Saturday, January 25, 2014

Chastity Thoughts for Women to Consider


I don’t even remember when Katie and I both agreed that using a chastity appliance should be a part of our relationship. My guess is it was in late 2010. We started with the CB6000 and moved on to a mature metal Jailbird when the 6000 broke. My thoughts today have not so much to do with the devices themselves as with the mental changes that take place when locked in such a device and the relational benefits associated when wearing one. I feel these thoughts are directed primarily to women since most men having an interest in male submission already associate that with 'kink' and not simply a way to promote intimacy.  They want to be locked. They want leather, tease, pain and punishment although none of those are essential qualities to a relationship. I consider them as secondary and only ones that a couple might opt to try as a form of 'play'. Most women however, find the thought of chastity as being odd, weird, distasteful or even abusive. Ladies, I hope that for the next few moments you'd put aside any previous feelings and thoughts you might have regarding male chastity and read this from the perspective of consideration. Allow yourself to consider the possibility. Whether you commit to it is your choice ultimately and not mine.

The takeaway point to this post is this: chastity changes a man for the better. If a woman can get past the thought that by keeping her man from touching his penis via the use of a plastic or steel device is a bad idea and realize that this innate, harmless appliance can re-frame him into viewing his wife (and women in general) in a more positive and healthy way she might see the advantage to keeping him chaste. 

My premises: Men are selfish. Men are sexually charged beings. Men are programmed to mate. Men have a desire to bond with a woman (just as women have a desire to bond with a man). Men tend to be conquerors and when they conquer one task they move onto the next. In the case of relationships that can be a very bad trait. Men are doers. We tend to be more active. We are built to work – physically, more so then women, which is why men’s testosterone levels are higher and the drive to mate greater. All of humankind is pleasure-seeking, vs pain-seeking. Combining that trait with men’s insatiable desire for sex, masturbation is the logical outcome. Adding the human trait of us all to have a propensity to being selfish one can easily surmise that problems are bound to occur relationally - and they do. All one needs to do is look at marital success/failure statistics. They are abysmal.

If a woman can get past the ‘I think this is going to hurt him’ phase, or ‘this is going to cause him to be less of a man phase’ so much good can result.  And before I delve into that, do we have any problem wearing a knee brace to allow the knee to work with less pain and more strength? Do we have any problem taking a drug to help us fight a tendency for depression or high blood pressure?  The answer of course is no. We use ‘aids’ whether physical or pharmacological all the time.  Do we have a problem putting a funnel over a pet’s neck to keep them from chewing open stitches after they’ve been to the vet? Can you see where I am going with this? Chastity is necessary for men (most men) because they can’t help but do certain things if left to their own vices.

If the wife/partner can move past that issue and step out in faith purchasing such a device Good things result. They gain power over their husbands use of his genitals. They hold the key keeping him chaste or can use it to unlock him. Assuming they keep him chaste things happen. Internal tension is created within. He now has this ‘thing’ ‘down there’ that he feels all the time. He has to sit to pee. He’s afraid to use the urinal in fear that a friend or stranger might notice him and so he uses the toilet instead. He has an erection every now and then but can’t fully engorge beyond the limits of the appliance.  Those are the adjustments to which he will slowly accommodate, and he will adjust. We all do. It’s not the end of the world. Far from it.

He will also not be able to touch himself – unable to pleasure himself.  As a result his sexual tension will slowly increase. He will want to do what he’s always done but now can’t. He will be frustrated. He will want out. The question a woman needs to ask herself is should I let him out? If I do, now what? If you do let him remain unchaste and unsupervised, know he will want to satisfy himself, after which he will suddenly calm and once more be the same old Harry or Sam 'couch potato' that he was before the device went on. But…… but what if you don’t let him out. Then what? Hmmm. Now comes a teachable moment. A time to learn. A chance to become a better man. If he isn’t let out then the tension will increase but over time he will get use to it.  There will be an internal battle of finding ways return to the status quo. Assuming his partner/wife doesn’t particularly like him lusting after her or others in ‘that’ way while he proceeds to satisfy himself, she can resist his conniving and manipulative attempts to convince her that he ‘needs’ out (oh grow up! :) and keep him locked.  What happens is quite interesting. His dopamine levels increase over a three-week period causing him to become quite a bit more affectionate and outward seeking to please his partner/wife. His sexual desire for her grows insuring her of continual affection. He will want to have sex and will therefore spend more time doting over you in an attempt to woo you into going 'there'. I know that want to be close to Katie, touch her, kiss her, massage her, and she loves that attention. I know that I can't push hard in the hope that sex will be forthcoming but I also know that I can't help but to be that way. I know it is hormonal but I can’t seem to help from being more affectionate than after I’ve been permitted a release. If permitted that release hormone levels drop and I (and all men) return to their old ways.

I can tell you this. Katie loves me that way. There isn’t a chance in the world that I will ever be permitted to remain unlocked, free to be tempted to have the releases I want.  Katie loves the attention. She loves the affection. Hates the thought of men masturbating. Loves the doting and constant referral of her as my Mistress or my Domme. She enjoys that quite a bit more than a man that falls into the typical pattern of the ‘older boyfriend’ or ‘I’ve been married for a while’ husband that slacks off when the honeymoon period ends.

Another positive effect of chastity is husband’s inability to control the bedroom. He can try and if you want to enjoy him you can accommodate. You can play also keep him locked, yet enjoy his foreplay attempts as he tries to soften you but nothing requires you to get your key out and allow him to go where he wants. You can allow him to treat you in other ways and still keep him locked.  You can also become one with him if that is your desire.  The choice again is yours as the one holding the key.  That might sound cruel in some ways – meaning that he can’t do what he wants anymore but do you know what happens when you don’t always comply? He comes to realize that intimacy is not a drag race of getting you to say yes, and then streaking to the finish line where he flops over exhausted (and depleted of dopamine) then falls asleep. That is not intimacy. That is him being selfish. That is him telling you he was going to please you when in reality, at least part of that intimate act was really him enjoying you for his own self enjoyment. 

If you want to change him further all you need to do is to tell him that he can’t reach orgasm when you do make love. If you want to experience lovemaking in a way that you’ve never experienced previously that is all you need to do.  If he abides by that expectation, he will slow down; he will prolong your time together; he will come to learn what you enjoy most. He will learn to look outward rather than focus inwardly. He will make you the focus of your time together. He will learn that he can enjoy the feelings associated with real intimacy without losing it all in one momentary rush of adrenaline. He will learn how to please you more. He will learn how to satisfy you. He will learn how to deny himself and in the process feel those incredible rushes of sexual excitement and tension that last way longer than the old way, and when you decide enough is enough you can leave him with a dopamine high that will keep him wanting you for the remainder of the day and into the days following.

If you allow this to take place over weeks and months he will learn to give rather than take. He will learn how to slow down rather than rush things to a climactic end. He will learn to trust you and look to you for direction and guidance. He can’t help but come to admire you for the strength you demonstrate. He will become a better man, a more tender man – not less of a man – but a better man indeed. And he will become all of that if you only trust your gut and the empirical evidence of thousands of couples that have already used chastity, Consider putting any preconceived ideas regarding how bad male chastity is aside and take control of him. Take your man back. Own him and he will love you for it. 

Now I am but one person. But I know several other men who are locked as I am. Their wives are very pleased and very content. We all live under different house rules but all have similar qualities – we have all learned how to love our wives at a deeper more giving level because those women had the courage to take control of their man and help him become a better one by locking him – keeping him only for her.

I’m Hers 

28 comments:

  1. Why is no one commenting on this beautiful, well thought out posting?

    Keeping a man locked is a new and growing social phenomenon. The young women of today need to understand the value of these devices in maintaining a healthy relationship with a man. This is especially important for young families with children. Once a wife has a child or two it becomes more tempting for a husband to stray. Men and women work together. They travel together for business. The temptations for a man are far too many. In modern society wedding rings mean little. This is all resulting in a divorce rate that is far too high. The husband who is kept under lock and key will always come happily home to his key holder. And the beautiful part of all this control is that it is most often the men who want it.

    Locking devices should not only be for the submissive male who wants to be under female control, but should be available for most men who travel or who away from their wives on a semi regular basis. As part of accepting a marriage proposal, the smart young women of today should insist on the security of having their man under lock and key.

    Kathy

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    1. I have a feeling that many men readers are already locked and unfortunately, too few women have found/read this blog. I wish more did. As to your comments, I agree. Maybe there will be a time when these devices can be purchased in stores rather than mail order. Maybe wearing them will become common enough that going through airport security with a metal device won't cause problems. But regardless of the hassles of airport, I agree completely that men left alone will find trouble be it hotel TV porn, web porn, adult establishments or other women who also happen to be traveling as well.

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  2. Another great post. And I guess you are right, most of your readers are male and are probably locked - or who would be if only their wives would have the courage to give their man what he wants.

    The challenge most men who would embrace a life of service/submission to their wives and/or enforced chastity is that their women resist and sometimes ridicule their man's desire. It is interesting that both you and Mistress Kathy are posting on similar topics and both recognising women's reluctance to accept their man's gift of submission.

    It takes courage for a man to submit to his wife; to hand over control of his time, money and the ability to pleasure himself. And yes, it takes courage for the woman to accept these gifts, to put up with his whining when he doesn't get unlocked when he wants. But the result for the couple who stick with this FemDom path is a man who expresses his love and devotion in his actions everyday and a woman who's life is enhanced by the service and obedience of the man she now owns.

    Katie is a very lucky lady.

    Tony

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    1. Tony,
      Life takes courage. And this kind of courage needent be much, especially if 'he' wants this. I believe it takes more thought on the guys part and only guidance on the womans. She can solicit his help as much or as little as she wishes and structure their marriage according to her wishes. If he is really willing to submit, he will adjust and they will both reap the benefits.

      Tony, you keep telling me I am a blessed man to have Katie and vice versa. Aren't you blessed to have your wife and she you as well? I hope so. Thanks for the compliment!

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  3. It would be nice to have the ability to find a good...no great device at a local store. The fit has to be right, the base ring the "tube" the length....This would be great to have a local mix and match supply. Buy the ring you need, then the "tube". The CB6000 broke for me as well. The "cheap" metal device needs modification to fit properly. The Mature Metal is rather expensive and has little true recommendations for fit lest you purchase the fit rings. A sort of difficult trail if the economy has hit you hard.

    As for the results you are spot on. More women should be referenced to your blog. Kathies Fem Dom101 as well. How much would this save in court fees later?

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    1. Good thoughts Nordicman, you know, it takes the forward thinking in this world to make $$. Here is your chance. Find a supplier that can build you metal rings and cages and find a store to sell them in. YOu could make a mint.

      As an aside, I love being locked. Absolutely love it. I know I am completely hers and that I can't ever fall to a temptation - ever.

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  4. I am one with Nordicman up here.
    Recently I came across some different ways to play. They included him not being locked up. Chalk it up to experimentation.... I played with allowing him to release while making love and not. What I found was that neither of these were what we really need.
    He NEEDS to be in a device as well.
    Without it, even if he has not been allowed to release, his attention fizzles throughout the day. He doesn't come to bed and shower me with attention. He just cuddles up and goes to sleep. Now I am WELL aware, I can initiate more. But it seemed more like work at that time. So I tossed it and tried to go to sleep myself.
    Nordicman has been having an AWFUL time with his device. He pops out. It is to small or too big. Yes we need them more readily available. I miss him locked up in his.
    WillowFae

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    1. Willow Fae,
      So what will you do? Leave him out? Lock him up? How much is him showing you with affection worth? You know he needs locking, I'd be interested to see how you resove that in the days ahead. Thanks for stopping by - and you know, your husband is like many husbands - they need to be locked. I know, I'm one like him.

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    2. Oh I really need him to be locked for me as well as for him. You are VERY correct.
      I believe we will be trying a device called the Holy Trainer. The shape of the ring is different and may make the world of difference. I will have to keep you posted. I am not thrilled with "the look" but at this point don't really care. I just want something that is actually going to do the job. I am finding myself rather frustrated with all this. This part is supposed to be easy! LOL And it is NOT. I also have issues with holding onto the key. I lost more than one...... Not good. Someone recently had to cut himself out of the device because he popped out at work. What a sight that must have been!

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    3. I've never heard of the Holy Trainer before. Spent some time researching the design and pitfalls of it. Sounds like it is comfi for night time erections but some noted that it is a bit flexible and moves, making pull out easier. I wish you well and hope it works for your man. Love to hear how he feels about it after wearing it a few months.

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    4. I will indeed let you know. His slip out have not been through the top. He keeps popping gonads out..... Which apparently is VERY painful......

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  5. I'm a dominant woman, currently single. I do see the argument that when it comes to their sex drive, men can't help themselves, so as with dogs, a collar to keep the dog from chewing on itself after surgery is essential. But there is a part of me that hates the idea that I have to lock up my lover's penis to ensure his fidelity, his not masturbating, his servicing me selflessly. Is it utopian to want a sub man who doesn't need a chastity device for him to be faithful and selfless? I don't have the answer and any input would be welcome!

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    1. Anonymous, dominant woman :)
      Thank you for taking the time to post. I do appreciate you honesty in sharing how you hate to think about 'your man' having to be locked. But the facts remain - we males are pretty sexually driven and the desire to reach an orgasm is really strong. Really strong. I don't think it is out of the question to want a man to be disciplined enough to withold self pleasure just for you but I do believe it's pretty impractical. Can I ask of you to not have any temperment change when you are having your PMS or period? Can I ask you not to ever show emotion that indicates you are angry when you are? I can ask, but I don't know that you could fulfill your end of the deal. Hormones are pretty tricky chemicals. They mess with us in ways that make it almost impossible to override.

      I remember when Katie felt sorry for me. She always had me unlocking. Anytime she saw me with it on she'd ask if it hurt and sometimes just told me to keep it off for a few days at a time. But over time she got use to it. Over time she understood the value of it being on, and for the longest time she had me only wear it when I was awake. It came off at bedtime. I miss those times. I wish she still permitted that but she doesn't. I mention that because you can control your man as much or as little as you wish. I also believe age as something to do with the sex drive. As men age, their testosterone levels diminish (just listen to radio ads on this topic) and so does their sex drive, and probably their desire to masturbate as well.

      Anonymous dominant woman, do stop back again and share. I wish more like you would - and please read the next post to go up in a few days. :) That's all I'll say for now. Have a great evening.

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    3. Anonymous,

      I am not sure of a perfect answer, everyone is different, my Mistress does not lock me up and feels she can trust me. That trust helps me follow her rule to abstain. No I am not perfect in most ways but that is one I have been able to do. However keep in mind a couple things, I usually don't have to go more than 2 weeks without a release. If she made me go a month or more I am not sure I could be trusted either. So for us it works.

      That doesn't make me a better sub than anyone else it's just one point that I can follow without failing. Keep in mind a couple of other factors.

      First she knows me like a book, if I masturbated she would know, I am horrible at hiding things from her. She ALWAYS seems to pick up on when I am hiding something from her. Second if I failed and she found out she would be sad and possibly say, "If this isn't that important to you then we won't do it anymore, go ahead, stroke it whenever you wish." I think that would hurt me worse than any punishment she could possibly give me.

      So is it utopian, I don't think so but I don't think self imposed chastity is for everyone. Just as there are probably things that are easier for some subs but difficult for me. We are all just different and need a "Custom set of rules" to live by. No two are the same.

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    4. Maybe the words "Self imposed Chastity" should read "Chastity without a device."

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  6. I am not locked, it's not something Mistress likes the idea of. She is one of those girls who would say, "You aren't allowed to play with it but I want you to refrain because you know I don't want you to not because you have no choice." Mistress is big on allowing choices but "instructing me" on making the correct choice.

    Of course we are all different and your post makes perfect sense. I actually agree with most everything you wrote about but at the same time I am glad I am not locked.

    If Mistress decided to lock me of course I would happily go along with it but I don't think it's in our future.

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    1. SOS KK, maybe you are the one that could answer the anonymous post above. Is this woman too utopian to believe that a man can't live as you do and not violate her trust? Or do you stumble and fail at times because you have no physical deterrent? I'm sure she would love to hear your thoughts.

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    2. I tried to answer, not sure if it will shed any light for her.

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  7. Though I try it is almost impossible to stay in the "serve" mode when not locked up. It is a short transition now when I am locked up. Minutes now will cause quite the change. So I would say that yes I can be sub when not locked but am so much more when I am. Yes I would say it is rather Utopian to want what you could have without taking the steps to insure they happen. To get the stepford husband/boyfriend a woman wants I believe that a lock up is the way to go. To many ways to stumble. If you are let to yourself and the woman teases you I bet eventually you will take the issue into your own hand.

    As for popping out it is an issue with one nut being smaller than the other. I have no issues with my penis slipping out- it tends to be tucked away inside the "tube". So best of luck to all with fittings!

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    1. Thanks for sharing Nordicman. I agree with you completely. It's just too easy to give in to one's desires and then regret it later.

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  8. Dominant woman here: Thanks for the input. My issue is not that I would feel sorry for my partner, I just want his fidelity and masturbation to be controlled without us having to resort to using any devices. But yes, perhaps utopian.

    A question to the sub men already in a FLR: do you ever fantasize about other women? About men? Be honest! Do you look at other women when your partner is not around? Can a Mistress be your "thought police"?

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    1. Dominant woman, if you care to, I'd love to have you email me via the email on the top right. Like to ask you a question privately.

      Thanks for clarifying your thoughts (above). I can say this about fantisizing. When I was unhappily married I did. Now that I am happily married I don't. But it's almost impossible to not notice other attractive women when I see them but I don't go further than that. I notice their beauty and think, "she's an attractive woman" but I wouldn't call that fantasy. And I think a mistress can be a man's thought police. I say that because if she has the courage to ask probing questions and he as the courage to answer honestly and be open, then I think that is truly possible and in fact, a wonderful way to build intimacy, due to the openness and trust in one another. Please stop back again!

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    2. I am in the same boat as I'm Hers, when I was in a unhappy marriage I fantasied about being with other women. Now I don't.

      HOWEVER....I do fantasize about other women in a submissive nature. For instance I fantasize that Mistress is making me serve her friends while she has a party, the other women boss me around and use me as a servant. Nothing to do with sex though, and my Mistress always seems to be there controlling the situation. So I really don't consider that fantasizing about other women. Just my opinion.

      As far as looking at other women, yup I sure do. I don't think its possible to ignore an attractive girl. I do find myself trying to find out if I think they are dominant in the way they walk or act. I know that doesn't work that way but its a fun game for me.

      As far as thought police, I don't know if I can answer that properly, I do believe Mistress effects the way I think, not sure to what degree though. I will tell you without a doubt she is my "Action police" I like to look at pretty girls but I would not dare to turn my head as they pass or give them a passing glance. She wouldn't like that so much.

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    3. Great question, Anonymous Dominant Woman.

      I no longer fantasize about other women. My beautiful wife is all I need, I and feel satisfaction in belonging to the woman who owns me and loves me.

      It feels wonderful to be freed up from lusting after other women. Like I'm Her's, I certainly recognize and respect a beautiful woman, whether it's her physical beauty, intelligence, wisdom or sweet countenance. I don't need to fantasize to appreciate character. I belong to the most beautiful woman on esrth andd appreviate her loving kindness and authority.

      Thank you,

      Her Sub Scott

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  9. Thanks for the input, guys!

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  10. This has been a fantastic discussion. You do a wonderful job with your blog plus my partner has said he communicates with you and your discussion with him has been helpful in his acceptance of my leadership and his need to be obedient.

    Over the years, I have learned even different Femdom couples view things very differently, which is fine. I don't mind if my partner plays with himself and, at times, I don't care if he climaxes without me. I am also fortunate that he has incredible self-control and has learned over the years to be under restriction without a device; I like it that way since it takes more of his work. Yet, friends of ours sent us a nice starter device which is good when I have girlfriends over and want to "show off" or when he is super excited and I want him to cuddle without rubbing against me like he is a teenager. I do love this discussion and comparing a gentleman to a dog with one of those collars on after surgery. That REALLY made me smile.

    Thanks again for this blog. I don't get to read it too often but it's a great resource.

    Rachel

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    1. Rachel,
      Thanks so much for leaving a comment and for the complimentary words. Regarding the dog comment.... I wasn't really comparing a man to a dog needing a collar but rather a man sometimes needs a device to keep him away from his own devices. I have enjoyed talking with your sub and hope to do so for many years to come. He loves you. He really does and for that you should be proud of him. Stop by again!

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