Today Katie asked if I would like an item we saw at a hardware store. I deferred the question as it was quite expensive and although I 'could' use it, it wasn't like I needed it.
The above are but two examples of times in which she is asking for my opinion on something that entails me making a financial decision. Because I don't handle the money and because I am her submissive, I struggle with answers to such questions. I struggle, in part, because I don't know our financial situation. To say, let's eat out every day this week might be nice but that doesn't mean it is a wise choice nor one we can afford. I feel like I don't have all the pieces of the puzzle in my mind to answer. Of course, I'd like to eat out when the other option is me making a meal, but then again, if we did it all the time, eating out wouldn't remain a special event.
When asked about purchasing larger ticket items, like the example given in the hardware store - in this case the item was several hundred dollars, I feel guilty in saying, "yes, get that for me." I don't need it. I don't deserve it. I can live without it. Those are the types of thoughts I feel when confronted with such a situation. Yet if I were given permission to purchase Katie something that was more expensive, or if she were to tell me that she was seriously considering purchasing a larger item for the home or for us I have no issues at all embracing her choice to do so.
I assume that by considering the purchase she knows that we can afford it. I also know that this is something that she wants and my immediate reaction is to affirm her thoughts because I know she'd be pleased by not having a husband that challenges her all the time. Yet, going back to the hardware store option where Katie wanted to get me a fancy workbench, I told her today I didn't need it. I heard her make a comment in fun (yet I know there was a bit of seriousness to it as well) that I was a Grinch when it came to getting gifts at Christmas. But the truth is, I really don't. I've lived without it so far and can see myself making due without one in the future.
Where I am going with all this is this: now that I have not had financial control of my life for quite some time, and because my tendency is naturally to spend less rather than more, I find that treating myself to items is getting harder and harder to do. I will not tell her that I want things unless I feel that I really need an item. Generally I don't walk through stores anymore and see an article of clothing, a tool, a sporting goods item, etc and think, "I'd really like that.". I wonder if that is mostly due to the fact that I have lived without spending money for so long now and because I do not handle the budget that the desire has simply waned.
As I look back on the last year or two living with less - meaning that I've seen something, thought that I'd like to have that, but decided not to purchase or ask for it, has not made me less happy. Having just a little less has not created a hardship that has negatively impacted me. I am happier now than I have probably ever been and have all that I could ever have wanted - most all of which has nothing to do with something that can be purchased with money.
I would be really interested to hear the perspectives of others in a similar situation (limited financial freedom) to see if, you now feel less deserving or desiring of personal items above and beyond the basics since you gave your income to your wife to hold and distribute as she feels the need to do so. 2) If your desires/needs/wants/cravings for the nonessentials has grown less over time simply because you do not have the funds to self purchase.
Love to hear others thoughts and views.