Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Communicating

The other day I was feeling down. Katie has been keeping me locked most all the time and the frequency of our times being intimate had dropped significantly. I missed that but could deal with it.  There was something deep inside that wants to please her. I want to cook, and do chores, I want to soothe her body with a nice massage, I want to dote over her and look out for her needs when we travel, dine out, or socialize. I also want to satisfy her sexually - regardless if I am locked or not. And so I asked her one evening if I could please her orally. She told me ‘no’ because “it doesn't feel right when I can't also enjoy you inside me afterward.”  I realized that I wouldn't be able to do that being locked and it saddened me. It saddened me because I am locked most all the time now – usually six out of seven days each week. 

Complicating matters is my past. I have a history of rejection with my first wife. During our last eight years of marriage I may have had sex five times and never made love during the final four years of our marriage. I spent many a time trying to coerce her to open up and become vulnerable sexually but it almost never happened. So when I realized that Katie didn’t want my services because I was locked those old feelings resurfaced and I felt that same rejection. I pulled away. Something hurt somewhere deep inside. It was a feeling I had felt many times before but rarely with Katie. I turned away and we went to sleep feeling emotionally detached. Katie had no idea what was going on or how I was feeling. The issue was with me, but even though I know it’s there it is still hard to suppress my desire to withdrawl most times. 

In the morning I told her that I felt sad and explained why. We talked for only a few minutes.  Later in the day I had time to call her from work and we talked at length. Again I shared more openly about my feelings; about my desire to please and that I have this immense desire to satisfy a woman orally. For me it is a very submissive act, both because it is a one way action - me giving, she receiving - and because of the physical position of being beneath her.  I don’t know why it is but I have a deep yearning for Katie to permit me to pleasure her in this way. 

After I shared Katie asked me questions. The fact that she did indicated she was really listening and wanted to understand. We discussed both her wants as well as mine for many minutes. Eventually the subject changed and we moved on to other topics. 
After we hung up I felt full of feelings. I wrote her a thank you email expressing that. Later I told her I felt all 'squishy' inside.  I had shared from my heart. She had heard me. She too was open and honest having shared her thoughts.  When I got home late that evening I told her how I felt. She told me "I got all horny after you hung up and realized I was wet."  What a paradox in emotions. Me the submissive husband was feeling vulnerable, close and loved.  She the dominant wife who decides how our love making will play out was feeling excited sexually.  I couldn't help but smile.

I don't know if anything will change but I do know that she understands me a little better.  I know she understands that I am not a typical man. Because I am submissive I have these longings to please that vanilla men don't have, at least not to the same degree.  They may do chores because they need doing but I do chores because of the pleasure I know Katie receives by having me do them. They may want sex because of how it will make them feel whereas I approach sex very different than I did before Katie. My desire is to please her without focusing on my pleasure. When we make love, I receive a deep feeling of satisfaction and love.  In part, that reward comes because she accepts me; because she wants me; because she views me as worthy of being enjoyed in a most intimate way. That is so different than the rejection I experienced again and again for many years.  My desire is to satisfy her in the same similarly to how I care for her when I massage her for an hour or clean the house knowing it will make her happy. I make love more because I want to please her than to satisfy myself, yet I have found that even with this attitude I am profoundly satisfied making love this way.

I appreciate the woman I've married more than I can convey.  So much has to do with the openness of our relationship as well as its one-sided dynamic with her in charge.

I'm Hers

8 comments:

  1. I keep trying to remind cagedmonkey that I get super wet and horny when he gets emotional and talks about his feelings with me. I swear it's like floods gates open and I gush!

    ~ Lady M

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  2. Aww, Lady M, you have a soft spot in your Dominating soul. See, your man knows how to soften you up when he shares from his heart and can melt you like butter :) I forwarded your response on to Katie and asked, "Is this a woman thing or what?" in reference to your response which was so similar to hers.

    I love it! Thanks for sharing.

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  3. We had a conversation the other day, or I should say V gave me a talk to the other day where she told me in short that the same way I get all excited when she is strong and demanding, she gets excited when I am open, sharing and communicate. She is giving me denial because because I asked for it, but she still doesn't feel that there is anything in it for her, She doesn't like it when I'm super horny because I get too needy and can't have a real conversation without giving it some type of sexual innuendo.

    I need to find a balance, and communicate better, like you and Lady M say. It is not easy though,

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  4. Vs-boy, You came out of the woodwork and became a new poster. Thank you!. I understand what you are saying. It is hard (most of the time) to keep our desires and urges with regard to the physical out of the forefront and just be a gentleman and conversationalist without 'expecting' something in return. I know for me that beign in chastity has pretty much eliminated the 'expectation' part because I can't initiate anything that I know is likely to go from here to 'there' where I'd like it to go. And that has done quite a bit in taming the urges you are currently battling. Thanks for joining the conversation! I do appreciate it.

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  5. Thank you for trying to explain a bit further the for an outsider rather complicated emotional and sexual connection between Katy and you.
    May be because there are so many question marks as regards your mutual relation, especially regarding the attitude of Katy, the situations you are describing fascinate me.
    I am aware of course that due to your position as the submissive husband you have your limitations because you do'nt want to annoy Katy anyway.
    Some time ago I wrote "It is not very clear to me whether your abstinence of release during 60 days is based on Katy's or your desire" A partial answer was contained already in the sentence "Katy says 'embrace' the feeling when you asked her for a release". Characteristic is furthermore "the time in denial has not been an issue and the amount of time is totally up to her".
    From the present tekst of April 9th it is very clear that you do'nt have any influence anymore regarding you emotional and sexual relation with Katy .
    An other point that I want to mention is that your teksts almost only concern your points of view.
    This is of course the more or less normal consequence of the fact that you are the author.
    It amazes, however, that you seem to have almost no impression of (the background) of Katy's motives.
    In the present tekst you mention that Katy asked you questions regarding your problem.
    You are nowhere indicating what was her reaction regarding your problem.
    This is just an example. We learn hardly anything about Katy's views regarding your mutual relationship.
    You write in your present tekst that you asked Katy one evening if you could please her orally.
    She told you 'no' because it does not feel right when I can't also enjoy you inside me afterwards.
    You write " So ...I realized she did not want my services because I was locked. Furthermore you write 'She, the dominant wife who decides how our love making will play out.
    My question is who forbids Katy to unlock you and have intercourse with you.
    Why does Katy maintain such a strict regime that you are locked most all the time now usually six out of seven days each week. Does she ever explain this to you ? Does she want to punish you ?
    Is there maybe an other valid reason ?
    Quite a number of questions.
    I hope that you are willing to answer them.



    What happens in you mutual relation when you are finally released.

    Maria K

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    Replies
    1. Maria,
      I'll try to answer the questions you posed at the end of your post:
      1. No one other than Katie decides when I will be released. It is her decision and hers alone.
      2. Katie has been quite busy the last several months and because of that the time when we use to lie together and make love is gone. As a result, I am locked more and free less.
      3. The fact that I am locked more is not a punishment. In fact she has always told me that she wanted me locked whenever I left her presence and now she is simply enforcing this more and especially because she has added a security tag that I must 'break' in two to unlock. She doesnt' want to put a tag on me only to break it in a day or two. As a result the tag stays on and I stay locked.
      In no way is Katie pushing me away. She loves me dearly and I love her just as much. This is simply the way she wants me to live - locked except when she is interested in making love.
      I hope that answers your questions.
      I'm Hers

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    2. It seems like perhaps the new numbered locks are promoting her keeping you locked more. If she were cutting one off every couple days you guys would have a decent expense at the end of a year LOL. I do like the numbered locks though as it makes it impossible to cheat. It reinforces everything. At least you were able to talk to her about how you were feeling, she heard you and now it is up to her to do what she will with your feelings, but I am sure just letting your feelings out and giving them to her eases your mind.

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    3. Mistress Marie, the woman who is changing her man into a lady :) ..... glad you stopped by and shared your thoughts! You know, we found a great deal on the tags so the frequency of cutting them off more often than less is not a financial consideration. But you are right, it does eliminate the possibility of me cheating to get out, touching or fondling - all of which she has labeled as 'off limits' for me anyway. But that doesn't mean that I dont get frustrated with being tagged at times, don't feel emotional about her ever increasing dominance or simply a desire to want to be close to her. I'm an emotional wreck sometimes LOL Not really. Stop by again between painting his nails and getting him all purdied up for you (smile).

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