Friday, September 27, 2013
I made a promise to Appy when I responded to a comment he made asking if I would write more about why men should serve women. I think that question was raised a few months ago, but I have not forgotten. So today while Katie is busy, I started writing down thoughts and came up why I believe it is good for a man to serve a woman.
We live in a culture dominated by men, although there is much change recently, at least in the US and other modern cultures but many women are assuming leadership roles. Increasing numbers aare bcoming independent financially. Stay-at-home moms are leading the family by virtue of the decisions they make and financial control they have over the family budget. The sale of chastity devices have skyrocketed and now can even be found on Amazon.com. Women’s conferences promoting networking, career development and advancement are commonplace. Yet something usually happens when a woman marries – she submits – or she at least tends to admit that she is not the one in charge, albiet she most likely does make the majority of the decisions. But is that how it should be? Let’s look at what happens prior to the exchanging of the rings.
I’m not ignoring the fact that women are attracted to men, but there is a cultural expectation (and most likely it is rooted in male physiology) for men to pursue women. We want them. We admire them. We desire them. We lust for them. We are fascinated by their bodies, the smell of their perfume, the delicate features of their body, the softness of their breast, and power they hold over us as potential suitors. Yes, in most every culture, it is the male that seeks the woman and by virtue of doing so, he, not she, submits. He tries to please. He seeks her affection. He tries to capture her attention, and hopefully her approval. But once the girl accepts him as his, changes occur. He stops working so hard to please and often time she assumes the more submissive role that perpetuates itself once married.
But in a FLR the relational dynamic is different. In that life the man continues to seek, please and desire to be approved by her. It’s as if the dating relationship is extended indefinitely as the male is kept dependent and seeks to maintain his approval of her – or else. One commenter on another blog recently mentioned that it is us (meaning submissive men) that have discovered the value of a FLR and should be the ones laughing because we have found what so many seek – real intimacy. That statement is so true and yet haven’t all couples experienced this? I mean, early on in a relationship isn’t it really a FLR one? Don’t boys serve, at last for some period of time to the girl they desire? Don’t they make an effort to please and make her their #1 priority in life? I believe they do. I know I did. I think all males at some point in life has experienced this joy of submission.
Unfortunately too few girls have kept them that way and have allowed men to reverse those roles, forcing the woman to give rather than receive the gifts a male is so geared to provide – his service as well as his love. Maybe that is why there is such a high divorce rate. Maybe the failure of men to remain submissive provides them an opportunity to look elsewhere where they start the process of courting all over again. Maybe the real issue is that a man is only truly happy when he is courting, which is just another way of saying, maybe he is only truly happy when he has submitted to a woman.
So why are women deserving of our service and worship? I believe it is because a woman completes a man. She is his primary source of pleasure and security. Even God declared back in Genesis that ‘it is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a woman….” Man needed a woman and indeed he provided not a creature that would submit to him, but rather one that would rescue and lead him. Implied in the Genesis account is man’s need for both female companionship, but also a need for the security that only a woman can provide. Go to a wedding. Go to a dance. Who is it that steps out on the dance floor more often than not? It’s the ladies. Go to a place where shopping occurs. Who is it that is usually leading the way and making the decisions? Women are and they are the ones that are more secure and mature sooner. We men need women. We really do. We are hopelessly lost without loving female companionship and female acceptance. It is one of our deepest needs. Men need women. Men need strong women. We need to feel their love. We desire their acceptance and approval. We live for them to open themselves up and become intimate with us. We will do anything to become united sexually. There is truth to the statement of the little girl in panties that pulls them forward allowing the little boy to peer inside when she states, “with this I am going to rule your life”. Men cannot help but to submit to a woman if it means sexual fulfillment.Mybe that is why the pornography industry is a multibillion dollar business and the reason that young men think about sex 19 times more oftenthan women do. Not only do men think about sex lots, but about food, sleep and other ‘needs’. When you step back, we are pretty base creatures. We seek pleasure. We desire comfort. We want security, and associate the fulfillment of our sexual need to copulate as well as our physical needs of food and shelter as meeting those needs of security.
When a man views porn, he does so because he seeks pleasure, but I believe he is also seeking intimacy, in error. The act of viewing a woman’s body is one in which he is desiring at some level a means to be loved and close to another – even if it is just a picture on a page or computer screen. Unfortunately that act, although temporarily thrilling, leaves him feeling empty. There is no real relationship, contact, or love. But to be with a real woman that accepts him and allows him to worship her can complete a man’s psyche in ways nothing else can. I recently left a post comment on Miss Marie’s blog that stated: “To be owned is to be loved. It is a beautiful feeling for both a man and a woman to feel - especially together. To the outside world it seems so odd to consider, but once you've been owned and loved by a women, there is nothing that brings more satisfaction to a man's heart than to feel that possession.”
So why is it that a man should worship a woman? I believe it has to do with man’s undeniable need to be one with a woman. Oneness can be sexually, but it can also be by close physical touch as in holding hands, cuddling, massaging, and caressing. It can be oneness emotionally through communication, it can also be by feeling her leadership as when she instructs, tells and teaches a man how he can best please and serve. Oneness can also be cultivated physiologically when a woman allows a man to become aroused by her scent – the smell of her perfume, the sight of her body, an approving nod, her discipline, as well as when she opens herself for him to please her sexually. Oneness can be experienced in lots of ways and when it is done so in a giving, genuinely giving serving attitude the bond a man experiences is incredibly powerful.
Those that have never experienced this bond because they’ve never submitted and committed themselves to truly worshipping a woman may think all this sounds quite odd, even deviant, yet there is a reason that thousands upon thousands of men have committed their life to serving a woman. It is not good for man to be alone. Man needs female companionship and leadership. He needs her closeness. He needs her approval. He needs to feel her love. He needs to serve. He needs to even obey, because in doing so, he receives the benefit of her openness, acceptance, and love, all of which meet needs in ways that nothing else can.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Kathy made a comment about the value of a world in which chastity was the norm and it got me thinking. I decided to 'play' a bit and wrote the following. It's all in fun of course but it does appeal to me very much in many ways. Enjoy.
Thirteen year old Jimmy Rogers felt the rhythmic click, click, click of the lock against the steel bars inside his underwear with each step he took. It was a tap so natural now that he didn’t even hear it anymore. He arrived to the sight and sound of a hundred or more 12-14 year old classmates gathering outside in the school yard. Some were laughing with friends, others standing quietly, some wide awake, while others looked as if they had just dragged their sleepy body out of bed moments before.
At the sound of the bell, the boys and girls attending Granite Middle School entered the front doors. Girls passed freely and quickly through the large double doors to the right while boys passed through a series of single doors – one at a time. Behind each door were seated two girls who scanned the video making sure that each boy entering was securely and properly attired. The monitors into which they stared were like those used at airport security to ensure each of their male counterparts were securely locked. Just minutes earlier, Ms. Stevenson, the school principal, made her daily walk to the end of the hallway where the male employees were gathered. There she performed a similar scan using only a ruler to check each man to note the presence of steel hidden beneath.
Serving as Front Door Security Scanners was a privilege granted to six eighth-grade girls each week. They reveled in serving this role and when a new group of girls were announced each Friday afternoon, just before school let out for the weekend, one could see how pleased each was because of the obvious smile on their face. Although the scans did reveal a silhouette of a boys genitals, it was the hope in finding a boy trying to enter illegally that appealed to these young ladies.
So much had changed in recent years since the passage of Rachel’s Law, after the brutal beating and gang rape of Rachel Garzinzki. Rachel was the fifteenth in a series of well publicized rapes that had occurred over a two-week period in Washington DC. Congresswoman Celeste Smith made her mark in government with the passage of Rachel’s Law that made its way out of committee and through both the House and Senate because of the unanimous support of female congresswoman that backed the bill. The series rapes, culminating with the Garzinski tragedy mobilized women throughout the country and practically forced legislative changes to curb its frequency. Once the bill caught momentum nothing stopped it and when finally signed into law it forever changed post-pubescent male’s ability to repeat such horrific crimes. The law required all males to wear a chastity cage to ensure that tragedies like those experienced by Rachel and the thousands of others women that endured similar atrocities would never again occur. It was a bit of an over-reaction, but one, like many laws in society where the 99% had to pay the price for the 1% who made women their victims.
Steven Majors squirmed in his seat as he sat in his sixth grade math class. He was still getting use to the bulk between his legs - as were the other 14 boys listening to Ms. Williams introduce the concept of square roots. It had been only six weeks since he and every other rising sixth grader attended the required ‘fitting’ as it was now referred. Fittings were paid in full as part of the Affordable Care Act adopted years before and required that all boys be fitted with a custom chastity appliance prior to entering the sixth grade. Any male could return at anytime to outpatient clinics for size adjustments as needed. Clinics were bombarded with activity during the initial year when fittings began and still remain quite active, but nothing to the degree of the nearly 70 million males that came and left an hour later with the steel harness forever attached to their genitals.
July 15, was a big day for twelve year old boys throughout the States and one that was celebrated by the feminine gender now for the past three years since fittings began. Since the Rachel Law took effect and chastity appliances became the mandatory, sexual assaults, rapes and other violent crimes against women had dropped precipitously. Rapes were down almost 78% and sexual assaults by 82%. Sexual harassment complaints continued to drop, job production among male employees rose, and the pornography industry reported a 12% decrease in earnings during each of the last three years. Even the divorce rate showed signs of decreasing.
Although there was a thriving black market industry evolving to maintain male freedom, that temptation was being strongly thwarted by a radical amendment recently added to the bill by
Congress requiring mandatory surgical removal of one testicle for all men found guilty of a sexual crime against women. It didn't take long before the physical repercussions of continued offenders’ fate to reach the streets from Fifth Avenue to Harlem. It appeared, when looking at the statistical drop in violent crimes against women that men were much less likely to indulge themselves knowing they could forever be physically altered. One offense might be ok but to be convicted twice would result in them becoming a eunuch and apparently even those wanting to maul a woman weren’t willing to risk that outcome. Women everywhere rejoiced and those men holding positions in government that voiced opposition to either Rachel’s Law or the criminal amendment added later were specifically targeted by women seeking their seats in both political parties. Washington politics was indeed a dog-eat-dog world and women wanting powerful public seats realized the power they possessed by holding men accountable for voting to maintain the status quo at the expense of valuing the safety and respect of women everywhere.
The process of making sure men remained chaste took time but it was obvious to everyone that men had to venture out and become part of society. In that vein, it was decided the most efficient way to target males on a large scale was to monitor public establishments and have them serve as check-points. Currently most public buildings were now equipped with sensing devices that detected the presence or absence of the required chastity device since all came equipped with a small computer chip. Men entering shopping malls, restaurants, food markets, banks, big box stores and all state and federal facilities were monitored. If a male entered unlawfully, the sensing devices alerted security officials who would detain them until they could be transported to local law enforcement facilities. Fines ranged anywhere from $500 to $5000 with imprisonment an option for those men of wealth that were repeated offenders.
Unexpectedly, Rachel’s Law succeeded in changing female behavior as well. Women everywhere began checking the males in their hold making sure that their husband, son or significant other abided by the law of the land. Women were permitted to check any boy or man without embarrassment or risk of retaliation since checking only was done to see if a steel fence-like cage could be detected. No longer was such an action considered a sexual assault but the norm. In fact, magazines, TV, radio and street-side billboards by various feminist and conservative women's groups alike all advocated women to empower themselves and take charge. It was not uncommon to find a couple sitting on a bench, or even at a religious gathering with the wife or girls’ hand 'caging' her man. Caging became the norm for women of all ages being at first performed by wives and mothers but more recently added as an educational component to high school community health courses required by all as a prerequisite to graduation.
When a boy or man was initially fitted, the lock that secured him came without a key, for none was needed at that time. However any woman over the age of eighteen could claim a key for a male of her choosing. Keyholders, however were responsible for a male in their Hold. Keys allowed the Holder access which could be as frequent or sparse as she desired. But, any male found roaming free that had a Keyholder would result in legal ramifications, not for him, but for his Holder for failing to properly maintain her property. Even mother’s were not permitted to own a key for her sons as a key in her hands served no purpose. The intent of Rachel's Law was in part, to train boys before the hormones of puberty took hold that their genital was to be used for procreation as well as the recreation of a woman should she decide to take ownership. Although not uncommon for a college girl to possess more than one key, typically fewer keys were found among women of older age.
The passing of Rachel’s’ Law had indeed changed the personality of men with respect to the rights and privileges they now had with their own sexual freedom. Some men, and most all boys between the age of 12 -18 had never been unlocked since the law went into effect. The hope of Congresswoman Celeste Smith was that all boys would soon associate the age of twelve as a time when caging was the expected norm and be looked upon no differently than the normalcy of marriage, having children, and other such life events. Furthermore, she envisioned a society in which males came to view their genitals, not as a means for self-pleasure but rather as a way to please the Keyholder that would be responsible for them for as long as she chose. The world was indeed a place of change – at least in the United States of America.
Probably not to be continued……
Thursday, September 19, 2013
I got home late yesterday and could tell Katie was in a good mood. I could see it in her eyes. I could feel it in the hug she gave me and the kiss that followed. As we sat watching TV her hands seemed to be all over me and she sometimes uttered a lustful ‘mmmm’ sound as she did. At one point she even climbed on me and kissed me deeply.
“Well, aren’t you in a good mood”, I said, thoroughly enjoying her attention and mood.
Katie smiled. I could tell it had the potential to be a fun night and I wasn’t to be disappointed. An hour or so later we headed to bed and once together I felt her body on me as she revved her engine once again. It wasn’t long before she told me, “Take that thing off and put some lubricant on,” grabbing the Jailbird and telling me in an expectant tone.
I did as I was told and we made love. Wow!!! That’s how I’d describe it. It was filled with passion and energy and I was so hard the entire time. During those minutes together Katie took control and must have had five or six orgasms - some small, some powerful. Finally she rolled away and spoke profoundly, “I feel so relaxed.”
She soon left me to visit the bathroom and while gone I kept thinking about those words “I feel so relaxed” while lying there still so hard and pointing directly at the ceiling fan turning slowly overhead in the black room.
She returned within a minute and told me that she wanted a back rub. I didn’t even get to cuddle up and hold her but rather had to please her once more for another half hour. But last night I couldn’t only massage her. I just couldn't. I was filled with emotion and passion. She had turned on my engine and left it running full throttle. As I touched her skin with the tip of my fingers I kissed her body from neck to ankles. I felt overwhelmed with love and desire for her and for a long time, lay with my head on the back of her thighs wanting to be as close to her most intimate part – kissing her again and again from that position as I stroked her body. I ached for her. I loved her and wanted to express that love both through my touch as well as through kisses and closeness.
Katie finally told me to come up and hold her. I did. She cuddled completely at peace and rested her head on my chest. We were a picture of emotional dichotomy. She at peace and me still wanting her sexually. But that was not my place and so I just held her and in time we both fell asleep.
Today I couldn’t help but replay that one sentence again in my mind….. “I feel so relaxed.” What a picture of role reversal. Isn’t there a plethora of stories filled with scenes of lovemaking in which the guy uses the girl, ejaculates and then roles over and sleeps, completely content? That was my Katie but it sure wasn’t me. She had closure. She wanted me, she took me and she satisfied herself completely. I enjoyed her pursuit, I served as the source of her pleasure and felt incredible myself, but I didn’t experience that same closure because I never reached the same peek as her.
I wonder if part of the power women hold over men when they deny them is in the withholding of closure. I know that I want to see things through to completion and when I have loose ends and things aren’t complete it remains with me and does so until the job is done. When the analogy is applied to sexual desire, and fulfillment, denial is a powerful way to keep a man wanting his woman. Last night I wanted more. I wanted her. Although she was through with lovemaking, and now wanted to feel my gentle touch, I couldn’t help but express my love (and lust) by kissing her entire body. When she finally was ready to sleep, my mind was still active, hoping (although I knew well that there would be no more lovemaking) that she would touch and bring me to the same climax she experienced.
It’s been 24 hours since our evening started last night and I want her still. I don’t have closure. I don’t know what she is thinking but she’s probably still at peace. I want to ravage her and become one with her but am keeping my emotions intact – although I do crave her love and attention. I love Katie. She completely satisfies me in so many ways, and in the one way that she doesn’t, by denying me – she really does. I guess it’s the irony of the sexual part of a WLM relationship that I never want to end or change.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
If you have been reading the past few blogs you know that I abused my freedom one night by masturbating behind Katie's back, confessed my wrong and have been locked down in chastity pretty much 24/7 since that incident a few weeks ago. I kind of knew what the consequence was going to be and on one hand am glad that she felt comfortable enough to discipline me but saddened that life changed in some respects. What pleased me was the fact that Katie did something that she knew I wouldn't like and therefore expressed her dominance by 'going there' with respect to instituting the lock down mandate. I liked that she didn't just say 'oh well, I wish you hadn't done that' and moved on with life. She can be so gentle at times with her control that it's hard to know if she is in control. I tease her sometimes when she goes easy on me asking if she wants me to get her Mennonite head covering or not.
Well, the lock down has been an adjustment to say the least. Sleep the first few nights was disrupted several times by me being woken by the uncomfortableness of a night erection but that seems to have resolved itself somewhat. They have lessened from occurring a few times each night to maybe once and I can deal with a once pretty well. But what has changed has been the amount of nightly and morning fondling by Katie. Katie loves touch and loves to touch. Since being locked, one part of me has been left 'touchless'. Personally I miss that and I really don't know if Katie misses that or not. Last night we were lying in bed and she took several minutes to run her hand over by body from upper thigh to neck. After doing so for some time she told me how much she loves touching my body. Some of those touches were to the Jailbird but mostly it was to the rest of my body and not so much dwelling on what she has caged.
Time will tell if she keeps me locked except when she wants to be pleasured; if she will take me out to touch and then relock without ever entering her; or if she will want to free me completely. I doubt that she will do the latter but I may be wrong.
I've done a bit of research for a future post on the effects of sexual stimulation without release on the brain and it sure seems to be the way for a woman to keep her man wanting her. I'm not saying that physical touch of the male genital is the only way that that can happen but it sure seems to be one of the most effective. What I've noticed with me psychologically is a resignation that my body is there for her to enjoy, or that my new limits now are confined to caressing, holding and/or stimulating and exciting her but very little about wondering if 'maybe tonight she will want me'. When you are locked, you are indeed 'put away'. When you are locked you realize that sex is so little about you and so much more about her wants – both physically and psychologically. A man's penis is in-effect, put on the shelf without him knowing if or when she will next want to take it off the shelf and use it. It's quite the different mindset to adjust to.
That feeling of complete helplessness in this one aspect of my life indeed builds dependence. It is a reminder of who is in charge and it sure reduces a man’s ability for experience pleasure regardless of whether that pleasure is coming from a wife’s touch or while making love. I remember a Domme I communicated with several years ago, when I was first learning what submission meant. She repeatedly told me that to be a sub means to serve - period. She kept telling me that if I decide to submit to Katie, then I should expect nothing but understand that my duty in life becomes one in which my life primarily focuses on pleasing her while her expectation is to understand that she is the primary benefactor of the gifts I have to offer. Does chastity (most of the time) do that? I believe that it does. Does complete chastity - meaning - a 24/7 lock down for days and weeks at a time do it more? I think it does, and that is an emotional and psychological adjustment I have not fully adjusted to.
As I write and think, I am remembering part of Katie’s marriage vow to me – that she promised to cultivate my submission. Cultivate means to nurture, foster, form and refine. It goes to the essence of molding me into the kind of submissive man that she desires of her husband. Teaching me to submit is easy for one to say but it’s much more difficult to do. Like a child that wants something but is forced to do another, such is the case with me with respect to putting my desires aside and abiding by Katie’s. If remaining locked builds dependence; if being locked teaches me to deny myself and follow her more completely; if complete chastity protects me from my own temptations and moves me further along the path to unquestioning obedience to Katie then that is what I desire.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
In my last post I talked about the wrong I made when masturbating without permission. The way that I confessed my wrong was via email rather than face to face. I opted to confess that way because I was afraid. I was ashamed of what I did. I feared her thinking less of me. I didn’t want to be scolded. I was afraid of rejection. Can you identify with me at all?
I’m going to tie this incident to my childhood. No I’m not a shrink but I’ve been to counseling and have had sessions in which we talked about guilt and shame. As a kid, when I was punished I was yelled at, had my butt whapped until tears were produced and sent to my room. Not only that, but my parents, especially my mother, would not only be upset with what I did, she was pissed at me as a person. I not only did bad, but I was a bad person – at least until she got over her anger. Well, being a boy, I did wrong lots. I got my butt smacked lots. I was sent to my room lots. I was rejected lots too and that part must have caused me to associate disappointing others as a reflection of me being a bad person. I'm not positive if the cause is my mothers response to me doing wrongs as a kids, but it's the only thing I can put my finger on that may have caused me to feel as I do about myself when I am found guilty of a trespass.
This weekend I’ve been working my way from start to finish through the blog written by Alphabyday (ABD). It’s a fascinating blog and not one filled with kink and porn. It’s written quite tactfully and the reader gets the idea of this man's journey with a ProDomme he's hired to train him as a submissive man for a potential wife. ABD made mention of a video he was told to watch. I didn’t think much of it but several posts later he mentioned it again and so I decided to view it with Katie. It was quite pertinent to my situation of how I confessed my wrong. The video addresses the topic of vulnerability. At one point the woman notes how the avoidance of vulnerability also causes us to avoid the joy that could have come our way. Let me say that gain, she stated that by avoiding vulnerable situations you also eliminate/reduce the opportunity to experience real joy. That statement made me pause.
I stopped the video stream, straddled Katie’s lap and held her. I told her that the fear I had in confessing directly kept me from experiencing her forgiveness. My fear of confessing kept me from having a conversation that would have permitted her to probe me more deeply as to ‘why’ I did what I did forcing me to become more vulnerable but giving her the opportunity to peek into the depths of my heart. My fear of confessing kept me from seeing her anger and becoming more fearful of her as my Owner. My fear of confessing kept me from seeing her dominance from revealing itself over me when she levied her punishment - permanent lockdown except for when she wanted sex. She missed out seeing me wither and shrink when she told me the new mandate. We both missed out on all of that because I was afraid and ashamed.
If only I had admitted my wrong I would have felt closeness the way a child feels when a parent forgives a wrong. I would have seen the sadness in Katie’s face. I would have viewed the hurt in her eyes knowing I placed her in a difficult situation. I might have experienced her anger. But deep down I’d know she loves me and I'd feel that love (an not rejection) while we sat and worked through a discussion for the need for me to always obey her. In hindsight, I realize now that I missed out on bonding my submissiveness with her dominance by missing a rare opportunity to do so.
After the video was over we talked about the need to share from the heart. I tend to be the one that asks a million questions. I spoke of how important it was for her to probe me, to provide opportunities for me to share my experiences, my thoughts and my feelings that I would otherwise not want to share. Katie is a good listener but great listeners know how to ask questions that enable others to talk and to do so in a safe, nonjudgmental environment.
I am not condoning my actions. What I did was wrong. There is no excuse for what I did. But if I can learn from that mistake I know that I will have opportunities in the future to experience the joy of being owned. I hope that if you are a dominant woman, you encourage your husband to leave no closets hidden from you. If you are a submissive, I hope you have the courage to bare your soul and take whatever your Domme gives you, knowing that you are loved - even if she decides to inflict pain as a means of teaching you obedience. As parents, we punish children because we want to teach them, but even moreso because we love them. As subs, we are punished for the same reason. Our wives only discipline us because they love and care for us. I know that Katie loves me. I know how I feel when she asserts her dominance. I feel closer, not further away, because I feel her love whenever she reveals her true nature as my Mistress wife.
I'm Owned, I’m Her
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Remember me mentioning how much I despise those ‘Christmas Letters’ from distant friends? You know, the ones that paint the picture of the perfect family and the perfect kids and a life of complete harmony and success? Well, this post is not one of those ‘letters’. In fact, it’s the opposite. You see, I messed up. I didn’t do what I was told and expected to do. In fact I deliberately disobeyed. But because I hate conflict I chose to take the non confrontational way and confess my wrong via email rather than in person. Not only did I wrong Katie, I then wimped out by how I let her know. The email I wrote is below. It’s not written eloquently, but rather hurriedly in fact. I just needed to tell her and get the weight of my guilt off my chest.
I messed up. I did so last evening around 1:30 or 2am while you were sleeping. Actually I disobeyed you twice. You know that I’m unlocked during the night, and you know it's been like almost 70 days since I last came. Well two nights ago I woke up at 4 or 5am and was so horny. You were out cold. I started stroking and it felt sooooo good. I thought about cuming, I got really close. I knew that I shouldn't but I wanted to so bad and probably would have. Fortunately, you rolled over and put your arm on my shoulder and that stopped any bad intentions and I went back to sleep eventually - but only after a really nice 20 minutes of 'play time'. Well last night, I couldn't fall asleep. I went down stairs around 12:30, and got on the web, read everything I could about my favorite football team. Eventually I went to bed probably an hour later. I was really horny again, and again and you were sound asleep. I did the same thing as the night before and it felt really nice to stroke. I got close and then too close and came. To be honest, I wanted to cum. I kept everything that came out on my hand and went to the bathroom, cleaned up and then went to sleep.
I did wrong. I did what I knew I shouldn’t. That was wrong, but I'm not going to hide it from you. I need to tell you. I hate telling you but don't want any secrets between us. The ball is in your court and I will take whatever you give - if you decide to do something.
I'm sorry for disappointing you (and myself)”
So that's what I wrote Katie earlier in the day. I got home that night and didn’t bring up the issue at hand. Neither did she. We watched TV for an hour, talked about subjects that didn’t concern my email before Katie told me it was time for bed. Upstairs, I walked into the bathroom naked except for the Jailbird that I was about to remove before climbing into bed.
“You can keep that on tonight,” she said reaching between my legs from behind and squeezing it.
I didn’t say anything. Maybe I said ‘OK”. I really don’t remember but I do remember feeling a sudden surge of guilt and shame.
When I returned to the bedroom she was already in bed. I climbed in and she held me. A few minutes later she grabbed my encased genitals and commented, “You know, this is no fun for me either.” I knew what she meant. She enjoys touching me and now she couldn’t.
I sent her an email or text the following day acknowledging that I knew that what she had done by keeping me locked was an act of both love and discipline. She is keeping me chaste because that is how she wants me, but she is also keeping me from a temptation that I have failed to conquer for years. I love her for looking after me. I didn’t particularly enjoy being locked all night while she was asleep next to me. I felt owned. I felt powerless. I wanted out. The realization of her power over me revealed itself by the complete lock-down. Yet I knew I had to obey and I want to obey without complaining.
Now two weeks since she required me to remain locked at all times I’m not so discouraged. Rather I have had the time to step back and realize that she loves me and what she has done is a beautiful expression of her dominance and care for the man she dearly wants to keep. I hope she remains firm in her decisions.
We did make love a few days after my admission. She had me unlock. We made love. After showering I relocked without even asking and remained that way for a week when she told me one evening to unlock so she could make love with me. Afterward she again told me to lock up, which I did. So, a stupid blunder on my part has changed much. It revealed my hesitancy in omitting mistakes personally. It required her to make a choice as my Dominant. It changed how free I will now be. It caused her to decide if she wanted me out for her pleasure and enjoyment or not.
I’ve always taught my kids that the pleasure when doing anything wrong is so small when compared to the punishment when the wrong is discovered. I’m finding that out now. It’s incredible how stupid I can be at times but I am so grateful that Katie stood her ground an staked her claim on her property keeping it as she wishes.
I'm Owned, I’m Hers