Saturday, January 25, 2014
Chastity Thoughts for Women to Consider
I don’t even remember when Katie and I both agreed that using a chastity appliance should be a part of our relationship. My guess is it was in late 2010. We started with the CB6000 and moved on to a mature metal Jailbird when the 6000 broke. My thoughts today have not so much to do with the devices themselves as with the mental changes that take place when locked in such a device and the relational benefits associated when wearing one. I feel these thoughts are directed primarily to women since most men having an interest in male submission already associate that with 'kink' and not simply a way to promote intimacy. They want to be locked. They want leather, tease, pain and punishment although none of those are essential qualities to a relationship. I consider them as secondary and only ones that a couple might opt to try as a form of 'play'. Most women however, find the thought of chastity as being odd, weird, distasteful or even abusive. Ladies, I hope that for the next few moments you'd put aside any previous feelings and thoughts you might have regarding male chastity and read this from the perspective of consideration. Allow yourself to consider the possibility. Whether you commit to it is your choice ultimately and not mine.
The takeaway point to this post is this: chastity changes a man for the better. If a woman can get past the thought that by keeping her man from touching his penis via the use of a plastic or steel device is a bad idea and realize that this innate, harmless appliance can re-frame him into viewing his wife (and women in general) in a more positive and healthy way she might see the advantage to keeping him chaste.
My premises: Men are selfish. Men are sexually charged beings. Men are programmed to mate. Men have a desire to bond with a woman (just as women have a desire to bond with a man). Men tend to be conquerors and when they conquer one task they move onto the next. In the case of relationships that can be a very bad trait. Men are doers. We tend to be more active. We are built to work – physically, more so then women, which is why men’s testosterone levels are higher and the drive to mate greater. All of humankind is pleasure-seeking, vs pain-seeking. Combining that trait with men’s insatiable desire for sex, masturbation is the logical outcome. Adding the human trait of us all to have a propensity to being selfish one can easily surmise that problems are bound to occur relationally - and they do. All one needs to do is look at marital success/failure statistics. They are abysmal.
If a woman can get past the ‘I think this is going to hurt him’ phase, or ‘this is going to cause him to be less of a man phase’ so much good can result. And before I delve into that, do we have any problem wearing a knee brace to allow the knee to work with less pain and more strength? Do we have any problem taking a drug to help us fight a tendency for depression or high blood pressure? The answer of course is no. We use ‘aids’ whether physical or pharmacological all the time. Do we have a problem putting a funnel over a pet’s neck to keep them from chewing open stitches after they’ve been to the vet? Can you see where I am going with this? Chastity is necessary for men (most men) because they can’t help but do certain things if left to their own vices.
If the wife/partner can move past that issue and step out in faith purchasing such a device Good things result. They gain power over their husbands use of his genitals. They hold the key keeping him chaste or can use it to unlock him. Assuming they keep him chaste things happen. Internal tension is created within. He now has this ‘thing’ ‘down there’ that he feels all the time. He has to sit to pee. He’s afraid to use the urinal in fear that a friend or stranger might notice him and so he uses the toilet instead. He has an erection every now and then but can’t fully engorge beyond the limits of the appliance. Those are the adjustments to which he will slowly accommodate, and he will adjust. We all do. It’s not the end of the world. Far from it.
He will also not be able to touch himself – unable to pleasure himself. As a result his sexual tension will slowly increase. He will want to do what he’s always done but now can’t. He will be frustrated. He will want out. The question a woman needs to ask herself is should I let him out? If I do, now what? If you do let him remain unchaste and unsupervised, know he will want to satisfy himself, after which he will suddenly calm and once more be the same old Harry or Sam 'couch potato' that he was before the device went on. But…… but what if you don’t let him out. Then what? Hmmm. Now comes a teachable moment. A time to learn. A chance to become a better man. If he isn’t let out then the tension will increase but over time he will get use to it. There will be an internal battle of finding ways return to the status quo. Assuming his partner/wife doesn’t particularly like him lusting after her or others in ‘that’ way while he proceeds to satisfy himself, she can resist his conniving and manipulative attempts to convince her that he ‘needs’ out (oh grow up! :) and keep him locked. What happens is quite interesting. His dopamine levels increase over a three-week period causing him to become quite a bit more affectionate and outward seeking to please his partner/wife. His sexual desire for her grows insuring her of continual affection. He will want to have sex and will therefore spend more time doting over you in an attempt to woo you into going 'there'. I know that want to be close to Katie, touch her, kiss her, massage her, and she loves that attention. I know that I can't push hard in the hope that sex will be forthcoming but I also know that I can't help but to be that way. I know it is hormonal but I can’t seem to help from being more affectionate than after I’ve been permitted a release. If permitted that release hormone levels drop and I (and all men) return to their old ways.
I can tell you this. Katie loves me that way. There isn’t a chance in the world that I will ever be permitted to remain unlocked, free to be tempted to have the releases I want. Katie loves the attention. She loves the affection. Hates the thought of men masturbating. Loves the doting and constant referral of her as my Mistress or my Domme. She enjoys that quite a bit more than a man that falls into the typical pattern of the ‘older boyfriend’ or ‘I’ve been married for a while’ husband that slacks off when the honeymoon period ends.
Another positive effect of chastity is husband’s inability to control the bedroom. He can try and if you want to enjoy him you can accommodate. You can play also keep him locked, yet enjoy his foreplay attempts as he tries to soften you but nothing requires you to get your key out and allow him to go where he wants. You can allow him to treat you in other ways and still keep him locked. You can also become one with him if that is your desire. The choice again is yours as the one holding the key. That might sound cruel in some ways – meaning that he can’t do what he wants anymore but do you know what happens when you don’t always comply? He comes to realize that intimacy is not a drag race of getting you to say yes, and then streaking to the finish line where he flops over exhausted (and depleted of dopamine) then falls asleep. That is not intimacy. That is him being selfish. That is him telling you he was going to please you when in reality, at least part of that intimate act was really him enjoying you for his own self enjoyment.
If you want to change him further all you need to do is to tell him that he can’t reach orgasm when you do make love. If you want to experience lovemaking in a way that you’ve never experienced previously that is all you need to do. If he abides by that expectation, he will slow down; he will prolong your time together; he will come to learn what you enjoy most. He will learn to look outward rather than focus inwardly. He will make you the focus of your time together. He will learn that he can enjoy the feelings associated with real intimacy without losing it all in one momentary rush of adrenaline. He will learn how to please you more. He will learn how to satisfy you. He will learn how to deny himself and in the process feel those incredible rushes of sexual excitement and tension that last way longer than the old way, and when you decide enough is enough you can leave him with a dopamine high that will keep him wanting you for the remainder of the day and into the days following.
If you allow this to take place over weeks and months he will learn to give rather than take. He will learn how to slow down rather than rush things to a climactic end. He will learn to trust you and look to you for direction and guidance. He can’t help but come to admire you for the strength you demonstrate. He will become a better man, a more tender man – not less of a man – but a better man indeed. And he will become all of that if you only trust your gut and the empirical evidence of thousands of couples that have already used chastity, Consider putting any preconceived ideas regarding how bad male chastity is aside and take control of him. Take your man back. Own him and he will love you for it.
Now I am but one person. But I know several other men who are locked as I am. Their wives are very pleased and very content. We all live under different house rules but all have similar qualities – we have all learned how to love our wives at a deeper more giving level because those women had the courage to take control of their man and help him become a better one by locking him – keeping him only for her.