Tuesday, March 18, 2014

No Longer is the Choice Mine

Submissive men like me seem to thrive on being pushed ‘further’ by their mistress. So many blogs are replete with posts addressing this. They want to be humiliated, feminized, punished, worked, made an example of, denied, and give up freedoms with respect to money, power and decision making among others.  I believe submissives want continual reminders that they are indeed that – submissive and without power. When Katie says in her forever sweet way, ‘go make me dinner’ or ‘go get the mail’ or if I text her and tell her how much I’m aching for release and she responds by telling me to ‘embrace the feeling’ it feeds my submissive yearnings.  It is as if I need that to thrive. Maybe I want it, but in truth, when she nurtures my submission by keeping things at a conscious level, it affects my psyche in such a way that makes me want to serve, dote and be affectionate all the more. I can't explain it but it is a reality for me, at least.

I submitted to Katie some four years ago. One of the first things she did was purchase a chastity device (CB6000) locking me only a few days a week. She always had a fear that I’d get in a car wreck or need to get out for some unexpected reason and so she provided me with a key to unlock if need be.  Later when the 6000 broke, she upgraded me to the steel device that I am in now and the time spent in chastity soon exceeded time out.  But I have never been locked.  I am secured with a screw which can easily be removed with a blade or small screw driver.  Although I am denied and locked, there is a feeling that I could escape if I wanted to – and sometimes I do.

After interacting with a friend who is locked similarly (he’s locked but has an emergency key) and learning that his wife attaches one of the CB6000 plastic security tags on his cage to assure he can’t escape without her knowledge I relayed that information to Katie. She decided that I should have a similar fate and so tags were ordered. They are numbered and Katie records the tag number in her phone as a record of the tag that should be attached to my cage whenever she checks.  I can still get out, but only by destroying the tag which now can't escape her knowledge. That is a major change. It is so new to me even after being locked for the better part of four years.  I am finding it incredibly frustrating.

There were times when I "wanted" a few hours of freedom and in the past I chose to do just that. That option is gone and I wrestle with the realization that she has removed that option.  I really am a man now under lock and key without the choice to do as I wish.  It makes me feel very much an owned man.

It’s been about 60 days since my last release. Dopamine levels in my system have peaked. My desire for Katie is tantalizingly frustrating, yet wonderful. My loins ache all the time. That ache makes me want to get a few hours of freedom but there is no longer that option.  The ache remains. My mind continually goes to her. I feel her ownership in profound ways. I feel very much hers. The realization that I am indeed owned tugs at my mind as I grapple with that reality. I feel very powerless because I am. I want her to allow me to orgasm, yet another part of me wants her to never allow that to happen. I love feeling dependent. I love feeling trapped with no way to escape. I love being under her control. I want to always feel that yearning inside that I am completely hers - even if it causes me frustration, tension and a never ending ache.

Ladies, if you have ever made the choice to not lock up your man because you believed it would hurt him, you are so wrong. You are denying both of you a wonderful gift.  The power of the cage is immense and it is exactly what he needs if he is submissive or if you want to cultivate his submissiveness.  There is nothing like it that I’ve ever experienced. Maybe a spanking is another such tool that produces similar feelings of vulnerability and an understanding of the difference in the power dynamic between Dominant and submissive but I’ve not been privileged to be spanked so I don’t know. 

I can see why so many women who keep a man in a prolonged state denial enjoy being pleasured orally. They can keep their man locked and yet still enjoy his service in other ways. They get to be the recipient of his increased submissiveness and lust as his time of denial remains. She can tease him to spike his dopamine levels but she refuses to push him beyond his breaking point and allow him to orgasm.

Katie prefers more traditional methods of intimacy – intercourse – yet I know that my sensitivity to stimulation is growing. I doubt that I will be able to deny myself as long as before. I think the increased sensitivity and desire will reduce my stamina. I don't want to do succomb to that pleasure but rather wish to provide her with the multiple orgasms that I know she enjoys. My hope is that she will understand this and permit me to pleasure her in other ways while remaiing chaste and denied.

Remaining denied in this heightened state feeds my submissiveness and to be honest, strengthens her will as my dominant wife. It is a win-win dynamic for both of us. For me that psychological dependency fills me with desire like nothing else ever has. I’m aching. I want out. I want release - kind of.  It’s up to Katie to remain strong if she wants 'this me’ to continue. If she wants me to remain dependent and understand that she is my owner then she will need to exercise care and wisdom with how she enjoys me while keeping me secure with that little tag that prevents any escape without her permission.

I love the submissive life!

I’m Hers

15 comments:

  1. The first paragraph of this is one that my heart could have written. Thank you for confirming my feelings as a submissive man. You hit me on the head.

    And thank you for the delicious description of being locked. I seriously doubt my Mistress will ever go that route with me. I seriously doubt she is aware that such devices exist. I am expected to keep chaste at her word, which I do, but your description of being locked was wonderful and something I could totally relate too, even though the lock has never been on me.

    There are so many things we have in common in our submission. Thank you for the fellowship.

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    1. Antwerp,
      If you had asked me if Katie would have wanted to go there I would have said the same thing. But we talked. In the end, I guess the question that really needs to be thought through with your wife is, "is there anything wrong with this?" The answer of course is no. It's different but it's not wrong. Keep the possibility open. Maybe if you ask you might get your wish. Thanks for sharing!

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    2. "I believe submissives want continual reminders that they are indeed that – submissive and without power."

      Yes. Perfect. For me, getting a demerit during an otherwise normal day, for example.

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  2. "Katie prefers more traditional methods of intimacy – intercourse...."

    Same here. Obviously after having been denied release for some time, my ability to NOT cum is very, very limited. We use a commercially available lydocaine spray called Stud 100 and a penis sleeve that she likes to call pinky because, well, it's pink. Apply the spray well before (30 mins minimum) your service of your Mistress is required, install the sleeve and you'll be able to give her the kind of intercourse pleasure she wants/needs/craves. All this with the added bonus of still being able to deny you an orgasm.

    Love your blog

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    1. Sub hub, thanks for taking the time to write. I had a chance to test my 'theory' last night as we made love. I did fine which both surprised and pleased me. She was satisfied before I was. What else is new LOL. Isn't that how it always is. Should things change I'll keep your topical stray in mind. Id rather be able to feel things tho and hope that I can refrain from having to go there.

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    2. Me too, after five weeks of tease and denial, I'm ready to come in less than a minute of starting intercourse. This past weekend I was trying really hard to not come, as I didn't have permission, and she mentioned that I wasn't breathing heavy. She thought I wasn't enjoying it and I was thinking about work, doing dishes, pets, anything to keep from thinking of coming. She loves to hear me struggle though and she started talking about things that push my buttons and in moments I was on edge and had to pull out. She really doesn't care so much if I do come, but as others have said, it is what I crave and she thinks it's fun to watch me struggle.

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    3. MRBILL .... that very thing you describe is one of the enigmas regarding the prolonged chastity/denial and the sudden need on the part of the submissive to perform sexually as if he were 18 and was coming for the third time in an hour. hence the reason we bought the sleeve and the numbing cream. Of course there is nothing better than feeling everything without numbing cream, a sleeve and a condom, but it is also the very thing that prevents the sub (me and looks MRBILL anyway) from being able to pleasure mistress and fuck her the way she wants to be fucked.

      I can see why it's not uncommon for submissive husbands to naturally turn into cuckolds over time. Mistress wants to be fucked and fucked well.

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    4. I think these numbered locks are a brilliant invention. Whenever I have put David in lock up we use them and the beauty is that whether we are together or apart I can rest assured that the device is not being tampered with. In the past I have only used the device as part of punishments, but I enjoy having a picture of the lock in my phone and checking it from time to time. In the event of a true emergency he could undo the lock, but otherwise, he cannot do anything about it or I will know. Even though I trust him, it is nice to have that added security for both of us I think. I am glad that these locks are giving you a new feeling even though you are a well experienced device wearer. I wonder now that I have started force feminzing David if I would get a better reaction out of him for non punishment related lock ups. Something to consider. Since I can't come from penetration alone it doesn't really matter to me when he gets so desperately close that he can barely even move inside me.

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    5. Mistress Marie, Yes the locks definitely increase the security level of a man when away from his woman at it provides the freedom to quickly remove the lock should a situation arise where the guy needs to be out of the chastity device. I've been following you blog. I don't usually send Katie pics of the lock but my requirement is to send her a text with the date, tag number and days denied. She of course locks the tag so she can verify everything if she wants. For us it works.

      As an aside, I've been reading your blog. You latest desire - to feminize David has been an interesting read. I'm sure it plays with his mind in a profound way. You are a good mistress. You dominate yet love him. What more could a man want.

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  3. I've said it before: I have a real hard time with the concept of a chastity device of any kind. If a dominant woman can't trust Her sub man, he's not a true sub. In my opinion a true sub would not dream of going against Her wish. Trust is everything in a relationship, FLR/WLR or not. The man must always do Her bidding. No locks are needed to keep him from masturbating or having sex with other people. Big fan of your blog by the way.

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    1. Anonymous, I admire you. I'm glad you can go without breaking trust with your wife in this area. For me the temptation still remains and although I can go many days being free and live as you do, I know that eventually I will succumb to temptation. We each have our faults and this is one of mine.

      Thanks for the prompts on the blog. Keep contributing!

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    2. I'm a dominant woman, not a sub man. (Interesting that you assumed I was a sub man.) But no hard feelings.

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    3. My apologies regardless. Next time you will have to sign off with a pen name like Mistress X or similar. Then I will know. But back to your initial comment. Is there something that is your weakness - chocolate, a warm bubble bath, a glass of wine at night, etc. Whatever it may be, if your husband said to you, I want you to live life without ever succumbing to 'that' temptation as an expression of your love for me, can't you see how hard it would be not to secretly indulge knowing that to do so is not really 'wrong' but just a bit sneaky? That is how I feel regarding refraining from self touching. It is hard sometimes - too hard in fact. And as a result, I fail to uphold my side of the bargain every now and then when unlocked. For me, Katie is a wise woman. She simply removes the temptation by locking me and now my weakness is a nonfactor. Thanks for chatting on here. Stop by again.

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  4. RE your comment about spanking, exactly so! It's not that it doesn't hurt. It does. S is an artist and has strong hands and arms and She has given me some hidings. But nothing tells me that I am chattel more than a firm beating. We do not negotiate scenes. She beats me whenever She wishes as long and as hard as She wants and it is thrilling. (S's slave)

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  5. Very well said I'm Hers, very well said indeed.

    p
    x

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