Thursday, January 30, 2014

Single White Submissive Man seeks Dominant Woman

Ladies, here is an ad I'm posting as a favor to a submissive man for those of you who visit my blog:

A few months ago a man wrote me via the Imhersblog email that I posted to the right of the blog page.  From the time I read his first email I knew this man had his head on straight. He was sensible, intelligent, accomplished both professionally and athletically, very stable financially and generally a man that made me, the reader, feel at ease from the first email he sent.  During the past few months we corresponded discussing a number of topics.  At some point he spoke of his desire to find a Christian woman 'like Katie'. He spoke of the difficulty of finding such a woman even though he lives in a metropolitan area.  I suggested he try online avenues and even offered to post an ad on his behalf here on the blog.  He accepted the offer and wrote the ad below.
If you are interested in talking with him, write the imhersblog email and I will forward your email on to him. From then on I will be out of the equation.  Before I sign off, ladies, if you have not read the femdom101 blog comments from Kathy's post on 1/25/14 written by Sandra, I ask you to do so.  She stated so clearly the issue she has regarding the hang ups women have and their uncomfortableness in being part of a non-traditional 'female dominant' relationship and marriage.  Here is a genuinely fine man who is looking. He has much to offer. He's the kind of man I'd hope my daughters might bring home some day. 
If interested, email me and see what life might hold for you. Here is his ad:
Capable, Good Hearted Man Seeks Warm, Sensual, Somewhat Dominant Woman - 53 - Chicago, IL
It feels good to be at a place in life where I finally feel comfortable just being honest with myself about who I am and what I can offer in a relationship. I'm a capable, masculine and successful guy who has enjoyed many rich experiences in life.
I've been fortunate to have a few quality women in my life. But over time what I've learned is that I need to be with a woman who understands that I have a submissive side, and that this doesn't make me any less of a man. I'm now seeking a certain kind of special woman who is open minded and adventurous enough to be willing to explore my submissive side. If she does she will discover a man with a good heart and a genuine desire to serve her. Could this be you? If so, I would work hard in my service to you to make sure you remain the most cherished, secure and satisfied woman you know. My hope would be that in time you would come to relish the benefits of having a devoted submissive man, who would be your knight to the outside world and would lovingly serve you in private.  

I'm not into anything extreme but I would love things like tease & denial, orgasm control, CFNM, body massages, body worship, oral service and even chores. I would love it if you could genuinely enjoy and embrace being in control and allowing your man to serve you. This dynamic is very much a win-win with the right woman. You love being in control and being served...and I love submitting and serving. Perfectly complimentary desires!

I'm a SWM, successful in life, leader in my work and social circles, accomplished, good conversationalist, lots of love to give, athletic/fit and well rounded. For the right woman distance is not an issue.

Please be a SWF who is in tune with herself, open minded, preferably Christian, good values, independent, healthy lifestyle, somewhat fit, slender, non-smoker, firm, intelligent, sensual, attractive and clean (ddf). Early 30's to early 50's.
I'm looking forward to hearing from you!
Much thanks and appreciation to I'm Hers for his kind words on my behalf, and for being willing to post my ad here on his wonderful blog!

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Chastity Thoughts for Women to Consider

I don’t even remember when Katie and I both agreed that using a chastity appliance should be a part of our relationship. My guess is it was in late 2010. We started with the CB6000 and moved on to a mature metal Jailbird when the 6000 broke. My thoughts today have not so much to do with the devices themselves as with the mental changes that take place when locked in such a device and the relational benefits associated when wearing one. I feel these thoughts are directed primarily to women since most men having an interest in male submission already associate that with 'kink' and not simply a way to promote intimacy.  They want to be locked. They want leather, tease, pain and punishment although none of those are essential qualities to a relationship. I consider them as secondary and only ones that a couple might opt to try as a form of 'play'. Most women however, find the thought of chastity as being odd, weird, distasteful or even abusive. Ladies, I hope that for the next few moments you'd put aside any previous feelings and thoughts you might have regarding male chastity and read this from the perspective of consideration. Allow yourself to consider the possibility. Whether you commit to it is your choice ultimately and not mine.

The takeaway point to this post is this: chastity changes a man for the better. If a woman can get past the thought that by keeping her man from touching his penis via the use of a plastic or steel device is a bad idea and realize that this innate, harmless appliance can re-frame him into viewing his wife (and women in general) in a more positive and healthy way she might see the advantage to keeping him chaste. 

My premises: Men are selfish. Men are sexually charged beings. Men are programmed to mate. Men have a desire to bond with a woman (just as women have a desire to bond with a man). Men tend to be conquerors and when they conquer one task they move onto the next. In the case of relationships that can be a very bad trait. Men are doers. We tend to be more active. We are built to work – physically, more so then women, which is why men’s testosterone levels are higher and the drive to mate greater. All of humankind is pleasure-seeking, vs pain-seeking. Combining that trait with men’s insatiable desire for sex, masturbation is the logical outcome. Adding the human trait of us all to have a propensity to being selfish one can easily surmise that problems are bound to occur relationally - and they do. All one needs to do is look at marital success/failure statistics. They are abysmal.

If a woman can get past the ‘I think this is going to hurt him’ phase, or ‘this is going to cause him to be less of a man phase’ so much good can result.  And before I delve into that, do we have any problem wearing a knee brace to allow the knee to work with less pain and more strength? Do we have any problem taking a drug to help us fight a tendency for depression or high blood pressure?  The answer of course is no. We use ‘aids’ whether physical or pharmacological all the time.  Do we have a problem putting a funnel over a pet’s neck to keep them from chewing open stitches after they’ve been to the vet? Can you see where I am going with this? Chastity is necessary for men (most men) because they can’t help but do certain things if left to their own vices.

If the wife/partner can move past that issue and step out in faith purchasing such a device Good things result. They gain power over their husbands use of his genitals. They hold the key keeping him chaste or can use it to unlock him. Assuming they keep him chaste things happen. Internal tension is created within. He now has this ‘thing’ ‘down there’ that he feels all the time. He has to sit to pee. He’s afraid to use the urinal in fear that a friend or stranger might notice him and so he uses the toilet instead. He has an erection every now and then but can’t fully engorge beyond the limits of the appliance.  Those are the adjustments to which he will slowly accommodate, and he will adjust. We all do. It’s not the end of the world. Far from it.

He will also not be able to touch himself – unable to pleasure himself.  As a result his sexual tension will slowly increase. He will want to do what he’s always done but now can’t. He will be frustrated. He will want out. The question a woman needs to ask herself is should I let him out? If I do, now what? If you do let him remain unchaste and unsupervised, know he will want to satisfy himself, after which he will suddenly calm and once more be the same old Harry or Sam 'couch potato' that he was before the device went on. But…… but what if you don’t let him out. Then what? Hmmm. Now comes a teachable moment. A time to learn. A chance to become a better man. If he isn’t let out then the tension will increase but over time he will get use to it.  There will be an internal battle of finding ways return to the status quo. Assuming his partner/wife doesn’t particularly like him lusting after her or others in ‘that’ way while he proceeds to satisfy himself, she can resist his conniving and manipulative attempts to convince her that he ‘needs’ out (oh grow up! :) and keep him locked.  What happens is quite interesting. His dopamine levels increase over a three-week period causing him to become quite a bit more affectionate and outward seeking to please his partner/wife. His sexual desire for her grows insuring her of continual affection. He will want to have sex and will therefore spend more time doting over you in an attempt to woo you into going 'there'. I know that want to be close to Katie, touch her, kiss her, massage her, and she loves that attention. I know that I can't push hard in the hope that sex will be forthcoming but I also know that I can't help but to be that way. I know it is hormonal but I can’t seem to help from being more affectionate than after I’ve been permitted a release. If permitted that release hormone levels drop and I (and all men) return to their old ways.

I can tell you this. Katie loves me that way. There isn’t a chance in the world that I will ever be permitted to remain unlocked, free to be tempted to have the releases I want.  Katie loves the attention. She loves the affection. Hates the thought of men masturbating. Loves the doting and constant referral of her as my Mistress or my Domme. She enjoys that quite a bit more than a man that falls into the typical pattern of the ‘older boyfriend’ or ‘I’ve been married for a while’ husband that slacks off when the honeymoon period ends.

Another positive effect of chastity is husband’s inability to control the bedroom. He can try and if you want to enjoy him you can accommodate. You can play also keep him locked, yet enjoy his foreplay attempts as he tries to soften you but nothing requires you to get your key out and allow him to go where he wants. You can allow him to treat you in other ways and still keep him locked.  You can also become one with him if that is your desire.  The choice again is yours as the one holding the key.  That might sound cruel in some ways – meaning that he can’t do what he wants anymore but do you know what happens when you don’t always comply? He comes to realize that intimacy is not a drag race of getting you to say yes, and then streaking to the finish line where he flops over exhausted (and depleted of dopamine) then falls asleep. That is not intimacy. That is him being selfish. That is him telling you he was going to please you when in reality, at least part of that intimate act was really him enjoying you for his own self enjoyment. 

If you want to change him further all you need to do is to tell him that he can’t reach orgasm when you do make love. If you want to experience lovemaking in a way that you’ve never experienced previously that is all you need to do.  If he abides by that expectation, he will slow down; he will prolong your time together; he will come to learn what you enjoy most. He will learn to look outward rather than focus inwardly. He will make you the focus of your time together. He will learn that he can enjoy the feelings associated with real intimacy without losing it all in one momentary rush of adrenaline. He will learn how to please you more. He will learn how to satisfy you. He will learn how to deny himself and in the process feel those incredible rushes of sexual excitement and tension that last way longer than the old way, and when you decide enough is enough you can leave him with a dopamine high that will keep him wanting you for the remainder of the day and into the days following.

If you allow this to take place over weeks and months he will learn to give rather than take. He will learn how to slow down rather than rush things to a climactic end. He will learn to trust you and look to you for direction and guidance. He can’t help but come to admire you for the strength you demonstrate. He will become a better man, a more tender man – not less of a man – but a better man indeed. And he will become all of that if you only trust your gut and the empirical evidence of thousands of couples that have already used chastity, Consider putting any preconceived ideas regarding how bad male chastity is aside and take control of him. Take your man back. Own him and he will love you for it. 

Now I am but one person. But I know several other men who are locked as I am. Their wives are very pleased and very content. We all live under different house rules but all have similar qualities – we have all learned how to love our wives at a deeper more giving level because those women had the courage to take control of their man and help him become a better one by locking him – keeping him only for her.

I’m Hers 

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Submission is an understanding

On our way back from our 2-day getaway Katie stopped and ran in to a department store. I didn’t ask why. She came out several minutes later and we continued driving home.

The evening before, while in our hotel room, Katie readied for bed and proceeded to place a bottle of massage oil on my night stand.

When we shop at a department store, after paying, I usually gather the purchased items and take them to the car, if Katie grabs the bags before me she will hand them to me. 

Each morning she showers, dresses and leaves me to clean up the bathroom and bedroom and promptly fix her breakfast when I come down stairs.

While Katie showers, I quickly check her emails, deleting the junk and leaving only those messages in her inbox that would interest her. I brew coffee and have a hot mug ready for her when before she is finished so she can enjoy it while she dresses and gets ready for the day.

Whenever we travel, I always open the door to the driver’s side of the car wait for her to get settled, give her the car keys and close it before walking to the opposite side of the car to take my seat. 

There are many habits that we have established since Katie has taken over as the head of our home. There are many expectations and the above list is but a sampling of some of the rules she has put into place. The point to sharing some of our routine is that as the head of our home, Katie has taught me that there are certain expectations she has of me to either do or not do. I do carry packages to and from the car when we shop but I do not drive the car. I do delete her junk emails but I do not open those that are none of my business.

When she accepted my desire to submit, she took control of our relationship. She lives her life and has taught me to live my life, in part, so that I can allow her to enjoy her life more fully.  As I stated in a post last month, I have a purpose. That purpose is to obey and serve as I am capable.  It is not my prerogative to buck every move she makes or do things my way when I know she would disagree. For example, while we were on our little getaway, I wanted to stay on the beach longer one afternoon but she wanted to leave. She asked if I wanted to stay but I responded by telling her I wanted most to do what she wanted, which was to go.  And so we did.  I didn’t ask if we could stay longer because I knew she wasn’t interested. In hindsight, it was no big deal and I’ve long since learned that usually when I do things her way there are often reasons and/or unseen benefits in doing so.

I don’t want you the reader to feel that I’ve given up my life, my hopes, my aspirations and trashed them all just so I can slave away on my wife’s behalf. In a way I did give up everything but I also gained a ton more than I put aside. When significant moments in life happen – marriages, funerals, bad accidents or illnesses, it makes one realize what in life is most important. It’s not the hot car, the boat, the closet full of clothes or the immaculate home and yard. Rather it’s those we love most – our spouse, kids, family.  I gave up some of the things of my past when Katie took me as her own but I got Katie in return. I got her love. I gained her affection. I got a woman to love and care for. There is no boat, car or home that can equal that. Additionally I got to experience dominance. She got a submissive husband. She got to live a life free of some of the pains that I now take care of. We both found what we were looking for and we both feel very loved in the process.  

All that to say submission is an understanding. I could also say dominance is an understanding. It’s an understanding of our respective roles and duties and obligations. We have vowed to live as such for the remainder of our days. Katie has the understanding that if she tells me to do something, it will be done. I have the understanding that when I hear that command, I act.  Katie has the understanding that she does not need to come to me for financial decisions. She sometimes does but mostly she handles our money and I have no clue how it is being spent and budgeted.  Katie has the understanding that she will not be bothered with a man that begs and paws for sex. She knows those attitudes are off limits for her husband and I know that I will wait patiently for when she is ready to take me to be enjoyed.  That is not to say I am not to be affectionate as I am – all the time but there are limits to where I go with that affection.  

In some ways one might compare dominance and submission to a parent child relationship and in many ways the parallels are quite similar. Just as the parent has all of the freedoms, so does the Dominant wife. But the parent also bears the responsibility of running the home, instilling values into their children, setting parameters, teaching and training them to be the man or woman they want them to be.  A Dominant wife bears those same responsibilities – leading, guiding, teaching, training, disciplining, molding and shaping the man she owns.  Assuming that the wife loves and respects her man, the relationship can be beautiful indeed. I can say that I know of several such relationships and each is characterized by love and intimacy not typically found in most vanilla marriages.

I’m Hers

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Developmentally Stunted?

A couple of months ago I received an email from another submissive man. He made the comment that a reason men might submit is because their growth may have been stunted.  Now that statement caught my attention. He spoke of a situation in the Bible where a wife ‘led’ her husband who was mentally impaired.  Now you may not think you are mentally impaired but that all depends on what your point of reference is. I would think that if we were in the company of Da Vinci or Einstein we’d all rethink our position. I’ve also long since learned that although it is human instinct to justify one’s position that it is usually a wiser choice to look at things from the other perspective. One of the best speakers I've ever heard spoke again and again about "don't prove yourself right, see if you can prove yourself wrong". His point being that anyone can justify our current thinking, position, belief but it's only by looking at things differently that one is able to improve on those foundational principles. And so I gave it some thought.

And after giving that statement thought I'm not sure I have an answer. I can only speak for me. I don’t know anything about you if you are a man, or about your submissive if you are a woman. What I do know is that one's development is multifaceted and it has nothing to do with intelligence.  I have a family member that has Asbergers Syndrome. He’s brilliant and received a full scholarship at age 16 to a major university in the US. He could do all the academic work but he couldn’t handle the social aspect of college life, decided not to attend class and promptly flunked out.  That was some time ago. Since then he’s gotten back on his feet and successfully attending a smaller school more suited for him – developmentally.
The question posed has more to do with emotional rather than educational or intellectual or physical development. I have stated on numerous occasions that I shy away from conflict. That impacts my decision making, especially when that decision affects others. I don’t relish the conflict. I don’t like the internal tension and so I prefer that Katie just speaks her mind so we can move on.  I find an immense amount of security in her leadership. Yet at work my role is to be ‘Katie’, to take charge and tell others what it is they are or are not to do. It doesn’t bother me in the least. Maybe that is because I don’t feel personally invested in them the way I do with Katie. I know I don’t find disappointing them but despise ever doing anything that would hurt or make Katie feel less of me.

To submit is synonymous with being a follower – mostly. A submissive obeys rather than gives orders. A submissive lives to please rather than commands others to do things they may or may not want to do. A submissive lives a life mostly pretty much devoid of power, choice, options, freedoms.  So to be ‘that’ person, does that also imply that there are developmental deficiencies in that person as well? Do men find security and contentment in being led because they can’t effectively lead (a marriage) or because the feel some deep need to be led by a woman?

Life is a continuum of developing. We gain physical abilities, learn to think on deeper levels, become less impulsive, more wise, more thoughtful, understand the value of speaking less and listening more, etc.  One might argue that because I am older than you I am likely further ‘developed’. One might argue that because you are older than me, I am less mature than you. That doesn’t mean that you or I can’t function within the norms society dictates. That doesn’t mean we both can't be successful at work or at home or enjoy healthy relationships. I mean a 17 year old high school kid can get by fairly well, but then again, can you remember how 'under developed you were at that age? We are all growing. I just wonder if maybe this guy might be onto somethings. The fact that we can function normally doesn’t preclude us submissive men from feeling, (needing might be the better word choice here) the security and control and leadership of our wives because we function best when following those we love most rather than taking them by the hand and pulling them were we want them to go. 

Me, I love to be led by Katie. I love feeling her strength. I love to have her decide – and all of that has nothing to do with kink. Rather when she shows her Mistress side, I feel secure. I don’t always like that I have to exert effort when she tells me to work, but I do love knowing I am married to a strong woman who has claimed me as her own.  Does that mean that I am developmentally stunted when compared to those men that enjoy leading without the associated negative feelings that I sometimes feel?
Now don’t go try proving yourself right, but take a moment and consider the same comment made to me. What do you think, might the submissive man that wrote me be onto something?

I’m Hers

Friday, January 10, 2014

Is That Normal?

Yesterday morning I came into the room and found Katie. She looked up at me from her seat and said simply, “I’ll take my breakfast now.” She smiled politely and I left for the kitchen to get the two of us some food to eat.

Later that day I wrote an email to an old friend, her name was Jill and she loves the New England Patriots. Tom Brady specifically. I decided to call her Jillzele in my email as Tom’s wife is the supermodel Gizele Something or Other.  I commented to Katie that I’m hopeless, having got my ‘teasing gene’ from my father.  She responded by saying, “at least got his submissive gene as well.”

A few days previous, Katie made a remark indicating how much she likes keeping me locked.  When she makes remarks like these, it’s never done to humiliate me but rather simply statements of fact.

I thought about those remarks and about the surrounding feelings she often causes to surface when she makes those comments.  The realization of a phrase came to mind: I am not a normal man.

I mean, how many men take time out of their day a few times each week just to write a blog and publicly share their thoughts and experiences of their marriage knowing it was probably far different in some respects than any other marriage on their neighboorhood?

How many men sit, out of necessity when they use the toilet – because their wife keeps them locked in a plastic or steel cage? Mine happens to be made of steel.

How many men are permitted to make love to their wife but not to enjoy the same ecstasy that she experiences? And in that vein, how many men submit to their wife, only making love when she wishes and furthermore, lets her be in charge of not only when, but in what position, for how long and with a mindset of pleasing rather than receiving pleasure?

How many men said the word ‘obey’ when they married and meant it?

How many men have no claim to the income they earn, but entrust it to their wife to manage?

How many men vacuum, meal prep and clean up, wash, etc. without being told to do so because they know that she expects her spouse to do it for her?

How many men enjoy corresponding with other submissive men via email because it serves as a support to the life they live?

How many men advocate obedience, respect and submission to other women and do so by telling other young men to treat the female gender as one to be treasured and looked up upon?

How many men are proud to be known as a submissive man?

How many men hope that they can influence other men to submit and even more, encourage other women to take control of their man and marriage as a way to greater intimacy, marital harmony and order?

I am not normal. Are you? Is your husband?

I’m Hers

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Gifts from Katie

To My Husband with Love
In case you were wondering…..
I notice how hard you work to make things the best they can be.
I notice how much you give, never expecting anything in return.
I notice that you never forget to play or laugh or love or make me feel important…..
And in case you were wondering, I notice how incredible you are at being a husband and still finding time to be my friend.

The above words are from a card Katie got for me. Interesting how cards, cards from our local Target department store, can contain words that mean different things to different men.  I’m sure many a wife has purchased that card as a way to express their appreciation to their husband for the things he does around the home – all while they maintain a vanilla relationship (50/50 relationship). For me (and for Katie) that simple card meant quite a bit more than saying, ‘hey thanks for being a good guy’. It spoke to Katie, when she discovered it, because she wanted to find a card for her submissive husband. She found words that expressed that and did so in a way that reflected her – being a gentle domme.  When I opened and read that card, I smiled. Actually I laughed and gave her a big kiss for thinking of me in the way she did. I LOVE being her submissive husband. I LOVE that she is my Mistress. It fills me in ways I cannot completely describe.

For Christmas she had more surprises for me. Three pair of panties, a couple of kitchen ‘flippers’ – the kind use to flip a fried egg, and a pair of knee pads (nice ones a carpet layer would wear) so I can clean the tile floor in comfort (isn’t she thoughtful? :). 

I love her surprises. They make me happy. They fill me in some way with contentment. And of course, they serve as reminders – and will do so for many months to come – of who she is to me and who I am to her. We don’t live as equals and I would not want it any other way.

What did you get/give for Christmas that reminded you that the two of you aren’t equal? Love to hear from others.

I’m Hers