Sunday, September 1, 2013
Disobeying my Mistress Wife
Remember me mentioning how much I despise those ‘Christmas Letters’ from distant friends? You know, the ones that paint the picture of the perfect family and the perfect kids and a life of complete harmony and success? Well, this post is not one of those ‘letters’. In fact, it’s the opposite. You see, I messed up. I didn’t do what I was told and expected to do. In fact I deliberately disobeyed. But because I hate conflict I chose to take the non confrontational way and confess my wrong via email rather than in person. Not only did I wrong Katie, I then wimped out by how I let her know. The email I wrote is below. It’s not written eloquently, but rather hurriedly in fact. I just needed to tell her and get the weight of my guilt off my chest.
I messed up. I did so last evening around 1:30 or 2am while you were sleeping. Actually I disobeyed you twice. You know that I’m unlocked during the night, and you know it's been like almost 70 days since I last came. Well two nights ago I woke up at 4 or 5am and was so horny. You were out cold. I started stroking and it felt sooooo good. I thought about cuming, I got really close. I knew that I shouldn't but I wanted to so bad and probably would have. Fortunately, you rolled over and put your arm on my shoulder and that stopped any bad intentions and I went back to sleep eventually - but only after a really nice 20 minutes of 'play time'. Well last night, I couldn't fall asleep. I went down stairs around 12:30, and got on the web, read everything I could about my favorite football team. Eventually I went to bed probably an hour later. I was really horny again, and again and you were sound asleep. I did the same thing as the night before and it felt really nice to stroke. I got close and then too close and came. To be honest, I wanted to cum. I kept everything that came out on my hand and went to the bathroom, cleaned up and then went to sleep.
I did wrong. I did what I knew I shouldn’t. That was wrong, but I'm not going to hide it from you. I need to tell you. I hate telling you but don't want any secrets between us. The ball is in your court and I will take whatever you give - if you decide to do something.
I'm sorry for disappointing you (and myself)”
So that's what I wrote Katie earlier in the day. I got home that night and didn’t bring up the issue at hand. Neither did she. We watched TV for an hour, talked about subjects that didn’t concern my email before Katie told me it was time for bed. Upstairs, I walked into the bathroom naked except for the Jailbird that I was about to remove before climbing into bed.
“You can keep that on tonight,” she said reaching between my legs from behind and squeezing it.
I didn’t say anything. Maybe I said ‘OK”. I really don’t remember but I do remember feeling a sudden surge of guilt and shame.
When I returned to the bedroom she was already in bed. I climbed in and she held me. A few minutes later she grabbed my encased genitals and commented, “You know, this is no fun for me either.” I knew what she meant. She enjoys touching me and now she couldn’t.
I sent her an email or text the following day acknowledging that I knew that what she had done by keeping me locked was an act of both love and discipline. She is keeping me chaste because that is how she wants me, but she is also keeping me from a temptation that I have failed to conquer for years. I love her for looking after me. I didn’t particularly enjoy being locked all night while she was asleep next to me. I felt owned. I felt powerless. I wanted out. The realization of her power over me revealed itself by the complete lock-down. Yet I knew I had to obey and I want to obey without complaining.
Now two weeks since she required me to remain locked at all times I’m not so discouraged. Rather I have had the time to step back and realize that she loves me and what she has done is a beautiful expression of her dominance and care for the man she dearly wants to keep. I hope she remains firm in her decisions.
We did make love a few days after my admission. She had me unlock. We made love. After showering I relocked without even asking and remained that way for a week when she told me one evening to unlock so she could make love with me. Afterward she again told me to lock up, which I did. So, a stupid blunder on my part has changed much. It revealed my hesitancy in omitting mistakes personally. It required her to make a choice as my Dominant. It changed how free I will now be. It caused her to decide if she wanted me out for her pleasure and enjoyment or not.
I’ve always taught my kids that the pleasure when doing anything wrong is so small when compared to the punishment when the wrong is discovered. I’m finding that out now. It’s incredible how stupid I can be at times but I am so grateful that Katie stood her ground an staked her claim on her property keeping it as she wishes.
I'm Owned, I’m Hers