Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Why do we do this?
I was sitting in church the other week listening to the sermon. For some reason I began thinking about why I was sitting here. There are lots of reasons but one important one was because I want to live a life that is more rewarding, more meaningful, more purposeful. I then began thinking about my life as the submissive man to the woman sitting next to me, to Katie. I thought about why we volunteer, why we give blood, why we coach our kids youth sport teams, why we learn to play an instrument or sing, why we read and go to workshops or seminars to further our knowledge after all the required education is finished. In life we mature by progressing from selfish motives to wanting to look outward because living a solitary life and focusing only on ‘me’ and my wants becomes boring and old. Maybe it’s why Facebook and other similar sites are so popular. We all are needy people that want to belong – even the haughtiest of us are not immune to the realities of life and our inherent inadequacies.
But back to my situation, and likely yours as well, why do I live as a submissive man? Why did Katie choose to take me as her submissive husband and live as my dominant wife – my Mistress Katie, as I often call her? I do it because it enriches my life. I can flower that thought up in a myriad of ways but at its core, the reason is quite simple. I few posts ago I wrote about my life having purpose and maybe I am saying the same thing here all over again. I go to church because I believe I have a soul. I go to work because I find value in it. I give blood because I know I can help others live. I root for my favorite sport team because I can invest emotionally in their success and failure. I serve Katie because I love pleasing women – a woman – to be more specific.
I wonder what is in it for Katie? She takes. She receives. She leads. But I have this hunch that the most successful dominant and submissive relationships are those in which the dominant woman gives back to her submissive by dominating him. That may take on many forms but I believe that if Katie doesn’t’ embrace my service and doesn’t’ encourage it, if she doesn’t’ remind herself that she is the Mistress of the house that she too will become bored. That doesn’t’ mean that she needs to order me around and scold me for failing on this or that but it could. It doesn’t mean that she has to lock me in chastity and throw away the key for a year, but it could. What matters is that she understands at the very core of who she is that she ‘can’ do anything she wants; that she can require me to do anything and I will. She needs to be able to say to herself, “I love knowing he’s my sub and will do what I tell him.” She can think, “It is so nice to walk by those dishes and know that he is the one going to clean up this mess.” She can say, “thank you” for a service knowing that she will receive that same service thousands of times again in the years ahead.
So much of what gives meaning to life takes place in the mind. Kathy for example (of Femdom 101) doesn’t ‘get’ football, yet her husband and son-in-law love it. They can all be in the same room with the TV on and the guys can feel so many emotions in the course of the game while Kathy only sees big guys running around and falling down every now and then and guys in striped shirts blowing whistles. There is no meaning in that for her and so she receives no satisfaction. But that is not what her husband feels. He feels excitement, worry, disappointment, frustration, elation, etc all because he enjoys and understands the game. The same is true about femdom. The more we invest in it emotionally the more valuable and satisfying it becomes.
But that investment needs to be conscious. It helps me when I write these blogs because the reality of it is continually reinforced. When Katie tells me it’s time to eat, it affirms that she is in charge. When I wake up and feel the cage locked to my body, I remember who I am. When I ask ‘what’s this?’ and she tells me it’s something she ordered, we both understand our respective positions as the one that doesn’t need to be asked or included in a decision as well as the one that need not seek approval before deciding or spending funds. It’s the consciousness of what we do that reinforces what we say we have. It makes it real. It solidifies the relationship, and it sure does make it more fun and rewarding to both parties.