Wednesday, June 11, 2014

All I Want is a Bone Every now and Then

The past few posts - except for the last two- had to do with my desire to be owned more completely.  One can phrase that in many ways. Yes, I wish that Katie would assert herself more firmly when I screw up. I wish she'd remind me that I am indeed owned - that I belong to her - that my life is now hers to govern as she wishes.

I'm writing this post because a few comments noted that I am topping from the bottom by pushing her to move from where she is to another place.  One commented that our femdom (D/s) relationship is doomed because of my discontent. Some have noted that it is not my place to 'go here' in the first place because I am the submissive partner.

If I were to sum up my desires in a simple comment it is this: Katie, throw me a bone every now and then to remind me who it is that I am and who it is that you are.  That's it.  That's what I'd like. She may never do that. I don't know. As I mentioned before, 'time will tell'.  I love being owned. I love taking care of my wife. I love knowing that she is in charge.  I know that Katie loves our relationship just as it is.

When we go shopping she buys what she wants when she wants it. When we are at home she tells me what she wants. She will veto or approve any 'suggestion' I make. She lives her life just as she did before we started living in a femdom relationship only now, she tells me what she wants rather than asks.  

On my end, I do what I am told. I don't disobey her. I always have obedience as my intent. It is not in my nature to go against her will.  I love obeying her. I love deferring to her. I love seeing her take charge. I find a great deal of security in knowing I belong to another and that she will care for me.  Yet with all that, I do wish that she'd use the word 'sub' every now and then. Or tell me 'I own you...." and then give me an order or make a comment. I wish too that she'd use discipline to help me be a better sub.  I don't want her to abuse me and I know she won't but I do know that we all respond when disciplined. Those reminders, those time outs, those 'I'm going to help you to remember to do this or don't do this next time' moments are effective. I wish she'd incorporate discipline/punishment into her leadership style.  If she did but those two things I think she'd be a more effective dominant woman and I'd be an even more content sub. That's all I wish for. But if she doesn't choose to go there I'll live with that.

I don't see a problem with me wishing. After all I am human. I have needs, desires and wants just as any other person.  I don't see it as topping by asking. I have not pressed this. In fact the only times this really comes up is when Katie reads these posts to approve them and most every time she will read it quietly, make a few editorial comments and then tell me it's good to go. We haven't discussed any of the previous four posts at all. Nada.  

And so I wait.  If change comes it comes. If it doesn't it doesn't.  In the end I will get over it, if nothing different happens. There is so much more to all that we have and who it is that I am in love with than a few reminder words that I'm hers, or corner time to help me serve her more to her liking. We will always live as a femdom couple. She will never step down from the one who is in charge and I wish never to live on equal grounds with her - ever.  It's the path we have chosen and we both know it's the best path for us both individually and as a couple.

I'm Hers

24 comments:

  1. I think that the "topping from the bottom" issue can be avoided by using effective communication. You are correct that there is no harm in asking; the harm comes when you start having expectations as to how she should treat you. But regardless of the roles each of you play, both of you should be able to communicate your desires in the relationship.

    When My Lady and I need to talk about the workings of our D/s relationship, we have "out of role" discussions. In these discussions, we agree that we can talk about anything with an open mind and without causing pressure on either of us to act a certain way. That way, I can talk about what I feel I may need without TFTB, and My Lady can express her concerns without conceding too much power to me.

    - cagedmonkey

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    1. MitC, I like your idea of 'time out' talks. We do that too but don't necessarily ask one another if we can talk 'outside' of our roles. But we do talk and I know that each of us listen when we share about those issues close to our heart. Thanks for the idea.

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  2. As far as I can tell the idea of 'topping from the bottom' comes from BDSM D/s. It may have relevance when the Femdom is 'scene based', but I don't see its relevance in a 24/7/365 Femdom relationship like Katie has with you.

    It is very clear from your writing that Katie leads, she makes the key decisions and you serve and obey her. It is nice to be called a slave, but called or not one's role does not change. You clearly are hers, she owns you. Being locked isn't IMHO just about orgasm control, I think it is as much about a display of ownership. She chooses when to unlock you; she has you in the panties she chooses for you each morning. You can say that you prefer the pink ones, rather than the blue, the frilly rather than the plain - but she will decide. These are all symbols of ownership; that you obey, a sign of your submission to her control.

    In the longer term I suspect Femdom is just as 'vanilla' as a more equal relationship. The essence of Femdom, surely, is simple. She tells you what to do, what the limits are, what 'freedoms' you have and you accept and obey. Of course everything else - including being thrown a bone - makes it more fun, but it's just icing on the cake.

    IMHO because a true Femdom relationship is 24/7, you can't (unlike caged monkey's D/s relationship) call a 'time out'. True Femdom is not a 'game', it's something you live and it seems to me Katie owns you 100%. And doesn't it feel great.



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    1. MHD, Very well said!!!! Yes it does own me. Yes she does make all the important decisions. Yes she does hear my concerns but do as she feels great, and oh yes, it feels ever so great. And yes, deep down in my heart I know that she fully owns me - and always will.

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    2. MHD, I think you must have mistaken my marriage as a "game," it is anything but a game and we do not ASK for a time out. This is our life WLM, Chastity & D/s all day everyday. What my boy was saying is that we can merely have a statement or conversation out of role for half a second to reassure if necessary or clarify or whatever.

      I run this marriage, I make the decisions, I take care of my sweet loving obedient boy, I own him but he is not my slave, he is my sub.

      ~Lady M

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    3. Lady M please accept my apologies. I was not suggesting your marriage was a 'game'. Maybe my comment could have been better expressed. I do believe that Femdom is a 24/7 way of life and isn't put on hold for anything. I don't feel there's a need for my Queen to step out of role to ask if my collar is too tight etc - that's part of being a caring human being.

      I do enjoy your blog; you have a wicked sense of humour.

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    4. I strongly agree with the comment that "topping from below" seems to be BDSM concept, and one that I don't think has a lot of application in an FLR/FLM relationship. A relationship of any kind is seldom going to be very strong if the people in it are not free to talk about what they need or want to get out of it. And, most wives aren't mind readers. They might be very open to trying a different approach if we told them what we want.

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  3. I'm Hers, I am in complete agreement of you "Getting a bone" once in a while. I love to get things that push my submissive buttons from time to time.

    The reason I made the post regarding your last post was that it seemed in the first portion of the post you were saying you wanted Katie to take full control, leave you with no choices and assert more power and that you wanted to follow her completely so she could take control without worrying about your wishes. (my words not yours, that is just the gist of what I took out of the post)

    Then in the second part you seemed to say what things you wanted more.

    I guess in some ways that seems to be a bit contradictory. Now don't get me wrong. I completely agree with this post.

    I believe that as a sub we obey because we want to and because we get something out of it. And we should. It is a relationship, not a one way street. So you should get your bone once in a while but lets identify then that you want to obey and you want it by her rules BUT you do want somethings for yourself as well.

    I have read in the past where the guy will say, "I want her to be in full control, to use me as I wish without regard for what I want." But I wonder if they mean that. Do they really want that, to be given nothing of what that want and only get things if it happens to fall in line with what their Mistress wishes.

    So my issue with your original post wasn't due to you needing to defend yourself against getting a bone thrown your way. It was more about the first part saying that you wanted her to be more in control which to me means less of what you may want and more of what she wants.

    Maybe I am not explaining my point properly. But way I see it the more control one person has then the less of the "bones" the other one has, unless the bones happen to match the wants of the controlling party.

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    1. SOS KK, you are correct in your observation. I think the change in perspective from the first post to this one is nothing more than a matter of me processing my thoughts. Yes, I'd love her to refer to me every once in a while as her sub, I'd love to be punished when I slack in my duties or just screw up, but really all I am looking for is that periodic acknowledgement that we are not equal, that I am hers, owned and completely hers to enjoy as she wishes. It's those little bones that provide that sense of purpose for me that are always good to get every now and then.

      All in all, I am a very content man - something she asked me if I was just last night while in bed. I think she asked me if I am happy and of course I am. And a good portion of that happiness has to do with the growing comfort level of her expressing ownership of me. It is truly a beautiful place to be.

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  4. Hey I'm Hers,

    My other comment aside, I think it is perfectly fine to have wants and desires (especially ones that push the sub thing - referring to you as such and reminding you who's you are). You are not a mindless slab of meat, you are a person. You know full well that Katie will ultimately make the decisions and do what she wants - same as it is here - but whomever says stating your needs & desires is Topping is a jackass and has no idea what it means to live this life. Now if you are constantly annoying the shit out of Katie and telling her she needs to do things etc... then you have a problem.

    I think you're doing great getting things out, holding them in only causes resentment.

    Big Hugs!
    ~ Lady M

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    1. Lady M,
      Thanks for the words of encouragement. I am smart enough to know I can't pester. I voice my thoughts, I might suggest something but I never insist. I don't because I know I shouldn't but I don't because a part of me is afraid of her wrath. It rarely shows itself but there is a part of me that never wants to make her yell or scold because I've done something 'that' wrong.

      You too sound like a woman that cares deeply for your man. I'm sure he appreciates your ownership of him just as much as I do Katie's taking of me.

      Thanks for sharing. I wish more women took the time to voice comments, concerns and thoughts.

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    2. Hello IH,

      I was wondering if you have moments, however fleeting, where you feel resentment toward Katie if you feel you are not getting those outward demonstrations of ownership. Those little gifts of dominance help keep me fueled to be the best sub I can be. Donna is firmly in charge, but if things are very busy and my Queen has a lot on her mind, those might be in short supply. I'm not a high-maintenance guy, and live to serve, cherish and obey my sweetie, but find myself a little down if 4-5 days go buy and I don't get so much as a sliver of ownership, teasing, torment or touching.

      The authority is clearly with my Donna, who will tell me when she is pleased or not pleased with my behavior, but I get discouraged when a bone is not tossed my way once in a while. So, do you ever get discouraged, and if so, how do you handle it?

      Thanks,

      Scott

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    3. Sure I feel feelings that are less than what I love. I don't know that I'd call the feelings one of 'resentment as much as disappointment. I don't resent my femdom marriage. I love it. But I sometimes wish she'd just really express real dominance and treat me as the one that is in no way dominant but rather the opposite. But those times are quite few and far between and I love her dearly.

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  5. I use the note pad on my phone and anytime I think of something that reminds me how much I love our WLR I will write it down. Such as how I admire her self confidence or how she makes me feel secure and what great decision making ability she has ect.So every once in a while I will sit with her and read my notes to her .This allows her to give me praise if she feels I deserves it and also opens up time for us to talk about our relationship and how where it is going which by the way is going great. But if there is anything that I need to work on it is a good time for her to tell me.So I continue to make my notes on my phone till the next time and this works for us. RR

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    1. Little love notes are great RR. What woman wouldn't want to hear all the ways you feel loved as well as the the reminders of all the ways you cherish and love your wife. There is nothing like complete honesty, openness - even when it means her giving you constructive criticism as to how you can better please her. I like your idea!

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  6. "Sure I feel feelings that are less than what I love. I don't know that I'd call the feelings one of 'resentment as much as disappointment."

    I'm Hers,
    I am no expert, but your wife will control your relationship from her comfort zone. I suspect there are times you think she isn't throwing the bones you would like, but maybe the relationship already has many of the things you want. It could be you haven't crossed those bridges yet. My wife lets me do many nice things, but she is the final decision maker. The other day we were discussing replacing my car. I told her what I liked and she said, "no sports-type cars for you, you're getting something economical." The way she said it, and the fact that she already decided for me, is a big bone. She drives much less distance than me, but her car is more of a luxury car.

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  7. You are correct in your assumption - that Katie will control things as she sees fit. Maybe I'm venting. Maybe I'm wishing or hoping but mostly I'm expressing heartfelt feelings of wishing she'd take a little more control of me and let me know it. Yet as you noted there are a ton of things I love about her and the way she leads. None of which I'd change and all of which I completely embrace.

    I also like to hear others' stories (and to go back to my previous point - Katie just told me 'you can take your shoes off' - as I am typing while sitting on the bed in a hotel.... no admonishment but a little reminder that she likes things certain ways). But as I was saying, I love your story about you and your car and how the two of you handled it - or maybe better spoken, how she handled it on your behalf. Stop by again.

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  8. "I love your story about you and your car and how the two of you handled it - or maybe better spoken, how she handled it on your behalf."

    I saw you responded...
    My wife will basically handle the selection of the car but we will select available options that we need. We've been doing research online and visited a couple of dealers. My wife always was a better negotiator and buyer than me throughout our whole marriage, and had many good deals on things beyond just cars. I really am rather quiet and submissive by nature, and while this makes our dynamic a happy one it can often make me a poor buyer. She will handle it on my behalf because she's in control and she is feisty enough to get the best deal. Looking forward to your next post...

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    1. I can only speak for me but my opinion of the best femdom marriage is one in which the woman makes final decisions, where the husband embraces and supports those decisions but one in which the wife also values the opinions, thoughts and views of her husband when necessary. I think 'when necessary' comes into play when those decisions are larger ones. I am not a believer in female superiority. I believe we all have strengths and we all have weak areas - even Katie - even your wife - even every dominant woman. I believe the wise ones understand this and use the strengths of there submissive husband to their benefit so that the sum total is a better outcome - a wiser decision. Your wife sounds like she is one such woman from the little bit you've described.

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  9. Sweetie, as always I enjoyed the post and the comments. With regard to your last comment, I could not agree with you more. The problem for some women in femdom marriages is that the men no longer want to voice an opinion. They want to be told. They want to leave all of the responsibility for making family decisions to the wife. Instead of giving an opinion, these men will usually reply with 'whatever you like, mistress'. This type of an attitude tends to place an unreasonable burden on the wife. I know, I was there, I was of these wives who had to make all of the decisions without support from my husband. What I learned to do was talk about things with my girlfriends. In those years we would meet almost every week, and talk every day. We would talk about everything. We would even talk about ways of getting our husbands more involved in decision making. What eventually worked for me was giving John specific areas of responsibility, and requiring him to provide input. Over time he understood the importance of his involvement. In a way the start of a femdom marriage is a completely new relationship. At first men do not know how to act. They need to be taught. Kathy

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  10. listen male subs like you and me and many others think diffrent then the mistress wife and domiant woman.. some time the mistress wife will do the oppist of what the sub enjoys because they want to be in control at all times .so my advice is to get your dog bone and drop it at your mistress feet and tell her that your sorry for wanting more control from her..and tell her that your her sub and you will only do what makes her happy at all times. stop talking about your self your number 1 job is to be the best servent to your mistress .make sure the house is spotless.. her feet her massaged .and cleaned.her shoes shined.. her back rubbed .. her legs shaved .. her dress ironed .,and that put your self in a male chastity cage and give her the key and for 1 year no relise . tell your mistress that you were wrong think about self .tell that you just wantb to server her and be the best servent in the worlf..server her the best coffee. or tea. the best lunch . dinner . breakfest in bed ,call her queen katie . and learn how to do hair cuts pedercues. mancures. the house should be spotless. stop watch sports and take time off from your blog. you need more training you should only praise your mistress .and lick the dirt from her feet

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    1. Time Day, Thanks for the thoughts but I will beg to differ with you. I beg to differ because I think you and I live different lives and our Mistresses demand differently from us. Katie doesn't want a manicure or pedicure. She doesn't want me to all her Queen. She doesn't want me to lick dirt from her feet. She doesn't want me to shave her legs and whether or not I am in chastity for a year or a day is not my call - it's hers. She enjoys me writing about our lives on this blog and so I will continue to do so until she tells me to stop. She even lets me watch sports now and again. And she doesn't mind me expressing feelings and wants - which is what I did via this post and if you are honest you too have feelings and wants. If you don't, you are in denial. It's part of being human. It's who we are.

      If your life is how you want mine to be - well I admire your efforts and hope you can keep your mistress content. Thanks for sharing.

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    2. The proverbial bone. Maybe you get tossed one every now and then but just aren’t as aware of what you should be at the moment in correctly realizing what has just hit you in the head.
      I recently read this ‘ http://onbecomingasurrenderedhubby.blogspot.com/2014/06/how-to-cure-male-pattern-sassy-mouth.html ‘ and found this may be more common to many of us than may be realized. Even though the path of your submission and satisfaction is not exactly what you anticipated, the end result can be just as effective and surprising.
      My mother in law just flew back east this morning after a month long visit to be here for spring, graduations, and such. It was a nice visit. I must admit I always cast an odd side-glance when I read the stories of submissives and their relationships with their wife’s mother. No, none of that for me, but that was then. This was the first visit for her since our wlm began and yes, something was different. No, she probably doesn’t know anything is different in a concrete way, but things sure were. Mother and daughter had a wonderful and all-encompassing time together. My wife’s new unspoken position in the household allowed them to enjoy each other’s company in ways they had not before. I honestly saw little of them as they flew in and out on numerous little excursions with many stories to tell and treasures to share with others while I was there as the supporting cast.
      There is strength and a confidence in my wife now that was not there before, but it is soft and it is feminine. Not exactly what I had expected and hoped for when I started this, but I am definitely under it now and am wanting more to the point where it almost aches. Please excuse me while I look for something to gnaw on. – Sorry, for that. Oh, and by the way, the little Timothy hay feeder is priceless!

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    3. The Timothy feeder was my favorite as well. Katie's idea so she has to get the credit for that one. You know, it's so neat to hear your story and how your wife has 'gently' changed to a more confident 'her'. It is a beautiful transition to watch happen indeed. Keep those stories coming. They are reminders to me and so many others that read the comments of the changes seen so much more in the women we love. I wish all women to feel free to be who they are without the self conscious cloud of how they feel a man might judge them. We have no right to be that man any longer.

      Stay well. Stay serving

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