Thursday, April 24, 2014

Katie’s New Normal

This morning I was doing some of the chores I’ve been assigned. Normally that includes cleaning the bathroom after Katie and I shower, making the bed, cleaning the litter box and then making breakfast for the two of us.  However this morning Katie received a phone call and chose to help a friend by running an errand for her. After she showered and dressed I offered to blow dry her hair (another morning duty) but was told to get a shower and then go directly to the kitchen to make breakfast. It was one of those “I need to leave here sooner rather than later” instructions and so I showered, threw on a shirt and headed to the kitchen.
She ate and I did soon after. Katie left the house while I headed back to the bathroom and bedroom to do what I had not done earlier. Normally on Saturday I change the sheets. This morning was a Friday but I knew we'd be gone most of Saturday so I decided to wash the sheets and put on fresh ones today since I knew she’d notice the old sheets come Saturday night if I wasn’t on top of this.
I mention the small change in my schedule that was done so Katie could eat and run while leaving me home to care for the house because not only do I assume she can command and expect me to obey but she now expects my obedience without question. Yes, my understanding of what is 'normal' has changed when I agreed to submit but more importantly Katie's understanding that she now is in full control of all we own and do has become her 'new normal' as well. 

What once was so abnormal and what use to make her feel guilty no longer does. She has no feelings of guilt whatsoever in telling me to do a job. She is much more likely than ever to express disappointment in something that wasn't approved or up to her standards.  She speaks her mind so normally and freely now when I am around and that makes our home run more efficiently and her life more comfortable.  She doesn’t feel awkward relaxing while I work. She doesn’t mind telling me to take out the trash or to fill her water bottle or to bring in items she left in the car.  She speaks her mind and does so in a matter of fact way, really with a tone that is one of ‘hey, by the way I need you to do this’ tone of voice.
We talked on the cell after she ran her errand and during that conversation she reminded me that I needed to make sure I didn’t forget to have her put a check in her purse. Later in our conversation she told me to remind her to do something at home at 1pm. I have become her calendar. I must have a hundred items in my cell calendar that are ‘reminders’ I am not to forget. They range from getting friends and family birthday cards, to when the heat filters need to be changed, to when the dog needs a heart worm pill to shopping items that need to be gotten on our next trip to the grocery. As a result I text her reminders regardless of where I am or what I am doing. It might be in the middle of a meeting or while I am teaching others or on the road. If the cell appointment alarm goes off, she expects me to send her a text to remind her of whatever it is that the cell alarm alerted me of. Me serving as her daily planner was not something we pre-planned. It just happened. It happened because of Katie’s pragmatism. It is who she is. When she wants something now, she tells me. There is no desire on her part to humiliate or demean but rather one to use the services and talents I possess to make her life more comfortable and our house run more efficiently.
The take away point here is geared to the hesitant woman or the woman that has yet to take the step to assume the rightful head of her home. To you I say: leading might be awkward at first; leading might not feel right; leading may make you uncomfortable. However, if you step back from the specifics of the instructions and leadership you are providing and realize your actions are not harming him; that your leadership is in fact pleasing him; that the new dynamic within your home has brought greater harmony and intimacy to your marriage.  To you I want you to know that if you persist in leading responsibly all of those awkward feelings will slowly dissipate.  What you currently perceive as abnormal will become perfectly normal  if you maintain leadership within the home and assume responsibility for your submissive man/husband. For both of you and him a new normal will evolve and you will become a more confident woman in the process. If your husband is open to submitting to your authority you can enjoy the gifts he has via his service. For both it will be a win-win solution that will draw you closer to one another.
I’m Hers

22 comments:

  1. I'm Hers - that is so similar to my own experience with Owner. We joke that we've both completely lost sight of what is 'normal; anymore to most other people. She has become confident and happy giving instructions, determining standards and deciding what i will or will not do. I am still permitted to make suggestions but that is all they are, suggestions. She has become the one in charge and we are both delighted and very happy because of it.

    Sometimes it is the little things that we don't even register anymore but which take others by surprise. Staying with family recently i was offered a coffee after dinner to which Owner immediately interjected saying i wasn't allowed coffee in the evenings (which is true). i thought nothing of Her intervention but it clearly surprised the family member!

    p
    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love that last comment. Owner spoke her mind. I wonder if her comment even surprised her as well after it came out or if she really has changed that much. Her comment was one of love - really. She was looking out for you and what was best for the man she loves and owns.

      I too make 'suggestions'. Never demands although its not unlike Katie to ask me to make a decision if she doesn't. Yet she has veto rights at all times. For us it works and for you two it works. In the end that is what its all about. Thanks p

      Delete
  2. I'm Hers, I agree fully with 'your takeaway point'; leadership can become easier over time and confidence will grow to the benefit of the relationship.

    The key to a successful Female Led Relationship is simple; the man surrenders his freedom to his Lady and from that point on obeys her absolutely. Through such obedience he discovers the great joy that comes from putting aside his ego and independence. But so often we men have ideas that counter that simplicity- we want to be locked, be collared, be feminised - whatever is 'our kink' - and sometimes we focus on those kinks rather than simply surrendering our being into her care and control.

    True obedience changes a man for the better and that is why we both would encourage any woman to establish her authority over her man and to require his obedience.

    Keep on posting such pearls of wisdom and help counter the idea that Female Leadership and FemDom is anything other than a healthy way of life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MHD, Thanks. I don't view myself as some great buda uttering profound thoughts but rather just an ordinary guy that wants others to know that a marriage with her in control is indeed healthy and IMHO the best way a man should live 'attached' because of his natural tendency to stray visually, then emotionally, then physically. Men need to have a virtual collar on them to keep them from their own perils. Surrender is hard but it is the only way to contentment within the marriage too. Thanks for sharing your wisdom pearl

      Delete
  3. There are so many directions that would deserve comment from your post, which I read to be aimed mostly at the reluctant new woman in charge. On the other hand, I saw unity and community show through; both from your post and Pets and Desires replies as well. I see my wife becoming more comfortable and confident in who she is on her terms, not someone who is just allowed to grow and fill voids in areas of a relationship that she has been allowed to occupy. I come to wlm from a much more simple ‘she is in charge aspect’. That is where we are at. We do not go as far on the edgy side, but that is fine. I have learned so much in the last few months, which I have shared with her, and the results have been amazing for our relationship! The rest is educational for me. BUT, the common element that travels through all of this is the indescribable, but very recognizable feeling of love and relationship that shows through in most of our relationships. It is the simple submission, surrender, which allows us to live and enjoy each day with the growing strength and normality of our partners being. We would not want anything else.

    ReplyDelete
  4. JT,
    You speak so well for all of us that feel as you do - that our goal, as submissive husbands, is to live as we do and not wish for our lives to be any other way. I'm so happy that you and your wife have found such a rewarding way to live as a couple that is not new to marriage and not young. There is nothing better than to look at your wife as she is doing something some distance away and feel such closeness and admiration for her because of the love shared between each. Thanks JT you always make me think.

    ReplyDelete
  5. So nice to hear all the different ways men and women experience there own individual WLR and how they work. I know for ours she no longer feels guilty about giving orders or planning my free time for me. I tell her the best time of my day is doing my chores while she is watching the tv or playing her favorite game on her computer. She has become very comfortable with the fact she truly is the leader in the relationship and I in turn enjoy my supportive role. A new normal is a great way to express the way things are know. Always enjoy this blog. RR

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. RR, stories such as yours and the many others that often comment here really uplift me as I am sure that for every one such as you that shares a story there must be a 100 others out there that are also living as we are - under the loving leadership of our wives that we serve. Always great to hear from you RR

      Delete
  6. Hi IH,

    I was starting to get worried about you after your "Blaaa" post a while back. Thought maybe you were starting to have second thoughts or other issues with the FLR. You certainly "spring boarded" back with this post. With your Mrs Katie coming into her own as a wife mistress, it has got me thinking (could be dangerous) about something. You have been at this for a while now. Is the reality of your FLR turning out to be what you thought it would be? Are you feeling that you have less and less control over the direction your FLR is going and does it worry you? Has Mrs Katie directed or done anything that has caught you completely by surprise thus giving you second thoughts or is she not moving forward fast enough to fulfill your desires? Lots of questions, but some things I've been thinking about. Thanks again for a great, thought provoking post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wishful4, Good questions. Things have definitely changed from the first few months that we plunged into this life. I don't know that I really gave much thought about what I wanted life to be like a few years from when I asked if Katie would assume leadership of our relationship but I did know that I wanted to submit to her. I think more than anything else I am committed to serving and obeying her regardless of what she does or doesn't do or how she decides to direct our lives. I love her and that has never waivered. But she has thrown me a few curve balls that I've not expected but I have remained committed to obeying and embracing her decisions regardless. WHen I look back at those times in life I realize that they really aren't that big of a deal in the bigger picture. Did that answer your questions?

      Delete
  7. I have a question. I have now taken charge, but what about the moments when the man forgets his place? The moments where I feel like he is being bossy. Not intentionally but he just does it?
    For instance, I bought something to go on his collar which is closed with an allen wrench. When I tried to close it, I didn't fit it together properly and it started not to lay smoothly together. Noticing I was not pleased he jumped in with the "let me do it" attitude. Which I shot down and slowly undid the screw and rescrewed it back in so it fit right this time.
    He does this with other things too and I am not sure how to always handle it.
    Thoughts?
    Mistress Willow Fae

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Funny response I got from Katie - I read your comment and her instant words were "well, I'd probably let you go ahead and do it yourself it you told me you could". She cracks me up. I know what she meant but I also know that if I lipped off she'd tell me to knock it off too.
      Now that probably doesn't help but I'm not one to go off and tell her what to do usually. It's just not me. I think you are doing fine tho. And you know - whatever you do is right. Just stick to your goals and values and address things as they go. You will do fine.

      Delete
  8. Does this qualify as a new normal?
    My wife’s brother moved out west a few years ago but still sends his daughter to a prep school near here, where she attends as a senior this year. We occasionally pick her and one of her friends up for the weekend just to give them a break from campus life, but this weekend was a solo visit. Seeing as Saturday was a long overdue spring day she decided it would be great if I would get the front yard ‘springed’ up while the two of them went in town shopping for a while in the morning. Probably about seven or eight hours and three update phone calls later they returned home to find the yard clean along with a pile of other newly issued tasks completed. As requested, the evening meal was ready and hot on the table (gps is really helpful for that). It is rewarding to do what is needed.
    Kind of routine I guess, but the part that made me feel ? inside (not exactly sure of what emotion to enter there) was the next morning at church my niece started smiling at me apparently for no obvious reason as we sat in the pew. “Ok whats up now?” I asked. She laughed and said as my wife was entering the friendship register she wrote both of our first names and had unconsciously entered the first three letters of her maiden name before she caught herself and changed it back to normal; or is it? It was all done so sweetly, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JT, great story. I wonder if your wife is comfortable enough to share any more 'intimate details' with your niece or if she wants to keep the fact that she is in charge implicit rather than 'explicit'. Regardless, what she did and what she had you do was definitely something to give her niece some food for thought when she returned to school. Thanks for sharing your story JT.

      Delete
    2. IH, I’m sure she will remain at implied status although I did get the feeling once or twice this weekend that her husbands behavior was being put on display just a bit for her amusement. My niece evidenced this by the line “J be nimble, J be quick” after I refilled my wife’s water glass at supper. A direct hit with a pillow or two silenced my niece for the moment.

      Delete
  9. Hi,
    I happened upon your blog and enjoyed it. My wife is the leader in our home; just about 5 years. I think my wife was always in charge really but our dynamic makes it official. You commented about giving your wife lip. The short story is that I think we only played with submission in the beginning, but when I was very upset and really blew up at my wife early on about something insignificant it seemed to have an effect which escalated the superior and submissive role. The cage started staying on quite a bit from that point on. I'm not complaining of course.

    I know my wife would never be comfortable sharing any of our personal details with family, but my wife told me she gave very strong hints about me being submissive and denied to a woman she spoke to regularly on a long vacation. The woman smiled and laughed she says. The lady's husband was on the trip as well, so I assume he was told.

    I will check in from time to time.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Welcome friend! Glad you found the blog and hope you stop back often. Feel free to comment often. I love the interaction. I don't know when I gave Katie any lip as you said, but if I did, it now does not go without comment.

    I love that you have found this and hope you will stop by often. There is a collection of several wise men that often comment and hope you will join the group. I learn so much from those that share so the interaction is definitely a two-way street. Glad to hear there is another submissive man in the world that serves the one he loves.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi IH,

    I really appreciate your observation, "There is no desire on her part to humiliate or demean but rather one to use the services and talents I possess to make her life more comfortable and our house run more efficiently."

    At first, all I wanted was her to dominate me, but our marriage has evolved into what you describe here. The new normal is indeed sweet and I am a better man because of Her leadership!

    Scott

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Scott, I wish more women would come to understand the wisdom of assuming headship and how common so many men would be to complying and yielding the authority they hold and let it go, allowing their wives to take that role and assume that responsiblity. So many problems are solved in the process and so much is gained by both man and woman when the man defers to his wife. I'm glad you have found what I have found - happiness in submission.

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    3. John, thank you for taking the time to write and thank you even more for sharing your thoughts about how I can be a better slave to Katie. I needed to hear that. I do not do what you do. I am permitted computer time, tv time, time to do what I want when I really could be doing more for her. I will think about what you said and think how I can be more attentive to her. I really will. Thanks again for sharing and hope you stop by again to read when I post again.

      Delete
    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete