Friday, December 13, 2013

Getting Older isn't all Bad

I’ve been reading a book series by Jim Butcher called the Codex Alera. It’s a fantasy and one I’d put in the same category as Tolkien’s books. There’s good guys, bad guys, animal like people that talk, etc.  There is a struggle between good and evil with evil often so close to prevailing over good but it never does.  At one point in the story the First Lord makes a comment to a younger Lord regarding a battle decision.  The First Lord exerted supernatural power temporarily putting the enemy back on their heels and then gives the order to retreat. The younger Lord begs that they press the attack.  The First Lord holds his ground while the younger states the idiocy of the decision.  At that point the First Lord makes a profound statement and says, “If I was younger I would have agreed.”

Later in the book the reader realizes that the First Lord retreated not once but many times in order to draw the enemy out and away from their resources, their supplies and their source of strength before launching a counter-attack.  I haven’t read the final chapter to know the outcome but I do know there is one more book so the good guys must have won in the end :) The First Lord exhibited foresight and patience, even when an opportunity presented itself immediately.

I thought of the person I am now, a man approaching ‘old age’.  I realize more now that my perspective as an older man is one significantly wiser than when I was younger.  I am not condemning youth. Don’t take this as a put-down to being young.  I can’t dunk a basketball anymore and miss that feeling.  Geeze, I can barely touch the rim, even on a good day. But I am less impulsive. Way less insecure. I don't feel the pressure to dress like everyone else or worry what others think about me nearly as acutely as when I was in my youth. I can make love so much better.  I realize that making love is not akin to a sprint but more like enjoying a meal - only in our situation she gets to enjoy the desert while I don't. It isn't a 3 minute romp but rather a half hour of becoming one in body mind and soul, all of which unites us as a single entity while physically and emotionally intertwined.  At age 20 or 30 I didn’t have a clue making love was anything more than a quick pleasurable act to satisfy some basic need I had - most likely lust.
When young life was all about getting. Getting the girl; getting the job; getting more stuff and more things; climbing up the various ladders of success that others told me I needed to climb. My focus was on fitness, looking good and being the best.  Now all of that has merits but I realize that real joy is not in stuff but in people and relationships.  Real joy is not in the prestige of the job but in the love of the work and people I work with regardless of how others view the value of the company I work for. Life is not about making money, although having enough sure makes life easier in many ways, but about spending time with others. I realize now that there is so much joy in giving and so much less in getting, whether it’s taking time to talk to a person that is hurting to laying prone and building a Lego fort with a boy or sitting cross-legged with a bow in my  hair while sipping pretend tea with a five year old girl that feels completely loved merely by my attendance to her special event.

As Katie’s submissive I find joy in giving her a massage late at night, holding her tight until I hear her breathing deepen and know she is asleep for the night in my arms or surprising her in some small way that produces that genuine smile I love so much. 

Now that I’m older I’ve slowed down. My weight hasn’t changed much since school but my son doesn’t hesitate to tell me that my six-pack is now a small keg and I have more aches in the morning than I did at any time previously. My mind is failing too. For the life of me I sometimes can’t remember where I parked only minutes before and have to intentionally think where I’m parking before I head  inside to shop just so I can find the car when I leave without hitting the key fob again and again. I’m falling apart but I have so many years of experience that has taught me many life lessons. 
I think, I hope, I’m a better man as a result.  I love to cuddle so much more now. And could do it for hours. I love touching Katie - her hair, touching her back, massaging her feet, without having the slightest intent of hoping for more (in the bedroom). I don’t mind being told what to do. I love feeling her control. I love obeying. I have learned to give up the whole 'control freek' lifestyle and it is so freeing. Freeing beyond words. I love making Katie smile. I love hearing her giggle even more. I am more respectful, and more understanding of others. I have learned that the grays in life are ok. That it doesn't always have to be black and white. I've learned to pick and choose my battles and realize that friendships are more important than saving face. I am more confident as a man, less insecure over little things like keeping up with the neighbors. I listen better even though my hearing is worse. I love life’s little things like grand kids, flower gardens, a walk on the beach, a warm evening rocking outback with a glass of wine and Katie snuggled in tight.  I have realized that ‘being’ is as much, if not more significant than ‘doing’.  I love being told what to do rather than cringe at another order from my spouse.  I understand that denial while making love has served to bring me more joy than I could have ever imagined.  
I understand the significance of the first Lord’s comment in the book I’m reading now and the wisdom of such a comment.  I love being a part of discussions with the ‘old timers’ because I know that they have years upon years of wisdom that they share all the time if the young would only be patient enough to really hear what it is they have to say.  It took me until I was in my forties to realize that. I love watching old coaches coach. They tend not to scream and yell like the young ones but they know how to coach. They realize the game is more than about x's and o's but about creating a team and getting their constituents to realize a team is greater than the individual.  

I've learned from the wise ones. I listen to them now more carefully, especially the ones that are successful and innovative. They sometimes utter true pearls of wisdom like, ‘don’t try to prove yourself right but try to prove yourself wrong’ or ‘absolute consistency is a sign of a small brain' or 'rules without a relationship lead to rebellion' all came from older men. I won't try to expound upon them but will let you chew on them for awhile. Enjoy.

I’m Hers


  1. I very much enjoyed the wisdom of this post, like that of so many others you share here. And that's why I come.

    So many of the young man's femdom fantasies are for the moment. Fantastic, until orgasm brings remorse. But lives together as couples aren't made of those things.

    I'm learning a bit of that now. And I appreciate the fellowship.

  2. Antwerp,
    I am glad you enjoyed the read. Hope it was helpful. Hope you might be able to do some self reflection of your own to see where you were, and have come from - and more importantly where you are headed. We can't change the past but we have the ability to impact the future - even if the scope of that impact only affects a few. I'm learning that there is a ripple effect. I effect one, who in turn often effect more than a few others. Thanks for sharing.

    1. That ripple has certainly affected me profoundly. In the last few months of reading, learning and putting into practice things I've learned about loving obedience on I'm Her's blog, I've grown and so has my relationship. By focusing my efforts on romancing, serving, loving and obeying my sweet Queen, our relationship has deepened and strengthened, and is a whole lot more fun now!

      Not worrying about those external factors and not worrying about hiding my faults both allow me to tune into my wife, like a real man should, and have energized my marriage. The reminders from you gentlemen to keep the communication open with one's partner, and to let her dictate the pace of our FLR, have been a huge blessing!

    2. HSS, you flatter me. I hope that as much or even more the things you've been able to do have come from the other 'older' contributors that have written here often. There is much to be learned from others that have lived under female leadership for years (something I so badly wish had been my life) but even if newer, older folk have a different perspective on life than when they were younger. In either case, I am so happy for you and your Queen. Treat her as such my friend and you will do fine.

  3. Very Nice! I completely agree with your points, different sport for me than your basketball analogy but it means the same. The knees ache every morning and sometimes at night when I get into bed but the knowledge I possess now more than makes up for the physical limitations I have these days.

    Good Post!!!

    1. SOS, but the mind, the brain is going. Thoughts are slipping.... like you have a conversation and four hours later you remember the conversation but for the life of you you can't put a finger on who it was you were talking to. LOL Sounds like your aches are from years of football or rugby. Thanks for stopping by

  4. Only very recently I read your story of November 17th about wearing panties.
    I very well do understand your wife's point of view that you are not allowed to wear panties while you are not locked. Wearing panties may be a stimulance to masturbate and it is clear that she does not want to run any risk after your abuse.
    A rather long time has passed since the abuse.
    Therefore a further interesting question is whether your wife has ever allowed you to sleep a whole night without the device since your abuse even if you two were not engaged in any amorous play that night.


    1. Marie, Love to have new folk share thoughts on the blog. Welcome!! And do stop back and share again. You benefit all those that read.

      As to your questions and comments..... you know, wearing panties (for me) is just something fun to do. It in no way makes me want to pleasure myself. It really doesnt. I am a visually stimulated guy and looking at me in the mirror dressed only in panties is not something that excites me - AT ALL :)

      Katie is all about her. For the most part, I sleep locked. Over our Thanksgiving holidays I remained unlocked for 4 days (and nights). I would guestimate that I am unlocked 1 night a week - sometimes two. It all depends on her wim - and sometimes if the device is uncomfortable when pressed against her is she wants to snuggle with me that close.