Saturday, September 20, 2014

Femdom: A Layer on Top of Normal Life

I've been thinking about this post for awhile since being laid up. I remember reading something in Rika’s book (Uniquely Rika) where she stated that in order for a WLM/FLR to work there needs to be an underlying healthy relationship.  I’m sure that statement is true as one can only fake real feelings for so long before conflicts, issues or other problems surface.

Likewise I've noticed how my submission and Katie’s dominance were temporarily placed on a back burner when I ended up spending life on the ground and unable to be my usual self.  During those initial days I wanted to help but as the reality of my limitations became better understood I mentally shifted from wanting to be the best submissive/obedient I could to dealing with my own issues.  

Likewise Katie stopped asking me to do this or that.  She understood that I couldn't be the usual me. Now, when I had periods where the pain diminished (due to the narcotic) I used it to do a load of wash, make a bed, cook a breakfast, etc. but it wasn't like I was feeling bad because I wasn't able to keep up with things the way I normally would. Honestly, I couldn't have cared less. I just wanted to get better and so my life as a submissive became a mute point.

I was reading the posts of Mistress Marie today. She too had a surgery and she made similar comments. For several days her relationship with David changed. Being kinky wasn't so important. Being comfortable became more of a need.  And it only makes sense.  Femdom is one of life’s luxuries. It isn’t essential the way other needs like food, shelter, clothing and health are. I would dare pose that living a life as a dominant woman or submissive man would fall quite a way down the pecking order of life’s needs  – even below feeling loved, communicating, being honest and trusting your partner. All of these are far more important to intimacy than making a bed, cooking a meal, saying ‘yes ma’am, or being the letting her make the decisions or control the finances.

I will say however, that I have missed Katie’s dominance. I've missed her locking me in chastity. I've missed her making me do things for her just because she can. I've missed giving her massages, doting on her and playing sexually.  And speaking of sex…. we broke that hiatus 24 hours post-surgery on a Sunday morning.  It was on Tuesday when I received my ‘does’ and ‘don’ts’ list from the doc. Point #5 stated: no sexual intercourse for six weeks.  Oops! I guess we know that I’m OK moving ‘that’ way. I think my back feels better than ever, in fact!

Tonight is Wednesday when Katie goes out with friends, enjoys a few glasses of wine and hopefully comes back with desire on her mind.  I’ll be ready!  That is a yummy thought. Stay tuned!


I’m Hers 

16 comments:

  1. Great post IH. You're a pretty smart son-of-a-gun aren't you. I wholeheartedly agree about the underlying relationship needing to be solid in order for a FLM relationship to work. My wanting to insure that our relationship would endure our entire lifetime was the very reason we now find ourselves in our current, wonderfully loving FLM.

    Continue to get well my friend. Soon, you're back will be feeling good enough to accept whatever use your Mistress might have for it, without worrying about how it feels.

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    1. SH in Phx, But do you think that the D/s stuff will make you have an enduring intimate marriage or do you think that everything else must remain healthy for the D/s stuff to stay in place and work? Sometimes its like the chicken and the egg and who/what came first sort of a question.

      I get what you are saying but when a crisis hits your family it's everything besides the D/s that will be what matters to get you through the crisis. Stay well. Go Cardinals! :)

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  2. Absolutely everything else must remain healthy in order for the D/s to be real. I Absolutely do believe that one nourishes the other. I couldn't be happier in my marriage and I know It has everything to do with both my underlying love for her, and my underlying love continues to deepen as we make our way down our road together.

    Go 49'ers......don't ask

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    1. 9ers eh? Well you and I can remain friends this weekend but not next :) I'll let you figure that logic out.

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    2. Eagles huh. Well, if it's any consolation, I like the Eagles too. They've got that nice kid QB (Foles) from The University of Arizona. We can still be friends though, no matter what happens.

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  3. You're both right. Everything else must be healthy. I'm glad you are feeling better! J

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  4. Hi I'm Hers,

    I'm so pleased to hear your on the mend and all the important bits are firing on all cylinders so to speak of. You are of course completely right, the FLM/R part can only work if other parts of the relationship are in line and contented.

    Strangely Mistress and I have been talking about cheating is it every acceptable?. We talked about it at some length, this came about due to a set of postings a Mistress had been following on Mums Net. Once we had really thought about it you may be astonished with our outcome.

    Enjoy your week
    m

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  5. I don't know if I am astonished or not since you didn't tell me your answer. Maybe it can be found in your latest post. I'll have to check it out. You know, I was thinking about you after the vote regarding Scotland's desire to go off on its own. I'm hoping to get the political update from you on a blog post after you've had time to digest it all :)

    To answer the question that you two discussed - the answer is 'no' of course.

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  6. Hi I'm Hers,

    Sorry the answers are in my latest post.......enjoy
    m

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  7. I like your "Femdom is one of life's luxuries". Of course, it must be put aside if one's partner is sick or in the process of healing. A true, long lasting relationship is contingent on so many things. If it's a D/s relationship with a grounding of love and friendship, there's no problem with suspending the D/s for awhile, but isn't it a lovely inducement to get well quickly in order to start where you left off?

    Oh, and here I go again....you might want to look up the word "moot". Forgive me, but you sometimes bring out the pedantic side of me, and "mute point" is just not acceptable. I think I would have gotten along well with your mother!

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    1. Lady Grey, This is wonderful. I'm getting educated for free. I never pass up a free-be. But, I do need to give you word to consider... is it really moot or is mute suitable. I mean if moot means is is of no significance then maybe it would be best to keep ones trap shut - thus the tie to 'mute' :) I call that rationalization. Thanks for stopping by and yes, you would get along with my other - at least on the topic of correct verbage. Mom has gotten slack in her age, spelling people pple, daughter dgtr, and telling me she's getting some 'new duds' when describing her going clothes shopping. And she's almost 80. Go figure.

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  8. Yes, that's such a rationalization that I should really remain mute in response, but since you've clearly learned your lesson, I suppose it's a moot point now. My best to your mom.

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  9. Hi I'm hers,

    Just to let you know I have replied to you comment, it's a hard subject but one that I feel should not be completely ignored.

    warmest regards
    m

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  10. Interesting point. I'm sure you're right. Though doesn't FLR also oil the wheels? We don't argue about housework anymore, for example.

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    1. It most definitely oils the wheels. I believe it does so because it draws focus to the marriage, the relationship and to one another - all which are vital in maintaining its health

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