Saturday, September 27, 2014

A disturbing Comment

I read a comment on another blog that really bothered me.  It was written by a woman that spoke of how she was 'training' her husband by having him spend time in a cage.  She equated her training to that of training a dog and mentioned that she even had him caged while her friends (or maybe it was her sisters) came over to visit.  The comment, as I remember it, stated how they all enjoyed laughing at him sitting in the cage naked.  

I was keenly interested in seeing how the host of the blog would respond as I value their opinion highly.  But in the end, no comment was made and in fact, the post itself was deleted.  Maybe leaving well-enough-alone was the best option and maybe that was the best choice.  For me, that comment struck some deep chord that unnerved me and I'm not sure why.  I read and reread it several times trying to understand why a relationship like that existed and attempted to understand why this Mistress 'trained' her sub as she did.  For me, I could never be that man. I could never be her sub. If push came to shove I think I'd leave the relationship in a second but then again I am not emotionally connected as he apparently is to her. In my mind this is not training but humiliation. It isn't love but rather disrespect. It isn't the fulfilling of one's vow to love and uphold another but rather the opposite.

But as much as I want to pin the blame on her for doing what she does, I feel a need to question him equally for agreeing to obey her knowing what she demands has no love as the basis for her action. I mean, there is no love by being locked naked in a cage and then having other women mock you while you sit helpless inside.  Yet it takes two to tango and this guy obviously finds some degree of satisfaction or fulfillment in submitting in this way.  

Regardless of where or if blame should be given I just don't get it.  I don't get this kind of femdom relationship in which the woman doesn't appreciate the service of her submissive husband. I don't get it when a woman doesn't appreciate and encourage (rather than demean) the efforts of her husband.  I don't get it when a woman humiliates him, treating him, as she noted, like a dog by keeping him caged and on display for other females to mock.  I don't get it when a man makes a choice to reduce his own self esteem by engaging in these kinds of activities.  Now maybe if it happened once without his knowing beforehand - shame on her but if it happened more than once - shame on him.  And it's not the acts that disturb me so much as the attitude. When I read how this man was laughed at by his dominant and her friends/sisters that is what bothered me. I get 'play'. I get being taught. I don't get being taught in this manner. There's just something wrong with the whole picture - IMHO.

I reread what I wrote some weeks after I wrote an initial draft. I happened to read it immediately after reading two beautiful posts by Kathy (Femdom101) who described her husband John and then another by k, the lifelong submissive to Mistress Barbara who wrote beautifully about the core values to a successful long-term FLR/WLM relationship.  What a different picture these two posts present than the comment about which I read presents.  The latter ooze the real values of what makes a marriage or relationship last, the former lacks all that is important.  I couldn't help but think about Kathy and k. They have been married for many years and have remained true.  I wondered how the woman writer of the comment that spurred this discussion might react should she be in Mistress Barbara's position of fighting through a lengthy physical struggle with her health? Will she permit her sub to care for her? Will he even be able to care for her given the years of subjugating treatment she's dealt him?  I don't know, but I wonder.

I know at some primal level many men have a need to be truly dominated and maybe this is what is going on here. Let's assume that this is the case. If it is, can this kind of relationship be sustained? I'd love to hear your thoughts. If you happened to have read the blog post maybe you felt differently. I'd like to hear your point of view - whether you agree or disagree with my interpretation of it.

I'm Hers

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Femdom: A Layer on Top of Normal Life

I've been thinking about this post for awhile since being laid up. I remember reading something in Rika’s book (Uniquely Rika) where she stated that in order for a WLM/FLR to work there needs to be an underlying healthy relationship.  I’m sure that statement is true as one can only fake real feelings for so long before conflicts, issues or other problems surface.

Likewise I've noticed how my submission and Katie’s dominance were temporarily placed on a back burner when I ended up spending life on the ground and unable to be my usual self.  During those initial days I wanted to help but as the reality of my limitations became better understood I mentally shifted from wanting to be the best submissive/obedient I could to dealing with my own issues.  

Likewise Katie stopped asking me to do this or that.  She understood that I couldn't be the usual me. Now, when I had periods where the pain diminished (due to the narcotic) I used it to do a load of wash, make a bed, cook a breakfast, etc. but it wasn't like I was feeling bad because I wasn't able to keep up with things the way I normally would. Honestly, I couldn't have cared less. I just wanted to get better and so my life as a submissive became a mute point.

I was reading the posts of Mistress Marie today. She too had a surgery and she made similar comments. For several days her relationship with David changed. Being kinky wasn't so important. Being comfortable became more of a need.  And it only makes sense.  Femdom is one of life’s luxuries. It isn’t essential the way other needs like food, shelter, clothing and health are. I would dare pose that living a life as a dominant woman or submissive man would fall quite a way down the pecking order of life’s needs  – even below feeling loved, communicating, being honest and trusting your partner. All of these are far more important to intimacy than making a bed, cooking a meal, saying ‘yes ma’am, or being the letting her make the decisions or control the finances.

I will say however, that I have missed Katie’s dominance. I've missed her locking me in chastity. I've missed her making me do things for her just because she can. I've missed giving her massages, doting on her and playing sexually.  And speaking of sex…. we broke that hiatus 24 hours post-surgery on a Sunday morning.  It was on Tuesday when I received my ‘does’ and ‘don’ts’ list from the doc. Point #5 stated: no sexual intercourse for six weeks.  Oops! I guess we know that I’m OK moving ‘that’ way. I think my back feels better than ever, in fact!

Tonight is Wednesday when Katie goes out with friends, enjoys a few glasses of wine and hopefully comes back with desire on her mind.  I’ll be ready!  That is a yummy thought. Stay tuned!

I’m Hers 

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Medicine is Amazing

I went into surgery around 9:30 this morning and by noon had regained consciousness.  Prior to surgery I had a hard time staying comfortable in the bed while waiting my turn for the Op Room to open.  When I woke I felt nothing!  Only a full bladder.  Katie was there shortly after I came too and although feeling a bit loopy and silly I was pretty coherent.  Katie told me when we got home that I had pointed to one of the nurses in the recovery room and said "that nurse said I had a nice ass!  LOL  Katie said, "you told me that twice and said it pretty loud."  Who knows where my comments come from when I'm in that anesthetic state.

OK, so I'm back.  The doc pulled out an inch of disc material that had lodged between the bone and nerve root (where the nerve exits the spine).  I've got two weeks of recovery before I can begin work and so I'll be back to loving my sweetie ASAP.

Thanks to all for sending me your love!  I mean that.  It means lots, and to so many of you that have had similar back issues, I know you could identify with my symptoms.

Now, it's 2:30PM  and I just can't pee yet..... my bladder still is asleep.  I've even downed a coffee trying to see if the caffeine will heighten the urged. 

Katie's suggested to me, calling to me while I was in the bathroom with the water running trying to see if the plumbing was back in order yet, "Do you need an orgasm to get things going?"  That's my Katie!  I love her.

I'm Hers

Friday, September 12, 2014

Having fun with the Nurses

Subhub wrote a post today about changing docs and shared thoughts with revealing to the doc he lives in a WLM. What struck me coincidentally were several conversations Katie and I had with nurses and administration as we took care of the required pre-op required ‘stuff’ the day before my own procedure.  We met with the PA for a few minutes – well that was a waste of time. He sent us on to a surgical center where we met with a woman to go over basic info and to collect $$.  After that the nurse came, then the phlebotomist to draw blood, the ECG tech, and finally to radiology for a chest X-ray.

In the hour we were there we had fun.  When it came time to pay our bill we were asked if we wanted to pay it all or only a portion. I referred her to Katie (who came in with me). Katie decided on paying a third now and setting up a payment schedule for the remaining balance.  Later amidst a hundred questions, the nurse asked me, “Do you feel safe?”  I smiled and said, “As long as I keep her happy.”  We all laughed. Later the phlebotomist said that after my surgery I was to do nothing: no dishes, no vacuuming, and no cooking. No nothing.  I thought it was interesting she mentioned those specific chores and not, something like mowing the grass, working on the car, etc.  I asked her if she ever heard of the expression, “falling onto deaf ears” because Katie was never going to allow that.  Later with the nurse Katie commented that I've lost weight because ‘he’s the one that does all the cooking and now that he isn't, he’s not eating well.” Yesterday I took a phone call to set up the pre-op schedule we completed today. The woman other end asked about payment and I told her if I could defer giving an answer now because my wife needs to make the decision on that.  She told me that would be fine we moved on to other topics. 

We enjoyed ourselves as one person after the other came and did what the doc had ordered. Our responses to some of the questions and some of the discussions we had were lighthearted and yet, those were the first words out of our mouths.  Katie and I have become comfortable letting others know that she is the decision maker.  I've spoken to my mother several times in the past few weeks since my back became a real problem. She has mentioned numerous times about how Katie must be suffering with me being out of commission.  She knows that I idolize her and serve her in various ways.  I am indeed married to a Mistress. She is the head of our home and the fact that she is has become a natural extension of who we are and how we interact.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Going Under the Knife

Two weeks ago today I visited a chiropractor for the first time in my life - and it will be my last time as well. I had been experiencing a month of low back pain with some intermittent mild sciatica every once in a while.  Ten minutes after leaving I experienced some of the most debilitating pain I've felt in six years - when I first ruptured a disc at L5/S1.  The pain I felt by the time I pulled into the drive ten minutes after leaving his office felt exactly the same.  I knew I was back 'there' once more. I knew he had ruptured it. 

An MRI on Saturday, and a call from the docs assistant today verified that. This afternoon the surgeon called and asked, "how about we fix this on Saturday?"  

"Yes!!" I said. "I'm so ready to do this."

And so once more I'm back on the table and oh I can't wait for him to pull that chunk of nucleus pulposis (the herniated disc material) away from the nerve root.

On Sunday I hope to be able to sleep on my side, sit once more in a chair, walk without pain, no longer camp out all day on the floor, and return to a normal life. 

So, that's the latest. Thanks to all who read, who contribute and who have shared with me how much you care. I'll probably never ever meet you but I've enjoyed getting to know you.

Oh, btw ...... Katie did let me worship her feet.  It was last Thursday. The opening game for the NFL was about to start. I've been waiting to watch football for months and just as the game started, Katie said, "OK, you can tend to my feet."

I don't think she meant to put me into a 'predicament' but when the offer came, there was only once choice - and for all of the first quarter I was in a wonderful place - at her feet!

I'm Hers

Sunday, September 7, 2014

I Don't Call her Mistress - all the tiime

Some time ago I wrote another submissive man that I highly respect. I don’t know him personally but know that he has lived as a submissive far longer than me. He is also older than I and I trust that with his advancing age also comes wisdom.  I wrote him about my desire for more overt dominance on Katie’s part several months ago and he gave me some things to think about.  What I didn’t expect was a comment regarding how I addressed my wife when I referred to her.  He mentioned that both he and his Mistress thought I should refer to her as Mistress Katie and not Katie. 

At the time he had mentioned this I had been intentionally making an effort to refer to Katie as Miss Katie, Mistress or Mistress Katie for the past month.  I didn’t use those terms of endearment when I wrote my letter to my blog friend.  A day or so after giving his comment some thought I decided to ask Katie if she preferred me using those terms exclusively.  Her answer was ‘no’.  Asking why she told me that she likes it when I address her in non-femdom ways.  I have several and they range from sweetheart, to baby, to sugar, to Katie-girl, to Katie, Miss Katie and the femdom ones stated above.

I don’t know how others refer to their dominant partner but for Katie, she enjoys me not being so formal when I use her name. Katie is a southern girl and enjoys me using those traditional southern phrases so common to this part of the US. She also likes it when I use names that I came up with early on in our relationship.  

Personally I enjoy referring to her as Miss Katie and Mistress but I also love saying things like, “Sweetheart, can I get you anything?”  I mean no disrespect when I address her in these non-submissive ways. Furthermore she prefers that our relationship be vanilla when we talk. Yet I fully understand the comment the man I wrote made. His Mistress wants him to address her as such – Katie doesn’t.  We both are being obedient to our wives but doing so differently.  To me, that is the heart of the issue. Both he and I have pledged obedience and we both bring honor and respect to our respective wives by doing as they wish.

I’m Hers

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Life From Below

The other day I injured my back. The pain has been quite debilitating and put me on my stomach - literally.  Seeing a spine specialist I am waiting to learn if surgery is needed or simply time.  The injury took place on Wednesday and it has been five days.  I cannot stand for more than a few minutes before the back pain returns and travels into my leg, reminding me just how vulnerable I am.  In retrospect as strong as we may seem, pain is the great equalizer. It reduces the strongest and most active to a state of dependence and changes their view of their world.

For me, I've needed help showering as I can't bend forward to clean below my thighs.  I can't stand long enough to cook. Katie has restricted me from picking up the laundry basket due to the increased spinal load. I have to sleep on my stomach and can't snuggle behind her as I normally do. I can't sit next to her while she watches TV but have to lay on the floor some distance away. So much has changed. I can't do so much. On top of that my period of denial has extended nearly to three months and I'm sure there are chemical/hormonal changes at work that compound my emotional state.

My life has changed from one of service to one being served. I can't tend, care and treat my wife like I want. Instead I watch Katie perform chores meant for me. I ache to hold her at night but know that curling into a fetal position will only result in one outcome - pain  - and so I've refrained from doing that. I've spent a long weekend in bed when I am dying to enjoy the simple old treats like running errands together - another task Katie has taken to do alone. I don't like the changes but despite this temporary inconvenience - and I know it's only temporary - I've learned something about myself which I find very significant.

While I've been laid up I've been writing. At one part, I wrote something to the effect of "performing new duties forms new habits and associations, these new associations alter one's character, and in time, a changed character changes who one is". I don't know if that is true but I liked the sentence and do believe there is truth to it.  

I can say that since I've submitted to Katie, my my life has changed dramatically. I submitted and in the process 'let go'. I released control and let her take it - and over time she has come to control me on many levels.  My life view changed. I do things now, not because I want them done but because she tells me what needs doing, or in the case of chores, because they've become an expectation and a way I can show her love.  I've become more submissive. I've become a submissive. At first the idea of being submissive was fun and sounded titillating. Now it is what it is and I am who I am. Which brings me to my point.

When laying on the floor for the past two nights I've had overwhelming desires to crawl to her feet and kiss them. I am not a foot person but during these past few days with so much of her off limits I find I ache to kiss them. I want to suck on her toes and make love to them but she won't let me :( She tells me her feet are sweaty and to keep her shoes on - and so I obey - with sadness.

Today I showered - having a particularly good spell of pain relief. After showering I cleaned the bathroom, placed new towels and panties out so they are ready when she next bathes. I picked up the bedroom floor, made the bed and even made Her lunch!  While upstairs I sent her a text as I felt wave of emotion , "I feel as if I am about to cry, I ache for you so much. I love you." How true that statement is. 

So what have I learned? Kathy (Femdom 101) commented that her husband loves to do chores. When I read that I thought "that's great for him" but I realize that I need to do chores. I don't know that I'd say I love them but I know that I hate to see Katie have to lift a hand to do what I should be doing for her. Second, and more sweeping is the realization of who I am.  I am a man who loves my wife. I am a submissive man. She has trained me, maybe not changing who I am but her training has definitely revealed who the inner me is - or has become. I am so glad I have her to love and to care for.

I'm Hers