Wednesday, August 21, 2013
A Never Ending Honeymoon
Katie and I have known one another for several years but are only recently married. Some might say that we are newlyweds although at our age, I don’t know that we went through the same puppy love emotions of those that marry young. But in some respects we are still in that ‘honeymoon’ phase because of the way we act. Truth be told, I was acting that way ever since I professed my submission and she assumed a leadership role - months before we were married.
The honeymoon phase after the marriage ceremony is indeed beautiful. Spouses look at one another with a smile on their face and with feelings of complete contentment and respect for their mate. It’s a time of life where things are new. It’s a time for a new beginning and it’s all so very good. That is where we are but it’s aso lwhere we’ve been since 2011. When I submitted to Katie, our relationship deepened. Looking back, we kind of got married in some sense of the word when we add a FLR component to our budding relationship. Our lives changed. Her role changed a little and mine changed lots. Sex changed; decision making changed; routines changed; expectations changed; my attention to her increased; she experienced control over another that was foreign and yet very appealing. We entered that honeymoon stage and we pretty much remained there for a few years. When we married, not a whole lot more changed. However, we set in stone our promise to forever submit and forever dominate. That promise was made along side of the others we made such as ‘to have and to hold, to love and to cherish’. For me it happened to include the promises to obey and her promise to own and lead.
But honeymoons don’t last forever. Or do they? Why do they end anyway? I think it has to do partly with settling in to a routine. All that stuff that was new when first married doesn't remain novice forever. Living with that new person under the same roof moves from exciting to routine. Lying in bed with another becomes commonplace. Routines and habits slowly become established. Sooner or later topics of discussion arise that the other finds is taboo to discuss and the person wondering never gets the answer they wish. Insecurity creeps into the relationship. Work, children, social events and the stuff of life steal time away from those initially precious days when all a couple wanted was to be together 24/7. As a result, couples settle into life like every other couple they know. Life moves from exciting and exhilarating to ‘good’ or ‘ok’. Sooner or later arguments and disagreements arise. Feelings and emotions become damaged. That bride or groom, no longer hold the same reverence and pride to the other as they use to. They become dinged and damaged and not held with quite the level of reverence as those weeks and months between engagement and marriage. Things change. How sad it is that the one we once held as being so special becomes the one we grump to or about?! What a shame that the stuff of life ruins the experience of marriage from what it should be to what it’s likely to be.
As people, we are really good at conforming. We dress like others. We socialize like others. We wear our hair to fit other’s expectations and ideas; we talk to friends and avoid those topics that are important to us but aren’t politically correct because we don't want to stir the waters. We applaud others when we might feel different, just because all those around us are applauding. Generally we try not to be different and draw attention to our self. It’s hard to go against the flow. It’s hard to be different. But if you are involved in a FLR/WLM you are different. You have made the break from the societal norm. You’ve taken a chance and took a step in faith hoping that a relationship that is led by a woman (and not by you) will promote a deeper, fuller, richer, more harmonious life together.
Last night as Katie and I were lying in bed, Katie told me to lube up while she went to the bathroom. I did as I was told. When she came back I asked her how she wanted me, a question I ask each time before we make love. ‘On your side’ was the response I got. And so I did. We made love that way for almost a half hour. It was beautiful. Her body felt so good tightly pressed against mine. She experienced several orgasms during that time and although I asked if this was a night for me to cum, but was told ‘no’, I too felt an intense closeness to this woman I held in my arms. I couldn’t help but think ‘this is the way sex was meant to be. This is the way a couple was meant to experience intimacy. This is the way lovemaking was intended to be’. Emotionally there was nothing separating our physical union. We were as close emotionally and spiritually as I’ve ever felt. There was no past pains, no hurts to distance us. No mistrusts. No hidden thoughts – nothing in our past to separate us from one another and interfere with this deepest expression of love. It was an incredible feeling and one that brought tears of joy to my eyes. When Katie decided that she was through enjoying me, I cuddled behind her, wrapping my one arm around her body clutching her full breasts and slipped the other under her neck. I woke at 5am in that same position. Describing how I felt is hard but leave-it-to-say that they were the best emotions of peace and quiet joy that I’ve felt in a long, long time.
I shared those thoughts with Katie the following morning and we agreed that our D/s relationship has much to do with the complete trust we have in one another. We don’t argue because I don’t have equal footing when it comes to decision making. Sex is never forced because it only happens when she wants it. We don’t argue over finances. I am given an allowance. We discuss bills and plans for our future but Katie makes all of our financial decisions. My role, when home is to serve and because I tend to her needs there is a constant unspoken reinforcement of who is in charge and who isn’t. But Katie expresses her pleasure for my efforts and it is that affection that I mentioned in a recent post that she gives me in ‘kind of a PG rated sex’ way that stirs feelings that make me never want to stop serving her. What I mean by that is that when she hugs, she will press her hips into my Jailbird, turning an ordinary hug into a dominant one. She will embrace me she does so with passion, making it as if it’s an embrace after a long time apart. She will walk up and squeeze my butt or grab my crotch or kiss my neck, or massage my inner thigh while we sit together. Those gently erotic touches constantly remind me that she loves me and wants me. They keep my desire for her heightened – and I think she knows the power she holds by doing this. She’s not oblivious. She knows exactly what she’s doing to my mind when she's physical with me outside the bedroom.
Just after I left the house for work the morning after that super-special lovemaking, I texted her, “don’t let our honeymoon ever end”. Her response, “Never”
She called me and we talked about that. We talked about setting aside special times where she could probe my heart with questions to make sure nothing was kept secret. I shared that these could be talks similar to that of an accountability partner whose role it is to be exactly that – someone that holds another accountable and keeps them from slipping back into the habit or place in life that they desperately desire to never go again. I know that some bloggers have talked about having those times of sharing with their spouse. I have a friend that has ‘safe Sunday’, I know of another that talks daily and does so without fear of repercussions.
Why do I see that as important, because it’s that stuff that wiggles its way in between our partner that ruins honeymoons. It gives problems a foothold in the relationship. It allows secrets to be kept because no one ever makes certain that those secrets are revealed. It allows for couples to discuss topics one might fear bringing up to happen. Case in point: The other day I was at the hardware store returning an item. I was taken by a very attractive woman across from me shopping. She was quite beautiful and I was quite mesmerized by her beauty. I looked longer than I’d ordinarily look. I looked again. I looked a third time when we passed her in the store a few minutes later. I never told Katie. Why? Because I was afraid she’d scold me. Because of that, I kept a secret. Now that all seems quite harmless, but what if that pattern repeated itself 30 more times in the next month? Is that still harmless? Is there any concern for worry on Katie’s part? A submissive friend of mine would pay a price for that via discipline or wearing spikes in his Jailbird chastity belt, as he calls it, if his wife ever caught him looking too long.
My point is this, when a couple enters into a D/s relationship they often experience honeymoon like feelings. Just read the first 10 entries of most blogs and you can see for yourself. But unless special care is taken to preserve the purity of that relationship it can spoil over time. It takes care to preserve that new found love. It takes obedience, honestly and complete openness on the part of the submissive-husband, and it takes leadership, direction and wisdom on the part of the wife to keep her treasure on the straight and narrow, right where she wants him.
Again, if you are a couple thinking about how to improve your marriage, I offer you a Wife Led Marriage dynamic. It won’t work if you two cannot trust one another but if your marriage is OK; if it’s good; if you want to take your closeness to new heights and are willing to open your selves to one another and become vulnerable in ways you’ve not been before, I encourage you to try. You can experience your honeymoon once more – and in fact, have it never end this time.