a spell where I did pout because I had that ‘50/50’ expectation still harbored in my subconscious.  I think I’ve come out the other side now knowing she won’t be doing as much as me around the home. I don’t expect her to clean or labor unless she chooses to do so. Rather, she’s become quite comfortable in making sure that won’t happen.  Instead she leaves me reminders all the time that it’s my job to serve, not hers. Leaving dishes unwashed in the sink, tossing her clothes on the bed or on the counter by the shower, or leaving her shoes in the middle of the bedroom, telling me she just heard the cat vomit upstairs all serve to remind and reinforce the power differential that exists in our relationship. She is indeed my dominant. 

I do not hold a grudge because of it. Rather it’s what I want and expect of her. She deserves to not have to worry about such things.  Knowing that most everything is my job brings peace and order. It has taught me to be more efficient when I do work. I’m less likely to walk past messes and more prone to getting it taken care. I accept her orders and respond when told to do so. I want to clean and make things nice, if for nothing else, to hear her comment on how nice things look, or be surprised that I was able to fix something or get a need taken care of before she expected me to do so.

If more men were this way, how much more affectionate and loving do you think your wife would feel toward you?  If she knew that she could be free to tell you what was on her mind and knew that you would immediately take care of it, without resistance, don’t you think she’d appreciate and love you more?  I know Katie feels that way. She tells me at least once a week, “I feel so loved.”  And indeed she is.  Yet, I am not her slave.  I doubt I could function just serving her without having some type of reward in return.  While writing, she just reached over and affectionately squeezed the back of my neck and shoulders.  I need that. I need to know she cares.  I know I am a man that has a need to feel loved and wanted.  Yes, I am insecure in that way.  I thrive by knowing she loves me. She doesn’t need to do much but she does need to do something.  When I see her smile, bite her lower lip and look at me with devilish eyes, when she tells me to roll over cause she wants to scratch my back, when she tells me to put on some lube because she wants to make love, when she hugs me, when she comes to bed and I smell her perfume I know she purposely put it on to please me.  I feel her love lots and those feelings are more than enough to remind me just how lucky I am to be married to this gem of a woman.

I have developed a friendship via email with ‘Bob’.  Bob is a man that has submitted to his wife. He asked if he could wear a chastity device for the sole purpose of easing sexual tensions between him and her. He works hard at his fulltime job but also works hard to get those things his wife wants him to do during the evening or weekend.  Bob has never complained or aired words that have been negative toward his wife.  I can tell he loves her. I also know that she loves the gift of service he has given her. She now is his key holder and over the months that we’ve periodically corresponded I can tell that she’s become more comfortable denying him. Yet he’s never referred to her as his dominant wife and I would doubt very much so that she would see herself as that way.  Yet Bob has indeed submitted and his wife has indeed taken more control of him and their home.  Bob doesn’t live by a 50/50 rule.  He lives to love his wife. I hope you will consider the same.

I’m Hers

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

A Ladies Mile

I wrote this post a few weeks ago, but delayed posting it until now as I had other blog posts I wanted to put up prior to this one.  I hope you enjoy the read.

I had a day off from my work in the Adirondacks and decided to do some mountain climbing. I had never been in these parts before to hike and wanted to enjoy the beauty of the mountains that few get to see. I called my son who had climbed most of the high peaks and we talked about possibilities. I decided on a route and was afoot by 7am on the morning of my off day. My starting point was the Ausable Country Club, an elite members’-only club that appears to have been around for more than a century. It is located in an absolutely beautiful setting with mountains, lakes, and cliffs surrounding the Clubs' property. I parked just outside their entrance and walked the road past the golf course and hotel on my way to the trailhead some four miles down an old dirt road. I was no more than a third of a mile from the old clubs’ hotel when I noticed the sign posted here, “the Ladies mile”. I chuckled.

Here before me were miles and miles of beautiful, untouched, and rugged terrain ready to be explored but the ‘Ladies’ were only going to walk ‘this far' before returning home. Of course my thoughts immediately went to those that believe in the superiority of women. Hmmmm. I continued on, eventually heading uphill a few thousand feet to my first col (a small valley between two peaks)where I turned south and climbed to the summit my first 4000 footer. (In the Adirondacks there is a goal amongst some hikers to climb all 46 of these 4K peaks and become a member of the 46er club.)For me, Sawteeth was my first. I was a ‘One-er’! That’s nothing to be proud of, and I know that I will never be a 46er but it was nevertheless a start. I returned to the col I had just left, picked up my pack hidden off the trail and headed north, opposite Sawteeth Mountain. It was there that I met a group of four women and an elderly man.

We chatted, talked about where we were going before I left for Pyramid, the highlight of my day. The trail Guidebook told me it had the best views of all of the Adirondack summits. I was not to be disappointed. After ascending near vertical obstacles and wondering how in the world the older folk behind me was going to make this climb over these large rocks, I beheld a near 360 view of mountains, sheer drops, lakes in the distance, cliff faces along the steep mountain slopes and crystal clear blue skies overhead. It was indeed worth the sweat and effort to climb.

Fifteen minutes later the first of the group I left reached the summit. I asked one woman how old she was and she told me 63.

“I’m impressed,” I said.

“Well I’m 66,” interrupted the other woman who looked much younger and fitter, “and he is 73,” she added, pointing to the elderly gentleman.

I later learned that this was the 6th time that the 66 year old female had made this climb - and she was a 46er as well! My thoughts went back to the ‘Ladies mile’ that the Ausable Club had marked out for the rich women of days gone by that stayed there to stroll. Those women, although wealthy and privileged in many ways due to their economic status, couldn’t hold a candle to the two women I chatted with on the top of Pyramid. Those women were women! They were tough. They were driven. They were adventurous. They stepped out and did something different. They took on a challenge and conquered it. They were full of life and got to enjoy so much more of nature than one could ever enjoy while walking the ladies mile just adjacent to lush green golf course, and nearby clapboard houses. I'm not saying that if a woman doesn't enjoy climbing a mountain they are less of a woman. Rather I'm saying that those that choose to step out and do something out of the ordinary - like not taking a 'Ladies Mile' stroll, will find in themselves that they are so much more.  Maybe this is partly what happens when a woman decides to assume the responsibility as head of her home. Maybe by stepping out and no longer being the submissive or equal one but now taking on the responsibility of her home, husband and family is what causes a woman to change and be so much more attractive - so much sexier. Maybe when she does that and realizes how much power and worth she really has, it increases her confidence.  I don't know, but I do know that people change when they go beyond the ordinary and step out from the pack.

I left that group to climb Gothics and two more 4000 footers thereafter, knowing they would be behind me somewhere, before returning to my car exhausted. I had gone too far but a day later felt none the worse with the help of a few doses of ibuprofen to ease my weary old body.

I never did see my senior friends. Maybe they were behind me the entire way. Maybe they took an earlier path down the mountain side due to fatigue. I know that I should have made that decision but I’m just too stubborn. Boy did I regret doing so. Now if only they would put a flush toilet up on the summit of these mountains, I might be able to convince Katie to climb up there should we visit this part of the country again!

Today is a travel day to the Green Mountains of Vermont. I’m writing this while crossing beautiful Lake Champlain. This is beautiful country. Unfortunately it gets so darn cold here in the winter too cold for my old bones but it is beautiful nonetheless. These are hardy folk who live up here. Kudos to you that do!

I’m off to the wilderness for another week. Then back to my honey.

Till next time.
I’m Hers

Friday, July 5, 2013

Food Clothing and Shelter

This summer Katie and I went camping in the Adirondacks – the largest park in the country (I believe). We left home in the summer and got out of the car in NY in late spring.  It was cold up there.  Not only that but it was rainy.  We camped for several days in our small 3-person tent and for all but one day, the day we traveled, it rained. 

It was beautiful however. There is something to be said for the quiet beauty of camping and eating alone on a lake that is inhabited by Loons, visited by a pair of Osprey, a Mallard every now and then and of course about 10,000 black flies.  Katie had never experienced a New England spring where black flies abound about from early May til Late June.  Those little buggers bite. You don’t feel them until the next day until the bitten areas start to itch.  I made the novice mistake of wearing ankle socks under my jeans.  The next morning I noticed about a hundred bites just above the sock line.  I should have known better.

On most days we were dressed with long pants, long sleeves, rain jacket and pants, often a hat and typically a fleece top under the rain gear.  At night we hit the bathroom, hoping we’d make it through the night without having to get out in the rain to visit the facilities some 50 yards away in the pitch black of the night.

We were comfi in our beds. I ordered really comfortable sleeping pads for both of us and rigged some coupling straps to keep them together so we could be rest on the pad in our double sleeping bag rather than have the mattresses slip apart.  I was hoping for some hanky-panky while camping but it never happened.  I love sleeping in the woods.  It’s quiet. It’s peaceful. The loons sound wonderful when they call after dark. But Katie was in survival mode.  This became more of a time to try and stay comfortable than a time of thriving in the backcountry.  We got back to basics instead.  We slept. We stayed dry. We stayed warm. I cooked and cleaned up afterward. We did some things out in the rain during the day that we had planned – hikes – but it wasn’t like being at home with air conditioning, ovens and sinks, tables and soft sofas.

As a result sex got put on the back burner – maybe it would be better stated that sex wasn’t even considered while we slept in our tent.  It wasn’t even a possibility. The ‘door of delight’ was not an option for me.  Nada. Keep out. Closed for the season. Beat it. Don’t even go there. Beware of dog. You get the idea – she wasn’t into making love at that time.

After we left the State Park we headed to a less primitive location and slept in a cabin.  There was a bed. No electricity and no heat but there was a hot shower, a toilet, a sink, and a queen size mattress.  Katie felt better. Not all better, but better. She was a bit more receptive but still no good stuff was about to happen.  Finally we moved up another rung on the ladder when we moved to a third stop on my trip and slept in a real hotel room.  Ahh, heat, a tub, white towels, privacy.  The signs came down. Her engine started.  Life was good for those two nights.  Really good.

Such was our trip up north.  We had a great time – really we did. But it was a time in which priorities were altered. Sex wasn’t on the top of Katie’s agenda. It wasn’t in the forefront of her mind. Making sure that I kept her warm, dry and fed were the priorities of the day, especially when the rain just kept on coming – not hard rain but rain all day long.  My role moved from feeling all submissive to just taking care of my Katie.  Katie’s mind migrated from keeping me under her thumb with regard to being affectionate with her to making sure that I provided those basic necessities of life. Sex happened to not be one of them and to tell you the truth, I really didn’t miss it although I would have welcomed it should she had been in the mood.

We left the woods with memories. It was beautiful.  Katie left with reminders as well – several black fly bites on her face and neck. At the airport we said our goodbyes for awhile and she headed back to civilization while I ventured back to work in the woods. 

I’m Hers

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Home!!!!

The saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder is so true.  I’ve been away from home for a month and away from Katie for a little over two weeks. That’s about two weeks too long anymore.  I dealt with a long distance dating relationship where we were apart for 4-10 weeks for way too long.  But those days are past.  I’m married and I’m hers. She owns me and it’s with her that I belong.

I’ve noticed since being home just how much I’ve missed her. She is so damn hot. I could look at her all day long and never tire of it.  I don’t know about you but don’t you like walking up the stairs to the bedroom or up the stairs in a shopping mall behind your woman? That sweet ass is looking right at you and it looks so very good.  Whew, I better get a-hold of myself here.  I’m going to get too worked up while sitting here in a Coffee Shop writing.

What I wanted to make note of was the difference in my attentiveness and submissiveness since arriving home a few days ago.  I arrived home in the evening and we chatted and headed to bed early.  Yes, we made love but before that Katie had me massage her for quite some time and after we made love, she had me massage her again until she had fallen asleep.  While gone I read a post on the Worshipping your wife blog by Ms Amanda, a woman whose decision making, choices, and attitude I really admire.  She made a comment about how she has moved from having her husband George sit on the sofa with her and massage her feet after work to now having him sit on the floor and do the same.  I don’t know why but I immediately felt as if I needed to text Katie and ask her if I could stand by her bed, tuck her in and offer to massage her every night.  I did ask and she agreed she’d like that.  And so that has happened for the past two nights. She loves to be touched but sometimes just doesn’t make use of my services because she thinks I’m tired, or she’s just tired, or she totally forgets because other things are on her mind.  Well this way, the offer will always be there and it will be interesting to see just how much more servicing I do in the dark of the night sitting cross-legged while she lies facing me and enjoys my attentiveness.

Typically we start that way, and then she moves to her stomach, and then turns to her other side.  I just move to different positions so I can take care of her and caress her.  Last night it took me about an hour until she was just about asleep. 

I want to be careful to watch for changes in the days ahead with respect to my attitude and desire to serve.  Being away makes my service-chores feel somewhat new once more. But they will inevitably become routine as the novelty wears off.  It is for that very reason that I asked if I could intentionally wait by her side of the bed and tuck her in and ask if she’d like a massage. She was out for awhile yesterday and typically when she comes home I will greet her if I happen to be by the door. If not, I don’t stop to welcome her.   I want to change that.  I want to be there when she enters.  I want to because I know that she’d like it and it’s nothing more than me making the effort to stop what I’m doing to be there when she arrives.  Now I understand that I won’t do it every time but for those times that I know she is almost home, it feels only proper for me to wait to welcome her properly and take care of whatever needs to be done with respect to bringing items from the car in or taking her coat when the weather turns colder.

I love Katie and I want her to feel that love, not just when we are between the sheets and things get all steamy but during all of the other times of the day.  Maybe if I do, we will be able to generate even more steam at just the right time :)

I’m Hers