Monday, June 30, 2014
"I'm Not Allowed"
Earlier this summer Katie invited one of her single girlfriends over. She is a great woman and a dear friend to both of us. At some point during the evening our conversation with Rachel turned to a discussion about a potential guy that she has an interest in pursuing. This man happens to enjoy golf. It also just so happens that ‘golf’ is one of two activities that are on my banned list. Golf happens to be on the black list because Katie's previous husband often golfed for many hours on his day off rather than spending his free time with her.
At some point Rachel mentioned to Katie that this guy and I might enjoy golfing. Without a second’s thought I spoke up saying, “Just because he might want me to go golfing with him does not mean that I’ll be allowed to go.” With my eyes I motioned to my wife next to me as to the reason I wouldn't be doing that.
Katie and Rachel may have smiled but the conversation proceeded unbroken after my statement. I don’t even know if Katie noticed what I had said but I sure did – after the fact. What struck me in hindsight were a few things. First, just how normal the box that I live in has become. It’s not odd; it’s not abnormal; it just is and I am very content living within that box. I know that golfing is not something that Katie wishes me to do because of the time away it would mean. (As an aside, I have never taken to golf so it's not something I am dying to do. Put that ball on the tee and I'll smack that thing a long way but I may miss it a few times before I connect - that's how bad I am :) Second was the lack of surprise Rachel and Katie gave my statement. There response was more akin to 'if that's what Katie wants then that's the way it is'. I do think the cat is out of the bag with Rachel that I serve Katie. She does not know that I vowed to obey her but she often comments to Katie how good she has it. I think too that Rachel knows that Katie runs our relationship – meaning that she makes decisions – not me.
I mention this five second moment from my life, not to make some profound point but then again, that statement and their acceptance of that response is indeed profound. I have come to accept a new normal - a new normal that fits what Katie prefers. Rachel has also come to accept a new normal too (or maybe just a normal that is becoming more publicly accepted) - that men obey and follow their wives wishes. For whatever the reason I found both my statement and their reaction to be quite informative. Maybe you can think of similar statements that you've made that have had similar responses. Feel free to share for the benefit of all if you care to.