Sunday, December 8, 2013
I received an email a few weeks ago from a man I’ve been writing. One of his emails contained this comment: …. "anyway, does Katie always tell you when to do things? Often I just do things of my own accord because I can see the laundry needs doing, and ‘her’ closet is a mess so I should straighten it up, and this, and that, etc. Which doesn't necessarily make me feel submissive even though I know I am. It is at these times I think that I think "this sucks". But I know that when ‘she’ gives me a direct request it gives me those sub feelings and I am happy doing whatever she needs. Maybe that's the key - somehow finding the balance of maintaining the feelings. I just guess at times I feel like I'm half in and half out. Like maybe we aren't doing it "right" even though there isn't necessarily a right or wrong way."
Today I spent a weekend day pretty much alone. Katie left for work after I made her breakfast and didn’t return for another ten hours. Before she left I asked if there was anything she wanted me to do and she couldn’t think of anything. I enjoyed a day to myself. I did do the wash for the week and just got the last of things returned to the closet and dresser. I also decided it was time to make chicken soup. I love chicken and turkey soup. I mean I love it. Katie enjoys it too but doesn’t particularly enjoy the smell of poultry cooking. So today was the perfect day to make a pot and cook to my hearts’ content. So I went to the grocery store and loaded up with what we didn’t have at home and chopped onions, celery, carrots, and added other veges and spices while I boiled that bird for hours.
I spent the rest of my day working on a writing project that I’ve been toying with and just relaxed. It felt good to have nothing pressing and do nothing for a few hours. It felt really good. Once the soup was ready, I filled several quart containers of it to be frozen – six to be exact - and still had plenty for us to enjoy for a few meals. When the cooking was finished I washed pots and pans and scrubbed the stove top clean. It was then that I thought of the above paragraph, specifically the sentences referring to doing things that sucked and the comment on not feeling submissive all the time. I remember those days and from what I know of the writer (above) he has only recently submitted to his wife – and is a younger man.
While scrubbing the stove I realized that I was taking pride in cleaning it. I wanted it spotless, and then I attacked the counter making sure there was no sign of my project left when Katie got home. I didn’t purposely clean because I felt submissive. I did it just because. No other reason, just because. It didn’t suck and I didn’t feel any submissive thoughts. Those thoughts, for the most part, have long since past. It’s like being a parent for the first time. It’s new, and it remains new for awhile. But after a few years and after the second or third come along, it’s just who one is – a parent. The excitement is gone and the adult just does what a mom or dad does – care for and love their child. Submission is that way for me, and I am realizing dominance is pretty much that way for Katie too. We are who we are and each simply does what we do as an extension of our respective positions as submissive and dominant.
Have you been where the man that wrote me is? Have you experienced my feelings – or maybe better put, the lack of feelings while still remaining just as obedient to the one that owns you as you were when you first gave her your all? Elizabeth Kubler Ross is the one credited with categorizing the stages of grief. I think she would put ‘this sucks’ in the depression – stage 4 – category. If so, there is only one more stage for my new friend to pass through before he gets to the final, and healthy place in life – acceptance of who he is – a submissive man. If you have submitted but feel that life sucks at times or isn’t fair or should be different, hang in there. Hopefully you will realize it is who you are and if you internalize that fact, you will come out the other side a better person, a better man, and a more loving and caring submissive husband.