Sunday, August 4, 2013

Tired of Submitting!

That’s how I felt the other day. I had gotten up at 5am on a weekend, drove a few hundred miles to and from work, complete an employment assignment, returned home in the early evening, made dinner, cleaned up, did three loads of wash, put clothes away, vacuumed, straightened the bedroom, prepared food in the kitchen for future meals, and was pretty much busy the entire night. Yes, I did what I was supposed to do but I sure didn’t want to. I wanted to eat out, relax, watch TV, be waited on, and just be a bum.  My attitude, although unbeknownst to Katie was not the best. I talked to myself about how much I wanted to not do this. I grumped. I pouted. I went through the motions without the usual ‘I’m glad I can do this for you, honey’ attitude.  I hated being a sub that evening.  I even sat down to write another sub and wrote him about three sentences and signed off. I didn’t have anything worthwhile to say. Maybe I was depressed.

Then to cap it off, Katie told me it was time to go to bed. I unlocked, pulled the sheets down and waited for her to come into the bedroom where I was to offer my services by giving her a massage – which I knew she’d want.  Rather than asking the usual, “May I give you a massage tonight, Miss Katie” question, I asked “will you be requiring me to give you a massage?”  Of course she answered yes, and yes, I made a subtle change from the routine by not really asking if I could serve but instead asking if she ‘required’ me to serve. I just didn’t want to ask her something I really didn’t want to do. But she wanted one and so I complied – kind of – for the next hour.  After 15 or 20 minutes of a genuine massage I did the “one hand propping up my head and the other giving her a half-hearted – half-assed massage”.  Katie eventually fell asleep so it wasn’t like she didn’t enjoy it and it wasn’t pleasant to her but I was irritated and didn’t approach this time as one that we both treasure as one of the best parts of our day.

The following morning I told Katie of my feelings and poor attitude the previous day. Katie told me she thought something was up but noted ‘but you pushed through it and did all I wanted you to do.’

“Yes I did, but I didn’t want to.”

“But you did” she commented once more, “and you got over it.”

I did, slowly and prior that conversation we made love that may have helped in getting me refocused as to the woman that I have the PRIVILAGE of serving each day. The old pouting soon dissolved but to be honest, it was a bit difficult to get back into the swing of things. During the previous evening, a comment from the Uniquely Rika text kept coming to mind. I couldn’t remember what she said precisely, but it was a comment directed to woman noting that sooner or later ‘this’ day will come. The ‘this day’ referred to a time when a man who committed to submission would tire of it. That was me. That was where I was – kind of. I didn’t refuse to serve but I had an attitude issue that I had to fight through. It was a first for me since we married and only the second time that I can remember since I asked if she would allow me to serve her several years ago. Sadly,I’m sure it won’t be the last.

Then last night, three days after the above incident, I was hit by the thought of the profoundness of the vow I made to FOREVER submit. The idea of submission sounded so fun, so exciting, and so erotic (in some ways) when I wrote my vow. Now that I made that promise – as part of my marriage vow, it’s a ‘forever’ promise and one that will always be. There is no out. There is no going back. There is only the life of living under her direction, forever serving her, forever caring for her, forever putting her first, and cooking for her forever! Doing laundry forever! Being her submissive husband forever!  Wow! 

Maybe what struck me was just how profound a promise is. I thought about a few men that I’ve had some contact. Dual Purpose is a submissive man in his 60’s that has commented on past posts. He has been a slave to a woman for over 40 years.  Ms Kathy’s husband, John, has been serving her for many years.  S’s slave has also been a submissive slave for quite some time. 

There are men out there like these that have lived this life but most submissive men that either have blogs or comment on them seem to be relatively new to this life.  I wonder how many men in their 20’s and 30’s will still be obediently submissive in ten years? My guess is not many.  But there are some, and I hope to be one that will join that group as time, fortune and health allows. Will you too be one of those men? Will you join me on this journey of being a life-long submissive? Do you have the courage to make a promise to your wife and sacredly profess your submission to her FOREVER? If not, what is it that you want? Why the hesitation? Why the reservation? What are you afraid of?

If you know that your wife appreciates your submission today, last week, maybe even all last year, why won’t you make a promise to defer to her until death do us part? It’s something to think about, especially if you can see the value that submission to her has in your relationship. Ladies, if you are reading this and have a man that has submitted to you, why don’t you initiate a discussion that solidifies your WLM or FLR permanently? What better way for you to keep and protect the man you love and enjoy lovingly leading the two of you into your middle and latter years of life.

I’m not certain if the two separate incidents are tied together. I’m sure all men get tired of serving just as dominant women get tired of leading and deciding.  The difference is that a dominant woman can tell her submissive man to decide on her behalf if she wants, whereas the submissive man can never expect her to serve him. Do you have these times where you want to give up or do you ever have that Déjà vu moment where because you’ve made a similar promise to serve your dominant partner forever? Have you contemplated the possibility that you will live out your days serving the woman with you now, until death do us part? Love to hear your thoughts.

I’m Hers

25 comments:

  1. When I do not want to be submissive or go off the boil, I really wish she would be more commanding or domainating and give a really hard whipping. Snap me back into it.

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    1. Sometimes I do to but in this instance I kept everything to myself and only told Katie after the fact. I just had a bad attitude but didn't verbalize or make it known to her that I wasn't enjoying doing more than 1/2 the work that evening.

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  2. Maintaining a submissive position and attitude is not always easy. Real, honest discussions with your Mistress thoughout your life are a key to success. Lows have warning signs. Adjustments, changes in routines, special activities can mitigate the lows and revitalize your spirit and commitment. We have found that my energy levels has dropped once i turned 62. However, now that Mistress Barbara is having health problems, my duties have changed, but my subserviance has remained. Love, respect, communication remain critical over the years. Adjustments and change are also part of the FLM, or dom/sub relationship. you can enjoy a long life as a submissive.

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    1. DP, I agree with all you mention and always enjoy it when you post as your insights come from a wealth of experience. If there is one thing that Katie doesn't do much of is psychoanalyze me when issues arise. What I mean by that is that she doesn't probe me, ask me lots of questions, get me to express my thoughts, etc. She's pretty pragmatic and straightforward. I don't know if that's good or bad but sometimes I do wish she'd really take more time to get inside my head when I share a lone comment like I did the day after I was feeling as I was.

      I know too that as we age, my energy too will lessen. I feel like it already has - with respect to being in my 20's and 30's. I can't go, go, go like I use to. Yet I do intend to live as you are - never living as her equal.
      Hope you and Barbara are doing well.

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    2. I know for myself there were a couple times I wondered if I was doing the right thing when we started our FLR but it lasted maybe a day or so. But the longer we got into the relationship I knew it was here to stay and am so glad it is. There is nothing more I love when I'm washing her laundry while she sleeps in or she watches her favorite TV show. We just had a discussion over the weekend about how are lives have changed for the better since starting our FLR. I do think its great for men to have a place like this blog to share their thoughts . As for feeling older I'm going to be sixty next year but I try to stay in shape just as I did in my forties .I feel your mind and body work together and if you tell your body you're getting old it will. Myself I have kids in there 20s and grandkids so I don't have time to get old. Maybe someday but not any time soon.Just my thoughts.. RR

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    3. RR, I have always told others, and do believe this, that 'old' is a state of mind. Years ago I had a friend that pointed to a college age girl and said, "she's a 40 year old woman in a 20 year old body" :) His point was..... she seemed old and boring. It wasn't stated as a compliment. Now at way past 40 myself, I do understand the intent of his comment. I hope you do take the time to stay active.

      I'm also really pleased that you find this place - the blog - as a place to share your thoughts and hopefully maintain a bit of camaraderie with other submissive men. I enjoy every time you share as I'm sure others do as well.

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  3. I think your wife should spank you more often.That will fix the problem.

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    1. Anonymous, Really? I mean really? What did I do wrong? What about my service did she not like? Nothing. I kept it hidden from her and did what I was supposed to do. Yes I admitted it, but is being honest worth a spanking?

      I respectfully disagree. But lets take your point a bit further. So, I grump to myself and do what I'm supposed to do. The next day I am honest and share my feelings. And then she decides to spank me. What is she reinforcing? When the next time comes, do you think I'll be more or less likely to be honest? I don't see how physical punishment gets 'us' anywhere toward where we need to go.

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    2. Man i didn't say she should spank you for what happened the other day.I said that she should start spanking you on a regular basis.That way it will keep you in the right track and it will remind you to be submissive and obedient.Plus its a great stress relief.
      English is not my native language so i guess this misunderstanding its my fault.I didn't want to sound offensive.I just offered an alternative practical solution because you seem to over analyze everything.Plus i didn't realize that you find spankings such a terrible thing.
      I hope what i just wrote makes sense.I just spend 15 minutes using google translator lol
      Have fun.Peace

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    3. No offense taken. If I had known you were writing in a second language I would have understood from the start. And if I had to write you in your language..... well, I couldn't even do that.
      Yes, I'm sure physical discipline would serve as a definite reminder as to who is in charge. I"m thankful that Katie is more into talking to me than beating me.

      Hope you stop back again - and glad you took 15 minutes out of your day to write what you did :)

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  4. IH,

    Your post is so timely. I'm going thru just such an episode now. It's back to old feeling that "I'm pulling & pulling the wagon, only to look back and there's no one on the wagon trip with me" syndrome. I know this relationship is hard and a big change for her, too, but I really need my spouse to be more assertive sometimes. Case in point. This morning I didn't prepare her morning coffee right away because I was up earlier than her. She sat on the sofa and finally said " Are you ready for coffee, yet?" I should have already fixed it for her, but I wish she would be more assertive and say "I'm ready for my coffee now" and maybe even take me to task for not having it ready for her without asking. I know I'm the one falling short by not anticipating her needs. But I really do need some increased assertiveness on her part for no other reason than to show than she's invested in this lifestyle too. Is that selfishness on my part? Was that happening last night to you, too?

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    1. Wishful4, You know, I remember those days well. What she is feeling, and how she is acting is quite normal. I made those times into a little game. When she'd ask me a question, I would say "Now was that a question or a statement you just asked?" and make my voice inflections 'playful' rather than serious and questioning. Or I'd say, "would you care to rephrase that question Miss Katie?" the 'miss katie' stated to remind her that she is my mistress and in charge. We did that off an on for months. Now she gets it most of the time. You may find that works for you or that you will need to do something that is not insulting, nor 'in her face' that helps her understand that it's ok to tell you rather than to always ask.

      Just know that it's normal and part of the process of getting the wagon to where it needs to be.

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    2. Hi guys

      Just wanted to make a point here to Wishful4, my Wife is very careful about how she requests things of me, she is enjoying our new lifestyle immensely (so she said in our discussion the other night) but struggles every day with thinking she may sound bossy or lazy. She tries very hard not to let this stop her and at times she can be demanding but usually does it in a "funny" way, this is her way of accepting her new role. I wonder if your wife (?) is similar and doesn't like the idea of coming across bossy and lazy?

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  5. IH and Wishful4

    There must be something about this time of year, as I am experiencing similar feelings. Stripped to bare essentials I guess an FLR is simply the woman having 'final say' in all matters and decisions. Service is perhaps an adjunct. We are in 'early days'(just a few months) and I understand any change in a relationship is hard and our FLR is initiated by me; I'd love for my wife to be more assertive and really take charge but that's maybe not really something she feels able to do without effort. And without that reinforcement, yes, it feels like I am the only one in this game.

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    1. MHD, I think it does take at least some effort on her part, just as it takes a whole lot more effort on your part. But all relationships take effort. Maybe what you are describing as your wife being a bit hesitant to exert a 'different kind' of effort as she is now the head of your home. I don't know that a FLR is just about she having final say. I'd think that if the focus is on her, that she would also like to tell you of the things she doesnt' enjoy doing and have you do them for her. But your point is a good one to ponder. Have a great day!

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  6. Great discussion, Gentlemen!

    I haven't thought about the 'forever' part of being a submissive husband, but certainly am ready and willing to do that "Til death do us part." I find comfort in doing that. For me, like signing up for a 10K or any other event, if I don't actually sign up or commit to something, it probably won't get done.

    With our FLR, I can't control my wife's actions and attitudes nor would I want to. I can control my attitude, my expectations, my service to Her and my expressions of love for her. Learning that has helped me realize that our FLR starts and ends with my service and loving obedience to her. It's not a trade-off in which I expect to be rewarded with commands, teasing, torment, spanking or any other signs of my wife's dominance of me. Once I grasped that this all about her and not me, our relationship has evolved into something so much more powerful and meaningful than what a few spankings and nipple-pinchings could achieve. I had to go through a lot of disappointment and unfulfilled hunger to get to this place. Other men on these blogs kept encouraging me to keep patiently loving and serving my superior and beautuful queen, and to give her time to assume that dominant role at her pace and in her manner, and it will pay off. My wife can read me like a book. If I am angling for some abuse or overt dominance from her, she'll turn off. If I provide genuine, loving obedient service as a way of life, she willingly assumes that power as a way of life. Forever.

    Scott

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    1. I'm going to ask you a question Scott, to see if you can help answer a question asked of me via an email - do you feel that it's your submission, more than anything else that has helped your wife to become dominant?

      I ask that because lots of women, I think, are hesitant to become suddenly controlling. I wonder, because it's true in my case, that by letting go, power is given (rather than taken) to the wife. I"m curious to your answer as you talked above about how much your FLR stats and ends with you.

      Thanks for sharing.

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    2. IH, I am honored that you asked. My wife does have a dominant personality and is a great decision-maker. I’ve been given a servant’s heart and lean toward collaboration and loyalty. Thus, an FLR is a natural fit for us but getting there has been a little tricky. There were too many reasons for her to NOT take the mantle of leadership:

      1. Society's expectations 2. Scriptural interpretations that man is head of household and woman submits as a "helpmate" 3. Parental modeling 4. Accepting a husband who is submissive 5. Feeling guilty about being served and pampered 6. Change is hard 7. It takes energy, thought and effort to direct other people 8. Am I doing all this to satisfy my husband's need for kink?

      Why would she go through the trouble of leading and directing if this is only because I enjoyed the sexual element? If she is too tired or stressed to give me commands, torment or sexual teasing, will I stop serving her eagerly and selflessly? I was motivated by the sexual aspect of her in charge. I'd get aroused when she demonstrated her power over me, and the idea of being "Her Little Bitch" was all I could think of the first few months. I was hard all of the time.

      At first, my wife was not comfortable with me pampering her and putting her needs above mine, and definitely did not want to become my Dominatrix just to satisfy my kinky interests. I needed to demonstrate to my wife that the effort and risk were worth it, and that I am genuinely grateful that she is assuming leadership. Once I got it through my thick skull that that an FLR was so much more than just sex and could indeed be a powerful, fun and very effective way of life for us, I reasoned that my service and commitment to her should to be pure.

      My life needs to be all about making her journey through life as rich and rewarding as possible! I needed to grow into serving her out of love to make her happy. I cook and clean, bring flowers, light candles, leave little note cards and flowers, treat the kids like she would want me to, and get the home and car repairs done. I no longer wine or make excuses but commit myself to excellence for her. I am committed to providing energy, love and a joyful attitude at all times, no matter my mood or lack of sleep. I speak a lot less and listen more. I support her and seek to make her dreams and goals come true. She is the most beautiful woman in the world, and I thank God for giving me such a beautiful woman for a wife and best friend.

      Now that my role has shifted to romancing my wife and pleasing her whether I get the sex or not; and that my wife sees that I'm doing so for HER and not for me, the power transfer is a no-brainer. My superior wife is willingly taking the reins and displaying her authority with confidence! With her happy and comfortable now as the leader, and me as her loyal knight, husband, lover and best friend; our marriage is sweet after 29 years of bickering and grief. My wife LOVES being in charge and starting to have a blast dominating me in the bedroom and everywhere else. She's actually more loving and kinder to me than ever; and of course, more demanding!

      The path to her place of authority had to be cleared and made easier and more inviting for her to walk down. Now that she's been walking that path the last few months, my beautiful, intelligent and wise wife is taking her rightful place as the leader of our household.

      I borrowed the path imagery from your post on the Ladies Mile last month, IH. :)

      Scott

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    3. Scott,
      Thanks for writing. I enjoyed your story and I think what you mentioned about 'clearing the path' so she could lead is an important point. Often - and I think it's true with life in general, that we often need to just let others see how they can do something (vs, doing it for them) or how to get from point a to point b (vs. dragging them from point to point) to get one to see they can do 'it'.

      I'll refer you post to the person who asked me the question.
      thanks again and enjoy your weekend

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    4. Scott

      I love the phrase "clearing the path for her to walk down", it explains everything in a simple phrase

      Loved your post and can relate to every word

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  7. It takes effort to be the mistress as well as the submissve.

    Cleaning toilets and scrubbing floors only has so much charm to it. After a while even the best submissve louses interest unless the wife creates a structure of discipline in the home. That dosen't mean spanking. It means a constant atmosphere in whcih the hunband firmly understnads she is the one who is in charge. It means a system of rules by whcih a man lives. The rules ae not to be inflexialbe, but it is only the wife who has the authoirty to change them. It is also a good thing if the husband has at least a little fear of his wife. Love is important, but so is discipline.


    There are times when it is necessary to punish a man, and this is often the most difficult task for a wife to perform. Punishing John is not a task I enjoy. As far as I am concerned it should never be necessary. In our home punishment is rare, but it does happen. Pouting is one of those things that drives me up the wall.

    Love, Kathy

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  8. Thanks for the mention in the body of your blog. It is not quite as exciting as your comment to me a few months ago that I made KATIE smile but it is nice. By the way S ordered me to clean the tub on Sunday. I then realized that this time instead of just giving me a few strokes on the behind and wandering off to relax, She intended to stand over me and micrmanage everything thus preventing me from slipping into subspace and getting off on the fantasy of it while I was doing it. Rapid fire commands of "use this sponge there" "get that spot on the wall" kind of interfered with my buzz. But I did it Her way. After all I have no choice. On Monday before I left for work, She bent me over and used a belt on my rear. I personally agree with anonymous above that regular corporal discipline adds something to the lifestyle even though to be effective it has to hurt, otherwise it is just a game. But if it is not Katie's thing, that's Her choice.

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  9. As an alternative, your Mistress could cut you a little slack after all the work. You're not an automaton, and you do get tired. She must realize that it's not a one-way street, and old subs aren't what they used to be.

    GF

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  10. Old subs? You calling me old? LOL You know, I can appreciate what you are thinking. But when I read what other subs deal with, I feel pretty fortunate. Katie does quite a bit around the home and what I was 'grumping' about was more to do with my moodiness than anything - and remember - she didn't know that I was pouting to even consider having me just sit down and stop working. Me, ..... I was in the mood to work and then grump about the very work I was doing - sounds pretty childish when you step back and think about it. And I'm even an old man doing that. Now how pathetic am I :)

    Stop by again and comment, GF

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  11. Converations like this are what makes me love coming to this blog. Good helpful insight, advice and a lot of fun! I'm 52 and glad to be finally learning how to be a better husband despite all my faults. Way to go, old guys!

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