Sunday, November 24, 2013

Financial Dependence – Part 2

When Katie and I exchanged vows to one another one of the promises I made was to forever remain financially dependent. Since that time, that is how I have lived. I am loved, cared for, have my basic needs met far beyond what I need, but I do not spend money without first asking and for the most part do not spend money at all unless it is to put gas in my car. I am given $40/month to spend as I wish and other than that, I do not see any of the income I earn. It is deposited into Katie’s account and she uses it to pay bills, purchase needed items, enjoy a meal with friends or treat the two of us as she wishes. I mentioned in the previous post that now that I have lived this way for the past year I have come to understand that I am powerless in certain respects given the financial constraints that limit my freedom to spend money at my leisure.  Quite honestly, I rarely make a purchase more than $5 other than filling my vehicle with gas.

The question that begs to be answered is ‘why?’ Why not let a husband spend as he wishes and then discuss any issues with how either party has chosen to spend ‘their’ money later if there is disagreement?  The fact that Katie controls our finances completely eliminates such needs for discussions to ever take place. Because I have been told not to spend without asking first she doesn’t ever have to worry about me making frivolous purchases. Like submitting to her as the Mistress she is, she decides, I obey. Period.  That marital hierarchy creates an atmosphere for peace in our marriage because we both understand the power structure and the limits placed on me as her submissive husband. My role is to obey. My role is not to be her slave, but we do have a marriage in which I have pledged to serve her continually.

With respect to our finances, the financial control she has is in many ways no different than controlling our sex life, our social life or any other aspect of our relationship.  Control is just that – control.  Controls can be established for many reasons – punishment, immaturity, dependency or fidelity.  Personally I believe that Katie wants to continually remind me of the latter two. I know for a fact that she loves knowing that I am dependent on her – that I need her; that I am required to talk with her about most everything because if the limits placed on my freedom. By virtue of my dependence she has created a relationship style in which I am needy for her. That makes me want her and Katie loves to feel wanted, loved, and in control.

Financial dependency as well as all other dependency controls goes a long way to ensure marital fidelity. Because Katie has created rules to keep me dependent on her I am less likely to wander emotionally, psychologically or relationally. My thoughts continually dwell on her. She is never far from me. We communicate constantly. On most days I would dare say that the longest I go without contacting her is four or five hours, and most days it is often every hour or so, at least via text or a short phone call. A Worshipping Your Wife post from Nancy addressed the topic of wives keeping track of husbands advocating it’s a wife’s prerogative to do what is needed to know where he is at all times.  I agree.  Trust is foundational to intimacy. Knowing where he is and what he is up to keeps marriages from developing those ‘hidden closets’ that can do nothing but harm a couples love and closeness.

 In many ways the two intertwine seamlessly.  Dependency and fidelity work together as a team to keep one partner close to the other.  Because so many men have difficulty remaining close to their spouse without falling to the temptation of online relationships, pornography, affairs or inappropriate flirting with women, the use of rules and limiting a husbands’ freedoms, thereby keeping him dependent, are really acts of love.  Financial dependence is one such way.  Personally I love knowing that Katie cares enough to make me feel, and let me know that I am hers – her husband, her property and her obedient husband that has promised to live a life of loving dependency to my mistress wife.

I’m Hers

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The Impact of Financial Dependence

Twice a month I get a small allowance. In my wallet I have a debit card to 'my bank account but it only contains $25 and I do not use that card. I do have a credit card but do not use it except to fuel my car for work and when Katie tells me to purchase something on her behalf. The most common reason I use the card is to purchase a meal when I have to work late.  Otherwise, I don't spend money. I don't know how much money we have. I don't know all that she spends her money on. I really don't have a clue how she budgets our finances. I don't pay the bills. I really have nothing to do with our finances. It is how she wants it and so I abide.


My employment salary is deposited directly into her checking account and any checks I receive I give to her when I get home. It is an arrangement that I really enjoy personally. I enjoy being free of having to pay the bills, worrying about what to do with excess funds etc.  As Katie's sub, she has taken that responsibility from me and takes care of all of our bills and makes most all decisions financial. I like that.


What is different however has come the understanding that I have no deciding power. I don't decide if we will drive through the night to get home or stay at a hotel.  I don't decide if we will go here or there for a vacation.  I don't decide if we will go to this concert or that ballgame or that outing.  I don't do that because I have no funds from which to pull from.  In a way it creates a feeling of helplessness. In a big way it creates a feeling of dependence.  I don't have decision power to give money to kids in need. I don't have funds to buy this big item or that smaller item.  If I want something I need to ask first and that is what Katie has told me I am open to do.  Me, I tend to not want to do that.  Much of me would rather do without than ask.
 
Yet Katie takes care of me.  I have a home that is more than comfortable. I have a vehicle that runs well and is well kept. I have plenty to eat. I have more clothes than I will probably ever wear. I have a AAA card in case I brake down and a credit card in case I find myself suddenly in need.  I am cared for. All I need to do is make a call to my wife and ask.

It's a different way to live from the way I grew up and lived for much of my adult life.  As the primary breadwinner and holder of the purse, I purchased items when I wanted. Now I don't. Now I can't. Now the decision is not mine.  I mean I have no purchasing power outside of transportation fuel and a little spending money that doesnt' last very long unless I am quite careful.  As Katie's submissive I have learned to depend on her. I've learned to make suggestions that impact us financially. I have learned to do without the unnecessary frills unless I ask permission.  It's a different way to live. I wouldn't trade it for my old life but it is different.

If I could change one thing it would be having permission to treat Katie more often to little expressions of love and kindness. Other than that, I am a content yet very dependent husband on my Mistress wife.

I'm Hers

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Women's Intimate Apparel

Men wearing women’s clothing – panties to be specific -  is a topic that I’ve delayed writing about for some time.  Three years ago, I just didn’t get it. Why would a man dress in women’s undergarments? Two years ago I didn’t get it. Last year I didn’t understand the ‘why’ behind the kink. Then came this year. I’ve been emailing a fellow sub for the better part of the year and doing so three to six times a week. We’ve become friends. He is married like me. He is married to a classy woman (like me), he’s a normal guy who love life, sports, is successful at what he does, and has a wonderful sense of humor. He is locked in the same appliance as I am. What is different is the level of oversight and strictness his wife maintains. She physically disciplines him and he knows that the discipline she provides benefits their relationship. She also keeps him locked for longer periods of time than Katie does me. She also makes him wear panties.

He and I corresponded many times on this topic.  I didn’t condemn him for being a panty wearer but I also didn’t get it either. His wife, I believe puts him in panties because she enjoys the fact that she can and even goes out of her way to purchase him purple flower ones, lace ones, pretty pink ones, etc. – you name it, if it is feminine and he would look ridiculous in them then he’s got it in his panty drawer. She sets them out daily for him to wear and enjoys keeping him in them rather than in men’s underwear and he’s been quite the advocate for Katie putting me in them too. 
Well, that’s good for him – but I just didn’t want to go there.  Then one day he wrote telling me that the panties provide an ‘extra layer of protection that keeps him safe’. He spoke about how careful he is to make sure that others don’t see him wearing them. He referred to them as his ‘extra layer of protection' and when he used that phrase, the light went on and I understood.  His wife didn’t put him in panties to humiliate him. She loves him. She cares for him. It’s very evident that they have a healthy loving relationship. But she also wants to keep him safe and she wants to remind him daily who is the boss. That’s why she keeps him locked and that’s why she puts him in women’s underwear. For that matter that is why she disciplines him when he talks back or cracks a wise comment or ignores her.  She cares enough to confront and in doing so keeps him on the straight and narrow.

When the light bulb went on and I finally understood I looked at this from a different perspective.  For example, have you ever worn your wife’s dark socks because you thought that they were yours? Did that bother you? How about a scarf of hers in the dead of winter? I have.  What about wearing women’s gloves if they were available and fit your hand – any problem with that?  Well what about women’s underwear? I mean, who would know?  That’s the process I went through in finally letting the possibility exist in my mind.  Call it rationalization or a coping mechanism if you want but those were my thoughts. 

Now, I’m not interested in anyone knowing if I put a pair on, just like I don’t care to let others know I’m locked. It’s none of their business. That extra care in keeping what is hidden under my jeans, shorts or slacks is the extra guard that my friend referred to. That is partly what protects me from succumbing to the lure of another woman. But as Katie reminded me this morning, the real guard is my thought life. But with respect to panties, they serve as another ‘kink’ that keeps a man from doing what too many other guys do and it got me to thinking.  Should I wear panties because it adds another layer of protection to keeping my marriage safe?

I talked to Katie about this. Actually the conversation occurred over several weeks, if not months, as I would read the emails I received from my friend to her. I think she understood as well. At first she conceded to allowing me to wear one of hers (our waists are about the same so I can wear her size panty). Then she gave me permission to purchase panties but I never found the kind she wants me in – bikinis. Then she allowed me to wear them on weekends. Then she started putting them out for me to wear. Then she told me that anytime I was in them I was to always be locked. Now, every time I step out of the shower there is a folded panty sitting on the counter just waiting for me slip into.  I haven’t worn a pair of my underwear in a few weeks.

My thoughts on this change? …. Personally I think they are more comfortable than men’s underwear because the material is thinner which means there is less material in the crotch area and it’s less likely to bunch up down there. But mostly I have found it to be fun. My duty ever since I submitted formally to her several years ago has always been to set a panty on the counter for Katie to wear  after she showers each morning in addition to the towel and washcloth that I always set out. I still do that but now when I walk in to shower there is a panty of her choosing set there for me to wear! We both enjoy the play back and forth. I get to choose what she wears and she now does the same for me.  When I use a public stall I am extra careful to keep the panty hidden inside my pants but I have never felt humiliated or feminine wearing them. They are just fun to wear and I do think about her most every time I have to go. Today I am in plain baby blue ones, yesterday it was purple ones with white, pink and red poke-a-dots, the day before it was a medium green with lace trim, tomorrow? …. I guess I’ll have to wait and see. 

My attitude regarding men wearing women’s underwear has changed. Personally I view it as a fun, playful addition to our marriage. It’s just another way to share playfully with one another.  I love reaching into the underwear basket in the bathroom and searching for a something pretty and sexy for Katie to wear.  I wonder what she thinks. I don’t know but I hope her thoughts are similar. I am thankful she has put me in bikinis as I am not likely to expose myself when bending over should my shirt rise up in the back and though my pants don’t fall down like some do when they reveal their plumbers butt position, I am glad that I don’t have to worry about wearing the high rise panty that is easier for others to see.  Never has Katie tried to humiliate me. She may in time want me sleep in them but she has not asked me to do so yet. If she does, I will obey her as I have promised to do.

I don’t have any panties of my own but Christmas is only a little over a month away!

I’m Hers

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Gentle ler men vs. Feminization of men

An interesting comment was written on the previous post in which I suggested if we put all men into chastity, it would curb the sexual "misconduct" so common among the male population.  The comment suggested that in addition to a chastity appliance men should also be feminized. Feminized according to the commenter meant all men should also wear women's clothing and makeup (and I assume heels as well).

I disagree.  The issue with so many men abusing women, becoming sex addicts, etc is a problem with the mind and how they perceive their right to use them regardless of what the woman wants.  Now I do agree that putting a man into chastity changes a man's mind - somewhat, but only in a limited way. It doesn't really change who he is.  I am not so sure that putting a man into a skirt, hose, heels and make-up will somehow prevent a man from spending hours looking at porn on the web, feeling like he has the right to stare at a woman's ass or breasts as she passes him in the mall shopping or feeling like he can go squeeze any woman he wants in a crowded bar.  I also don't think cross dressing would curb his desire to commit violent crimes either. If a man feels that he has the right to treat a woman as a piece of meat, then he is more likely to reveal that attitude in his life.

Personally I think there is something special about the male spirit - that wild rough grizzled side.  That side of him can do so much good. That side of him  takes chances, pushes limits, is adventurous, stands his ground, sweats and toils, protects others, goes into combat in service to one's country, is aggressive and passionate in bed, etc. The issue with any personality trait is that when taken to an extreme it can create problems.

I wish I had an answer to curbing sexual misconduct but don't. I know that the previous post on universal chastity is simply a wish of mine and not one that I would ever fathom coming true - and maybe it's best if it doesn't. Somehow the penalty for crossing that societal line, when it comes to men disrespecting women, needs to be so harsh that even the impulsive ones are afraid to cross it.  For example what if the penalty was immediate penectomy and castration if proven guilty - no questions asked. You are found guilty, you leave the courtroom and enter a back office where a simple whack and chop is performed followed by cauterization after which you either pay a fine or head to the penetentary to serve your sentence. I don't know too many macho men that would be willing to assume that risk and I also doubt there are any victimized women that would have one ounce of sympathy for that type of consequence.  But if we simply slap wrists nothing will change.  The fear of a consequence is a powerful deterrent.  As I said, I don't have the solution to the problem but it seems quite evident our judicial system, at least in the US, doesn't have one either.

I'm Hers

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Chastity and the Media

I opened my email today to write a friend that I keep in touch with often. To my surprise and to my delight I received an email. I've cut and pasted it below (deleting contact info and last name of the writer). 
 
I will let you read it first.......
 
Hello, 

I hope this email finds you well. My name is Katrina and I'm a producer at HuffPost Live - an online news network from The Huffington Post. 

We are producing a segment about male chastity and we're looking for guests to be on the show. This will be a panel discussion and we will focus on male chastity and some of its misconceptions. We are looking for guests who are open to talking about chastity and/or their own personal experiences. 

Participation is via google hangout. All that is needed is a webcam and a good internet connection and I can walk you through the simple set up process. Please let me know if this is something that interests you and feel free to reach out with any questions. 

Thank you and I look forward to hearing back. 

All the best, 

Katrina

Katrina ......
Associate Producer | HuffPost Live
 
Wow, Can you believe I was contacted? Now I am sure Katrina sent this email out to many who have blogs that indicate that the writer is an advocate or user of a chastity appliance.  I haven't talked to Katie about this but I am pretty certain that I will not be approved to get on a webcam and take part in this discussion.
 
Part of me would love to, part of me is afraid when I look honestly at my deepest emotions.  The fear is that others I know will happen to view whatever is published and remain on line until time ends. 
 
But if Katie wants me to do this then I will obey. If she tells me not to, I will obey that as well. Regardless, of what Katie desides what I find most interesting is the fact that chastity is catching the attention of the media.  If any of you wish to partake of such a conversation in my stead, write me at imhersblog@yahoo.com and I will pass on the contact info to you so you can take part.  Any takers? 
 
I'm Hers

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Making Love


There is nothing like it in all the world. Nothing. I mean absolutely nothing.  It doesn’t matter what position Katie desires to be, it is always fantastic. But why?  I am a ‘why guy’. I am always asking questions – mostly to myself. I want to know the reasons, the motives, and the rationale behind why things are done or why a person feels or acts as they do. I’m just a curious guy.  In the situation with me overstepping my bounds as I wrote in my last post I have asked myself the question many times, “what need is being filled by me going online to talk with others, whether they be men or women?”  Why do I desire that interaction?  I don’t have the answers to that yet but I am still mulling it around in my cerebral cortex in the hopes of finding an answer.  But I digress. I was discussing the good stuff – love making. Why are those few minutes so delicious?

 I do believe I have some answers to that question.  The act of two becoming one is the most intimate, the most tender and the most vulnerable of all expressions of love. When Katie tells me in one of many ways that she wants to be intimate, she expresses all of those attitudes. When she cuddles in close, presses or grinds her hips against the side of my leg, pulls me in close with more force and vigor, runs her hands over my body or squeezes my cock saying ‘Mmmm!" as she does; when she kisses me passionately while crawling on top of my body, or takes her top off revealing those voluptuous breasts. Yes, all of those actions convey her desire to take me. They communicate her appreciation, desire and love for me. It conveys her pleasure with the body she is with, but more importantly all of this attention conveys her desire, her love, of me the person inside the body so much more than enjoying my body alone.  She acknowledges the connection of two souls and the desire she expresses is simply and extension of that connection. As her sub, I find it incredibly sexy and seducing to have a woman become the aggressor. To be taken by her is incredible. To be told that she wants me is like nothing else. To have her come to me because she wants me; she desires me; she intends to enjoy me; she intends to use and tease and toy with my mind is mind-blowing.  Add on top of that the fact that she is drop-dead gorgeous makes her all the more intoxicating and powerful as my Domme. So before we have ever united she has already seduced me. I would – and do – anything she desires.  Her power; the power of that moment is so strong.

But, have you ever had sex with a person you could care less for?  Have you ever pushed yourself onto another and forced intimacy when there was no reciprocation on your partner? I have. Only once and it made for some of the worse sex I have ever had. Why? (ahh, the why question creeps once more to the forefront of the issue :).  Sex stinks in that situation because there is no melding of the minds with the body, with the act. To have great sex takes so much more than getting down and doing it the way it’s done on the big screen. It takes for two people to become one before they ever hop into bed. It takes two people to be in love. Only then, only after there is an established connection, an unbreakable bond, can love be fully and totally expressed via intercourse.


When Katie and I had our confrontation (see previous blog) we went to bed. We talked for quite some time in the dark of the room. I reassured her that I loved her and she said the same.  We held. We cuddled, but we did not make love. There was a wall of hurt invisibly barring our ability to ‘go there’. I had hurt Katie by my action. She loved me dearly. She wanted me cuddled tight behind her. She wanted to feel my hand against her breast and have me kiss the nape of her neck. She wanted to hear me breathe as I lay so close behind, but she was not open to deeper expressions of the love we shared.  If I had pushed a desire to make love with her it would have felt empty. I am so glad we just fell asleep in one another’s arms.  Uniting in love can only be shared when the minds have melded.  The woman I spoke with online was looking for that love. She so badly wants to experience that passionate connection with another man.  As we conversed I told her that the feelings she desires can never be fully met with a man that is not completely hers.  If they are not committed relationally, the times of love can be great, but the feelings afterward…… ?  I’ve been there and done that. It’s empty. One wants more. One knows that there should be more. And in the end those feelings o closeness, the fact of knowing deep within that one is loved unconditionally and with all of their faults, can never be fully experienced until there is a complete uniting of the minds through trust and commitment.  

I have never experienced the closeness I have with Katie with another woman. Part of that has to do with her desire to be with me – as a man, as two committed people, as her sub, but also as two that physically desire the other. It’s the total package that makes sex so meaningful and wonderful to experience. She really does complete me. When our naked bodies intertwine, when our lips meet, when she takes me within, it is the absolute best. And when it happens again and again and again, it is beyond compare.

Thank goodness she wants me out of my steel cage at night!!

I’m Hers.