Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Are we Destined to be Boring?
I just finished reading a book by Nicholas Sparks entitled “The Choice”. The book is a love story and although it ended happy it made me cry. It wasn’t the best of books I’ve read but it made me think about my kids and that brought tears to my eyes. Yes I cried. OK I admitted it. LOL
The story is about Travis, a thirty something single, handsome, full of life guy, who meets his neighbor Gabby a cute but taken young woman of twenty six. By the end of a week’s time he becomes overwhelmed by her. Although he’s dated many women over the years, he falls for this one. She’s like none he’s ever met. What he finds so different about her is their relationship is one of give and take and not one sided. Travis realizes that with all of his past relationships, although the names and physical features of the women were different, they were all the same in one respect; they all looked to him to plan their outings, make decisions, take care of them and come up with ideas for future outings. In the end Travis realizes those relationships all ended because he became bored with the one sided dynamic of the relationship.
I couldn’t help but think of Katie and me. We live a life that sounds an awfully lot like Travis’ failed relationships. What I mean by that is we also live in a one sided relationship. Katie is in charge of most everything. She handles our finances, and by virtue of that one fact, governs most of decisions made: purchasing food and household goods, eating out at restaurants, going to concerts and most other outings, purchasing items for the home, going on vacation, taking trips, etc. They all require money and even if they didn’t, final decisions are mostly Katie’s. She decides on these things, not me.
I struggled with that statement when I read it. It bothered me. It bothered me because I don’t want our relationship to get stale, old or boring. I’d love to keep it fresh, alive and fun – the way it is you live as a submissive to a dominant woman - won’t ever be one where you have the power to decide. I know I'll never live free to decide as I did before submitting to my wife.
I can make “suggestions” as I affectionately call them but I can almost never decide. For example I’d love to get Katie to the top of a mountain on a clear early summer day when the temperature is pleasant the visibility endless. But I can’t make that happen. Ever. The choice is not mine and because of that I can only suggest (and not pester). I tend to be more venturous than her and would travel to places she’d never go due to the potential danger. But the risk reward benefit is worth it to me. Katie doesn't hold those same views. I will never see those places, at least with Katie at my side. I can’t even take out the trash when I want if it’s too early in the day. She controls me and is ever so slowly exerting more influence into the little things of my life.
Will that cause us to fall out of the honeymoon phase eventually and land where most everyone else ends up – ordinary, boring, stale, blaa? I hope not. I don’t personally know of wife led relationships that are years old and even if I did, I don’t know of hundreds. I don’t know how they have functioned as the length of their marriage grew to have any idea if we are headed in the direction I hope we are. I don’t want to be like most. I want us to be better than most. I want to be hanging all over her when I’m 75 not sitting in some lazy chair half way across the room from her while she sits in another with neither of us making eye contact or communicating. I don’t want to be sleeping in separate beds because we need our space. I want to cuddle her then the way we do now. I don’t want to sit in some dark room watching reruns of Judge Judy all day after getting home from a 10:30 Denny’s lunch just to beat the noon crowd. I don’t want us to not ever make love after age 60 but to continue to enjoy intimacy into our 80’s and beyond.
I have no idea if the tomorrow I hope for will bear itself out but I sure hope that by making the choice to live in a mostly one sided wife led relationship in which Katie rules and I obey that we can keep the flames of love alive and fresh. Love to hear from those of you that have years of this life under your belt to educate us newbies and not-so-new-bies.