Friday, July 12, 2013
Thoughts While Scrubbing the Floor
It happened to be that time of the year. Katie told me she wanted the tile floors cleaned. Ugh! We have a lot of tile and although one can scrub while standing and holding a mop, I knew the best way for me to get pressure on the tile meant me doing this job on my hands and knees. So with bucket and brush and a pad to spare my knees some discomfort down I went - scrubbing, rinsing and towel drying. She wanted the floor clean and she didn’t want me leaving any streaks from leftover detergent. I one-upped her and used plain water and a ton of towels to make sure it looked great when I was through, and indeed it did.
When a man is on his knees scrubbing with nothing to stimulate the mind except to watch one’s own sweat drip onto the floor and hear the abrasive sound of the brush loosening dirt and debris, he has time to think. I began thinking about how little I had done. I thought of how much I had to do. I set goals of getting ‘this section’ clean or getting to ‘there’ before taking a break. At one point I thought about why I was here in the first place. Yes I was sweating and getting a good upper body workout because Katie told me she wanted this done and indeed she was right, the floor needed cleaning and someone had to do it. The question then was ‘who?’ That job fell to be my default as her submissive husband. So it was only right that I was where I was at the time.
As Katie’s sub, my job is to do those things that she either can’t do or doesn’t want to do. It’s not that she doesn’t work. She does. I’ll come home from work and see that she’s been digging in the garden, or has cleaned the carpet or hauled boxes from one place to another, or reconciled a months’ worth of bills with her check book, etc. But that’s not my point. My point is that if I have the ability to do those things I should, period. I shouldn’t even hope that I’d walk in and find her down where I was laboring. I think it would honestly hurt me if I did find her doing so.
I believe that too many couples expect the other to do their part of the work, as if there is some unwritten rule that they should and will. Where is that rule written? Who came up with that rule? Where did the idea of a 50/50 relationship (expectation) come from anyway? I’ve never heard anyone make that promise when they married. If you go back to the beginning of humankind it states that when Adam and Eve screwed up that Adam, not Eve, would have to sweat and toil as a result of their error (note, I said their error and not his error :).
One profound understanding I have learned since committing my love and service to Katie has been an attitude change to one of not expecting. By not expecting every chore she does, every thing she does around the home, every gift she gives me becomes that much more special. But, by not expecting I do more. I don’t live under the guise that I should only do half of what needs doing. I will admit that I went through a spell where I did pout because I had that ‘50/50’ expectation still harbored in my subconscious. I think I’ve come out the other side now knowing she won’t be doing as much as me around the home. I don’t expect her to clean or labor unless she chooses to do so. Rather, she’s become quite comfortable in making sure that won’t happen. Instead she leaves me reminders all the time that it’s my job to serve, not hers. Leaving dishes unwashed in the sink, tossing her clothes on the bed or on the counter by the shower, or leaving her shoes in the middle of the bedroom, telling me she just heard the cat vomit upstairs all serve to remind and reinforce the power differential that exists in our relationship. She is indeed my dominant.
I do not hold a grudge because of it. Rather it’s what I want and expect of her. She deserves to not have to worry about such things. Knowing that most everything is my job brings peace and order. It has taught me to be more efficient when I do work. I’m less likely to walk past messes and more prone to getting it taken care. I accept her orders and respond when told to do so. I want to clean and make things nice, if for nothing else, to hear her comment on how nice things look, or be surprised that I was able to fix something or get a need taken care of before she expected me to do so.
If more men were this way, how much more affectionate and loving do you think your wife would feel toward you? If she knew that she could be free to tell you what was on her mind and knew that you would immediately take care of it, without resistance, don’t you think she’d appreciate and love you more? I know Katie feels that way. She tells me at least once a week, “I feel so loved.” And indeed she is. Yet, I am not her slave. I doubt I could function just serving her without having some type of reward in return. While writing, she just reached over and affectionately squeezed the back of my neck and shoulders. I need that. I need to know she cares. I know I am a man that has a need to feel loved and wanted. Yes, I am insecure in that way. I thrive by knowing she loves me. She doesn’t need to do much but she does need to do something. When I see her smile, bite her lower lip and look at me with devilish eyes, when she tells me to roll over cause she wants to scratch my back, when she tells me to put on some lube because she wants to make love, when she hugs me, when she comes to bed and I smell her perfume I know she purposely put it on to please me. I feel her love lots and those feelings are more than enough to remind me just how lucky I am to be married to this gem of a woman.
I have developed a friendship via email with ‘Bob’. Bob is a man that has submitted to his wife. He asked if he could wear a chastity device for the sole purpose of easing sexual tensions between him and her. He works hard at his fulltime job but also works hard to get those things his wife wants him to do during the evening or weekend. Bob has never complained or aired words that have been negative toward his wife. I can tell he loves her. I also know that she loves the gift of service he has given her. She now is his key holder and over the months that we’ve periodically corresponded I can tell that she’s become more comfortable denying him. Yet he’s never referred to her as his dominant wife and I would doubt very much so that she would see herself as that way. Yet Bob has indeed submitted and his wife has indeed taken more control of him and their home. Bob doesn’t live by a 50/50 rule. He lives to love his wife. I hope you will consider the same.