Sunday, November 24, 2013

Financial Dependence – Part 2

When Katie and I exchanged vows to one another one of the promises I made was to forever remain financially dependent. Since that time, that is how I have lived. I am loved, cared for, have my basic needs met far beyond what I need, but I do not spend money without first asking and for the most part do not spend money at all unless it is to put gas in my car. I am given $40/month to spend as I wish and other than that, I do not see any of the income I earn. It is deposited into Katie’s account and she uses it to pay bills, purchase needed items, enjoy a meal with friends or treat the two of us as she wishes. I mentioned in the previous post that now that I have lived this way for the past year I have come to understand that I am powerless in certain respects given the financial constraints that limit my freedom to spend money at my leisure.  Quite honestly, I rarely make a purchase more than $5 other than filling my vehicle with gas.

The question that begs to be answered is ‘why?’ Why not let a husband spend as he wishes and then discuss any issues with how either party has chosen to spend ‘their’ money later if there is disagreement?  The fact that Katie controls our finances completely eliminates such needs for discussions to ever take place. Because I have been told not to spend without asking first she doesn’t ever have to worry about me making frivolous purchases. Like submitting to her as the Mistress she is, she decides, I obey. Period.  That marital hierarchy creates an atmosphere for peace in our marriage because we both understand the power structure and the limits placed on me as her submissive husband. My role is to obey. My role is not to be her slave, but we do have a marriage in which I have pledged to serve her continually.

With respect to our finances, the financial control she has is in many ways no different than controlling our sex life, our social life or any other aspect of our relationship.  Control is just that – control.  Controls can be established for many reasons – punishment, immaturity, dependency or fidelity.  Personally I believe that Katie wants to continually remind me of the latter two. I know for a fact that she loves knowing that I am dependent on her – that I need her; that I am required to talk with her about most everything because if the limits placed on my freedom. By virtue of my dependence she has created a relationship style in which I am needy for her. That makes me want her and Katie loves to feel wanted, loved, and in control.

Financial dependency as well as all other dependency controls goes a long way to ensure marital fidelity. Because Katie has created rules to keep me dependent on her I am less likely to wander emotionally, psychologically or relationally. My thoughts continually dwell on her. She is never far from me. We communicate constantly. On most days I would dare say that the longest I go without contacting her is four or five hours, and most days it is often every hour or so, at least via text or a short phone call. A Worshipping Your Wife post from Nancy addressed the topic of wives keeping track of husbands advocating it’s a wife’s prerogative to do what is needed to know where he is at all times.  I agree.  Trust is foundational to intimacy. Knowing where he is and what he is up to keeps marriages from developing those ‘hidden closets’ that can do nothing but harm a couples love and closeness.

 In many ways the two intertwine seamlessly.  Dependency and fidelity work together as a team to keep one partner close to the other.  Because so many men have difficulty remaining close to their spouse without falling to the temptation of online relationships, pornography, affairs or inappropriate flirting with women, the use of rules and limiting a husbands’ freedoms, thereby keeping him dependent, are really acts of love.  Financial dependence is one such way.  Personally I love knowing that Katie cares enough to make me feel, and let me know that I am hers – her husband, her property and her obedient husband that has promised to live a life of loving dependency to my mistress wife.

I’m Hers

No comments:

Post a Comment