Thursday, May 22, 2014

Not too old to apologize

This is the second of a series of posts on the topic of a desire I have to be dominated more completely. 

I’m getting older.  With age comes wisdom, but in my case it also comes with ignorance.  I need to make an apology. I’ve been critical of Dennis and some of his posts on the Worshipping your Wife blog. I commented recently how one of his posts irked me because I couldn’t see ‘love’ for his wife nor she for him in their writings. Their posts all seemed to be about rules and regulations and I was blind to any sign of affection amidst his or Nancy’s (his Mistress wife) posts. 

And then my eyes were opened and they were opened independently of something I recently read on that blog. It just happened.  The previous post here had to do with me coming to understand just how loving it is to feel a woman’s dominance.  I think I knew this all along at some level – actually knew it well but there was a part of me that failed to see it in others the way I felt it when experienced myself.  Furthermore I have enjoyed holding onto some of my freedoms while still submitting to Katie, kind of like wanting to have my cake and eat it too. My feelings are changing. I’m realizing the value of being broken by her (if that is the correct word).  I know that by becoming completely hers, by being more accountable, by reframing my view of ‘whose first’ to be Katie at all times, by conforming to her will strengthen our bond.  I want to give myself more fully (or should I say completely) to her. 

I failed to see Nancy’s control of Dennis as expressions of love. When one of them spoke of Nancy keeping track of him while at work, monitoring his whereabouts using a smartphone app, meeting him at the front door and inspecting the contents of his wallet before he even entered the home, making sure a female chaperone led a ‘guys night out’ meeting, etc. I interpreted those examples his wife as ones of overbearing  control and disrespect. Now I see that they were very much gifts of love, expressions of care, and support to the man she loves.  When she tells him to dress a certain way, clean a certain way, immediately attend to her or her mother when a bell is rung, I could relate at some level but another part of me rebelled from such control. It seemed too comprehensive, too restrictive, too mistrusting. At the time I couldn’t see nor understand the care and love it took on Nancy’s part to love him enough to make sure he was doing as he was told.  Now I see.  Dennis, I think I understand now.  I apologize for my ignorance. I apologize for failing to see the love that Nancy and her Mother gave you on a daily basis. 

And now I am craving the same thing. To feel a collar snapped around my neck; to be referred to as ‘my sub’; to have my cell messages checked to see if I’ve been texting while driving; to be told to sit on the floor while talking to her; to be told to stand in the corner as punishment for a wrong done, gosh I ache for that kind of control. I ache for that kind of fun! Yes fun. Although there is a level of seriousness in all we do as Mistress and sub, there is a bit of fun and intimacy as well – or at least there could be.  When Katie tells me to ‘go cook dinner’ it’s a serious command. She wants to eat, but she also is phrasing it to remind me (and her) of the power differential to which we’ve both committed. I now understand that what a Mistress demands is in no way an expression of disrespect or intended to belittle. It’s the polar opposite. They are expressions of love. They are conscious actions given – maybe done to add a bit of fun and spice to a relationship, maybe to remove any concern or suspicion she might have, or maybe because her submissive needs to be corrected.

It’s amazing to realize just how foolish I can be. I forget sometimes just how new I am to living in submission to a woman that is also new to living as a dominant.  We are both still learning, still growing and by no means understand this life nearly as well as those of you that have lived it for so many years.  Maybe next time I will know better and withhold judgment until I look at things from angles other than my own current perspective.

I’m Hers

16 comments:

  1. To be completely owned, to have no freedom except that which She grants is the wish of every truly submissive man. But be careful, being 'broken' by Her implies you want to be made to do things you would not do voluntarily - as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for. Hot fantasy though.And life should be fun. Good luck.

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    1. My Heart's desire: it's not that I want to do things that I don't desire but rather that I want to remove the temptation from wanting to do things that I know she doesn't desire. Learning that obedience is my only option seems like a precious gift that I can give her. I trust Katie enough to believe she won't force me to do things that are morally or ethically wrong. Part of her vow to me was a promise to take care of me and to always love me. Living under that premise I don't feel as if I have anything to fear. Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

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  2. I myself am a dominant woman. I realize it not's fair, but I bristle whenever I read of a submissive woman/dominant man. I get angry thinking of a man controlling a woman, inflicting pain on her, ordering her around, etc. Perhaps it's because men are (usually) stronger than women (physically). I feel a woman should be adored 24/7. A man (like a dog) could very easily injure or kill a woman with his bare hands, and every day of the year, many do. That's partly why it is such a beautiful thing to have a man submit to a woman, physically, emotionally, sexually. For a man to give up the idea hurting a woman, instead worshiping her.

    I'd love to get some input from the men and women who read this blog!

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    1. Anonymous Dominant Woman, I do appreciate your comments. I would think that all of the hundreds of men that visit this blog each week would agree with your position - since it's my hunch that those men that do read this and other similar blogs have submissive desires or have already committed to a woman to serve as she wishes.

      Personally I agree with you. As small kids we learn that 'might makes right' and there in lies the whole bullying issue. As we mature intellectually we realize that physical force isn't always the best solution but when we get angry we often revert to more immature means of handling issues - eg. force.

      As a man that has submitted and is at least trying to live in obedience to my wife I find that by making that choice so many potentially volatile issues are automatically defused because I have no right to challenge her with her decision. As a result, there is no fight or argument. If there is not much input maybe I'll write a post addressing this and see what kind of discussion ensues. Thanks for your comments and taking the time to share.

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  3. While, I very much agree with the above post by anonymous. For whatever reason the idea of a woman being under the control of a man has always seemed wrong to me. Yet, the concept of female authority seems very natural and even Godlike. However, in my opinion the men who do worship the women in their life are the ones that never ever had any idea of hurting a woman.

    What I would like to say is that this sweet posting touched on a topic I have been wanting to talk about for the last several weeks. This posting more or less triggered the most current post on Femdom 101. Love, Kathy

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  4. I"ll be interested to read what you have to say Miss Kathy. I always love it when you stop by and add your two cents.

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  5. I admire someone who admits they were wrong.Good for you. I also love when woman stop by and comment on you're blog. . Thanks for your input. RR

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    1. RR Katie decided she wants to try the Chroma app. I will see how it goes. Thought you'd be interested in hearing that.

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    2. Hi,

      What's the Chroma app? I tried googling it and only something abut a colour picker comes up?

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    3. It's actually the Chorma app, short for Chore Management. My wife and I installed it on our phones last week to help me stay on track.

      Scott

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    4. My Heart's Desire, it is actually Chorma. I just found it and it looks pretty neat, or at least can be if I can get my Mistress to use it. :-)

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  6. "As a man that has submitted and is at least trying to live in obedience to my wife I find that by making that choice so many potentially volatile issues are automatically defused."

    I'm Her's: Your statement is true. I ask my wife about doing something or buying something that I consider out of the norm. I use my common sense, but I am pretty sure about what to get my wife's decision about This makes our relationship work better, and probably does in yours.

    On the issue of a woman being in charge and the "might makes right" discussion, I can't imagine ever hurting a woman.

    As far as the Chroma app, some of us would love to see how it goes. I send my wife a screenshot of my schedule so she knows what's up if I cannot return her text or answer a call at some point during the day. She can track me from it.

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  7. Thanks Anonymous. I can't think of one 'un' virtuous reason for a man not submitting to his wife/girl friend. Anytime anyone puts another above him/herself, 'bad' will be a hard thing to find in their relationship. (That my friend, was an awkward sentence or two but I think you get my drift :).

    Thanks for stopping by

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  8. Great post I'm Hers. I guess the lesson here is that love can come in such different ways for different people. Even those of us who share the love of our women thru a dominant relationship can still have differences in how each of us live and love.

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  9. Agree with you completely. As people say 'to each his own' and as long as the relationship builds depth, intimacy and love I see no reason why it can't manifest itself in many different ways. "Our" way is but one.

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  10. Great post. My wife and I are in a domestic discipline relationship, and are trying to get to a real Female Led Relationship. It is always a work in progress and, like you, I really crave her taking more control. Taking command. And, I know what you mean about really wanting to be "broken." I'm not sure that is exactly the right word, but it's close. I just really want to hand myself over to her in a really deep way. But, I want it to happen by her TAKING that control and making me yield to her. She does punish me (primarily with spankings), but that is really only part of what I think I need. I need her to do it more consistently, and I really need her to regularly show me that she is the authority. She is the boss. And, I think she does want to do it. When we talk about it, she says it is what she wants. But, it is hard to change old habits.

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