Wednesday, June 11, 2014
All I Want is a Bone Every now and Then
The past few posts - except for the last two- had to do with my desire to be owned more completely. One can phrase that in many ways. Yes, I wish that Katie would assert herself more firmly when I screw up. I wish she'd remind me that I am indeed owned - that I belong to her - that my life is now hers to govern as she wishes.
I'm writing this post because a few comments noted that I am topping from the bottom by pushing her to move from where she is to another place. One commented that our femdom (D/s) relationship is doomed because of my discontent. Some have noted that it is not my place to 'go here' in the first place because I am the submissive partner.
If I were to sum up my desires in a simple comment it is this: Katie, throw me a bone every now and then to remind me who it is that I am and who it is that you are. That's it. That's what I'd like. She may never do that. I don't know. As I mentioned before, 'time will tell'. I love being owned. I love taking care of my wife. I love knowing that she is in charge. I know that Katie loves our relationship just as it is.
When we go shopping she buys what she wants when she wants it. When we are at home she tells me what she wants. She will veto or approve any 'suggestion' I make. She lives her life just as she did before we started living in a femdom relationship only now, she tells me what she wants rather than asks.
On my end, I do what I am told. I don't disobey her. I always have obedience as my intent. It is not in my nature to go against her will. I love obeying her. I love deferring to her. I love seeing her take charge. I find a great deal of security in knowing I belong to another and that she will care for me. Yet with all that, I do wish that she'd use the word 'sub' every now and then. Or tell me 'I own you...." and then give me an order or make a comment. I wish too that she'd use discipline to help me be a better sub. I don't want her to abuse me and I know she won't but I do know that we all respond when disciplined. Those reminders, those time outs, those 'I'm going to help you to remember to do this or don't do this next time' moments are effective. I wish she'd incorporate discipline/punishment into her leadership style. If she did but those two things I think she'd be a more effective dominant woman and I'd be an even more content sub. That's all I wish for. But if she doesn't choose to go there I'll live with that.
I don't see a problem with me wishing. After all I am human. I have needs, desires and wants just as any other person. I don't see it as topping by asking. I have not pressed this. In fact the only times this really comes up is when Katie reads these posts to approve them and most every time she will read it quietly, make a few editorial comments and then tell me it's good to go. We haven't discussed any of the previous four posts at all. Nada.
And so I wait. If change comes it comes. If it doesn't it doesn't. In the end I will get over it, if nothing different happens. There is so much more to all that we have and who it is that I am in love with than a few reminder words that I'm hers, or corner time to help me serve her more to her liking. We will always live as a femdom couple. She will never step down from the one who is in charge and I wish never to live on equal grounds with her - ever. It's the path we have chosen and we both know it's the best path for us both individually and as a couple.