Monday, August 26, 2013

Thoughts on Sex from a Woman's Perspective

Two posts ago I spoke about sex from my perspective.  As I write this I’m lying in bed naked and locked next to Katie. We are watching TV and she will most likely dose off to sleep for the night in a few minutes.  There won’t be any real intimacy tonight because it’s not what she wants. That’s how we live and that is how I love it. I know not to ask or push my sexual desires because we have an understanding that sex only happens when she desires it - period.
When I was previously married, we didn’t live our life the way Katie and I do now. Oh, there were plenty of nights where I wanted sex and she didn’t. Of course nothing happened since it takes two to tango, even in a vanilla relationship. But there was a difference in how we handled those conflicts.  Typically I’d initiate the foreplay. She’d not respond. I’d try again. She’d tell me ‘not now’. I’d refuse to take ‘no’ for a answer and come at her again. This time she’d be more vocal telling me she was tired, or not in the mood. Still not getting what I wanted I would press my luck once more but always lose. I’d get mad and roll over in a huff and go to sleep mad.  She got upset and fall asleep feeling unloved. We ended up further apart rather than closer together as a result of our little ritual that we’d acted out hundreds of time. The next time I wanted sex and she didn’t we’d repeat the aforementioned process and end up the same way – upset with one another. I felt unloved. She felt I didn’t understand and only loved her when we did have sex. Our times of intimacy were infrequent and often there was a subtle wall present, even if we didn’t want to acknowledge it when we made love.  Leave it to say, there was lots of sexual tension in that marriage.
I wanted to write this post addressing vanilla women more so than men. If you (ladies) have sexual tensions or frustrations you can probably identify with either how I inappropriately (and desperately) acted when I wanted sex, or how my ex-wife felt each time she pushed me away because she didn’t feel like she could open her heart. I’m sure there are lots of times that you can think of when the desire for sex created more problems with your intimacy than it solved.
As Katie’s submissive I made promises to love, obey, adore and trust her. By submitting I made a conscious decision to put her needs, wants and desires above my own. In the realm of our sex life, that meant being intimate when she wanted me but accepting her decision to not be close and do so without complaining. There’s a truth in the saying “the ‘no’s always win”. That statement is true in so many areas of life. However in a WLM the statement what rings truer is “the yes’s and the no’s both win when she’s the one leading the marriage and home”. When Katie say’s ‘yes’, I do what I’m told. When she says ‘no’, I obey her regardless of what I want.
Therein lies  one of the beauties of a female led relationship.  If only others could see that and see the love that it takes for both to accept their appropriate role, so much tension, frustration, and conflict would be resolved immediately. Katie and I don’t have ANY tension when it comes to our bedroom life. None. I know that she loves me. I know that because she tells me, takes care of my needs, and expresses her appreciation for me constantly.  In the same respect, because I feel so loved, I don’t feel desperate for sex and don’t feel a need to make her want intimacy when she doesn’t feel likewise.  And so I wait. I wait until she is ready and I always respond – why? Because I’m a guy, silly.
How many women share their frustrations with their husband to other women? How many talk about how he disappoints her? How many express their desire to want to feel loved by him and have him put her first above all others? How many women wish they could open their heart completely and love him as they use to but can’t because of all of the past hurts, heartbreaks and frustrations in their marriage.  How many wish they could be completely vulnerable and open to express and receive intimate love the way God intended it to be?  It’s here where living with a husband that has professed his submission that all this can be undone and a marriage can be remade.
The majority of those that typically respond to this blog are other men – those over 50 (although I wish more would).  One such man just wrote how incredible the past few years have been since they began a WLM and mentioned that the first 20+ was a dying marriage. Another recently wrote how much change he has seen in his wife’s happiness since he asked to submit and allow her the freedom to lead.  Read Mark Remond’s book Worshiping Your Wife and read of the countless marriages that are alive and thriving because men have made the choice to worship and thereby put their desires, needs, wants and impulses aside and follow the lead of the woman they love.
This morning Katie and I made love. It was incredible.  It started with us waking up. We talked. We cuddled. I rubbed and scratched her back. We kissed. Eventually I touched her and stirred her desire. She told me to unlock and lube up. I did and we became one.  We made love for half an hour. Sometimes we moved. Sometimes we were still and just remain entangled and embraced. She experienced several orgasms. I came close several times. Eventually we parted and began our day.  I showered and relocked and will remain locked until she desires me again.  I’m not sad that I am. I know that she loves me. I know that I’m wanted. I know that I fulfill her. I know that she’s happy. I know that she desires only me.  We couldn’t be happier. Katie couldn’t be more at peace. And it’s all because she knows that I will obey her because I have professed my submission. Katie has the freedom to do as she wants and she is careful and wise in that regard. And I am the beneficiary of her wisdom and love.  I so wish that those of you that haven’t tried this lifestyle would do so if your marriage is not where it once was. You have nothing to lose and one thing to gain – a marriage you could only dream about.
I’m Hers

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

A Never Ending Honeymoon


Katie and I have known one another for several years but are only recently married. Some might say that we are newlyweds although at our age, I don’t know that we went through the same puppy love emotions of those that marry young. But in some respects we are still in that ‘honeymoon’ phase because of the way we act. Truth be told, I was acting that way ever since I professed my submission and she assumed a leadership role - months before we were married.

The honeymoon phase after the marriage ceremony is indeed beautiful. Spouses look at one another with a smile on their face and with feelings of complete contentment and respect for their mate. It’s a time of life where things are new. It’s a time for a new beginning and it’s all so very good. That is where we are but it’s aso lwhere we’ve been since 2011. When I submitted to Katie, our relationship deepened. Looking back, we kind of got married in some sense of the word when we add a FLR component to our budding relationship. Our lives changed. Her role changed a little and mine changed lots. Sex changed; decision making changed; routines changed; expectations changed; my attention to her increased; she experienced control over another that was foreign and yet very appealing. We entered that honeymoon stage and we pretty much remained there for a few years.  When we married, not a whole lot more changed. However, we set in stone our promise to forever submit and forever dominate. That promise was made along side of the others we made such as ‘to have and to hold, to love and to cherish’. For me it happened to include the promises to obey and her promise to own and lead.

But honeymoons don’t last forever. Or do they? Why do they end anyway? I think it has to do partly with settling in to a routine. All that stuff that was new when first married doesn't remain novice forever. Living with that new person under the same roof moves from exciting to routine. Lying in bed with another becomes commonplace. Routines and habits slowly become established. Sooner or later topics of discussion arise that the other finds is taboo to discuss and the person wondering never gets the answer they wish. Insecurity creeps into the relationship. Work, children, social events and the stuff of life steal time away from those initially precious days when all a couple wanted was to be together 24/7.  As a result, couples settle into life like every other couple they know. Life moves from exciting and exhilarating to ‘good’ or ‘ok’. Sooner or later arguments and disagreements arise. Feelings and emotions become damaged. That bride or groom, no longer hold the same reverence and pride to the other as they use to. They become dinged and damaged and not held with quite the level of reverence as those weeks and months between engagement and marriage. Things change. How sad it is that the one we once held as being so special becomes the one we grump to or about?! What a shame that the stuff of life ruins the experience of marriage from what it should be to what it’s likely to be.

As people, we are really good at conforming. We dress like others. We socialize like others. We wear our hair to fit other’s expectations and ideas; we talk to friends and avoid those topics that are important to us but aren’t politically correct because we don't want to stir the waters. We applaud others when we might feel different, just because all those around us are applauding. Generally we try not to be different and draw attention to our self. It’s hard to go against the flow. It’s hard to be different. But if you are involved in a FLR/WLM you are different. You have made the break from the societal norm. You’ve taken a chance and took a step in faith hoping that a relationship that is led by a woman (and not by you) will promote a deeper, fuller, richer, more harmonious life together.

Last night as Katie and I were lying in bed, Katie told me to lube up while she went to the bathroom. I did as I was told. When she came back I asked her how she wanted me, a question I ask each time before we make love. ‘On your side’ was the response I got. And so I did. We made love that way for almost a half hour. It was beautiful. Her body felt so good tightly pressed against mine. She experienced several orgasms during that time and although I asked if this was a night for me to cum, but was told ‘no’, I too felt an intense closeness to this woman I held in my arms.  I couldn’t help but think ‘this is the way sex was meant to be. This is the way a couple was meant to experience intimacy. This is the way lovemaking was intended to be’. Emotionally there was nothing separating our physical union. We were as close emotionally and spiritually as I’ve ever felt. There was no past pains, no hurts to distance us. No mistrusts. No hidden thoughts – nothing in our past to separate us from one another and interfere with this deepest expression of love. It was an incredible feeling and one that brought tears of joy to my eyes. When Katie decided that she was through enjoying me, I cuddled behind her, wrapping my one arm around her body clutching her full breasts and slipped the other under her neck. I woke at 5am in that same position. Describing how I felt is hard but leave-it-to-say that they were the best emotions of peace and quiet joy that I’ve felt in a long, long time.

I shared those thoughts with Katie the following morning and we agreed that our D/s relationship has much to do with the complete trust we have in one another. We don’t argue because I don’t have equal footing when it comes to decision making. Sex is never forced because it only happens when she wants it. We don’t argue over finances. I am given an allowance. We discuss bills and plans for our future but Katie makes all of our financial decisions. My role, when home is to serve and because I tend to her needs there is a constant unspoken reinforcement of who is in charge and who isn’t. But Katie expresses her pleasure for my efforts and it is that affection that I mentioned in a recent post that she gives me in ‘kind of a PG rated sex’ way that stirs feelings that make me never want to stop serving her. What I mean by that is that when she hugs, she will press her hips into my Jailbird, turning an ordinary hug into a dominant one. She will embrace me she does so with passion, making it as if it’s an embrace after a long time apart. She will walk up and squeeze my butt or grab my crotch or kiss my neck, or massage my inner thigh while we sit together.  Those gently erotic touches constantly remind me that she loves me and wants me. They keep my desire for her heightened – and I think she knows the power she holds by doing this. She’s not oblivious. She knows exactly what she’s doing to my mind when she's physical with me outside the bedroom.

Just after I left the house for work the morning after that super-special lovemaking, I texted her, “don’t let our honeymoon ever end”.  Her response, “Never”

She called me and we talked about that. We talked about setting aside special times where she could probe my heart with questions to make sure nothing was kept secret. I shared that these could be talks similar to that of an accountability partner whose role it is to be exactly that – someone that holds another accountable and keeps them from slipping back into the habit or place in life that they desperately desire to never go again. I know that some bloggers have talked about having those times of sharing with their spouse. I have a friend that has ‘safe Sunday’, I know of another that talks daily and does so without fear of repercussions.

Why do I see that as important, because it’s that stuff that wiggles its way in between our partner that ruins honeymoons. It gives problems a foothold in the relationship. It allows secrets to be kept because no one ever makes certain that those secrets are revealed. It allows for couples to discuss topics one might fear bringing up to happen. Case in point: The other day I was at the hardware store returning an item. I was taken by a very attractive woman across from me shopping. She was quite beautiful and I was quite mesmerized by her beauty. I looked longer than I’d ordinarily look. I looked again. I looked a third time when we passed her in the store a few minutes later. I never told Katie. Why? Because I was afraid she’d scold me. Because of that, I kept a secret. Now that all seems quite harmless, but what if that pattern repeated itself 30 more times in the next month? Is that still harmless? Is there any concern for worry on Katie’s part? A submissive friend of mine would pay a price for that via discipline or wearing spikes in his Jailbird chastity belt, as he calls it, if his wife ever caught him looking too long.

My point is this, when a couple enters into a D/s relationship they often experience honeymoon like feelings. Just read the first 10 entries of most blogs and you can see for yourself. But unless special care is taken to preserve the purity of that relationship it can spoil over time. It takes care to preserve that new found love. It takes obedience, honestly and complete openness on the part of the submissive-husband, and it takes leadership, direction and wisdom on the part of the wife to keep her treasure on the straight and narrow, right where she wants him.

Again, if you are a couple thinking about how to improve your marriage, I offer you a Wife Led Marriage dynamic. It won’t work if you two cannot trust one another but if your marriage is OK; if it’s good; if you want to take your closeness to new heights and are willing to open your selves to one another and become vulnerable in ways you’ve not been before, I encourage you to try. You can experience your honeymoon once more – and in fact, have it never end this time.

 I’m Hers

Friday, August 16, 2013

Sex and Affection


I have been thinking about this topic to write on for quite some time. Tonight I had some time to sit and put some thoughts down and just as I was about to do so, Katie took the computer from my lap telling me,

“I have an urge”.

“What?” I asked.

“I have the urge,” she repeated as she walked in front of me and straddled my legs with hers, sitting on my lap facing me. She kissed me as I embraced her and ran my hands over her beautiful body.  Actually she made out with me, but who's counting :)  She looked me in the eye and told me how much she loved me and I told her I loved her.  It took but a moment but little things like that will stick with me for many days.  I love when she has ‘urges’, especially those kind!

So the topic I wanted to write on had to do with affection and sex.  Men, let’s not kid ourselves. We are visually driven, sexually minded creatures. I don’t know about you but I love kissing, hugging, touching, holding, caressing, and being intimate with Katie and I love it even more when she is that same way with me.
Last night we were laying in bed watching TV when I asked her, “what is it about our WLM that you think makes it work?”  I wanted to know what she thought. Her initial thought was all the ‘stuff’ that I do for her.

I repeated my question as I thought she misunderstood. “Why do you think that I want to so all that stuff for you and enjoy doing it so much?”

She wasn’t so sure about it, but I knew why and so we talked.  Yes, it has to do with our communication. Yes it has to do with our similar interests. Yes it has to do with our love languages both being touch. But I think that it has a whole lot to do with Katie being affectionate and passionate with me.

Although I am kept chaste most times it doesn’t mean that we aren’t affectionate. We touch often. We hold hands. I sometimes walk with my arm around her. I open doors for her and put my hand in the small of her back as I guide her in front of me. I kiss her lots. I brush and blow-dry her hair every morning. I massage her most every night. I smell ‘her’ when I kiss her on the neck and the fragrance of her cologne reaches me.  We make love often – I just am not permitted the orgasm that she experiences. 

All of that intimacy stimulates me. It attracts me. It lures me. It draws me to her makes me proud to be her husband. I could not care less that others see me being a gentleman when at the big box hardware store, or out shopping where I push the cart. I don’t care that Katie pays for everything when we purchase something. It’s now normal to get on the phone and talk to a salesperson and tell them “hi, I’m Katie’s husband, she asked me to contact you to follow up on…..”  I don’t mind breaking the norm. I don’t mind others knowing that she’s in charge. I don’t mind working hard for her and doing whatever she asks me to do (yes, she asks more than she tells me – still).

Why? Because I know that my efforts please her. I know that she’s proud of me. I know that she adores me. I feel loved and she expresses her appreciation and pleasure in ways that excite and stimulate me sexually. So when she spontaneously climbs on me and makes out with me for a minute, or tells me to lube up because she wants to make love, or when she tells me to roll over so she can cuddle up behind me and wrap her arm around me, they all reinforce my desire to serve.  I love sex. Make no doubt about it. I just love it. But I think I love all the playful affection and attention just as much if not more.  They kind of all work together to keep me, her husband, proud and pleased with her.

But it has to work both ways. Katie needs to know that I appreciate her. I want her to know how attracted I am to her. All of that ‘adoring touch’ I mentioned I do throughout the day lets her know that I’m thinking of her. But I like to verbalize my feelings as well so I tell her. I must tell her' I love you' several times a day. I’ll tell her how nice she looks, or how pretty her hair looks, or how sweet she smells, or how sexy her butt is, etc. I want her to know.

Earlier today I went to the hardware store to pick up a small item I needed to finish a project around the house and for whatever reason my mind went to thinking about her breasts. I love her breasts. So I texted her.

“You have the most beautiful breasts. I was mellowing in the thought of just how much I love them”.

Katie responded, “And they are only for you to enjoy.”

“Well then, I think I’ll take two for dinner tonight :),” I replied playfully.

“LOL”

I’ll send her texts like that often – when I’m at work and she’s at home, when I’m upstairs and she’s down or when she’s out and I am home.

The constant touch, talk, text, and affection are all ways that we communicate of our love and desire for one another. Sex really does start in the kitchen, as some say and one might add that it begins with all of the small ways that a partner expresses his love for his spouse.  It’s that physical expression of her love for me and my love for her that feeds our WLM. I love serving a woman I am so proud of and I think Katie loves knowing she has a man that she controls that adores her so much.

Next time I’ll share a bit more about what makes us so close as a couple. It’s not rocket science and I’m glad it’s not cause I’m just not that smart of a guy.

I’m Hers

PS. We made love again last night - she was on top. I love it when she's on top. The sex was fantastic. She loved it and that was what made it so incredible (although she made me feel wonderful as well). She left me hard and horny and incredibly responsive to her body and wanting to be near her. Katie knows how to manipulate me. She knows how to keep my mind close to her. Like I said, sex is so important to a relationship. Wouldn't you agree?

Saturday, August 10, 2013

One (of many) Benefit of a FLR or WLM

Mistress Ivy posted a question recently asking if men are looking for a FLR or a Mistress.  I found the question interesting as it delved into the motivations, wants and desires of men and women that have given this question some thought.

 A desire I have is helping women see the many benefits, to both partners, when she agrees and accepts leadership responsibilities within her home.  As Mistress Ivy pointed out, many women are turned off by thinking that if they become the head of their home in one of these ‘female led relationships’, ‘wife led marriages’ or become the ‘dominant’ partner, ‘superior partner’ or ‘mistress wife’ that they are obligated to adding uncomfortable kink to their sex life.  The above phrases and words used by many to describe a woman that assumes control of her man and family are just that – words and phrases.

What I believe women fail to see is that she can do anything she wants and tailor how children are raised, what her husband does around the home, how money is spent, etc, and make the home function exactly how she desires.  When she has control her ability to communicate increases because she knows she won’t be confronted or resisted. What happens symultaneously is increased communication on his part as his dependency necessitates increased conversation.  When a wife is in charge she comes to understand that there are no preordained rules. She sets the rules (hopefully with her husband embracing them as well) to her liking and not to that of what she may find on the web. In the bedroom she can have sex as little or often as she wants. In the kitchen she can do as much or little cooking as she wants. She can have family meetings; decide when it’s time to go to bed, decide if she wants company shopping, and if not, who will be going to get what’s needed. In a WLM, life for the family unit changes in ways that she feels will be best for all. What woman wouldn’t want that power and freedom?

The most important reason for living in a WLM (from my point of view) is to help the marriage maintain its health. With so many failing and failed marriages I would think the foundational desire all would want is a close love-relationship.  People fall in love with another when they feel cared, when they share common interests, morals, values, and aspirations, and when the other person is fun to be around. Marriages become stressed, fracture and fail when partners no longer see the good in the other person, feel free to criticize unfairly, argue, fight, and distance themselves from one another physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  What wife led marriages do so well is eliminate many of these potential poison darts from sticking. When one assumes control, the other must follow. When a husband obeys his wife, follows her leadership, focuses his energy on her, helps around the house, desires to please her as she wishes, lets her make financial, vacation, and various family decisions (with the input of her husband) and controls the bedroom without resistance from him, many divisive issues can be thwarted.

Call a woman what you wish. I call Katie my mistress wife at times. I call her sweetheart. I call her Katie-girl, I call her my delectable sweet and beautiful wife and a thousand other complimentary phrases, but regardless of whether I ask my ‘Domme’ if I can use the credit card to purchase lunch, or call ‘Katie’ and tell her that work is running an hour longer than expected, she knows that I love her. She also knows that I realize she’s in charge both by the words I use to describe her, as well from the very fact that I am calling or texting to ask or inform about most everything in my life. We talk all the time.

You may think that she is overbearing. She is, but she isn’t. You see, her desire is to keep me close to her heart. My desire is to keep her in the know because she’s told me that’s what she wants and now expects. I text mostly to let her know where I am, what I’m doing, if I can spend money, when I’ll be home, remind her of appointments she has during the day, etc.  Those things let her know where I am what I am doing and keep me thinking of her even when we are apart. Those rules she’s imposed serve as a hedge against me straying into temptations that I need not experience.  I don’t have hidden closets because I don’t have time to build them. If she doesn’t hear from me she calls to check on me. If she has a concern she expresses it and expects me to answer honestly. Our continual contact keeps communication lines open, gives us things to talk about and discuss and reaffirms our marital roles as dominant and submissive. Our communication keeps us talking. We stay best friends. We embrace when we part because we’d rather be together, and we embrace when we see one another because we desire to be in one another’s arms.

If I could drive home one point it would be this. Being dominant is not weird. It’s not odd. It’s not out of the ordinary. Likewise, having a submissive husband is not atypical. Most wives call most of the shots at home anyway. Most wives make childrearing decisions. They control the bedroom. They shop, they plan menus, they handle bills, they decide or agree to where vacations will be spent, who will babysit the kids, decide if money should be spent on this or that and a hundred other decisions. As one wrestling official once told me, “when I’m in this circle (pointing to the circle of the wrestling mat), I’m in charge. When I’m outside that circle, my wife is in charge.”  Men realize the power their wife has. 

Rather than dwelling on the thought of ‘do I really want to be my husbands’ Mistress Wife, or dominant partner, or be viewed by him as the head of our home, wouldn’t it be healthier to view this from the perspective of, ‘I’m making sure he will always love me’, ‘I’m helping the two of us communicate better’, ‘I’m doing things with him that I will love and I know he will enjoy as well’, or ‘I’m going to leave the bedroom disheveled each morning, just to remind him that he is here to make me happy and I know he will be thinking about me while he is picking up my things and making the bed?

You see, there are two ways to look at WLM, FLR, and D/s relationships. You can look at it from a ‘kink’ point of view, but it’s only kinky if you make it that way. And if you make it that way and enjoy it, then it’s not kinky – it’s ‘you’! I can tell you that Katie doesn’t view it that way at all. She views it from the perspective of ‘what he does for me and how he acts is because he loves me, he loves submitting to me’. She, in turn, very much loves the control and freedom she has and the attention I give her through the many chores I do around the home and the way that I treat her daily.  Yet she does add a bit of fun into our relationship by locking me in chastity. Katie told me to lock years ago, yet for months, she really didn’t have much to do with it.  She locked me to curb masturbation issues and to make sure I would only forever more be hers. I wanted to do this. Yet she didn’t want to turn it into a ‘kink’. She just wanted me locked. She didn’t gawk or focus on the fact that I was locked. She just knew that I was.  What I realized is that locking kept me from even thinking about cheating or even flirting with another woman. I couldn’t ever pursue another woman. The option wasn’t even there. That was the hedge she provided for my own safety.  I immediately realized that a locked man can’t stand to urinate. He needs to use a stall. That caused me to think about her – all the time. That may sound odd, but it works. I feel her control when I’m locked. I know that I’m ‘owned’, that I’m her property, that I belong to her. I feel her presence. I have come to love that ‘feel’ because I love her and it keeps that love fresh and near to my heart all the time – along with all the communication we have during the day via talking and texting – even while at work. Locking has nothing to do with kink. It has to do with her expressing love in helping me to never stray from her emotionally or physically.

So ladies, who are you? How do you want your husband to perceive you? Do you want him to view you as a woman that he can manipulate, take for granted, or forget from time to time? Do you want him to live his life as he sees fit, do things without regard to how you feel, and tell you things after-the-fact – if he tells you at all? Or do you want a man that learns to live with you as his first priority in life?  Wouldn’t you rather have a man that communicates and shares from his heart, keeps no secrets, doesn’t live his life in front of the TV, doesn’t spend all evening in front of the computer, helps around the home, actually is a dad with your children and dotes over you while at home and away with friends? Would you prefer him to tell you it’s time to go home when you are in the middle of a great conversation with friends or would you rather decide when it’s time to go home? The choice is yours. Someone needs to make final decisions. One of you needs to assume leadership. Wouldn’t you rather it be you?

 A couple needs to find ways of preventing a marriage from losing its spark. Women love feeling loved, love being proud of their man, love knowing that she can trust him, love knowing that he will always be her best friend. What better way to keep all that then to determine how the two of you will live.  I hope you give this option some serious thought. There is no shame in being a Mistress – just ask Katie.  She loves being MY Mistress wife and has told me so many many times.

I’m Hers

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Tired of Submitting!

That’s how I felt the other day. I had gotten up at 5am on a weekend, drove a few hundred miles to and from work, complete an employment assignment, returned home in the early evening, made dinner, cleaned up, did three loads of wash, put clothes away, vacuumed, straightened the bedroom, prepared food in the kitchen for future meals, and was pretty much busy the entire night. Yes, I did what I was supposed to do but I sure didn’t want to. I wanted to eat out, relax, watch TV, be waited on, and just be a bum.  My attitude, although unbeknownst to Katie was not the best. I talked to myself about how much I wanted to not do this. I grumped. I pouted. I went through the motions without the usual ‘I’m glad I can do this for you, honey’ attitude.  I hated being a sub that evening.  I even sat down to write another sub and wrote him about three sentences and signed off. I didn’t have anything worthwhile to say. Maybe I was depressed.

Then to cap it off, Katie told me it was time to go to bed. I unlocked, pulled the sheets down and waited for her to come into the bedroom where I was to offer my services by giving her a massage – which I knew she’d want.  Rather than asking the usual, “May I give you a massage tonight, Miss Katie” question, I asked “will you be requiring me to give you a massage?”  Of course she answered yes, and yes, I made a subtle change from the routine by not really asking if I could serve but instead asking if she ‘required’ me to serve. I just didn’t want to ask her something I really didn’t want to do. But she wanted one and so I complied – kind of – for the next hour.  After 15 or 20 minutes of a genuine massage I did the “one hand propping up my head and the other giving her a half-hearted – half-assed massage”.  Katie eventually fell asleep so it wasn’t like she didn’t enjoy it and it wasn’t pleasant to her but I was irritated and didn’t approach this time as one that we both treasure as one of the best parts of our day.

The following morning I told Katie of my feelings and poor attitude the previous day. Katie told me she thought something was up but noted ‘but you pushed through it and did all I wanted you to do.’

“Yes I did, but I didn’t want to.”

“But you did” she commented once more, “and you got over it.”

I did, slowly and prior that conversation we made love that may have helped in getting me refocused as to the woman that I have the PRIVILAGE of serving each day. The old pouting soon dissolved but to be honest, it was a bit difficult to get back into the swing of things. During the previous evening, a comment from the Uniquely Rika text kept coming to mind. I couldn’t remember what she said precisely, but it was a comment directed to woman noting that sooner or later ‘this’ day will come. The ‘this day’ referred to a time when a man who committed to submission would tire of it. That was me. That was where I was – kind of. I didn’t refuse to serve but I had an attitude issue that I had to fight through. It was a first for me since we married and only the second time that I can remember since I asked if she would allow me to serve her several years ago. Sadly,I’m sure it won’t be the last.

Then last night, three days after the above incident, I was hit by the thought of the profoundness of the vow I made to FOREVER submit. The idea of submission sounded so fun, so exciting, and so erotic (in some ways) when I wrote my vow. Now that I made that promise – as part of my marriage vow, it’s a ‘forever’ promise and one that will always be. There is no out. There is no going back. There is only the life of living under her direction, forever serving her, forever caring for her, forever putting her first, and cooking for her forever! Doing laundry forever! Being her submissive husband forever!  Wow! 

Maybe what struck me was just how profound a promise is. I thought about a few men that I’ve had some contact. Dual Purpose is a submissive man in his 60’s that has commented on past posts. He has been a slave to a woman for over 40 years.  Ms Kathy’s husband, John, has been serving her for many years.  S’s slave has also been a submissive slave for quite some time. 

There are men out there like these that have lived this life but most submissive men that either have blogs or comment on them seem to be relatively new to this life.  I wonder how many men in their 20’s and 30’s will still be obediently submissive in ten years? My guess is not many.  But there are some, and I hope to be one that will join that group as time, fortune and health allows. Will you too be one of those men? Will you join me on this journey of being a life-long submissive? Do you have the courage to make a promise to your wife and sacredly profess your submission to her FOREVER? If not, what is it that you want? Why the hesitation? Why the reservation? What are you afraid of?

If you know that your wife appreciates your submission today, last week, maybe even all last year, why won’t you make a promise to defer to her until death do us part? It’s something to think about, especially if you can see the value that submission to her has in your relationship. Ladies, if you are reading this and have a man that has submitted to you, why don’t you initiate a discussion that solidifies your WLM or FLR permanently? What better way for you to keep and protect the man you love and enjoy lovingly leading the two of you into your middle and latter years of life.

I’m not certain if the two separate incidents are tied together. I’m sure all men get tired of serving just as dominant women get tired of leading and deciding.  The difference is that a dominant woman can tell her submissive man to decide on her behalf if she wants, whereas the submissive man can never expect her to serve him. Do you have these times where you want to give up or do you ever have that Déjà vu moment where because you’ve made a similar promise to serve your dominant partner forever? Have you contemplated the possibility that you will live out your days serving the woman with you now, until death do us part? Love to hear your thoughts.

I’m Hers