Tuesday, July 29, 2014

The Boys Have Spoken and Their Message is Unified

In the July 23 post, I wrote described a busy couple days after Katie and I returned home from vacation. When I wrote, I wasn't trying to make any kind of profound statement but rather simply describe both the business as well as how well Katie and I worked together. However, the responses I received really blew me away. I told Katie I never get 30 responses. Now granted, half were replies by me but still, 30 is a lot for this blog but there was quite an interest with respect to how a man and his dominant wife handle work around the house.

If you take the time to read those comments there is a common theme running through most. That theme is that none of these men do all the chores. I noted how Katie and I spent a couple of hours on our hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor together, then shopped and ran errands together. Yes there was a substantial amount of time when we were apart and I’m sure that while I worked during those hours apart, she too was busy working on her own projects. She didn't sit around doing nothing. She wanted to help. And that is the key phrase here “she wanted to help”.

Those that commented shared similar stories. They spoke of their wives as being pragmatic; they talked about them doing work even when their husband had asked them not to. They chipped in and helped when help was needed or simply because they wanted to.

For those men and women considering a wife-led marriage or female-led relationship, I believe the comments made share a bright spot-light on what a real loving femdom relationship is all about. It's about two people living in harmony with one another. Yes, someone is in control, and yes, someone leads while the other obeys. But the more profound point here is that it's not relationship in which one does everything in the other does nothing. It's not a relationship in which one stoops to the other. It's not a relationship where the woman looks down at her husband, viewing him as inferior. It’s not that at all. Rather, in so many ways they are equal. They are equal in the respect they share, the love they share, the values they share, the appreciation they share, their camaraderie, companionship and so much more. Their relationship is normal in that it contains all those fundamental traits found in any healthy loving relationship-with the one exception, that "she" is in charge. The FLRs described by my dear friends convey that they too function as a team. They work together for the common good of their marriage; they love and respect one another, and help one another when help is needed.

I think the second take away point from the commenter’s is the implied harmony in their relationship. I don't know how you function within your marriage or partnership but if you don't live in a FLR my guess is the man sometimes becomes irritated and angry when he is told what to do or how to act. I know that's how high acted and responded prior to Katie taking control. I know that's how my male friends respond because they talk about conflicts within their own marriage and share thoughts of this nature. If this is you, take the time to read the comments carefully. You won't find these men talking about conflict in any of their posts – and they would never flaunt how they stood up to their spouse. Rather you'll find the opposite. You will read statements describing how beautiful their relationship is, how well they work together, how much they adore their spouse as well as mentioning of a newfound harmony that wasn't there before. 

What man wouldn't want to live with a woman like that? What woman wouldn't want to live with a man in that kind of relationship? That's the beauty of femdom-or maybe better stated, that is the possibility that exists in a Femdom relationship. FLRs is not about whips and chains and shackles and leather thongs and kneeling. It's about love and that's what is expressed by each of those that commented on this post. These men love their wives.

I'm Hers

16 comments:

  1. Every time I read these posts I get a more clear understanding of the dynamic behind this. I don't know yet if I can actually do it or have this be in my relationship, I've never done it. It's kind of scary to me because it seems too good to be true. Thank you SO much for this. J

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    1. J,
      It's so normal to be frightened by the unknown. That is normal and the fact that you admit it is healthy. If you want to cut to the chase about what this dynamic is all about, read the comment below by MHD. It's really about obedience for the male and leadership for the female. That's really all there is to it. Now there are lots of things that can change in a relationship when you obey and she directs the relationship and the little things that make up the 'two of you' in a way more suitable for her but really it's about obedience and leadership.

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  2. Another insightful post IH. FemDom is often interpreted as Female dominant, male submissive. I think it is better expressed as Female dominant, male obedient. Obedience implies submission; submission doesn't always require obedience.

    You are absolutely right. It's fun to do things together, including routine things like cleaning. But cleaning house etc is the easy part of a female led relationship - absolute obedience is the harder part, always doing what your mistress tells you with grace and a smile. Absolute obedience is a wonderful way to show love and respect.

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    1. Amen! Preach it Brother! :) Aint you so right. Yes obeying is the harder road of living as a submissive. Learning to yield to her wishes when they diverge from yours is absolutely the harder part of living as we do.

      That would be a great topic to write about. Hmmmm, I'll have to do some thinking on it.

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  3. Just this morning I text my wife a picture that I found on pinterest .It shows a picture of a egyptian workers pulling huge stone over wooden logs to move it as they did back then .The illustration show the "boss" sitting on the stone as he pointed where to move it. In the very next picture the illustration showed the "leader" in front of the workers pulling the rope with the workers as they moved the stone.This made me think how are relationship is in our marriage. Even when she does help me I still know who the leader is. My wife really loved the text. RR

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  4. In most ways I agree with your post. In essence femdom is about love, sharing, and obedience.
    As you mention femdom is not really about whips, chains, and so forth; yet there is a place for many of these things. It is not that a couple needs these things to be happy. Yet, to some extent discipline and punishment are handy tools for insuring the success of a femdom relationship.

    When I talk about discipline I mean a systems of rules, household regulations, and protocols by which a man lives his life. In my opinion it is important for a man to understand that if he breaks any of these rules some type of punishment will be in order. This may seem strange to many of you, but I see punishment as a gift of love. In our home we do not use whips or chains, but we do use corner time. We do use denial of privileges. I believe it is appropriate for a man to stand when his wife enters the room, and it is likewise appropriate for him to kneel when having a conversation with her. Some men are too proud to kneel. Yet, in my experience this simple act of respect adds a level of intimacy to a conversation-to a relationship. If you don't believe me, try it.

    Most men want to kneel in the presence of the woman who owns them. Most women feel uncomfortable with seeing a man on his knees. It makes me feel very special to have John kneel in my presence. It is part of our nightly ritual. For the last few minutes of our ritual I will pull John's head down on my lap, rub the back of his neck, and tell him I love him. I also remind him that he is my slave, he is owned, and that will never change. Hearing this give him a sense of security and trust that our mistress/slave relationship will continue. Yes, we have a little BDSM in our life, and what is wrong with that?

    Love,Kathy

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    1. Kathy, I like and so agree with your statement that punishment is a gift of love. It exists to grow and deepen the relationship. And logically, that punishment ought to be something that the man will not enjoy. I love being bound and being flogged - always have - so these are not part of our Femdom relationship, but part of our 'adult' relationship.

      I am envious of the daily reminder that John is your slave, owned by you and that will never change. How lovely.

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    2. Kathy,
      I can't comment on your punishment comment as Katie has never punished me. Now I have not done anything deliberately wrong for a long long time. And yes, she did beat me once but that was a long time ago and because of an infraction that I fully deserved. Yet she has chosen not to punish and although I don't know why, it is how she wishes to 'rule' - if that makes sense.

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    3. Kathy, I just read on your blog that you wished there was a way for you to delete this comment shortly after you made it. I for one am glad that it wasn't possible (or you changed your mind and allowed it to stay) because these words are an excellent addition to the post from IH.

      I completely agree with your assessment that punishment is absolutely required, and as such, in and of itself, is a gift of love from a dominant to a submissive. In my home, Mistress punishes me when, how hard and for how long as she sees fit, of course. The nature of those punishment is also entirely up to her of course. Be that as it may, I know that as her submissive husband, I truly love where we are at immediately following the punishment.

      Lastly, your ritual with your husband right before bedtime is beautiful! And, for the record, there is nothing wrong with a little BDSM in your life. Nothing at all!

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  5. I love the fact that my wife and I can be partners, friends and lovers as well as Godess and her adoring servant devoted wholeheartedly to her well-being. Me being a submissive husband allows her to shine as a complete person, and everything we do is on Her terms! Add to that a firm belief in God, and we have a powerful relationship.

    Scott

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    1. Scott, you noted a key aspect of a WLM - it enables the woman to feel comfortable being herself. She isn't stifled by her husband, nor is she criticized by him. Too many women live a life where they feel oppressed. I believe a WLM helps to eliminate that stress - at least when they are at home. Great point!

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  6. Sounds like you too have a wonderful marriage Scott.

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  7. IH, as always your post is excellent. Like many other submissive husbands in a loving Female Dominant Marriage, I can't tell you how many times I have come across other men (friends) that are mired in problems in their marriage that, to me, are obviously fixable and would be not existent in a loving FLM.

    FLR's are not about whips and chains ... I agree, but paddles, cock rings, butt plugs, chastity cages and other such things are all things that are useful. Keep up the great work my brother!

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    1. Thank you my friend but I don't have those plugs, whips, cuffs and whatnot any more. I shipped them all to a dominante woman in Arizona!!! I think they went to your address :) Enjoy them! LOL

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  8. The Femdom lifestyle is a spectrum with two ends. A continuum with two ends. I have lived at both ends, and can’t say one is better than the other. Young people are usually at one end, and old people are at the other, and as an older person, I can say I very much prefer this end at this stage in my life.
    It would seem that the majority of people who post on this fine blog are at the same end, although I can’t say that for sure. I guess the questions to be asked are: Where do you place yourself on this spectrum; which direction are you heading; and how do you feel about that? Life is a journey. Knowing where we’ve been and where we’re going, gives us a sense of direction, and aids us in ending up where we want to be.
    So first let’s try in general terms to describe the end I now find myself living at. It’s comfortable here, with lots of healthy, productive relationships – spouse, relatives, grandchildren, and old friends. There is still juicy, hot sexual activity, but it is more routine, steady, and rather predictable. As Mistress Kathy and Her John point out so well, there is much beauty, love, romance, gaiety, laughter, and gentleness in the Mistress-slave relationship. Lots of companionship. A sense that the rewards are well worth all the struggles, failures, and arguments. We try not to be smug or complacent about what we’ve gained and earned, but it’s hard not to feel that somehow we’ve “arrived.” Expectations have been lowered, judgments have been set aside, and together we have learned to accept and affirm our significant other for who they are, with all their foibles and strangeness.
    That’s one end of the spectrum.
    By comparison, the other end of the spectrum is a white-hot, swirling caldron of sexual intensity. In this fever of experimentation and searching, there is more isolation and loneliness. At this end of the spectrum, behaviors are more compulsive and obsessive; there is more sexually addictive thinking – out on the farm tractor, I would spend whole days thinking about nothing else! People here are trying to link up, to find someone, anyone, who will understand and accept them. Tragically, this presents opportunity for exploitation and marketing; people can easily get used and abused; scarred for life. At the same time, the ejaculations are pleasurable beyond words to describe; the women are gorgeous; the thrills are worth the risks. Life busses with titillation and excitement.
    Obviously, each end of the spectrum has pitfalls. We can get stuck; we can become a tragedy to ourselves and those who love us; we can lose our souls. We can become cynical, jaded; negative in temperament and outlook; useless to ourselves and those dear to us. Worse, we can fall off the path and miss the mark completely!
    I guess that’s why we write these blogs. To say to our fellow pilgrims, “Hang in there! The road is better right around the corner! The juice is worth the squeeze; keep moving forward! You are definitely on the right track! For this God made you like you are!”
    With empathy, compassion, and understanding, may all of us on the same sweaty trail give good cheer to our fellow hikers.

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    1. Russlave, I'm glad you took the time to stop by and share some thoughts. Hope it's not the last time either. As I was reading your comment - and before I got to the end, I thought, "Katie and I are somewhere in the middle of the spectrum but definitely leaning toward the right - the latter age group. We do have remnants of our youth in our relationship but mostly we have matured, have settled, have relaxed and definitely are more secure than we were when we were in our 20's.

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