Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The Impact of Financial Dependence

Twice a month I get a small allowance. In my wallet I have a debit card to 'my bank account but it only contains $25 and I do not use that card. I do have a credit card but do not use it except to fuel my car for work and when Katie tells me to purchase something on her behalf. The most common reason I use the card is to purchase a meal when I have to work late.  Otherwise, I don't spend money. I don't know how much money we have. I don't know all that she spends her money on. I really don't have a clue how she budgets our finances. I don't pay the bills. I really have nothing to do with our finances. It is how she wants it and so I abide.


My employment salary is deposited directly into her checking account and any checks I receive I give to her when I get home. It is an arrangement that I really enjoy personally. I enjoy being free of having to pay the bills, worrying about what to do with excess funds etc.  As Katie's sub, she has taken that responsibility from me and takes care of all of our bills and makes most all decisions financial. I like that.


What is different however has come the understanding that I have no deciding power. I don't decide if we will drive through the night to get home or stay at a hotel.  I don't decide if we will go here or there for a vacation.  I don't decide if we will go to this concert or that ballgame or that outing.  I don't do that because I have no funds from which to pull from.  In a way it creates a feeling of helplessness. In a big way it creates a feeling of dependence.  I don't have decision power to give money to kids in need. I don't have funds to buy this big item or that smaller item.  If I want something I need to ask first and that is what Katie has told me I am open to do.  Me, I tend to not want to do that.  Much of me would rather do without than ask.
 
Yet Katie takes care of me.  I have a home that is more than comfortable. I have a vehicle that runs well and is well kept. I have plenty to eat. I have more clothes than I will probably ever wear. I have a AAA card in case I brake down and a credit card in case I find myself suddenly in need.  I am cared for. All I need to do is make a call to my wife and ask.

It's a different way to live from the way I grew up and lived for much of my adult life.  As the primary breadwinner and holder of the purse, I purchased items when I wanted. Now I don't. Now I can't. Now the decision is not mine.  I mean I have no purchasing power outside of transportation fuel and a little spending money that doesnt' last very long unless I am quite careful.  As Katie's submissive I have learned to depend on her. I've learned to make suggestions that impact us financially. I have learned to do without the unnecessary frills unless I ask permission.  It's a different way to live. I wouldn't trade it for my old life but it is different.

If I could change one thing it would be having permission to treat Katie more often to little expressions of love and kindness. Other than that, I am a content yet very dependent husband on my Mistress wife.

I'm Hers

15 comments:

  1. Yes, it is quite different. In some ways it might be what makes the difference, at least as far as we're, more specifically, I'm concerned. Our plan is somewhat similar, to yours, excepting that I still organize all the bills and give them over to her to review, allocate the dollars, and transfer the money into the joint account which includes my $20.00 bi-monthly allowance. After I pay the bills and draw my twenty, the joint account is virtually empty till the next transfer.The money is gone. We were both always financially responsible, I just handled it all before. Tight, but it works. Or at least till this week.
    About a month or so after we began our wlm, we kind of mutually decided (taking the new wlm slow, day at a time) a new laptop was in store for her, after all, her eight year old Dell was incredibly, aggravatingly slow. It was time to bring her up to speed with my newer desktop. All was well with the world. At least till this week. My desktops motherboard went dead and the warranty was past. Guess who gets the old dell till we can fit something new in the budget. (I'm kind of sending this out with the bills, as I'm allowed to do them on her laptop as the old Dell couldn't do it - "surfing time? no not really")
    This event kind of made it all real for me. The housework, yes, maybe I could let it slide. The tasks, sure, I'll finish them tomorrow. All the rest, there is flexibility. We are happy together, she would understand, but the money part? The lack of It definitely forces you into the position you wanted to be in, in the first place. She is not stingy or greedy, just hardnosed with a budget.. She is kind, she will take care of me, but she is in control.

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    1. Part of what makes these blogs so interesting to read is the fact that one can see how amazingly similar many of our experiences are, but the opposite is just as is true, if not even more so.
      Some patterns that I have noticed are that the finances in some FLRs are run by the woman simply because that is who they are. They chose the path they will follow and it just wouldn't be any other way. Other people choose to not involve the money aspect into their relationship at all. They choose which portions of their lives they should submit to their wives. Still other men have voluntarily agreed to give over the handling of all matters of money to their wives. This is the group in which I find myself. Many husbands seem to do this as part of their submission to their wives, but now I have begun to see some additional motivations within that group to explain why men would agree to this. The next para graph explains mine.
      This is not very unique, but I tend to do something for a while, get bored, then move on, followed by likely doing nothing of importance for a while. I saw a little bit of that scenario in the first posts of 'A Queen and Her Knight'. But that is NOT my wife. Angelique handled the situation herself . Perhaps our situation is a little closer to Dan and Ellie in 'Serving Her' in that my Gail will accept our wlm as she chooses and on her terms, leaving me to accept her choices as is, which is something I am learning to do.
      But the financial impact? I knew with my nature that If I didn't have a serious stake in the game, the end result would be much as other previous ambitious resolutions in our marriage were. After the initial excitement wanes things tend to go back to what they were. Turning over the finances to Gail is that stake for me. After being married for so long, there would be no way to suggest at breakfast one morning that "I'm kind of tired of this wlm thing and oh yes , I want to move the my autodeposit over to an account I just opened in my name", and not expect to have a major upheaval occur. This is the stability I need to keep me in my place while her confidence and resolve grows in our new experience together. It is very difficult to ignore the feeling of commitment and submission this gives you after living the other way for so long.

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  2. i'd love to learn more about how you came to the current arrangement you have with Katie over finances? it is something that Owner and i have discussed on occasion and although She expects me to secure Her permission/approval for any expenditure above a set amount (£10) She has said that the idea of Her holding onto my cards etc is unpractical. i obviously accept Her decision but would be happy for Her to take greater control if She sought it.

    In your relationship whose ides was it in the first instance, yours or Katies'? Did it begin with more limited levels of control or did you go direct to the current arrangement? i imagine it must have been very challenging at first? Really just curious to know more in terms of how this developed.

    p
    x

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    1. Happy Pet,
      I read your email to Katie and we thought back to how we came to our current state. Katie had always done bills - even before 'we' ever existed. She feels comfortable doing them and wanted things to remain the status quo. I offered to deposit my checks into her account once we married and really did so as a practical expression of my desire to submit and obey, which I pledged in my marriage vow to her.

      At that point I remember discussing having an allowance and Katie decided that $20/bimonthy would be my amount. That is what I live with. However she told me that I am to put fuel expenses on a credit card, partly because she likes to use plastic instead of cash and partly because we get a percentage off on fuel when we use the card we have. It's really a decision done practically then anything else. I tend to be one that will do without by nature and at times katie will go through my wallet to see how much of the $20 still remains. If I am down to less than $5 she will often put more in there for me. She doesn't want me going without and she knows that I am careful with the funds given to me.

      If I have to (or want) to spend money when we are not together then I need to ask permission to do so. I usually do via text as that causes the least amount of 'bother' to her but if she is home alone I will call as I know she likes having me do so.

      Although Katie pays the bills, we talk about them. Not all of them although I can't ever remember a time with she has ever hidden a bill from me. She will tell me if a cable bill went up (it never goes down!) or how much we paid for electric or water or if she paid the taxes, etc. Some of our bills are on automatic withdrawal. Others are paid via check and sometimes Katie will tell me to remind her on the 14th of next month to pay bill 'x'. I keep her calendar and part of that sometimes involves reminding her about financial matters.

      In the end, my suggestion is to start somewhere. See how it works and then talk about it. You can always change the way things are done to best suit your specific situation and in the end, it will be the perrogative of your Mistress in deciding exactly how your specific household will function pragmatically.

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  3. My situation is a bit different, Mistress pays the bills and I really have no idea what we have in money. However I have a debit card and credit cards. I really don't carry cash too much. I am free to use the debit card, but she may ask what I purchased with it. Yes I answer to her on that and she has not need to answer to me but I certainly don't go without.

    As far as the rest, we plan our vacations together, decide on when we go, if we drive thru and other issues like that together. She has full veto power but doesn't want control of that, she wants our relationship in that regard to be a partnership.

    Now if we refer to other things like making dinner, doing dishes, laundry or other things she takes full control of that, I do it all, if she doesn't like something all she does is say it and I redo it.

    She always knows she has power for full authority on anything she wants but its her choice not to use it always.

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  4. Hi IH,

    Your post made me think, always does. Not about financial dependency because my spouse does not want to be in complete control of the finances. However, I do not spend for anything substantial without her approval first. What your post made me think about is, how far would I go to do virtually anything she asked of me. Is there anything I wouldn't do (within reason)? It is incredible the power these women have over us and most of them either don't realize it or don't want it. The ones that have taken the FLR the distance that Mrs Katie has knows just how good it can be and knows just how much power they have over their man. I think the key to it is that the light comes on in her head when she really realizes that this is the way you want to be loved. Make no mistake about it, a wife dominating her husband is an act of love, although not many women realize it. Some see it as a game, others do it for money, but a woman that does it as an act of love that strengthens the relationship is indeed a treasure. I think Mrs Katie is a treasure to you.

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    1. Wishful4, That was a heartfelt response. It was thoughtful and so true. You speak with the mind of one that is wise. And yes, Katie is indeed my incredible treasure.

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  5. This post shows how all encompassing your FLR is. I'm glad that it works so well for your both. The area of finances is the one area that FemDom aspect of the relationship I have with G has never gone. Maybe the fact that we do not live together impact that, but I'm not sure. This was a very insightful post.

    TB

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    1. TB,
      I would think that whether or not you and Mistress G are living together would have no bearing on how much financial control she has over you. She could have you prepare a budget, she could have you contact her when you desire to purchase something above and beyond the allowance she allows you to have. You could voluntarily have your income deposited into an account in which only she has access. You could have any automatic withdrawals such as utility bills, etc taken from that account or Mistress G could transfer monthly just enough money for you to cover all your bills and you could then provide her with receipts proving you've spent just what she gave you to spend. I would think that it would take very little effort on her part if you thought it through well and proposed options that would provide you with dependence and her without unnecessary work keeping you as such.

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  6. After S married me we went to the various banks where I had accounts and changed them so S was the primary. Female boss deposits all my paychecks into one of these accounts. I have a credit card but S reviews every bill to make sure I have not made any unauthorized purchases. When we purchase large household items (air conditioners, stoves, refridgerators) S examines them in stores and negotiates with the sellers. She often asks management if there is a place where Her husband can sit while She shops. If not, I stand behind Her, usually with eyes lowered indicating my submission. The last time we went to Home Depot the saleswoman addressed S as "Ma'am" but called me 'dear" in essence objectifying me as chattel to my Wife. I never speak to store personnel unless I am addressed and in those cases I indicate Wife is in charge. S is the only one who knows our ATM codes. Any money I earn is Her money. (S's slave)

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  7. S's slave, you and I have similar stories in many ways but my life is led by a gentle Mistress while yours is ruled by a much more firm Domme. I always love it when you post. I don't know that I'd want to have lived your life but you definitely teach me about submission and what a dominant woman is (can be) like. I wish both of you a very happy Thanksgiving. Stop by again.

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  8. Actually S is the sweetest person I know. I do not see any conflict between Her role as a strict, disciplinarian head of household and Her role as a loving Wife and sexual aggressor (I was going to say sexual partner but in bed I am NOT Her partner, I am Her subordinate and piece). FLR differs from classic Femdom in that in FLR the male is supposed to earn love by obedience. S will often bark at me "I own you, do as you're told!" but if I give Her the unconditional obedience She requires or I submit to harsh physical discipline She will usually tell me "I love you SO much!" I will work until I drop or accept having difficulty sitting down for the next three days just to hear "I love you SO much!" when She is done with me. Also FLR blogs do bring out the kink in posters. If I post "Wife whipped me last night" I think that will be more interesting to your readers than "Wife and I went to a nice restaurant, split a bottle of wine and flirted all night". (S's slave)

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    1. S's Slave,
      I really appreciated this last comment by you as it shed a new light on your relationship with S. In the past you have made comments in which you shared some of the harsher periods of your relationship and so I assumed that your life consisted pretty much of living as such. What I loved reading were the words stating your love for her as well as the intense love she has for you. She expects much from you (I assume) and tolerates little (I assume) but that doesn't mean her love and respect for you is any less and my guess is that because she expects much from you it makes her expression of her love for you carry even more weight.

      Another thought.... I never thought of a FLR as being one in which the sub/slave needs to earn the respect and love of his dominant partner. I guess I've always assumed that the love was always there although at times the performance to meeting her expectations may at times be lacking. Are you saying that S's love for you is conditional?

      Thanks for sharing.

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  9. Oh S loves me unconditionally. However, She tends to be more affectionate and indulgent when I have served Her well.

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    1. I'm sure she does. Please write again and share when you see other posts that elicit a need to respond. The D/s world needs to hear your version of what a FLR/WLM is like

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