Sunday, January 19, 2014

Submission is an understanding



On our way back from our 2-day getaway Katie stopped and ran in to a department store. I didn’t ask why. She came out several minutes later and we continued driving home.

The evening before, while in our hotel room, Katie readied for bed and proceeded to place a bottle of massage oil on my night stand.

When we shop at a department store, after paying, I usually gather the purchased items and take them to the car, if Katie grabs the bags before me she will hand them to me. 

Each morning she showers, dresses and leaves me to clean up the bathroom and bedroom and promptly fix her breakfast when I come down stairs.

While Katie showers, I quickly check her emails, deleting the junk and leaving only those messages in her inbox that would interest her. I brew coffee and have a hot mug ready for her when before she is finished so she can enjoy it while she dresses and gets ready for the day.

Whenever we travel, I always open the door to the driver’s side of the car wait for her to get settled, give her the car keys and close it before walking to the opposite side of the car to take my seat. 

There are many habits that we have established since Katie has taken over as the head of our home. There are many expectations and the above list is but a sampling of some of the rules she has put into place. The point to sharing some of our routine is that as the head of our home, Katie has taught me that there are certain expectations she has of me to either do or not do. I do carry packages to and from the car when we shop but I do not drive the car. I do delete her junk emails but I do not open those that are none of my business.

When she accepted my desire to submit, she took control of our relationship. She lives her life and has taught me to live my life, in part, so that I can allow her to enjoy her life more fully.  As I stated in a post last month, I have a purpose. That purpose is to obey and serve as I am capable.  It is not my prerogative to buck every move she makes or do things my way when I know she would disagree. For example, while we were on our little getaway, I wanted to stay on the beach longer one afternoon but she wanted to leave. She asked if I wanted to stay but I responded by telling her I wanted most to do what she wanted, which was to go.  And so we did.  I didn’t ask if we could stay longer because I knew she wasn’t interested. In hindsight, it was no big deal and I’ve long since learned that usually when I do things her way there are often reasons and/or unseen benefits in doing so.

I don’t want you the reader to feel that I’ve given up my life, my hopes, my aspirations and trashed them all just so I can slave away on my wife’s behalf. In a way I did give up everything but I also gained a ton more than I put aside. When significant moments in life happen – marriages, funerals, bad accidents or illnesses, it makes one realize what in life is most important. It’s not the hot car, the boat, the closet full of clothes or the immaculate home and yard. Rather it’s those we love most – our spouse, kids, family.  I gave up some of the things of my past when Katie took me as her own but I got Katie in return. I got her love. I gained her affection. I got a woman to love and care for. There is no boat, car or home that can equal that. Additionally I got to experience dominance. She got a submissive husband. She got to live a life free of some of the pains that I now take care of. We both found what we were looking for and we both feel very loved in the process.  

All that to say submission is an understanding. I could also say dominance is an understanding. It’s an understanding of our respective roles and duties and obligations. We have vowed to live as such for the remainder of our days. Katie has the understanding that if she tells me to do something, it will be done. I have the understanding that when I hear that command, I act.  Katie has the understanding that she does not need to come to me for financial decisions. She sometimes does but mostly she handles our money and I have no clue how it is being spent and budgeted.  Katie has the understanding that she will not be bothered with a man that begs and paws for sex. She knows those attitudes are off limits for her husband and I know that I will wait patiently for when she is ready to take me to be enjoyed.  That is not to say I am not to be affectionate as I am – all the time but there are limits to where I go with that affection.  

In some ways one might compare dominance and submission to a parent child relationship and in many ways the parallels are quite similar. Just as the parent has all of the freedoms, so does the Dominant wife. But the parent also bears the responsibility of running the home, instilling values into their children, setting parameters, teaching and training them to be the man or woman they want them to be.  A Dominant wife bears those same responsibilities – leading, guiding, teaching, training, disciplining, molding and shaping the man she owns.  Assuming that the wife loves and respects her man, the relationship can be beautiful indeed. I can say that I know of several such relationships and each is characterized by love and intimacy not typically found in most vanilla marriages.

I’m Hers

11 comments:

  1. Dear I'm-Hers,
    Great post again. You and your Wife ave a wonderful relationship. I share many, if not all, of your intentions. My Wife certainly is not dominant, but She is accepting me and my efforts to serve and please Her. I love Her.

    appy

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    1. Appy, from the little I know of your relationship with your wife, I can tell that she loves you. You may not say she is dominant but it is she that allows you to please her in the bedroom and it is not you who takes from her when you want her. That, to me, is control - or dominance, she is the one who is deciding when you can please her. I think dominance comes in many forms from the really overt to the subtle, you and me have wives that tend to be on the more gentle end of the spectrum. Have a fantastic week.

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  2. I enjoyed this post. I like how you try to focus on all you have gained through the control you surrendered to her. I know that people who don't live this lifestyle just don't really get it. I keep pretty tight control over David, but in exchange he is happier than he has ever been and feels more passion and love than he did in his previous relationships. I really believe it brings couples closer.

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    1. Marie, I don't know were your relationship with David is headed ultimately but you two have something that very few into D/s have - time to live your dream with the one you care for. You two have found in your young age what so many of us that are older wish we had known/found years and years ago. You have the potential to live a long and incredible wife as you train a man to serve you for many decades, should you choose to take him as your own. Now that is a thought to make any young woman smile :) Hope you two enjoy a long weekend together.

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  3. Smashing post full of love.

    I was going to write 'there is something truly wonderful in submission' and then thought this expresses it better.

    There is something wonderful in obedience to ones lady, in putting her first, in accepting her decision and direction in all things, in losing one's male ego, in allowing oneself to be guided by her. There is peace from giving up the struggle to be right.

    You are one lucky man.

    Tony

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    1. Tony, I am a lucky man but so are thousands of men that have understood what real submission is and have taken the steps to act upon that knowledge. Peace is a beautiful place to be and obedience is the path that leads to peace as you so rightly noted. Have a great week friend.

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  4. Great post, there are a lot of similarities between your relationship with Katie and mine with Steph. It was nice to read something that felt close to home.

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  5. I was just reading your blog posts. Indeed there are! I like that :)

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  6. @ I'm-Hers: this is not intended as a provocation but stems from legitimate curiosity: in heterosexual relationships women often outlive their partners. i understand that you are happy serving your wife but what if you were to kick the bucket? how would she manage on her own after having you take care of everything for years? i hope you have many happy years together, just curious.

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    1. Anonymous,
      Good question and I don't take it as one to stir the waters of trouble. I work a fulltime job. Katie works part time. I mention that because I am typically gone 10 hours each day. When I come home I cook, clean and do laundry. I do the typical repair that I think most men do to keep up the home. When I am gone Katie stays busy. She cooks for herself in order to eat. She will often mow the yard - by hand - she gardens, she already oversees our finances.


      If I were to kick the bucket I think she would do fine. Not wanting or not having to do specirfic chores is different than not able to do them. She can be quite the independent woman and I have no fear that she will function just fine. But being separated due to death is indeed a sad prospect to consider. Anonymous, stop by again and feel free to give yourself a name - or maybe an initial like ABC or GQ or PR or whatever you'd like to use to identify yourself. Thanks for the question. Next? :)

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  7. @ I'm Hers: thanks for the feedback. didn't know that your wife works part-time, wasn't obvious from your blog. good for her, it's important to have an income regardless of your gender or type of relationship, too risky to depend on someone else's paycheck imo. may you have many years together.

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