Thursday, October 31, 2013

Chastity - Universally?

I’m coming to the conclusion that most, if not all men need to be locked in chastity.  Before you pass judgment on that statement consider the following. Most, if not all crimes are committed by men. Most if not all molestations, rapes, and other sexual crimes are instigated by men rather than women. It’s not that women don’t do wrongs but they sure seem to do a whole lot less than their male counterparts.

The other day I heard of a high school teacher that resigned.  What I later learned was that this man typed out a text, called up a female student, showed the written (but not sent text) to her, waited for her reaction and then deleted it.  That act, led to him being confronted by his boss – the principal, and either resigning or being let go. 

What did he write? We will never know for certain but the female student told the principal that he offered her a good grade in return for sexual favors.  What blew me away was the fact that I once met this man. I met his wife. He is young (meaning in his 20’s). His wife is beautiful. I mean stunningly attractive.  Yet he wanted more. He wanted something that he should have never asked for, something he should have never even thought of considering. Yet he did. And now he is unemployed.

I wonder what goes through the mind of a man sometimes.  I think too that if he had been locked, he would have never even thought of asking what he did because it would have been impossible for her to pleasure him.  

If you have read blogs in the past, you know that my security is on the honor system.  I could unlock at any time simply by unscrewing a screw that keeps me secure.  After hearing the above story I realized I am not as secure as I’d like to be.  The incident at that school bothered me lots.  It really disturbed me.  I want Katie to know without a doubt that her man and her property (my genitals) will only be enjoyed by her.  I addressed this several days afterward, asking if she would prefer me to attach a numbered security tag that couldn’t be removed unless the lock chastity appliance was removed.  She didn’t deem it necessary but I told her that I wanted the walls and protective measures strong and secure around our relationship that I feel is exceptionally special.  It would be my privilege to have a security tag that she knows the number of and is only removed when she wants me to unlock for her enjoyment. Furthermore, I think society in general would benefit by all men keeping similarly locked.

I’m Hers

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Marriage, Children, Submission

The other day I spoke with a fellow worker that I hadn’t seen in months.  The last time I saw her she had recently separated.  The news broke my heart as she had young children of preschool age.  When we spoke a few days ago she told me she is still separated but she and her estranged husband are going to try to give it a go once more.  I was glad to hear that.
What struck me during our brief conversation was a comment she made about the relationship with her husband. It went something like this: “We’ve been married for almost 15 years and our marriage was great until we had the kids.  Ever since they came along we’ve struggled as a couple.”
Her comment brought back memories to my own failed marriage.  Our marriage was great for many years, and then slowly fell apart around us, even though we both denied it. Instead we continued to pour our time and energy into our kids. Then they left home one by one. As they did, we realized things weren’t so good and we seemed unable to fix what was broken.  Then when the last one left, we had nothing.  Things just went downhill from there.
So why the sad story on this blog? I mention that because I believe the story is all too common among married couples with kids.  They fall in love. They marry. They have a family. They focus their time on the children. They neglect one another. They drift apart. They fight but for the sake of the kids they keep the family unit. They become more critical of the other. The see the bad in one another rather than the good. They forget how to love, how to laugh, how to dream, how to see a future together beyond the immediate.  How depressing!
What I’ve learned since marrying Katie and submitting to her is the focus that is required of each of us because I have submitted and because she is in control.  By virtue of our respective positions it’s impossible to neglect the other. This morning I was blow-drying and combing her hair. I do it every day. I dry it. I comb it. When I’m done, I kiss Katie on the neck and tell her I love her. She kisses me and expresses the same.  Later I fix her breakfast, and lunch, and dinner – if I am not at work – and I do it every day.  When I walk through a door, I always open it for her – every time.  When we make love I focus on her desires and withhold my own pleasure (somewhat) so that I can last longer for her – every time.  If she wants something and tells me to get it, I do so – every time.
I could go on and on but the point is, that my submission forces me to submit to her. It keeps my mind where it is supposed to be – on the woman I love.  And we both love it.  I just got an email from a reader of the blog. He told me they are expecting their first child. They are in their 20’s.  So young. So much of life yet to live.  He shared with me that they’ve just started exploring a FLR for the past few months. How cool is that.  I immediately thought of my conversation with my co-worker. I hope that their relationship living with his wife in charge helps them avoid some of the inevitable pitfalls that every marriage goes through. I hope that his heart continues to ache for the woman he married. I hope they live to be old and wrinkled and gray and senile and yet never fall out of love.  Kind of like The Notebook, kind of a relationship.  D/s, WLM, FLR, or whatever you want to term it can help. It won’t work if the effort isn’t put there all the time but it can be a means to an end, with the end being never falling out of love.
If you are where my co-worker is, if you are somewhere where I was during the period where I raised children, I hope that you see the dangers while they are still a whisper, before the hurt the pain, the alienation ensues if nothing is done.  I hope that you take measures, whatever they may be.  If you choose to try having one submit to the other I wish you well.  Personally it is my belief that a man’s heart is more likely to wander than a woman’s and for that reason, I believe the husband should submit and trust his wife.  If nothing else, it is a good exercise for him, as well as a great place for her to be.  Divorce is painful for all involved.  Hedges need to be grown. Walls need to be constructed to protect the fragility of the marriage.  Too many arrows, darts and bombs fall too close during the years.  Speaking from experience, only a fool would do nothing once they have been given the knowledge of what may come to their own marriage in the months and years ahead.
I’m Hers

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

The Dichotomy of Freedom

I have been thinking lately about freedom and the dichotomy that exists in my life.  I love being free. Give me the time to go backpacking in the mountains where I can walk where I want, see what I want, eat as I wish, sleep wherever I find myself at the end of the day, and I am a happy camper.  I think all of us have the inherent desire to be free. The slaves wanted freedom when they lived for so many years in an unjust society. Explorers wanted the freedom to find new lands. Those venturing to the New World sought freedom. Those that crossed the Appalacian Mountains and ventured west wanted to stake their own territory and live life free from those that wanted their tax money and levy their own version of life on others. Patrick Henry uttered those famous words "give me liberty or give me death". Geeze, the state slogan for NH is 'Live free or Die'. History is filled with examples of the oppressed overthrowing the current government in a desire to be free.  Who can forget the Chinese student standing in front of a tank in Tiananmen Square.  I did a quick search double checking the reason for the protest and read that University students marched and gathered in Tiananmen Square to mourn the death of the General Secretary and voiced grievances against inflation, limited career prospects, and corruption of the party elite. (sounds applicable to me in the US now).

I've been thinking about freedom, in part because of the new 'affordable care act' that is coming to fruition in the states.  The very name of the act is a joke as we all know that medical health care insurance is about to skyrocket in the States. I mean, name me one Government program that is run more efficiently than an equal in the private sector? My freedom to decide if I want to have health insurance is no longer an option. I either have to get it or pay a fine and now my payment will, in part, pay for yours, if you are one the those that pays no taxes. That isn't freedom. To be honest, I don't like being told what to do when it comes to Washington bureaucrats making decisions that they themselves refuse to live by. 

Yet, I have chosen to live a life in which I have revoked my freedom by living in obedience to Katie.  Now granted, she does not rule me with an iron hand. In fact she rules with a gentle gracefulness with her decisions are very much dependent on how I will be affected. We had a discussion today regarding whether or not she should offer to work a half-day this weekend. She wanted my opinion and I told her I really don't care. Yet she is concerned with what I will be doing while she is off working.  I have lots to fill my time with. Yet, she is anxious about making this decision because it will infringe on our weekend together.

What to I wish? I wish she'd just make the decision that would best suit her.  I'm pretty adaptable and will work around her schedule.  It's not like I am just here for the weekend and then gone for the next month.  I'm hers and will be hers for the rest of my life.  As a man that has promised her my obedience and promised to submit to her as the head of our home, I have played my hand. I've told her that I prefer to put my freedom as it relates to our life together in her hands to give or withhold as she wishes.

What a difference in world views I have as Katie's sub versus my opinions and beliefs with respect to how I feel all US citizens should live. On one hand I don't desire any more freedom than what Katie deems necessary. On the other hand I want our Government to do less rather than more. I enjoy Katie keeping me dependent yet hate it when one of my freedoms are taken away when it comes to politics.  I don't make a boat-load of money but I sure don't work to have others take what isn't theirs.  More recently I am having to pay for others that do less.  I don't want to pay for men or women that are well enough to work yet chose to suck off of me and others that work for a living. I'm now expected (as an employed person) that it's not fair (or even right) anymore for me to keep what I've earned. I need to pay more to support those that choose not to work and choose not to seek work when they have no excuse not to.  Trust me, I know too many of these people personally. I don't think T Jefferson or John Adams or Benedict Arnold, or any of the other patriots that constructed our Declaration would agree with such a philosophy.  Personally I think they would tell our Pres and Legislature that believes as such to 'stick it where the sun doesn't shine' but of course, that is just conjecture on my part.

For those of you that disagree, feel free to wire me cash in the amount that would put a severe cramp into your lifestyle. After you do, I'll listen seriously to what you have to say :) 

I'm Hers

PS. Sorry for getting political but I needed to get this off my chest.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Submitting Just to be Rewarded?

An anonymous commenter wrote the following on a recent post: "Your submission to Katie should focus on your service to her and obedience. Your joy should come from obedience, not your own sexual satisfaction. Submitting to her entirely means you achieve pleasure in obeying her. When you truly. Submit to her, you will not be focused on your need for sexual pleasure."

In one respect I completely understood what it was to which he was referring, yet on another level I disagreed. Let me explain. To submit is to put one self second. It means a life of deference to the dominant partner. It means serving rather than expecting, giving rather than taking.  Katie has assumed this role quite nicely although her dominance is not one characterized by humiliation, physical discipline and similar actions.  However she will tell me in a heartbeat to make her a meal, to massage her at all times of the night or unlock so she can make love. She will never open a door but rather wait for me to open it for her (and do it promptly). She will leave a carload of groceries in the trunk for me to unload, sort, put away and clean up whatever mess I created. She will keep me locked no matter how many times I ask to be free and deny me an orgasm most every time I ask without and do so without any feeling of pity for me.  She gets dominance and I get submission. I know that I am married to a woman that expects me to take care of her and look after her and wait on her and if given the opportunity to let others know that I am a man who is owned by the beautiful woman standing to my side.

But the comment expressed stated that my "joy should come from obedience, not via sexual satisfaction - that obedience should be enough of a reward. I don't know that I can make love to Katie on obedience alone.  When she decides to make love I can't help but receive pleasure. I mean, I do get an erection just in anticipation of what is to come. Isn't that receiving pleasure? I do enjoy the time we are intimate. Isn't that an indication of a positive reward? She does leave me wanting every time she denies me. Isn't there pleasure and reward even in that? Yes I obey. Yes I position myself as she directs. Yes I stop when she decides, but my desire to please her and my obedience to what she wants is intimately meshed with all of the other 'stuff' that I view as positives that are a part of our time of lovemaking. 

With reference to chores, I do my chores and whatever else she wants without expecting a reward. But there is more to it than what lies on the surface. For example, the other evening, Katie told me to make baked salmon, rice and a vegetable for dinner. She also told me to mix up a small amount of a favorite orange sauce she enjoys pouring over the salmon. Oh, and I was told to make her some ice tea as well and so I did. This is the norm. I get told these kinds of things all the time and every time I am told, Katie will go off and watch TV, or do something that doesn’t involve her helping me in the kitchen or the project she has me working on. And you know what? I don’t want her to help me.  I love it when she speaks her mind. I wish for nothing else.  Why, because something inside me enjoys feeling her control. There is something about feeling her power that causes me to receive pleasure. I can't help it. It's how my mind functions and is one powerful way that she rewards me for my efforts.

The other evening, Katie told me to unlock and to lie on my back so she could enjoy us making love. Well, actually I laid there and she rode me until she had experienced two pretty nice orgasms.  When we make love from this position, I could last forever because I just don’t feel lots but Katie loves it as she can move in ways that cause her to get a nice rush and orgasm.  Last night, our time lasted but for a minute or two and she climbed off, visited the bathroom and came back to bed ready to sleep.  She didn’t care about pleasing me and I didn’t get a whole lot of physical stimulation from the episode but I loved our time becoming one.  I felt all kinds of good feelings and felt quite content both during and for a long time after. I wouldn’t mind if she did that every night because I was rewarded with feelings of pleasure. No, it wasn’t mostly physical pleasure but it sure was psychological in nature.

If you had asked me 20 years ago while a part of a vanilla relationship if I’d love making love in this way I would have told you were nuts since my view of intimacy was about getting much more so than it was about giving. I also felt that she needed to do her fair share of the work, and would have never have been content with me doing most and she doing quite a bit less.  Isn’t it amazing though how a life living with the understanding that I will NEVER ever be her equal, nor will I EVER get to make demands of her, nor will I EVER be permitted to make decisions without consulting her can amount to a life that fulfills and completes me? It makes no sense yet it makes perfect sense. It makes perfect sense because being controlled by a woman that loves me is probably my primary love language. 

So should I expect nothing? Should all subs expect nothing in return for the work and effort they put into serving and submitting to their dominant partner? Yes – and – no. Yes because a submissive man shouldn’t expect affirmation for every job done. But then again, the ‘no’ part of the equation can’t be helped because a submissive man finds pleasure, contentment, even feels complete as a man through the act of submitting, all of which fills him with pleasure.  Of course, having a wife or partner that expresses her pleasure will go a long way in adding to those positive emotions. It only need be a ‘thank you’ or a smile or hug or comment that reminds him of who he is but those gifts enhance a submissive man’s desire to continue to press on and serve as she expects him.

I’m Hers

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Enjoying our Roles

Last weekend Katie and I had a great day together. We slept in. We made love. She locked me after we rose, we spent an afternoon at the county fair. We did a bit of shopping. We shared a fun meal together. At the end of our day I found a favorite childhood movie online that we streamed on TV while I sat on the floor and massaged her feet and legs for a good hour or so.

The emotion of that day has diminished but the memories of it, to some degree, still remain.  It was a day of Katie getting to do what she wanted - some of which was mundane like picking up a few groceries - and the rest, just an ordinary day for us where she determined how we would spend it together. She decided when we were getting up, what time we left for the fair, where we walked, what things there she wanted to see, what we ate, when we left, if we were heading home or going somewhere else. She drove. She chose our destinations. She bought what she wanted when we shopped and ate out.

We spent our day together but she lived it as if she were alone even though I was with her the entire time.  She knew she didn't have to worry about me telling her to do things or go places that she didn't wish to go. I don't tell. I do make suggestions or remind her when she's told me "make sure I don't forget to do this while we are out", but I don't argue or disagree with her choices. It wasn't that she didn't want my input and it wasn't like she didn't go to see some things at the fair that were more my interest than hers, but we both knew that she was the one that would make the decisions of the day.

That evening as the movie started to play, I slid off the sofa and onto the ground taking off her shoes. I sat between her legs with hers draped over either shoulder and spent time massaging at first one foot and leg and then the other. Katie slipped out of her jeans and sat back, letting me massage and lightly touch her entire leg. Yet our focus was centered on the movie. We chatted. We didn't get kinky. We didn't even think about her being my dominant wife or me being her submissive husband.  We just enjoyed time together as a couple that love one another. She loves touch and I love caring for her in this way. We ended that evening heading up to bed with both of us having our emotional 'tanks' filled.  She got to be served. I had the privilege to serve.

I wouldn't wish for a life any different than what I have now.  She's beautiful both inside and out and fills me completely.

I'm Hers

Oh, and just before we fell asleep I asked, "How serious do you take your ownership of me?"


Who wouldn't sleep soundly after hearing that?!  Life is good

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Male Temptations and Female Leadership

While driving home from work the other evening I was flipping through stations on the radio.  I happened to hear the final minute or two of a sermon entitled ‘temptations men face’. Now ladies, vanilla ladies, ladies that are currently married or dating men who want to live lives as your parents lived, I hope you will read on.  You see, the saying that history often repeats itself is so true.  When it comes to people, we often mimic those character traits of the hundreds of generations that have preceded us. In the case of male behavior, I am certain that you, as a woman, are either currently married to, or in the case of those not yet married, will someday marry the typical man. Oh, I’m sure that he will be different than everyone else. Ha, haven’t we all heard that before.  Yet there is a reason why one in two marriages fail. They fail because people don’t live up to the standards and expectations of their spouse assumed they would. Or they fail because people change - both male and female.
I know how I lived. I won’t say that I fell to all the temptations listed below but I sure succumbed to some of them.  I'm certain that if you look at the men that you know best - your dad, your husband, your brother, etc that they are all guilty of at least one if not more of the pitfalls most men have trouble with.

But I digress …….. so I was riding home and there was this sermon on. I didn’t get the specifics because it was over soon after I found it but the topic interested me.  When I got home I went to the web and within minutes, found an outline of it.  Here are the six temptations that this pastor commented on:

Men are often tempted to:
  • Give others things instead of giving ourselves
  • Save our best for the workplace
  • Deliver lectures rather than earning respect by listening and learning
  • Demand perfection of our loved ones
  • Become involved intimately with any woman who is not your wife
  • Underestimate the importance of cultivating your family’s spiritual appetite

But you aren’t a Christian. OK, I get that, but that doesn't make you immune to temptation and the first five traits have nothing to do with one’s faith. The sixth temptation, in a FLR, really becomes the responsibility of the wife rather than the husband if the relationship is indeed a female led one. Am I not correct ladies? I mean, if you are in charge, then the spiritual health of you and your husband is your responsibility not his. You’re the leader, not him (as the implication is with respect to how the pastor addressed his audience). But let’s look at the first five.

Ladies, wouldn’t you agree that your man is a doer, a giver, a provider, much more so than he is one to give of his time to you and your family? Isn’t he more likely to take you out or your family out for lunch or ice cream than he is to sit with your daughter and play with her for an hour, or go play ball or sit and play with your son's trains with him? 

Wouldn’t you agree that when he comes home from work that he’s pretty much wasted and prefers to relax and do little or nothing rather than be an active part of your life, and your family’s life? Is he more or less likely to ask you how you've been, get up and find the kids and see how their day at school or time with their friends were and really listen and interact with each person at home? Do you find him to be active and engaging when conversing over dinner or is he more quiet and withdrawn and distant, thinking about things that have nothing to do with what is being discussed?  I can distinctly remember my kids asking me, "Dad? Dad? Dad?," As they were talking to me. They knew that although I was looking at them, my mind was elsewhere.  Sadly, what was on my mind was more important to me than what my children wanted to tell me.  And being one that did that often, they came to me less because they knew I didn’t listen well.

Ladies, do you find your man that way? Do you find that they aren’t the best listeners but are quick to blurt out their opinions before they get the full story? Listening is a skill that takes effort to learn.  Yet all men are good at it. We are great listeners at work where we must listen in order to perform well. We glue ourselves to the TV each autumn weekend to listen to the ball game and know everything there is to know about each player on our favorite team. But something happens at home. We become vegetables. We turn off the switch that is so needed by those we love most - our spouse and our children.  They want to engage us and make us a part of the family but we refuse to allow that to happen by turning inward, or elsewhere, rather than to them.

Ladies, do you find your husband to be overly critical with you? Does he complain about the house being a mess, dinner being late, the kids not getting their homework done, not having ‘his’ food in the fridge, or you never wanting sex the way he wants it (and when he wants it)? Boy, we men can lay it on thick. We can be really good at hurting those closest to us – the ones we say we love the most. I know, all I need to do is to remember back several years and that is who I was – or should I say, who I am, if not kept from my own devices and tendencies. I can be quite critical and have to consciously think to keep my mouth shut when those kinds of thoughts creep into my mind.  I'm not there yet but I sure am learning to do better.

Last, do you worry about losing your husband to another woman? Do you worry that he finds other women more attractive, more appealing, more fun, and more exciting than you? Does he make comments at suggest he might be looking outside the home for female companionship – like maybe at work, at social events, or even while you are accompanying him to a party or other event where women can be found? Does he want to watch movies that are sexual in content, or make comments about how beautiful a news anchorwoman or actress is? Maybe you fear this and worry because he’s also being critical in ways that he wasn’t just a few years ago. The fear of losing him to another can impact every area of your life because the very core of your bond is being strained - mutual trust.

Ladies, you love us and you hate us. You are drawn to us and you become exasperated by us for the things we do or neglect to do as well as the way we act, or fail to act.  If you feel that your marriage is lacking in some way. If you believe that your marriage is stale and is missing that spark and charm that should be there, then maybe you should consider taking the bull by the horns and assume a leadership role.  Maybe it’s the freedom, control and independence that your husband or boyfriend currently has that is the cause of the problem.  Maybe he just can’t help himself. Maybe in some passive way he is crying out to you that he wants you to take the burden of leadership from him and become the person in charge. Maybe he just needs you to teach him because he can't figure things out himself.

I can remember having discussions with my former wife and asking her, “just tell me what you want” or “I need you to teach me how to love you”.  Has your husband expressed those kinds of feelings before as well? Well, maybe you need to do just that and do so by sitting down and talking to him. Tell him you want more out of your marriage. Tell him you aren’t pleased with how things are. Tell him how much you love him but inform him that you need to change things for the benefit of your marriage and for him. Tell him that you want to try something for several months and get him to agree to submit to you.

If he is open to this, take control. But encourage him, reward him, compliment him, help him, correct him and do whatever it takes to teach him how to serve you - but do it in a way that encourages rather than demeans him. Build him up. Be affectionate. Turn the TV off and get him to share his thoughts and feelings knowing he can do so safely and without judgment.  Teach him how to love you the way he used to love you when you first met.  In the process, I think you will find amazing changes in your marriage. You see, all of the pitfalls stated in the sermon can be corrected and eliminated if he decides to put you first and make you the focus of his life. He will become a better listener, a better dad, less critical, more helpful, more encouraging and more talkative, spend more time with you and once more be the man you’ve wanted all along. 

But he needs to embrace this and you need to help him over the hurdles of all the changes that come with submission. You don’t need to start gigantic, but your start needs to be specific with certain ground rules in place that serve as your foundation for this wife-led-marriage and you cannot compromise.  He needs to feel your leadership. But leadership needn't come with a whip and leather dress.  Katie never raises her voice. Never. But she is uncompromising about certain things and I know better than to rebel.  I think that those that try this find that a WLM provides the needed spark in a stale or dying marriage.

Think about it ladies, and if you want more out of your marriage, read past posts for ideas. Talk to other women about your idea; make a plan; and stick to it. And if you want help or encouragement, drop me an email. I will be more than happy to help and encourage you in any way I can. Or better yet, write and talk with other women. Femdom 101 is a great place to start if you want a woman's perspective.  I wish you well.

I’m Hers

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Similarities With Submission between Genders

I happened upon the below video and associated article about the decision by a wife to submit to her husband.  What struck me was how similar her thoughts, perspectives and lessons learned are to what I've learned over the years.  She indicated how she asks more questions, and holds her tongue more as some of those traits of a submissive.  Whether you believe in the Bible or not is irrelevant but the book written is based on a woman's desire to follow a biblical perspective of submitting.   The article will take you some time to read and the video is 3 minutes long so I will limit my writing.  Enjoy.