Sunday, January 19, 2014
Submission is an understanding
On our way back from our 2-day getaway Katie stopped and ran in to a department store. I didn’t ask why. She came out several minutes later and we continued driving home.
The evening before, while in our hotel room, Katie readied for bed and proceeded to place a bottle of massage oil on my night stand.
When we shop at a department store, after paying, I usually gather the purchased items and take them to the car, if Katie grabs the bags before me she will hand them to me.
Each morning she showers, dresses and leaves me to clean up the bathroom and bedroom and promptly fix her breakfast when I come down stairs.
While Katie showers, I quickly check her emails, deleting the junk and leaving only those messages in her inbox that would interest her. I brew coffee and have a hot mug ready for her when before she is finished so she can enjoy it while she dresses and gets ready for the day.
Whenever we travel, I always open the door to the driver’s side of the car wait for her to get settled, give her the car keys and close it before walking to the opposite side of the car to take my seat.
There are many habits that we have established since Katie has taken over as the head of our home. There are many expectations and the above list is but a sampling of some of the rules she has put into place. The point to sharing some of our routine is that as the head of our home, Katie has taught me that there are certain expectations she has of me to either do or not do. I do carry packages to and from the car when we shop but I do not drive the car. I do delete her junk emails but I do not open those that are none of my business.
When she accepted my desire to submit, she took control of our relationship. She lives her life and has taught me to live my life, in part, so that I can allow her to enjoy her life more fully. As I stated in a post last month, I have a purpose. That purpose is to obey and serve as I am capable. It is not my prerogative to buck every move she makes or do things my way when I know she would disagree. For example, while we were on our little getaway, I wanted to stay on the beach longer one afternoon but she wanted to leave. She asked if I wanted to stay but I responded by telling her I wanted most to do what she wanted, which was to go. And so we did. I didn’t ask if we could stay longer because I knew she wasn’t interested. In hindsight, it was no big deal and I’ve long since learned that usually when I do things her way there are often reasons and/or unseen benefits in doing so.
I don’t want you the reader to feel that I’ve given up my life, my hopes, my aspirations and trashed them all just so I can slave away on my wife’s behalf. In a way I did give up everything but I also gained a ton more than I put aside. When significant moments in life happen – marriages, funerals, bad accidents or illnesses, it makes one realize what in life is most important. It’s not the hot car, the boat, the closet full of clothes or the immaculate home and yard. Rather it’s those we love most – our spouse, kids, family. I gave up some of the things of my past when Katie took me as her own but I got Katie in return. I got her love. I gained her affection. I got a woman to love and care for. There is no boat, car or home that can equal that. Additionally I got to experience dominance. She got a submissive husband. She got to live a life free of some of the pains that I now take care of. We both found what we were looking for and we both feel very loved in the process.
All that to say submission is an understanding. I could also say dominance is an understanding. It’s an understanding of our respective roles and duties and obligations. We have vowed to live as such for the remainder of our days. Katie has the understanding that if she tells me to do something, it will be done. I have the understanding that when I hear that command, I act. Katie has the understanding that she does not need to come to me for financial decisions. She sometimes does but mostly she handles our money and I have no clue how it is being spent and budgeted. Katie has the understanding that she will not be bothered with a man that begs and paws for sex. She knows those attitudes are off limits for her husband and I know that I will wait patiently for when she is ready to take me to be enjoyed. That is not to say I am not to be affectionate as I am – all the time but there are limits to where I go with that affection.
In some ways one might compare dominance and submission to a parent child relationship and in many ways the parallels are quite similar. Just as the parent has all of the freedoms, so does the Dominant wife. But the parent also bears the responsibility of running the home, instilling values into their children, setting parameters, teaching and training them to be the man or woman they want them to be. A Dominant wife bears those same responsibilities – leading, guiding, teaching, training, disciplining, molding and shaping the man she owns. Assuming that the wife loves and respects her man, the relationship can be beautiful indeed. I can say that I know of several such relationships and each is characterized by love and intimacy not typically found in most vanilla marriages.