Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Obedience Should be a Man's Only Option

Recently I was doing a small carpentry job. While in the attic on a hot summer day with the ventilation fan doing its best to suck out the building heat on the black roof a thought struck me regarding ‘male obedience’.  I find it perplexing how the brain works.  I have no idea where the thought came from nor why it came when it did.  My thought had to do with men promising to obey women.  To understand where I am coming from the reader needs to know that when Katie and I married I promised to obey her. Specifically I knelt before her and promised many things including my promise to do whatever she told or asked of me.  I went back and looked at the vow I wrote and found the following statements that contained such promises:

·         I kneel before you symbolizing my desire to serve and obey you as your submissive husband.
·         I promise to obey you.
·         I will obey you.
·         I want to obey you more than anything else. 
·         I want you to be known as your submissive husband who obeys you without question
·         I promise to honor your dominance by obeying you.

Yes I made the promise to obey my wife. It is a promise that goes against the tradition of a woman making such a promise to her husband to be.  I broke that tradition and I did so after much thought.  When I wrote the vow to Katie I did so choosing my words carefully. I started writing it a few months before we married and gave thought to what it was I was promising. I knew that the promises I made I would be held accountable for and that my words would become expectations, just as I believed Katie’s promises would be to me.

To obey another is a big deal. It means that ‘choice’ is removed. It implies that the ‘obey-er’ is indebted to the one whom they are obeying. I can see back when men and women married and lived those Happy Days lives in the 1950’s and before how normal a woman obeying a man was. It was what every woman did.  But then again husbands had their ‘honey-do’ lists and word had it that women ran the show at home regardless of whether or not the wife worked or stayed at home. 

When I was nailing a piece of 1x6 the thought came to me, “why wouldn’t a man want to obey his wife?” I mean, every couple promises to love one another. As Kathy noted when she referenced the wedding she and her husband attended, the pastor spoke about the Biblical definition of love: Love is patient, love is kind, love does not keep track of things, love forgets wrongs done, etc.  When a man tells a woman ‘I love you’ he implicitly tells her I will do anything for you, I will give my life if it means sparing yours. I will do anything to make you happy, I never wish to harm you, hurt you, make you look or feel less when around others – or even when only with me. 

Now I know that we often don’t think about the words we use in that way but that is what is meant when one tells another that they love them.  If my premise is true, then why would a man deliberately ‘disobey’ his wife? I couldn’t think of one valid reason.  If he deliberately disobeyed her he states through his actions that she is not the most important person in his life (but rather he views himself above her). He reveals that he is selfish by putting his wishes and desires ahead of hers. That isn’t love. 

Yes I know the traditional man wants freedom to do things his way and when he is single I guess there is no harm in doing so but when he commits himself to another his world changes. No longer is life about him only. The entire reason he enters a relationship is because he realizes his life will be enriched by sharing it with another.  When that thought is in his conscious mind, most men do obey. In fact they go out of their way to see to it that the woman is taken care of and cared for.  Only when the new becomes old do those attitudes and habits become lost and forgotten.  How sad that they do for when those attitudes disappear so does a degree of shared intimacy as well.

I am proud to know that I promised to love Katie. I never want to disobey her. I always want to please her. I love seeing that beautiful smile that comes so freely because she knows without a doubt that I am hers. Period. There is no question in her mind that my heart and soul belong to her and I am thankful she can tell me what to do and watch me obey her daily – without question – for each time that I do I demonstrate my love and submission to the woman I promised to serve as long as we have lives to share.

I’m Hers


  1. Excellent post my friend. Mistress K and i will be renewing our vows this fall and it will be a decidedly Female led Marriage ceremony. Sounds likes yours was too. Any suggestions?

    1. Sub hub, My only suggestion is that you write vows to one another that are written from your heart and express the desires you both wish for one another. Then I'd suggest you give yours to your wife to read and 'sensor' before you write your final draft understanding that if she isn't agreeable to what you promise that you need to change it so it is. Thanks for stopping by

  2. That's a great place to be, I'm-Her's.

    My beautiful Donna and I are getting closer and closer to that stage of our relationship. I am still working eliminating some bits of selfishness on my part, but She is very lovingly taking control and raising her expectations. We both are enjoying the journey of the complete power exchange, which all about my obedience to accept things on HER terms.

    Glad you made it out of that hot attic!


    1. I did make it out of that hot attic and it looked better afterward than before I started. I can't say that about every project I take on but this one worked out well. Obedience is a challenge. I struggle with it still. I struggle too with 'instant response' when Katie wants something. If she had told me to make dinner 'now' I would mos certainly finish this comment and then attend to that instead of putting you off til later and doing what she wants. I need to be better with that aspect of my obedience to her. What I wish is for her to be more insistent on me doing things 'now' when she does speak - if I hesitate or blow her off for a few minutes. That is not good - and it's not good for either of us.

      Keep your Donna happy :)

  3. My Pet (hubby) and I are working towards this goal that you seem to be achieving beautifully. It is a long road that requires us to really look within ourselves to find our true desires. I applaud your epiphany and your realization that the two of you are stronger because of it.

  4. I am not so sure I'd say we are achieving our goal beautifully but there is much more positive than negative. The ownership in becoming obedient is really the burden of the man although having a positive aid from the Mistress sure does help. Ensuring consistency is what I believe is needed to make changes stick and if both are on the same page with respect to the goal in mind, I see know reason why it can't be achieved. I wish you and yours all the success as you strive to train him how to best serve you. Thanks Mistress K for posting a comment!

  5. "Maybe you can think of similar statements that you've made that have had similar responses."

    I liked this entry a lot. I've probably said "I'll have to check with my wife" enough times over the last few years for a fairly sharp person to suspect something about the nature of our marriage if they thought about it, as I know I've repeated it more than once to a few of the same people, including close friends. Some older people tend to be outspoken, and an older aunt once wondered why I rarely stopped by (we do visit by the way). I said I'm always busy doing something at home or for the Miss; once the woman was angry about something she wanted and actually told me, "what, are you afraid of your wife?" I now have to think she at least knew who wore the pants as they say. Certainly my wife does the allowing in our marriage.

    1. Anonymous, glad you enjoyed the post! You know, your comment of having to check with my wife does shed a bit of light as to your femdom relationship - and - isn't that a great feeling? I mean, isn't there a part of you that wants to let people in on the secret in the hope that others find what we have found? I know I have fewer reservations about letting others know that Katie is my Mistress wife. I love her and love the way she leads - and oh, I sure to love following! :)

      Please stop by again and share.