Saturday, August 10, 2013
One (of many) Benefit of a FLR or WLM
Mistress Ivy posted a question recently asking if men are looking for a FLR or a Mistress. I found the question interesting as it delved into the motivations, wants and desires of men and women that have given this question some thought.
A desire I have is helping women see the many benefits, to both partners, when she agrees and accepts leadership responsibilities within her home. As Mistress Ivy pointed out, many women are turned off by thinking that if they become the head of their home in one of these ‘female led relationships’, ‘wife led marriages’ or become the ‘dominant’ partner, ‘superior partner’ or ‘mistress wife’ that they are obligated to adding uncomfortable kink to their sex life. The above phrases and words used by many to describe a woman that assumes control of her man and family are just that – words and phrases.
What I believe women fail to see is that she can do anything she wants and tailor how children are raised, what her husband does around the home, how money is spent, etc, and make the home function exactly how she desires. When she has control her ability to communicate increases because she knows she won’t be confronted or resisted. What happens symultaneously is increased communication on his part as his dependency necessitates increased conversation. When a wife is in charge she comes to understand that there are no preordained rules. She sets the rules (hopefully with her husband embracing them as well) to her liking and not to that of what she may find on the web. In the bedroom she can have sex as little or often as she wants. In the kitchen she can do as much or little cooking as she wants. She can have family meetings; decide when it’s time to go to bed, decide if she wants company shopping, and if not, who will be going to get what’s needed. In a WLM, life for the family unit changes in ways that she feels will be best for all. What woman wouldn’t want that power and freedom?
The most important reason for living in a WLM (from my point of view) is to help the marriage maintain its health. With so many failing and failed marriages I would think the foundational desire all would want is a close love-relationship. People fall in love with another when they feel cared, when they share common interests, morals, values, and aspirations, and when the other person is fun to be around. Marriages become stressed, fracture and fail when partners no longer see the good in the other person, feel free to criticize unfairly, argue, fight, and distance themselves from one another physically, emotionally, and spiritually. What wife led marriages do so well is eliminate many of these potential poison darts from sticking. When one assumes control, the other must follow. When a husband obeys his wife, follows her leadership, focuses his energy on her, helps around the house, desires to please her as she wishes, lets her make financial, vacation, and various family decisions (with the input of her husband) and controls the bedroom without resistance from him, many divisive issues can be thwarted.
Call a woman what you wish. I call Katie my mistress wife at times. I call her sweetheart. I call her Katie-girl, I call her my delectable sweet and beautiful wife and a thousand other complimentary phrases, but regardless of whether I ask my ‘Domme’ if I can use the credit card to purchase lunch, or call ‘Katie’ and tell her that work is running an hour longer than expected, she knows that I love her. She also knows that I realize she’s in charge both by the words I use to describe her, as well from the very fact that I am calling or texting to ask or inform about most everything in my life. We talk all the time.
You may think that she is overbearing. She is, but she isn’t. You see, her desire is to keep me close to her heart. My desire is to keep her in the know because she’s told me that’s what she wants and now expects. I text mostly to let her know where I am, what I’m doing, if I can spend money, when I’ll be home, remind her of appointments she has during the day, etc. Those things let her know where I am what I am doing and keep me thinking of her even when we are apart. Those rules she’s imposed serve as a hedge against me straying into temptations that I need not experience. I don’t have hidden closets because I don’t have time to build them. If she doesn’t hear from me she calls to check on me. If she has a concern she expresses it and expects me to answer honestly. Our continual contact keeps communication lines open, gives us things to talk about and discuss and reaffirms our marital roles as dominant and submissive. Our communication keeps us talking. We stay best friends. We embrace when we part because we’d rather be together, and we embrace when we see one another because we desire to be in one another’s arms.
If I could drive home one point it would be this. Being dominant is not weird. It’s not odd. It’s not out of the ordinary. Likewise, having a submissive husband is not atypical. Most wives call most of the shots at home anyway. Most wives make childrearing decisions. They control the bedroom. They shop, they plan menus, they handle bills, they decide or agree to where vacations will be spent, who will babysit the kids, decide if money should be spent on this or that and a hundred other decisions. As one wrestling official once told me, “when I’m in this circle (pointing to the circle of the wrestling mat), I’m in charge. When I’m outside that circle, my wife is in charge.” Men realize the power their wife has.
Rather than dwelling on the thought of ‘do I really want to be my husbands’ Mistress Wife, or dominant partner, or be viewed by him as the head of our home, wouldn’t it be healthier to view this from the perspective of, ‘I’m making sure he will always love me’, ‘I’m helping the two of us communicate better’, ‘I’m doing things with him that I will love and I know he will enjoy as well’, or ‘I’m going to leave the bedroom disheveled each morning, just to remind him that he is here to make me happy and I know he will be thinking about me while he is picking up my things and making the bed?
You see, there are two ways to look at WLM, FLR, and D/s relationships. You can look at it from a ‘kink’ point of view, but it’s only kinky if you make it that way. And if you make it that way and enjoy it, then it’s not kinky – it’s ‘you’! I can tell you that Katie doesn’t view it that way at all. She views it from the perspective of ‘what he does for me and how he acts is because he loves me, he loves submitting to me’. She, in turn, very much loves the control and freedom she has and the attention I give her through the many chores I do around the home and the way that I treat her daily. Yet she does add a bit of fun into our relationship by locking me in chastity. Katie told me to lock years ago, yet for months, she really didn’t have much to do with it. She locked me to curb masturbation issues and to make sure I would only forever more be hers. I wanted to do this. Yet she didn’t want to turn it into a ‘kink’. She just wanted me locked. She didn’t gawk or focus on the fact that I was locked. She just knew that I was. What I realized is that locking kept me from even thinking about cheating or even flirting with another woman. I couldn’t ever pursue another woman. The option wasn’t even there. That was the hedge she provided for my own safety. I immediately realized that a locked man can’t stand to urinate. He needs to use a stall. That caused me to think about her – all the time. That may sound odd, but it works. I feel her control when I’m locked. I know that I’m ‘owned’, that I’m her property, that I belong to her. I feel her presence. I have come to love that ‘feel’ because I love her and it keeps that love fresh and near to my heart all the time – along with all the communication we have during the day via talking and texting – even while at work. Locking has nothing to do with kink. It has to do with her expressing love in helping me to never stray from her emotionally or physically.
So ladies, who are you? How do you want your husband to perceive you? Do you want him to view you as a woman that he can manipulate, take for granted, or forget from time to time? Do you want him to live his life as he sees fit, do things without regard to how you feel, and tell you things after-the-fact – if he tells you at all? Or do you want a man that learns to live with you as his first priority in life? Wouldn’t you rather have a man that communicates and shares from his heart, keeps no secrets, doesn’t live his life in front of the TV, doesn’t spend all evening in front of the computer, helps around the home, actually is a dad with your children and dotes over you while at home and away with friends? Would you prefer him to tell you it’s time to go home when you are in the middle of a great conversation with friends or would you rather decide when it’s time to go home? The choice is yours. Someone needs to make final decisions. One of you needs to assume leadership. Wouldn’t you rather it be you?
A couple needs to find ways of preventing a marriage from losing its spark. Women love feeling loved, love being proud of their man, love knowing that she can trust him, love knowing that he will always be her best friend. What better way to keep all that then to determine how the two of you will live. I hope you give this option some serious thought. There is no shame in being a Mistress – just ask Katie. She loves being MY Mistress wife and has told me so many many times.