Monday, June 30, 2014

"I'm Not Allowed"

Earlier this summer Katie invited one of her single girlfriends over. She is a great woman and a dear friend to both of us.  At some point during the evening our conversation with Rachel turned to a discussion about a potential guy that she has an interest in pursuing.  This man happens to enjoy golf. It also just so happens that ‘golf’ is one of two activities that are on my banned list. Golf happens to be on the black list because Katie's previous husband often golfed for many hours on his day off rather than spending his free time with her.

At some point Rachel mentioned to Katie that this guy and I might enjoy golfing.  Without a second’s thought I spoke up saying, “Just because he might want me to go golfing with him does not mean that I’ll be allowed to go.” With my eyes I motioned to my wife next to me as to the reason I wouldn't be doing that.

Katie and Rachel may have smiled but the conversation proceeded unbroken after my statement. I don’t even know if Katie noticed what I had said but I sure did – after the fact.  What struck me in hindsight were a few things. First, just how normal the box that I live in has become. It’s not odd; it’s not abnormal; it just is and I am very content living within that box. I know that golfing is not something that Katie wishes me to do because of the time away it would mean.  (As an aside, I have never taken to golf so it's not something I am dying to do.  Put that ball on the tee and I'll smack that thing a long way but I may miss it a few times before I connect - that's how bad I am :)   Second was the lack of surprise Rachel and Katie gave my statement.  There response was  more akin to 'if that's what Katie wants then that's the way it is'. I do think the cat is out of the bag with Rachel that I serve Katie. She does not know that I vowed to obey her but she often comments to Katie how good she has it.  I think too that Rachel knows that Katie runs our relationship – meaning that she makes decisions – not me.

I mention this five second moment from my life, not to make some profound point but then again, that statement and their acceptance of that response is indeed profound. I have come to accept a new normal - a new normal that fits what Katie prefers. Rachel has also come to accept a new normal too (or maybe just a normal that is becoming more publicly accepted) - that men obey and follow their wives wishes.  For whatever the reason I found both my statement and their reaction to be quite informative.  Maybe you can think of similar statements that you've made that have had similar responses. Feel free to share for the benefit of all if you care to.

I’m Hers

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Obedience Should be a Man's Only Option

Recently I was doing a small carpentry job. While in the attic on a hot summer day with the ventilation fan doing its best to suck out the building heat on the black roof a thought struck me regarding ‘male obedience’.  I find it perplexing how the brain works.  I have no idea where the thought came from nor why it came when it did.  My thought had to do with men promising to obey women.  To understand where I am coming from the reader needs to know that when Katie and I married I promised to obey her. Specifically I knelt before her and promised many things including my promise to do whatever she told or asked of me.  I went back and looked at the vow I wrote and found the following statements that contained such promises:

·         I kneel before you symbolizing my desire to serve and obey you as your submissive husband.
·         I promise to obey you.
·         I will obey you.
·         I want to obey you more than anything else. 
·         I want you to be known as your submissive husband who obeys you without question
·         I promise to honor your dominance by obeying you.

Yes I made the promise to obey my wife. It is a promise that goes against the tradition of a woman making such a promise to her husband to be.  I broke that tradition and I did so after much thought.  When I wrote the vow to Katie I did so choosing my words carefully. I started writing it a few months before we married and gave thought to what it was I was promising. I knew that the promises I made I would be held accountable for and that my words would become expectations, just as I believed Katie’s promises would be to me.

To obey another is a big deal. It means that ‘choice’ is removed. It implies that the ‘obey-er’ is indebted to the one whom they are obeying. I can see back when men and women married and lived those Happy Days lives in the 1950’s and before how normal a woman obeying a man was. It was what every woman did.  But then again husbands had their ‘honey-do’ lists and word had it that women ran the show at home regardless of whether or not the wife worked or stayed at home. 

When I was nailing a piece of 1x6 the thought came to me, “why wouldn’t a man want to obey his wife?” I mean, every couple promises to love one another. As Kathy noted when she referenced the wedding she and her husband attended, the pastor spoke about the Biblical definition of love: Love is patient, love is kind, love does not keep track of things, love forgets wrongs done, etc.  When a man tells a woman ‘I love you’ he implicitly tells her I will do anything for you, I will give my life if it means sparing yours. I will do anything to make you happy, I never wish to harm you, hurt you, make you look or feel less when around others – or even when only with me. 

Now I know that we often don’t think about the words we use in that way but that is what is meant when one tells another that they love them.  If my premise is true, then why would a man deliberately ‘disobey’ his wife? I couldn’t think of one valid reason.  If he deliberately disobeyed her he states through his actions that she is not the most important person in his life (but rather he views himself above her). He reveals that he is selfish by putting his wishes and desires ahead of hers. That isn’t love. 

Yes I know the traditional man wants freedom to do things his way and when he is single I guess there is no harm in doing so but when he commits himself to another his world changes. No longer is life about him only. The entire reason he enters a relationship is because he realizes his life will be enriched by sharing it with another.  When that thought is in his conscious mind, most men do obey. In fact they go out of their way to see to it that the woman is taken care of and cared for.  Only when the new becomes old do those attitudes and habits become lost and forgotten.  How sad that they do for when those attitudes disappear so does a degree of shared intimacy as well.

I am proud to know that I promised to love Katie. I never want to disobey her. I always want to please her. I love seeing that beautiful smile that comes so freely because she knows without a doubt that I am hers. Period. There is no question in her mind that my heart and soul belong to her and I am thankful she can tell me what to do and watch me obey her daily – without question – for each time that I do I demonstrate my love and submission to the woman I promised to serve as long as we have lives to share.

I’m Hers

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Taking a Break

I hope all of you are enjoying your summer as much as I am mine.  I'm on vacation and will be doing some traveling with Katie to see friends, family and taking some time just for the two of us.  Last night as we were lying in bed when Katie said, "I love you being here all the time," referring to me not having to be at work for the past few days.  It is for this reason that I wish I could figure a way to retire early or at least work from home but the nature of my job most likely prevents me from doing that. That is sad indeed.

On a different note, a few weeks ago Katie unlocked me. We were sitting side by side watching TV when one of us mentioned another 'use' for the Jailbird.  We laughed and then a few moments later the other thought of 'another' use for it, and then another.  So, having a bit more time to be goofy I took a few pictures.  I'm sure you could think of other uses for it besides the ones below. 

And besides, thinking "outside" the box is how great ideas have become reality - and the owners of those ideas often become rich!!!!  Should I come up with one, I'm retiring ASAP so I can stay at home and enjoy my beautiful wife.  Until then, enjoy the pics and put your appliance to good use when you are unlocked :)

Soft boiled eggs anyone?  Egg dying?

Do you need a small animal alfalfa or Timothy hay feeder?  It's a bit pricey but it works like a charm!

Yes the pansy's have about run their course with the hot weather arriving but this planter is so versatile. Verbena, petunias, begonias, pick your favorite and enjoy the beauty of their color all the while knowing that your choice of planter is 'one of a kind'.

Grapes are one of those fruits that are heavily sprayed.  Be sure you wash yours thoroughly. Not only does this strainer allow you to do that but also provides a way to measure the size of a 'serving' of this wonderful fruit.

Later in the day when you need to drain your pasta you can reuse 'the bird' once more.  It's use in the kitchen is limitless!

Have a great week!

I'm Hers

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

All I Want is a Bone Every now and Then

The past few posts - except for the last two- had to do with my desire to be owned more completely.  One can phrase that in many ways. Yes, I wish that Katie would assert herself more firmly when I screw up. I wish she'd remind me that I am indeed owned - that I belong to her - that my life is now hers to govern as she wishes.

I'm writing this post because a few comments noted that I am topping from the bottom by pushing her to move from where she is to another place.  One commented that our femdom (D/s) relationship is doomed because of my discontent. Some have noted that it is not my place to 'go here' in the first place because I am the submissive partner.

If I were to sum up my desires in a simple comment it is this: Katie, throw me a bone every now and then to remind me who it is that I am and who it is that you are.  That's it.  That's what I'd like. She may never do that. I don't know. As I mentioned before, 'time will tell'.  I love being owned. I love taking care of my wife. I love knowing that she is in charge.  I know that Katie loves our relationship just as it is.

When we go shopping she buys what she wants when she wants it. When we are at home she tells me what she wants. She will veto or approve any 'suggestion' I make. She lives her life just as she did before we started living in a femdom relationship only now, she tells me what she wants rather than asks.  

On my end, I do what I am told. I don't disobey her. I always have obedience as my intent. It is not in my nature to go against her will.  I love obeying her. I love deferring to her. I love seeing her take charge. I find a great deal of security in knowing I belong to another and that she will care for me.  Yet with all that, I do wish that she'd use the word 'sub' every now and then. Or tell me 'I own you...." and then give me an order or make a comment. I wish too that she'd use discipline to help me be a better sub.  I don't want her to abuse me and I know she won't but I do know that we all respond when disciplined. Those reminders, those time outs, those 'I'm going to help you to remember to do this or don't do this next time' moments are effective. I wish she'd incorporate discipline/punishment into her leadership style.  If she did but those two things I think she'd be a more effective dominant woman and I'd be an even more content sub. That's all I wish for. But if she doesn't choose to go there I'll live with that.

I don't see a problem with me wishing. After all I am human. I have needs, desires and wants just as any other person.  I don't see it as topping by asking. I have not pressed this. In fact the only times this really comes up is when Katie reads these posts to approve them and most every time she will read it quietly, make a few editorial comments and then tell me it's good to go. We haven't discussed any of the previous four posts at all. Nada.  

And so I wait.  If change comes it comes. If it doesn't it doesn't.  In the end I will get over it, if nothing different happens. There is so much more to all that we have and who it is that I am in love with than a few reminder words that I'm hers, or corner time to help me serve her more to her liking. We will always live as a femdom couple. She will never step down from the one who is in charge and I wish never to live on equal grounds with her - ever.  It's the path we have chosen and we both know it's the best path for us both individually and as a couple.

I'm Hers

Sunday, June 8, 2014

My Gimpy Wife

On Sunday afternoon Katie and I ran a few errands and got a bite to eat at our favorite restaurant. We had just parked the car and were walking into a big box store when I noticed a mother and daughter walking briskly nearby.

“I think she might give you a challenge,” I said to Katie motioning to the woman.

“I think I can take her,” Katie said.

She picked up her cadence, leaving me behind, and discretely passed the woman while I sauntered in several yards behind.  Katie walking quickly is nothing new. It’s who she is.  Several months ago she was walking to the restroom in a Lowes Hardware store when a gentleman saw her and called out, “You know the speed limit is 5mph in here,” he said jokingly.  That’s my Katie.

Fast forward to today at the restaurant. Katie had just told the host our seating would be for a party of two.  Behind us entered a couple about our age along with an elderly woman using a walker. I assume she was the mother to one of them.  The older woman entered, bent over, barely moving and looking very old.  She caught up to her kids, paused long enough to hear the host mention that he would seat their party and then continued into the restaurant not realizing she had no idea where she was going.  The guy looked at his wife then walked up to his mother to halt her.  Katie noticed what was going on and told the host that we would wait and he could seat this party before he sat us. That was the last I saw of them and we enjoyed a wonderful late lunch. It wouldn’t be the last encounter Katie had with them.

On our way out Katie told me to wait as she needed to use the ladies room.  I did and we left together a few minutes later.  In the car she told me, “There were four stalls on the left and a handicapped one on the right.  I went in one of the four but there was no toilet tissue so I went in the handicapped one. I like using that one anyway because the seat is higher.  When I opened the door to leave I saw the older woman and her daughter standing by my door waiting for me to finish.  I felt bad and so I left walking with a noticeable limp!”

I laughed. I could imagine my speedster wife seeing a woman thirty years her senior, waiting all hunkered over with her perturbed daughter knowing there were empty stalls on the other side that Katie could have chosen. Then thinking that Katie needed to justify her decision and did so, not by apologizing, but by putting on the fa├žade that she too was a woman in need, and limped past them and out the door. She cracks me up.

I’m Hers

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Creeping out of the Dark Ages

Katie and I are taking the plunge. As of today we have lived our lives without the use of a smart phone.  We call one another all the time and text as well. We've lived for years with the 'dumb phones'. When we needed to access the web we simply found a laptop or desktop and did our business. Right now we are sitting side by side with laptops on each of our thighs. I'm writing a post and Katie is shopping for outdoor cushions for patio furniture.  But Katie's flip phone is being held together with electrical tape. I have no idea how old it is but it is older than our relationship so we're talking several years old. But the time has come and we are going to bite the financial bullet and upgrade.

Katie decided on an Iphone so an Iphone it is.  I was leaning toward an LG G2 but got the veto and will live with what I get.  In reality I have no idea what phone is better but will live with Katie's decision.  It was funny cause I'd tell Katie, "are you sure you want the iphone when the G2 camera is better and the screen of the G2 is larger?"

"Yep," was about all I'd get when I asked such questions.

I think she likes it cause her friends have the Iphone and cause it fits in her pocket easier than the larger screen phones.  To seal the deal she got a pink and green Otterbox protector so she's a happy camper. It will be Christmas in June for the two of us when they finally arrive.

So my question to all you techies is...... "can we use this hi tech device (that we got for free) to help our D/s lifestyle and do so in a way that is seamless with our lives?  I'd love to hear your thoughts as to how others use apps and smartphones within a femdom lifestyle.

All comments welcome.

I'm Hers