Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Are we Destined to be Boring?

I just finished reading a book by Nicholas Sparks entitled “The Choice”. The book is a love story and although it ended happy it made me cry. It wasn’t the best of books I’ve read but it made me think about my kids and that brought tears to my eyes. Yes I cried. OK I admitted it. LOL

The story is about Travis, a thirty something single, handsome, full of life guy, who meets his neighbor Gabby a cute but taken young woman of twenty six. By the end of a week’s time he becomes overwhelmed by her. Although he’s dated many women over the years, he falls for this one. She’s like none he’s ever met. What he finds so different about her is their relationship is one of give and take and not one sided. Travis realizes that with all of his past relationships, although the names and physical features of the women were different, they were all the same in one respect; they all looked to him to plan their outings, make decisions, take care of them and come up with ideas for future outings. In the end Travis realizes those relationships all ended because he became bored with the one sided dynamic of the relationship.

I couldn’t help but think of Katie and me. We live a life that sounds an awfully lot like Travis’ failed relationships. What I mean by that is we also live in a one sided relationship. Katie is in charge of most everything. She handles our finances, and by virtue of that one fact, governs most of decisions made: purchasing food and household goods, eating out at restaurants, going to concerts and most other outings, purchasing items for the home, going on vacation, taking trips, etc. They all require money and even if they didn’t, final decisions are mostly Katie’s. She decides on these things, not me.

I struggled with that statement when I read it. It bothered me. It bothered me because I don’t want our relationship to get stale, old or boring. I’d love to keep it fresh, alive and fun – the way it is you live as a submissive to a dominant woman - won’t ever be one where you have the power to decide.  I know I'll never live free to decide as I did before submitting to my wife. 

I can make “suggestions” as I affectionately call them but I can almost never decide. For example I’d love to get Katie to the top of a mountain on a clear early summer day when the temperature is pleasant the visibility endless. But I can’t make that happen. Ever. The choice is not mine and because of that I can only suggest (and not pester). I tend to be more venturous than her and would travel to places she’d never go due to the potential danger. But the risk reward benefit is worth it to me. Katie doesn't hold those same views. I will never see those places, at least with Katie at my side. I can’t even take out the trash when I want if it’s too early in the day. She controls me and is ever so slowly exerting more influence into the little things of my life.

Will that cause us to fall out of the honeymoon phase eventually and land where most everyone else ends up – ordinary, boring, stale, blaa? I hope not. I don’t personally know of wife led relationships that are years old and even if I did, I don’t know of hundreds. I don’t know how they have functioned as the length of their marriage grew to have any idea if we are headed in the direction I hope we are. I don’t want to be like most. I want us to be better than most. I want to be hanging all over her when I’m 75 not sitting in some lazy chair half way across the room from her while she sits in another with neither of us making eye contact or communicating. I don’t want to be sleeping in separate beds because we need our space. I want to cuddle her then the way we do now. I don’t want to sit in some dark room watching reruns of Judge Judy all day after getting home from a 10:30 Denny’s lunch just to beat the noon crowd.  I don’t want us to not ever make love after age 60 but to continue to enjoy intimacy into our 80’s and beyond.

I have no idea if the tomorrow I hope for will bear itself out but I sure hope that by making the choice to live in a mostly one sided wife led relationship in which Katie rules and I obey that we can keep the flames of love alive and fresh. Love to hear from those of you that have years of this life under your belt to educate us newbies and not-so-new-bies.

I’m Hers

13 comments:

  1. I think it depends on what people like. Katie likes control. Many people don't.

    Plus if Katie gets bored, being in control, she'll find ways to make things more exciting. :)

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    1. I agree Giles, She loves me and because of that I agree, she will do what is necessary to keep us close.

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  2. Just because an author writes that a one sided relationship will be that way, doesn't mean it will. You and Katie will decide that. Yes she is in charge but if you communicate with each other then the flames of love can last forever.

    So don't think, "Not ever" or "Never" things will change, so will both of you. Katie maybe doesn't want to climb a mountain right now but you never know she might be ok with it in a few years or a few months. She may want you to take the trash out late, that may change, as she grows in her role (and so do you) what seemed important before may not be so much in a year or so. The important thing is to grow together and to grow together you need to communicate. Yup I know your the sub, she is the boss, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't discuss things, so she knows how you feel about things. Its still her job to do what she thinks is right.

    Relationships get stagnant from letting them get stagnant. By reading your post sounds like you will do what you can to not let it get that way. So to "Travis" I say this, your one sided relationship sucked after a while because you and your partner let it get that way.

    As far as hanging all over her at 75, I know I plan on hanging all over my Mistress at 75 so I would completely agree that you should do the same.

    Oh and one last thing, I get you are the sub, she is the boss. But that doesn't mean you can't get creative and have some fun.

    Its going to be fine. Trust in Katie.

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    1. SOS KK, Katie will do what's right for us. If each year in our future is like the past one life will have treated me far better than I deserve. We've focused our energy on loving the other while balancing fee time with friends, outings and an ample time spent just with one another. So maybe all this is a mute point, however when I read those lines I couldn't help but think.... I wonder......

      I appreciate you last comment - that although I am not the dominant, I can still be creative in ways that she will enjoy and love. I love to hear that 'belly laugh' when she feels deep joy within. And that is a pretty easy response to initiate. Thanks for sharing.

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  3. This is a very interesting topic, and I love the replies from Giles and SOS.  There's a whole lot of truth in those observations.

    One thing that we subs do control is our disposition.  No matter what our beautiful and wise Domme's do, they cannot dictate our attitude.  We can serve, obey and pamper with a dreary attitude, or we can deliver energy, excitement, joy, spontaneity and love no matter the circumstance.  Even when our spouses may be having a bad day or having a rare angry streak, we can quietly listen without arguing and rejoice later that we could lend a listening ear.  

    We subs usually are blessed with knowing exactly what our wives enjoy because they most certainly will tell us!  In his post, I'm Her's shares a great understanding of what Katie likes and dislikes and plans accordingly.  I have a bad memory, so I make lists on my smart phone of what my sweetie mentions she wants to purchase, get done as a project, watch at the theater, have for dinner, etc... and then surprise her from time-to-time with little gifts or completed projects. I fall far short what she deserves, but am way better than when I was an 'equal partner' in the marriage.Just like my relationship with God, I don't have to be perfect, just devoted. 

    From what I've noticed in blog posts, now that we don't have to feed our egos or compete with our spouses, we can cherish and support the one we've been blessed to wake up with every day. Whether we manage to provide surprise gifts, great fun or just simple acts of quiet support, we've got a great opportunity to truly and intimately influence the environment of the marriage, and as IH puts it, "keep the flames of love and alive and fresh".  Let's bring the joy and get things done that please our beautiful partners! 

    May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:3

    Scott

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    1. Scott, agreed! Attitude is one of our greatest assets (or detriments) depending on how we decide what attitude we choose to take on. Everyone needs to be down at times - that's life, but to deliberately choose to focus on the negative gets one no where. Being positive is such the better alternative. Like the verse too! Thanks for sharing.

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  4. Mistress Barbara has been in charge of me for 43 years. We believe the key has less to do with the day to day dress, tasks, punishments, and rewards, but more to do with the elements in respect, love, liking each other, and communications. A FLR/FLM, or Dom/sub relationship does not have to be filled with mean, harsh, disrespectful treatement. Life changes all the time; new friends in the life and not, family events of all kinds, children, job changes and home relocations, family and friend deaths, good health and illness, vacations and over-work with require some adjustment in how you manage your relationship. The conditions of life can change in an instent. Throughout all the changes your FLR/FLM goes through adjustments. With good communications, including humor, each of you can remain true and supportive of each other. Remember, as a sub cares for his/her Mistress/Dom, Mistresses/Doms also care for their subs. Thoughout the years you must also work to like each other, to want to be with each other; to care enought to give your very best to each other. It is likely your overt actions will change while you are raising children. subs may still wash, cook and clean wearing panties, but the apron may not be as frilly. When the kids leave the house, or are old enough to be encouraged or trained into the lifestyle, a new maid uniform might appear. The excitment of that day will be as much fun as it was 20 or 25 years ago. If sub has a heart attack at age 67, Mistress/Dom will have to care for sub. After years of respect, love, and good communications this should be within the flow of the relationship. In our case, Mistress Barbara has been sick for many years now. With visitor at home or when Mistress is in hospital, with me in panties and my cage, Mistress Barbars always tells people, "k find a way to make Me smile everyday". We like being with each. We love each other. The day to day tasks have change, but Mistress Barbara is still in charge, i still make sure Her needs are met, but things are different.

    Our advise - work at keeping your relationship healthy - like each other, love each other, respect each other, and over time adjust everything as neccessay. Do not worry, confront issues and make changes to stay fresh and in love.

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  5. Wow, what a post, DualPurpose.  

    Believe me, I will read those words of advice many times and work to keep applying them to my marriage with the beautiful Mistress D.  My wife and I love each other, and also like each other, a whole lot more since I became her Sub just over a year ago after 29 years of competing with one another.  I appreciate your exhortation to keep working at the relationship, to love and care for each other, throughout all of life's changes.  That will help me stay patient and appreciate how blessed I am, through the great times and the not-so-great times.

    Happy Valentine's Day to you and the lovely Mistress Barbara, and Happy Valentine's Day to all on I'm Her's Blog.

    Scott

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    1. HerSubScott,
      One of those whose comments I value most is DualPurpose. He is a wise man and one that has lived for many years as the servant/submissive to a mistress wife. DP, thanks for sharing. I hope you and your Mistress enjoy a special day together on a day when we celebrate those we love most. Enjoy

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  6. Mistress Barbara and i thank you all for the very kind word. We want everyone to be successful.

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  7. I have over twenty years of servitude, not so much under "my belt" but actually under S's belt with the occasional marks on my behind to prove it. S expects me to provide input. Then She makes the decisions. (S's slave)

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    1. S's slave, Love to have you post. Always have. Always will. I think about your posts often and they inspire me. Give my best to S. She is a beautiful woman indeed and handles you so well from all you've told me of your relationship.

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  8. Thank you. She used the wooden spatula on me yesterday and I can still feel it as I sit here. I sort of get that Katie doesn't do that (or if She does you don't write about it) but there is nothing like the residuals of S's firm hand to make me feel completely owned. (S's slave).

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