Thursday, May 8, 2014

Ways I’ve Been Trained

I struggled a bit with the title of this post partly because Katie is not the kind of a woman to walk me into the bathroom, pull out cleaning agent X and brush Y and show me how she wants Z cleaned.  It’s not her. It’s not her style. She’s more likely to tell me, “clean the bathroom” and leave it at that. She has directed me with some specifics like, “I don’t want this cotton sweater dried”, or “I want my bras washed in a lingerie bag” or “I don’t want you to put green peppers into my food” but she’s not one to demonstrate and then have me repeat.

Added to this is that I am a guy that tends not to rebel. I’ve never been that kind of a person. I’m not saying that I haven’t gotten into my share of mischief and trouble but I’ve been smart enough to keep that info away from my folks when I was young and others when I got older. My tendency is also one that desires to please others. I’m not a conflict guy but one that would rather do something right the first time and be done with it than to do it carelessly and have to be confronted later as to why I didn’t put my all into it.

Katie has changed me since I first submitted to her authority. She’s changed me in a hundred ways. When I think back to the old me I sometimes marvel at who I am now.  She’s changed me but I have also changed myself by making deliberate choices to become a better man and one that she can be proud of.  I wrote a list some of those changes below. Many came after reading Rika’s book when I presented Katie with a list of chores I wanted to do if she’d accept my offer to serve in various ways. Other came about when Katie later modified some of those initial offers. Still others came later when she gained more confidence leading and really took charge of me as a submissive and our home as a Dominant woman now in charge of all. Finally, I changed. I wanted to submit and I fully embraced my submission and acted accordingly.

Living under a new core value helped me (and still helps me) to understand that we are a unique couple. We both realize that very few, if any, of our friends live intentionally as we do. Living in a femdom (Female dominated) marriage necessitates a reframing of who I am as a man and what it is that I now hold preeminent. (It also necessitated who Katie is as my wife and the responsibility she now has as the one who directs and leads.)

In all cases Katie has held me to my commitments and has slowly added to them.  There is more that I could do for her but she has chosen to balance my time spent working, cleaning or performing upkeep on the home with time spent with her. She values our time together and because she does she spends a fair amount of time working with the up of our home as well. I wish she'd allow me to do more but I understand the value of ‘together time’ and I have come to accept that and let her decide as she sees fit. 

Ok so here is my list. Broke it down into two sections with the first noting changed or modified attitudes and values and the second being a list of some if the services/chores I do.

I have been trained to:
Changed/modified attitudes:

  • View sexual intimacy as an opportunity to excite and satisfy her rather than a way to self-pleasure
  • Embrace chastity and extended periods of denial knowing it results in a more attentive, responsive and doting lover
  • Obey her words without question
  • Hold my tongue and not provoke arguments
  • Speak openly and honestly when my views are sought.
  • Defer decisions to Katie yet be honest when asked to provide my opinion.
  • Always cast Katie in a positive light especially when with others
  • Remain patient. Defer and let her make decision on her timetable – not mine.
  • Embrace her decisions
  • Adore, dote and pamper
  • Lavish her with touches, complements and affection.
  • Never question her use of money (all of which is in her bank accounts).

Changed/modified actions

  • Serve her by attending to her needs and wishes whenever we are together whether that is at home or out.
  • Open doors (generally be a considerate gentleman)
  • Assume full responsibility with regard to cooking, cleaning up and maintaining kitchen cleanliness
  • Do the laundry, put clean clothes away afterward, and keep Katie’s closet clean and orderly
  • Make the bed and change and wash the sheets
  • Pick up around the house.
  • Obey orders when directed to do chores
  • Keep her calendar and provide reminders with ample notice
  • Carry groceries, luggage and other items from point A to point B and do so without having to be told.
  • Ask before making a purchase
  • Serve Katie when out
  • Not touch the remote
  • Sit in the passenger seat when we travel and take care of her needs
  • Push shopping cart, carry bags, sweaters, coats, etc when out shopping
  • Prepare the bathroom after we are through with it each morning so it is clean and ready to be used again without her having to fetch items like towels, wash cloths, clean underwear, etc
  • Cuddle her at night and throughout the night as my consciousness permits

I’m sure I could mention other examples but you get the idea. Conceptually one could categorize these changes as ones in which she has taught me to be more of a gentleman, more patient, more obedient, more considerate, and more adoring and attentive to her needs and wants.  Second she has taught me to be more intentional about keeping the house clean and in order.

In reference to doing more around the house one might ask if that means I do ‘too much’ work around the house. It does but it doesn't. It depends on your perspective.  I often think back to when I was single and ‘did it all’ so for me to do more than she does is still less than everything. And besides, the reward of being ‘her man’ the way she likes it is without compare. I love my wife and she really has taught and shown me how to love and what it means to put a woman first – to raise her to the point of worshiping her as somewhat of a goddess. When we first met I knew I had discovered a rare jewel and my love and appreciation for the special woman she has become since embracing femdom has only deepened that affection.

I was reading aloud a portion of the book “Real Women Don’t Do Housework” while we drove some distance to an event. The author stated that all husbands should adore their wives if for no other reason than she is his wife. So I posed the question asking if she feels as if I adore her enough. Without a moments’ hesitation she told me I did.  Responses like that feed my desire to do more (as I know I can do more) If you are a married slave/submissive I know you can identify with my emotion.  I only hope the training continues. It is the training, her spot checking of my work, her constructive criticism of a job well done or one that needs to be improved, her complimenting exemplary behavior on our way home after a social outing, her verbalizing her satisfaction of my body and how it satisfies her that I hope never ends. 

My kids had a great music teacher who always told them, “You are never staying the same. You are either getting better or getting worse and it all depends on whether or not you practice.” The same can be said about training a submissive husband. He must continue to serve, but she must remain attentive to that service and always check, reward, admonish and correct him so that he understands that he is an owned man that must meet her standards at all times. A femdom lifestyle can never be static or it will fail. It needs continual attention but that is what makes it so precious and unique.

I’m Hers


  1. I'm-Hers,

    Great job on posting your lists! I've noticed that the list is not a compilation of what you've achieved, but what you and Katie have come up with as a couple. I love how your posts are not about, "What a great sub I am." but about the relationship you have developed together. Katie is definitely not a micro-manager, but a leader who does set expectations for you. Your adoration and devotion to Katie and her love and leadership of you, truly are making you a better man. :)


    1. Scott,
      I appreciate your words of encouragement. I've often said "Katie is amazing" and in many many ways she is. The simple fact that she has accepted my submission and chosen to lead is amazing in itself and the way she leads is truly remarkable. I love her dearly as I am sure you love yours as well. Thanks so much for providing input and food for thought.

  2. There are times I read these posts, and think, did you write this for me?
    This is one of those times.
    Thank you!

    1. Willow Fae, I don't know what it is that I said that resonated with you but glad it did.

  3. Sometimes men don't appreciate how much effort it takes to be a mistress wife. Yes, we need to be attentive. Yes, we need to provide feedback, and yes we there are times when we need to punish.
    There are also times when we realize it is indeed lonely at the top. There are many times in life when it is easier to follow than to be the decision maker. Love, Kathy

    1. I agree, in part. Although the 'work' involved varies for both. For the sub it is physical for the Mistress it is intellectual (foresight and planning). Love having you comment. Blessings!

  4. Hey, Dan here...wanted you to know that Ellie and I are reading your blog. Your's is really the only one I feel we can read together. Thanks for that. This is a great list. I think the thing I've had to get straight is that my performance of tasks for Ellie has to be comprised of things that she feels will help her, not the things I think it should entail. It needs to be centered around making her life easier on her terms. I think too often in my enthusiasm to submit to her, I want to go off the deep end in the things I do for her. Still, I find if I am a student of her habits I can always identify new ways to help her. Ellie liked your practice of cleaning out Katie's e-mail in the morning before she gets up, so she's assigned me that task. This is a task she views as a waste of time, so by my doing it for her, she can focus her valuable time on those items that really need her attention.

    1. Dan and Ellie,
      So glad to hear from you. I have lost touch with your blog and my assumption is that you have not been keeping it active. It's easy to get me centered, Dan, and to forget that it's all about Katie and not me - however I do think there needs to be a give an take for the man to continue to want to serve. Like Ellie spotting the idea of checking emails Katie too has come up with an item or two - either for me to do or if I've done something she's seen that she doesn't like she will tell me, "from now on......" and so the list continues to grow. So glad you took the time to write. Hope you are both well!

    2. Again another great topic.I was looking for away to keep track of my daily and weekly duties on a daily or weekly basis.I women from another blog told me about an app called Chorma. It allows your mate to keep track of the chores you are doing. She can add more chores and even grade you on how well you have done. It would be a great way to earn or even lose rewards. I have talked it over with my wife and plan on giving it a try. Maybe you might want to check it out. You can download from apple. RR

    3. RR that is an interesting app. I'll check it out. Nothing better than using technology to help keep us on the straight and narrow. Thanks for the info.