Thursday, September 19, 2013

No Closure isn't all bad

I got home late yesterday and could tell Katie was in a good mood. I could see it in her eyes. I could feel it in the hug she gave me and the kiss that followed. As we sat watching TV her hands seemed to be all over me and she sometimes uttered a lustful ‘mmmm’ sound as she did. At one point she even climbed on me and kissed me deeply.
“Well, aren’t you in a good mood”, I said, thoroughly enjoying her attention and mood.
Katie smiled.  I could tell it had the potential to be a fun night and I wasn’t to be disappointed. An hour or so later we headed to bed and once together I felt her body on me as she revved her engine once again.  It wasn’t long before she told me, “Take that thing off and put some lubricant on,” grabbing the Jailbird and telling me in an expectant tone.
I did as I was told and we made love. Wow!!! That’s how I’d describe it. It was filled with passion and energy and I was so hard the entire time. During those minutes together Katie took control and must have had five or six orgasms - some small, some powerful.  Finally she rolled away and spoke profoundly, “I feel so relaxed.”
She soon left me to visit the bathroom and while gone I kept thinking about those words “I feel so relaxed” while lying there still so hard and pointing directly at the ceiling fan turning slowly overhead in the black room.
She returned within a minute and told me that she wanted a back rub. I didn’t even get to cuddle up and hold her but rather had to please her once more for another half hour.  But last night I couldn’t only massage her. I just couldn't. I was filled with emotion and passion. She had turned on my engine and left it running full throttle. As I touched her skin with the tip of my fingers I kissed her body from neck to ankles. I felt overwhelmed with love and desire for her and for a long time, lay with my head on the back of her thighs wanting to be as close to her most intimate part – kissing her again and again from that position as I stroked her body.  I ached for her. I loved her and wanted to express that love both through my touch as well as through kisses and closeness.
Katie finally told me to come up and hold her. I did. She cuddled completely at peace and rested her head on my chest. We were a picture of emotional dichotomy. She at peace and me still wanting her sexually.  But that was not my place and so I just held her and in time we both fell asleep.
Today I couldn’t help but replay that one sentence again in my mind….. “I feel so relaxed.”  What a picture of role reversal. Isn’t there a plethora of stories filled with scenes of lovemaking in which the guy uses the girl, ejaculates and then roles over and sleeps, completely content?  That was my Katie but it sure wasn’t me. She had closure. She wanted me, she took me and she satisfied herself completely.  I enjoyed her pursuit, I served as the source of her pleasure and felt incredible myself, but I didn’t experience that same closure because I never reached the same peek as her.
I wonder if part of the power women hold over men when they deny them is in the withholding of closure.  I know that I want to see things through to completion and when I have loose ends and things aren’t complete it remains with me and does so until the job is done.  When the analogy is applied to sexual desire, and fulfillment, denial is a powerful way to keep a man wanting his woman. Last night I wanted more. I wanted her. Although she was through with lovemaking, and now wanted to feel my gentle touch, I couldn’t help but express my love (and lust) by kissing her entire body. When she finally was ready to sleep, my mind was still active, hoping (although I knew well that there would be no more lovemaking) that she would touch and bring me to the same climax she experienced.
It’s been 24 hours since our evening started last night and I want her still. I don’t have closure. I don’t know what she is thinking but she’s probably still at peace.  I want to ravage her and become one with her but am keeping my emotions intact – although I do crave her love and attention. I love Katie. She completely satisfies me in so many ways, and in the one way that she doesn’t, by denying me – she really does. I guess it’s the irony of the sexual part of a WLM relationship that I never want to end or change.
I’m Hers.

6 comments:

  1. Good post, I enjoyed reading it. Glad things are getting back to normal after your mistake.

    ReplyDelete
  2. LH, thanks! I'm like you - now that school is in session and you are back in lockdown mode yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Interesting. You posted before that you'd like Katie to cultivate your submission and it seems that as a result of your behaviour you're seeing just that.

    I believe that women express their 'dominance' in varied ways and often in ways that we men find unsatisfactory in that there may be little overt 'dominance'- it's more an attitude of mind - whereas we might rather be spanked, led, locked etc. Seems you have caused Katie to choose to 'use' you for her pleasure, ignoring your desires. Certainly she seems to be enjoying her power over you - and good on her, you do deserve to suffer :-)

    Maybe it's in our male nature to test our Domme's authority, particularly when it is subtly expressed; I obey my wife, but would love to have her more openly 'dominate' me. I am not locked, but can appreciate that the act of her locking one might heighten the man's feeling of submission. I have little to show for my submission and would like something tangible - and yet, maybe for true submission one doesn't need any tangible evidence. I am not suggesting that I know what true submission is; I certainly don't. What I think I am saying is that I want to feel dominated.

    I have a feeling that since you disobeyed her (again) that you are experiencing a clearer and more direct dominance.

    ReplyDelete
  4. MHD, I think you are right in stating that she is asserting herself more. Her assertion is never harsh, never angry, just more asserting and more telling and less laxity and or leniency. My nature is not to test per se but I did err twice now since early summer (as I can see you can recall yourself :) so I am getting - not so much what I deserve - as what I really need - more control. It's best that she enjoys me, that I learn to enjoy that time too even though the degree of enjoyment is left hanging and not resolved - meaning, no orgasm.
    Glad you posted. You made me think.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Your submission to Katie should focus on your service to her and obedience. Your joy should come from obedience, not your own sexual satisfaction. Submitting to her entirely means you achieve pleasure in obeying her. When you truly. Submit to her, you will not be focused on your need for sexual pleasure.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous, You know in one respect I can understand what you are saying but the very fact that I have an erection when she wants to make love implies that I am excited and being 'pleased'. But I do enjoy being left without closure - to use the term in the post - and that is the means that she keeps me desiring her. But to think that I can just please her and receive absolutely no pleasure at all in washing dishes, doing laundry, massaging her back, keeping the house clean or serving her in bed seems crazy. There has to be reward at some level or a sub would never continue serving. I love serving her sexually. I love that I can cause her to orgasm. But there is pleasure in that, even if I don't orgasm myself. Make sense?

    ReplyDelete