Tuesday, March 18, 2014
No Longer is the Choice Mine
Submissive men like me seem to thrive on being pushed ‘further’ by their mistress. So many blogs are replete with posts addressing this. They want to be humiliated, feminized, punished, worked, made an example of, denied, and give up freedoms with respect to money, power and decision making among others. I believe submissives want continual reminders that they are indeed that – submissive and without power. When Katie says in her forever sweet way, ‘go make me dinner’ or ‘go get the mail’ or if I text her and tell her how much I’m aching for release and she responds by telling me to ‘embrace the feeling’ it feeds my submissive yearnings. It is as if I need that to thrive. Maybe I want it, but in truth, when she nurtures my submission by keeping things at a conscious level, it affects my psyche in such a way that makes me want to serve, dote and be affectionate all the more. I can't explain it but it is a reality for me, at least.
I submitted to Katie some four years ago. One of the first things she did was purchase a chastity device (CB6000) locking me only a few days a week. She always had a fear that I’d get in a car wreck or need to get out for some unexpected reason and so she provided me with a key to unlock if need be. Later when the 6000 broke, she upgraded me to the steel device that I am in now and the time spent in chastity soon exceeded time out. But I have never been locked. I am secured with a screw which can easily be removed with a blade or small screw driver. Although I am denied and locked, there is a feeling that I could escape if I wanted to – and sometimes I do.
After interacting with a friend who is locked similarly (he’s locked but has an emergency key) and learning that his wife attaches one of the CB6000 plastic security tags on his cage to assure he can’t escape without her knowledge I relayed that information to Katie. She decided that I should have a similar fate and so tags were ordered. They are numbered and Katie records the tag number in her phone as a record of the tag that should be attached to my cage whenever she checks. I can still get out, but only by destroying the tag which now can't escape her knowledge. That is a major change. It is so new to me even after being locked for the better part of four years. I am finding it incredibly frustrating.
There were times when I "wanted" a few hours of freedom and in the past I chose to do just that. That option is gone and I wrestle with the realization that she has removed that option. I really am a man now under lock and key without the choice to do as I wish. It makes me feel very much an owned man.
It’s been about 60 days since my last release. Dopamine levels in my system have peaked. My desire for Katie is tantalizingly frustrating, yet wonderful. My loins ache all the time. That ache makes me want to get a few hours of freedom but there is no longer that option. The ache remains. My mind continually goes to her. I feel her ownership in profound ways. I feel very much hers. The realization that I am indeed owned tugs at my mind as I grapple with that reality. I feel very powerless because I am. I want her to allow me to orgasm, yet another part of me wants her to never allow that to happen. I love feeling dependent. I love feeling trapped with no way to escape. I love being under her control. I want to always feel that yearning inside that I am completely hers - even if it causes me frustration, tension and a never ending ache.
Ladies, if you have ever made the choice to not lock up your man because you believed it would hurt him, you are so wrong. You are denying both of you a wonderful gift. The power of the cage is immense and it is exactly what he needs if he is submissive or if you want to cultivate his submissiveness. There is nothing like it that I’ve ever experienced. Maybe a spanking is another such tool that produces similar feelings of vulnerability and an understanding of the difference in the power dynamic between Dominant and submissive but I’ve not been privileged to be spanked so I don’t know.
I can see why so many women who keep a man in a prolonged state denial enjoy being pleasured orally. They can keep their man locked and yet still enjoy his service in other ways. They get to be the recipient of his increased submissiveness and lust as his time of denial remains. She can tease him to spike his dopamine levels but she refuses to push him beyond his breaking point and allow him to orgasm.
Katie prefers more traditional methods of intimacy – intercourse – yet I know that my sensitivity to stimulation is growing. I doubt that I will be able to deny myself as long as before. I think the increased sensitivity and desire will reduce my stamina. I don't want to do succomb to that pleasure but rather wish to provide her with the multiple orgasms that I know she enjoys. My hope is that she will understand this and permit me to pleasure her in other ways while remaiing chaste and denied.
Remaining denied in this heightened state feeds my submissiveness and to be honest, strengthens her will as my dominant wife. It is a win-win dynamic for both of us. For me that psychological dependency fills me with desire like nothing else ever has. I’m aching. I want out. I want release - kind of. It’s up to Katie to remain strong if she wants 'this me’ to continue. If she wants me to remain dependent and understand that she is my owner then she will need to exercise care and wisdom with how she enjoys me while keeping me secure with that little tag that prevents any escape without her permission.
I love the submissive life!