Monday, April 14, 2014

Feeling 'blaa'

Ten days ago Katie gave me permission to have an orgasm. It had been 71 days since the previous one.  It felt nice. I was glad she permitted me a release but it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Yes there was a second or two or three of ‘wow’ and that was great, but then it was over.  The next morning I was told to lock up and she tagged me. I knew I wasn’t coming out until at least the weekend. I hate being locked on Day 1. It’s the depression of starting all over. But I obeyed as I really had no choice in the matter. The following weekend she let me out Saturday evening. We made love. She reached several climaxes. I didn’t even ask if I could. I already knew the answer. On Sunday I was told to lock but not tag. My hopes were raised and Katie later told me she might want to let me out Sunday evening to enjoy me again. But Sunday evening came and went and the cage remained on. On Monday I was told to tag. I put it on and left it unlocked, eventually finding Katie and letting her secure it personally.  I texted as I always do the date, tag number and days denied: Tag # 022934. 4/7/14. 9 days denied. I then wrote her a note expressing that I wasn’t in the mood to be wearing the Jailbird. I was feeling down.
Two days later I got up for work and felt similarly. I kept thinking, “this is so ridiculous that I have to live confined inside this steel prison."  I’m still feeling that way now (it’s later on that same day) and I know why.  For weeks I had been living on a bit of a hormonal high. Throughout the day I’d ache and feel this continued desire to want to be in bed with Katie – or at least with her. I wanted to hold and caress her. I thought about her all the time and texted her often telling her how much I loved and appreciated her as my Mistress Wife.  I couldn’t help but feel this overwhelming desire to be with her all the time.
I don’t feel that way now. Yesterday I got a bit of an ache but it was only momentary. I don’t know how long it will be before the perpetual desire to want her again begins its relentless toying with my mind but I hope it’s soon. I love feeling that way and when we make love it makes our lovemaking times all that more enjoyable.  I miss that. I hate being in this down swing hormonally. I hate not having my brain constantly focused on her – whether at work or away.  It’s the paradox of denial and release. Right now, I want the days to mount so the ache returns.
I’m Hers

20 comments:

  1. I think ruined orgasms are the perfect compromise here. Whenever I have had a ruined orgasm (all contact removed at the crucial moment being the best method in my opinion) I feel a real sense of release and happiness. Initially I worry that I've lost all my focus and my hormones have swung in the way you describe above, but my obsession with, and fixation on my Princess soon returns; usually within a matter of hours.

    I'm loving your work by the way, and I hope your ache returns soon!

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    1. OB, thanks for the positive feedback. Katie has never been intentional about ruining orgasms. She does however love the increased responsiveness when the days of denial grow and she enjoys my increased attentiveness. Personally I think she would prefer to deny me way longer than shorter if she only thought about 'herself' but she wonders if going months at a time without an orgasm is healthy for me in the long term. And so she permits that and I then have to deal with the downside that inevitably comes afterward.

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  2. First off I wanted to express my appreciation for your willingness to put yourself on the line so regularly, to open your life to the comments of others and for writing a blog that reflects your reality and not some fantasy.

    I'd challenge you when you say that pleasuring a woman orally is a submissive act. Isn't there a huge sense of power and of being in control as you tease her, withholding the orgasm she craves. I must say I adore pleasuring my wife this way well above any other way of love making.

    Maybe it's an age thing but I don't find my orgasm now to be "all it was cracked up to be". At 20, quite a different matter, but 45 years later .... And I guess age contributes to the fact I don't experience a drop in submissiveness post orgasm that many men report. Or maybe that my submission is not sexually driven.

    I love the power that comes from her ability to decide day to day what I will do to serve her, what I will do to show my obedience. I feel Katie by not tagging you and 'giving you hope' understands her power. Extending your period of no orgasm builds her dominance, which you've always wanted. I look forward to reading of how, day by day, she has made you go without any orgasm (ruined or otherwise) for many months - with you always hoping that today might just be 'the day'. Cruel, maybe, but submission is all or nothing. And yes, I am on that journey with you.

    May you enjoy the journey. We're a 'short time here and along time gone' - life is too brief to waste.

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    1. MHD, You know, although I very much enjoy giving orals I never think of it as being something where I am topping from the bottom. I enjoy it because I associate it with being submissive. Period. Interesting thought though of how it could be twisted to be one of dominance. I'm sure it can but I don't think of it as such.

      Maybe as I age a bit more I won't have the psychological drops in desire that I currently have. I would love not to. I am sure there are many ways to make a man yearn for a woman and to want to serve - the mind is a complex organ system.

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  3. I feel your lack of ache. Just having been allowed (more like forced) to orgasm after 8 weeks of tease and denial, I really "enjoyed" being in that state of obsession brought on by my hormonal high. I was getting a little overly obsessed by then and even though I wanted to extend it even longer, my wife really likes to make me come and I am being selfish to not want to. After the most incredible mind blowing orgasm this past weekend, I may not be so keen to avoid orgasm for so long.
    I am definitely feeling post orgasm drop though. My wife commented last night that it was nice to just talk and not have it be about sex. If were truly a good submissive I would agree, but my submission is sexually driven. Without any sexual tease and attention I am afraid that I would not carry on as expected, which would be very unfortunate since I really like this FLR. Thankfully, she is finding her way to enjoying being more dominant all the time, in her own way and time.

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    1. Mr Bil, I'd be interested in knowing how long it takes you to 'get back to where you were' prior to your orgasm. I'm sure all are different but it takes me a while. Most of three weeks usually. But when I'm back there I can pull my mind away from the sexual and pretty much be a 'normal guy' with respect to my conversation. But it drives me to want to touch, dote, and hang all over her - which she loves very much. As do I. Stop by again.

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  4. I'm totally with you brother. I find myself regretting how I know I will feel after being allowed a full orgasm. S much as I know I want it then, I'm also aware ahead of it that I will be going through the very same thing you are going through now. I agree with obedient boyfriend that ruined orgasms are a very good compromise. I now find myself begging Mistress for a ruined orgasm more than a full-on orgasm.

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    1. Isn't our desire for an orgasm - once we've experienced a period of denial - a crazy thing? I mean, you want it and yet you don't. You desire it and yet are regretful afterward that you went over that orgasm cliff and not have to start all over. Well, you have found a solution in the ruining of yours and for that I am sincerely happy for you. I hope you and S have a wonderful week

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  5. Thank you for sharing your thoughts regarding the practical consequences of your emotional connection with Katy and the chastity question at hand.
    I feel sorry for you that you are in a depressed state of mind now, feeling really down.
    I still have some questions but I will address them to you maybe at a later stage after your recuperation .

    Sincerely

    Maria K

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    1. Maria K, you make me smile. But whenever it is that you feel I have recuperated feel free to ask more questions. I look forward to hearing from you again in the near future.

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  6. There is no comparison to being "locked" it has a VERY profound mental change. There is no way to stifle or make for a way around how you change for the fine woman who holds the key. The psyche that develops can be hard to swallow when the lock is clicked shut and stays that way. There is a very heightened feeling and a loss of control at times of those feelings regardless of which emotions they are. The benefit that you enjoy ends up a far greater joy to you both than as if you were not subjected to a lock and key.

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    1. Well put. You hit the emotional nail on the head. Thanks for sharing.

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  7. Question for you, because I don't recall ever reading about them on your blog, but have you and Katie ever discussed the possibility of doing some ruined orgasms here and there between your long stretches of denial?

    The beauty of them is they are a lot like a real one, with some cum coming out and providing a touch of relief, but they are very different in that you will very quickly be super horny again and sometimes even more so. You get to experience the orgasm together without the fullness of it but yet you don't have the set back. I know the set back time is rough for some men. I am lucky that at least so far my David does not have that set back time, he is all revved up again in an hour or two after having a real orgasm, but I also know you are not alone, there are many like you who have that big down slide effect. Perhaps some ruined orgasms would be fun for you two to explore together.

    I am sure knowing now that you absolutely cannot cheat because of the number locks is also weighing on you. Before you did take matters into your own hands and after a big confessed, and suffered your punishment, but now you have no choice to disobey because of easy temptation, you would actually have to blatantly cut the lock to get to your cock, which means that it would be much more premeditated in my mind and a huge offense should it occur. I am sure this is all sinking in, that combined with Katie not having time for as much sex as before.

    Perhaps if you can prove good voluntary behavior again she will give you a little time unlocked? Has she ever taken an interest in simply watching you edge yourself as she reads a book or makes you lick her feet or so forth?

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    1. Sometimes Ms Maria, I think Katie has a bit of ADHD. She will stroke and get me all riled and then stop when a thought pops into her brain and start talking about the garden or something she heard on the news or from a friend. I'll go soft and then she will start again sometimes trying to edge me, sometimes just enjoying the feel of what she has in her hand.

      I will ask again about having her try ruining - and yes, the tag adds a whole extra layer of 'keeping me faithful and chaste' that has not been present prior to a few months ago. I'm learning to live with it since in reality, I have no other choice. Thanks for sharing and for your sincere expression of a possible solution/compromise. I could tell by the tone of your post that it was heartfelt. Thank you!

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  8. I'm Hers - i recognise those symptoms all too well sometimes and i too love it when the ache returns. Hope you are now starting to feel your usual self again, some tease and denial should soon see you on the road to full recovery.

    p
    x

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    1. I think the consensus Happy Pet from those that have responded is that we subs can all identify with that feeling. I would love a little tease and denial but for now I'm just getting denial as I'm locked up like a drum :)
      Stay well

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  9. I'll bet there was a time in your life when you just blamed it all on the weather. ;) it all seemed so simple then

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    1. Nah, not me JT. Maybe teenage hormones or the whole world having turned against me but not the weather. And besides, it's spring here finally...... but, you know.... maybe it is that whole 'blood moon thing' that is messing with my mind :)

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  10. Baby, thank you again for a very interesting post.

    Wearing a chastity device is a sacrifice. In a way you are suffering-suffering for your mistress. This brings a couple together. My most recent post was about love and sweetness, yet there is another side to women. There are times when we like to see our men suffer for the privilege of serving us. In a way this type of suffering can also bring a couple together. Yes, in a way I suspect that Katie loves to have you locked-loves to have you frustrated, and in need. My next posting will talk about this sensitive aspect of femdom. Love you, Kathy

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    1. Thank you Kathy! Only in the south am I called 'Baby' :) I'm a Yankee and so those terms of endearment are still new to me at times - but oh how I love to be addressed in those ways.

      My next post will be one in which I talk about your current post and the woman to whom you have been corresponding.

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