Sunday, November 17, 2013

Women's Intimate Apparel

Men wearing women’s clothing – panties to be specific -  is a topic that I’ve delayed writing about for some time.  Three years ago, I just didn’t get it. Why would a man dress in women’s undergarments? Two years ago I didn’t get it. Last year I didn’t understand the ‘why’ behind the kink. Then came this year. I’ve been emailing a fellow sub for the better part of the year and doing so three to six times a week. We’ve become friends. He is married like me. He is married to a classy woman (like me), he’s a normal guy who love life, sports, is successful at what he does, and has a wonderful sense of humor. He is locked in the same appliance as I am. What is different is the level of oversight and strictness his wife maintains. She physically disciplines him and he knows that the discipline she provides benefits their relationship. She also keeps him locked for longer periods of time than Katie does me. She also makes him wear panties.

He and I corresponded many times on this topic.  I didn’t condemn him for being a panty wearer but I also didn’t get it either. His wife, I believe puts him in panties because she enjoys the fact that she can and even goes out of her way to purchase him purple flower ones, lace ones, pretty pink ones, etc. – you name it, if it is feminine and he would look ridiculous in them then he’s got it in his panty drawer. She sets them out daily for him to wear and enjoys keeping him in them rather than in men’s underwear and he’s been quite the advocate for Katie putting me in them too. 
Well, that’s good for him – but I just didn’t want to go there.  Then one day he wrote telling me that the panties provide an ‘extra layer of protection that keeps him safe’. He spoke about how careful he is to make sure that others don’t see him wearing them. He referred to them as his ‘extra layer of protection' and when he used that phrase, the light went on and I understood.  His wife didn’t put him in panties to humiliate him. She loves him. She cares for him. It’s very evident that they have a healthy loving relationship. But she also wants to keep him safe and she wants to remind him daily who is the boss. That’s why she keeps him locked and that’s why she puts him in women’s underwear. For that matter that is why she disciplines him when he talks back or cracks a wise comment or ignores her.  She cares enough to confront and in doing so keeps him on the straight and narrow.

When the light bulb went on and I finally understood I looked at this from a different perspective.  For example, have you ever worn your wife’s dark socks because you thought that they were yours? Did that bother you? How about a scarf of hers in the dead of winter? I have.  What about wearing women’s gloves if they were available and fit your hand – any problem with that?  Well what about women’s underwear? I mean, who would know?  That’s the process I went through in finally letting the possibility exist in my mind.  Call it rationalization or a coping mechanism if you want but those were my thoughts. 

Now, I’m not interested in anyone knowing if I put a pair on, just like I don’t care to let others know I’m locked. It’s none of their business. That extra care in keeping what is hidden under my jeans, shorts or slacks is the extra guard that my friend referred to. That is partly what protects me from succumbing to the lure of another woman. But as Katie reminded me this morning, the real guard is my thought life. But with respect to panties, they serve as another ‘kink’ that keeps a man from doing what too many other guys do and it got me to thinking.  Should I wear panties because it adds another layer of protection to keeping my marriage safe?

I talked to Katie about this. Actually the conversation occurred over several weeks, if not months, as I would read the emails I received from my friend to her. I think she understood as well. At first she conceded to allowing me to wear one of hers (our waists are about the same so I can wear her size panty). Then she gave me permission to purchase panties but I never found the kind she wants me in – bikinis. Then she allowed me to wear them on weekends. Then she started putting them out for me to wear. Then she told me that anytime I was in them I was to always be locked. Now, every time I step out of the shower there is a folded panty sitting on the counter just waiting for me slip into.  I haven’t worn a pair of my underwear in a few weeks.

My thoughts on this change? …. Personally I think they are more comfortable than men’s underwear because the material is thinner which means there is less material in the crotch area and it’s less likely to bunch up down there. But mostly I have found it to be fun. My duty ever since I submitted formally to her several years ago has always been to set a panty on the counter for Katie to wear  after she showers each morning in addition to the towel and washcloth that I always set out. I still do that but now when I walk in to shower there is a panty of her choosing set there for me to wear! We both enjoy the play back and forth. I get to choose what she wears and she now does the same for me.  When I use a public stall I am extra careful to keep the panty hidden inside my pants but I have never felt humiliated or feminine wearing them. They are just fun to wear and I do think about her most every time I have to go. Today I am in plain baby blue ones, yesterday it was purple ones with white, pink and red poke-a-dots, the day before it was a medium green with lace trim, tomorrow? …. I guess I’ll have to wait and see. 

My attitude regarding men wearing women’s underwear has changed. Personally I view it as a fun, playful addition to our marriage. It’s just another way to share playfully with one another.  I love reaching into the underwear basket in the bathroom and searching for a something pretty and sexy for Katie to wear.  I wonder what she thinks. I don’t know but I hope her thoughts are similar. I am thankful she has put me in bikinis as I am not likely to expose myself when bending over should my shirt rise up in the back and though my pants don’t fall down like some do when they reveal their plumbers butt position, I am glad that I don’t have to worry about wearing the high rise panty that is easier for others to see.  Never has Katie tried to humiliate me. She may in time want me sleep in them but she has not asked me to do so yet. If she does, I will obey her as I have promised to do.

I don’t have any panties of my own but Christmas is only a little over a month away!

I’m Hers


  1. I have no problem with men wearing panties. When I got married I always wore men speedos that looked just like panties for men and my wife liked me wearing them. We started our FLR and now I shave in places that I'm sure most men don't but my wife allows me to do so. The other day I ran out of deodorant and my wife ask me if I wanted to wear hers. I feel it doesn't make you any less of a man just do what is comfortable for you in your relationship.I would never wear anything my wife did not approve of as she makes the decisions. It all is about what works for the both of you. Just my opinion..R R

    1. Your comment made me think back to when I was young and there were only hair dryers for women, then came the adds with men blow drying their hair. I thought.... a man using a hair dryer? How stupid!. Then things changed. Men saw the practicality of it - and many bought blow dryers. Me, I use Katie's purple on most every day and think nothing of it. I guess what I am saying, is that 'normal' is in the eyes of the beholder and how odd or different one thinks they are is really a matter of personal perspective. Thanks for stopping by RR. Always glad to read what you have to say.

    2. I still don't use hair dryers…how unmanly ;)

    3. I new there was something studly about you LH. Now I know :)

  2. How interesting. Mistress Kathy reckons you're going to get a large response on this subject; there certainly is a market for feminine panties made specifically for men.

    I am amused that your correspondent and to some extent you, see wearing panties as additional protection from yielding to temptation. For something that can be removed so quickly, I don't get it. As Katie points out, the real protection is in your head (in all our heads). Cheating on our partners happens in the head first. 'Lusting' after another woman is the betrayal just as much as acting on it, as the good book says.

    Kink is fun, be it wearing women's underwear (why stop at panties?), being locked in a chastity device, collared and leashed or spanked. But true submission as we both know doesn't need any of these - it's that simple commitment to obey whatever the command and without reward (her love being everything).

    Looks like you and Katie have a fun thing going choosing panties for one another. Good on you; best wishes to you both.


    1. I do agree with the comment that errors, wrong turns, mistakes, etc begin in the head. I think the extra layer of protection my friend referred to was the additional care he needed to take against being found out. It kept him from doing certain things and in so doing, kept him out of trouble.

  3. Guys, I appreciate the perspective that you are giving here, and I admit that you are making panty-wearing sound like such a practical thing for a submissive man to do. How utilitarian!

    And yet I can't help but think about how linked femdom and feminization are in fantasy porn all across the internet. The connection has to be more than simply an added layer of protection.

    We all know the expression about "who wears the pants" in a family. It means who is the boss, and the one wearing the pants is the one that is the boss. Do you see a correlation here? I do.

    You also may have heard a man referred to as a "panty waist". Such a man wasn't much of a man, they would say. He might be unassertive or weak willed or some such thing.

    I believe all of that is related to the patriarchal mindset that says that "being a man" means taking charge, being in control, always being on top. Manhood is something you strive to attain, and if you don't, if you are "less than a man"- then you are a sissy, or feminine. Putting a man in panties is saying "he's not a man".

    A more sinister issue is that I think it also is related or descendant from the idea that men are superior to women. How could it be otherwise? For if a woman puts on boxer shorts, it's no big deal, but if a man puts on panties, it's a scandal. That can only be true in a society that values the masculine more than the feminine. In other words, if it denigrates a man to feminize him, but does not equally denigrate a woman to masculinize her, something is amiss in our value system.

    Is that why we have a femdom fetish? Because we want to denigrate ourselves? Sadly, I think that can be the case for some. I say that because it has been the case for me.

    But it doesn't have to be that way. I think that far below the desire to castigate myself is a desire to serve and obey a dominant female because I adore dominant females and want to please and serve them. I'm learning to do that without shame. And that means without wearing women's clothing of any kind. Not only because my wife would never approve, but because it's right for me for all the reasons I just described.

    It might be different for you. But perhaps this will be food for thought.

    1. Antwerp,
      I like your thoughts and I am not going to disagree with you. I was where you were up until this past year when I looked at this differently. I don't feel you are wrong about your thoughts but I do want to reiterate the why behind the act of slipping into underwear that is worn by my wife:

      When Katie permitted me to wear her panties, I did so partly because it was different, partly because it was fun, partly because we both could put out undies for one another each morning, and partly because I found them to be quite comfortable. To be honest, I don't think about what I am wearing unless I have to use the toilet. That's when I pull them down as I sit and often smile to myself as I look at what she has chosen for me to wear on that particular day.

      But taking a step back, I use the same towel to dry myself after Katie has first showered. I use the same body wash soap, we share the same deodorant. Yes, I use hers and am permitted to do so as long as I don't leave a hair on the deodorant. We share the same toothpaste. I use her blow dryer and brush, I sometimes wear her socks (and she sometimes wears mine) because I've put them in the wrong sock drawers. All that to say is that we share lots of things. No I don't wear her tops or jeans or bras or shoes only her panties and sometimes her socks.

      As I mentioned, Katie has agreed to this, because it is fun, not because she wants to feminize me. I feel more feminized when she tells me she doesnt' want me cleaning the gutter of leaves up on the third floor of a steeply pitched roof more so than when she sits panties out for me to wear. I feel more feminized when she tells me 'I don't want you hiking all that way by your self' on a backpacking venture I'd like to do than using her deodorant. For me it is more about taking away that adventuresome, risky part of me so much more than it is leaving out an article of clothing that she, nor me, nor you would ever see except for when I use the bathroom in private.

      So for some it might be that wearing an article of women's clothing makes them feel feminine and want to dorn themselves with earings and heels. Me, I'm just having fun.

  4. I'm Hers said: I feel more feminized when she tells me she doesnt' want me cleaning the gutter of leaves up on the third floor of a steeply pitched roof more so than when she sits panties out for me to wear. I feel more feminized when she tells me 'I don't want you hiking all that way by your self' on a backpacking venture I'd like to do than using her deodorant. For me it is more about taking away that adventuresome, risky part of me so much more than it is leaving out an article of clothing that she, nor me, nor you would ever see except for when I use the bathroom in private.

    Excellent points! My wife is strongly against the idea of me being feminized in any way. It even makes her feel uncomfortable when I pluck out a few eyebrow hairs- the kind that look like a small tree has taken root and REALLY need to be plucked.

    Yet, she often doesn't allow me to do things she thinks are dangerous. I think I'm going to respectfully bring up your points here. If nothing else, it will reassure her that I really do want to be a man!

  5. Go for it with your wife. A good discussion is never a bad idea. And I can identify with the tree trunk eyebrow hairs. I use a shovel instead of tweezers. :)

  6. I wear panties 24/7 and have over 60 pair. The silky feeling is wonderful against my cock and balls on days that I am not locked. I wear hip briefs, Jockey Tactel, or Vanity Fair Body Caress. They are smooth and silky and fit perfectly around my balls. Seeing some pictures of men in panties, you can see that they do not fit right. A small pair from your wife does not do it. My wife wears size 5 and Myself size 7. We have many matching panties and several times a week we will coordinate.

    My wife rubs my cock and balls every morning. She may remove the CB 6000 cage portion, or some days I am unlocked. There is not much to compare the great feeling of having them rubbed thru a silky pair of panties.

    1. All Hers, I'm glad that you enjoy them. I hope that you too wear them because you enjoy them mostly - and not because it makes you less of a man. Wearing an article of clothing is just that - an article of clothing. It does not however make you more or less than who you are inside as a person. thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts.