Friday, July 26, 2013

Women Wanted

When I write blogs, my usual routine is to jot down a few thoughts in an email and save that email as a draft.  I must have 15 or 20 ‘ideas’ currently sitting in my draft box currently, some of which have been there for over a year and will probably be never see the light of day.  I am not one that is great on just spitting out a blog without giving the topic some thought. Sleeping on an idea for a week or two, talking about it to myself while I drive to work, bouncing ideas off of Katie or others are all ways that help me to process an topic so that it’s more presentable to the reader when I finally sit down to write.

Currently it’s early in the morning and I’m sitting in a lobby while my car is being serviced. This is as good a time as any to write about something near and dear to my heart: women.  You see, since I first thought about this topic both Femdom 101 has gone offline and Ms. Amanda has discontinued writing on the Worshipping Your Wife blog – both sad decisions for the many readers that I am certain have benefited from their voices being heard.  I have a bent in my view of WLM and FLR similar to them.  I am not so much into the kink – really I’m not into the kink at all, but I am very much a proponent of the value that women have in becoming and remaining the heads of their respective homes.  My hope is that more and more women will assume this leadership role but to do so I think a few things need to happen.

First, there needs to be more women willing to share online.  Kathy, Angelique (Queen and her Knight) Ms Amanda, and Nancy (WYW) and others have all opened up their hearts and gave us, the reader, peeks into the workings of their respective lives.  That takes courage, time, thought, effort and a bit of vulnerability for them to do that. Yet so many have benefited. Can you remember just how many comments typically were posted on an average Femdom 101 post or have you checked to see how many have commented on the WYW blog when Mark, the blogs host have had women serve as writers?  The answer is many, many comments – many more than typically respond to a blog authored by a male.  I wonder why? Maybe it is because their viewpoints are so refreshing and straightforward with respect to them running a home and ruling their man. Maybe it is because those posts were written from the perspective of a woman.

I wish more women would write and share. I wish the topic of those blogs would focus on life at home, how the home is structured, money, vacations, decisions, manners, control, power differential, raising children, family stresses, who does what, how problems are handled, what the respective roles are of husbands, children, live-in parents, etc – whomever happens to make up the family.  I wish that the focus would stay away from pegging, playtime, kinky dress, cuckholding, and other peripheral topics that really have nothing at all to do with the essence of a woman being the dominant partner in a long-term, loving, relationship.  I’m not saying that anything that has to do with sex should be viewed as taboo but rather that it’s kept within the perspective of a healthy loving relationship and one in which the woman maintains control.

 As one that can clearly remember when I first became interested in submitting, I thought back to  the day I discovered the world of D/s.  I had no clue what it was that I was at first reading about and fortunately for me I happened to find a website that gave a rather practical overview of life within a FLR home.  That is what caught my attention. That is what allowed the ‘lights to be turned on’ in my brain, so to speak, and caused me to see that I had so many of these same desires and wants.  What I had to sift through was site after site of porn that pertained to femdom that really had nothing to do with where I hoped my relationship with Katie would move toward.  It was the notion of a woman taking charge. It was the realization that there was this way of living that advocated a man living under the rule of his wife, where he obeyed, he submitted, he gave up control, he listened, he deferred and she made the rules, decisions, and served as the family’s guiding light.  That was what I was so interested in because I knew from the moment I read about this, that I fit the submissive template perfectly. I knew too that Katie fit the dominant role as well, not because she was an outgoing, whip-welding woman, but because she had convictions and opinions that she held to and would not bend, no matter how great the temptation.  She loved me, but I could also see that she had a strong inner self that preferred to live life her way rather than having to compromise to that of my will and desires all the time.

I see this blog as not being so much a story about my life with Katie but rather one in which I would hope I can serve as an encouragement to other men and especially to other women that are feeling now, much of the same emotions I felt several years ago.  But I’m a guy. I write from a guy’s point of view. I don’t have the heart of a woman and I never will and it is for that reason that I would hope that there would be other women that would step up and fill the voids left by these women that have left the blogging world.  Other women need to hear from women. Other women need to be able to connect with like minds. I would think that women would value the opinions of other practical, common sense females more so than from that of other men’s writings.  I know that Katie, although not one to read the blogs would listen to the words of Kathy, Nancy and Amanda whenever I read a post or portion of one of their posts because they were the thoughts of another dominant – not one written by a man.  She doesn’t even like to read my posts if they are too long, and she approves mine.

So I ask that if you are a woman that is the head of your home, that you give serious thought to sharing your story, your views, and your philosophy with others. You don’t need to be anyone special – you are special just because you are the head of your home and relationship.  But consider focusing on the pragmatic side of life. Try to avoid all the talk about kink, toys, humiliation, and other topics that deters others from really coming to grips with what it means to lead a home, lovingly dominate a man, and live the life of the confident, controlling woman that typifies your FLR.  Consider giving back. Consider stepping out and sharing. I think you might find that the response you get will be overwhelming and rewarding.  I hope you take the risk if you have the time to do so.  I wish you well.

I’m Hers


  1. As part of a couple new to living a female led life I'd like to endorse I'm Hers comments and add my voice to encourage women leading relationships to speak out. I know it takes time to author a blog, but the more blogs by women leading their menfolk, the easier other women find it to accept the lead their men want to give them. Maybe if creating a full blog is too challenging perhaps I'm Hers would agree to carry a few guest postings from women. I know posts from Amanda and Kathy in particular were really helpful to my wife when I broached the subject of an FLR.

    There are several blogs that appear to be female authored where kink is very much to the fore. Kink has a place, maybe, but isn't key to the basic premise of an FLR - which is very simply that the final decision in all matters, is that of the woman leading the family. I would guess that most women asked by their menfolk to consider an FLR want guidance from a kink free source. So ladies, may I encourage you to write, after all giving more women the gift of a clean home, all laundry, cooking and other chores completed to standard and on time, no pestering for sex, as much pampering as you can handle from a trained, obedient and respectful partner - what woman wouldn't want that.

    1. My wife likes this blog because it is one that she can really relate to as well as myself. She doesn't post online but enjoys subjects that that our similar to ours that we can discuss about our own relationship. I'm sure she would love to hear from other woman as I would too and maybe she would feel comfortable about posting herself at some point. R R

    2. MHDesire and RR, Thanks for sharing your thoughts. My Hearts Desire, I like your idea about hosting and would love to try that. I'll put up a post in a day or so and invite women that have thoughts to share to do so here. Great idea.

      You know, RR, the comment of the comfort level your wife has in reading what is written here really pleased me. I'm glad that women find the blog helpful as that is my desire, much more than it is to have 100's of men read it. In the end, whether a WLM works or not will inevitably depend on the comfort level of the wife, not the husband.

  2. I agree, too many blogs are full of kink, which I also feel can have it's place in a loving FLR, but my Wife also is not into that side of it. Having blogs like your's can only help men and women especially early on when either side is struggling with their feelings and not sure how to broach the subject, I can honestly say that your blog really helped me and I have quoted from it many a time in my attempts to explain to my Wife what an FLR is really all about!!

  3. Slavetubs, Thanks for the compliment, but like you, I am still learning. I have successes. I have failures. I have my ups and my downs. I love Katie. I wish she'd do things differently at times and I pout like a little kid, yet I know that I've made a promise to her in which I agreed to submit, obey, honor and embrace. I've promised to let her lead and to forever live my life as her submissive husband. What I write are simply my thoughts and feelings that come to mind on the topic of living my life. I'm glad that some of my words have been helpful and appreciate greatly you sharing that thought. It makes writing worth the effort to know that others have benefited in some ways. Thanks slavetubs!

  4. SH,

    This is one of your best posts. I agree with you completely that more women willing to share their views would be a very good thing. Any little tidbit of knowledge regarding our wives thought process when it comes to the D/s relationship dynamic is helpful. Us guys seem to flounder in the dark and expect our spouses to instantly be experts. You are right that this is not about the kink, but it does has a sexual aspect to it, at least for me. I guess that’s why orgasm denial works so well with me. Many times I think constantly about my spouse when doing chores and often become aroused. I’m not necessarily thinking kinky thoughts, I’m just thinking about her. Keep up the good work. You are definitely on a roll.