Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Life From Below

The other day I injured my back. The pain has been quite debilitating and put me on my stomach - literally.  Seeing a spine specialist I am waiting to learn if surgery is needed or simply time.  The injury took place on Wednesday and it has been five days.  I cannot stand for more than a few minutes before the back pain returns and travels into my leg, reminding me just how vulnerable I am.  In retrospect as strong as we may seem, pain is the great equalizer. It reduces the strongest and most active to a state of dependence and changes their view of their world.

For me, I've needed help showering as I can't bend forward to clean below my thighs.  I can't stand long enough to cook. Katie has restricted me from picking up the laundry basket due to the increased spinal load. I have to sleep on my stomach and can't snuggle behind her as I normally do. I can't sit next to her while she watches TV but have to lay on the floor some distance away. So much has changed. I can't do so much. On top of that my period of denial has extended nearly to three months and I'm sure there are chemical/hormonal changes at work that compound my emotional state.

My life has changed from one of service to one being served. I can't tend, care and treat my wife like I want. Instead I watch Katie perform chores meant for me. I ache to hold her at night but know that curling into a fetal position will only result in one outcome - pain  - and so I've refrained from doing that. I've spent a long weekend in bed when I am dying to enjoy the simple old treats like running errands together - another task Katie has taken to do alone. I don't like the changes but despite this temporary inconvenience - and I know it's only temporary - I've learned something about myself which I find very significant.

While I've been laid up I've been writing. At one part, I wrote something to the effect of "performing new duties forms new habits and associations, these new associations alter one's character, and in time, a changed character changes who one is". I don't know if that is true but I liked the sentence and do believe there is truth to it.  

I can say that since I've submitted to Katie, my my life has changed dramatically. I submitted and in the process 'let go'. I released control and let her take it - and over time she has come to control me on many levels.  My life view changed. I do things now, not because I want them done but because she tells me what needs doing, or in the case of chores, because they've become an expectation and a way I can show her love.  I've become more submissive. I've become a submissive. At first the idea of being submissive was fun and sounded titillating. Now it is what it is and I am who I am. Which brings me to my point.

When laying on the floor for the past two nights I've had overwhelming desires to crawl to her feet and kiss them. I am not a foot person but during these past few days with so much of her off limits I find I ache to kiss them. I want to suck on her toes and make love to them but she won't let me :( She tells me her feet are sweaty and to keep her shoes on - and so I obey - with sadness.

Today I showered - having a particularly good spell of pain relief. After showering I cleaned the bathroom, placed new towels and panties out so they are ready when she next bathes. I picked up the bedroom floor, made the bed and even made Her lunch!  While upstairs I sent her a text as I felt wave of emotion , "I feel as if I am about to cry, I ache for you so much. I love you." How true that statement is. 

So what have I learned? Kathy (Femdom 101) commented that her husband loves to do chores. When I read that I thought "that's great for him" but I realize that I need to do chores. I don't know that I'd say I love them but I know that I hate to see Katie have to lift a hand to do what I should be doing for her. Second, and more sweeping is the realization of who I am.  I am a man who loves my wife. I am a submissive man. She has trained me, maybe not changing who I am but her training has definitely revealed who the inner me is - or has become. I am so glad I have her to love and to care for.

I'm Hers 

30 comments:

  1. Well, being on your stomach hasn't hurt your writing too much, IH. Still thought-provoking and Katie-centered as always - with a little craziness thrown in. The part about Katie keeping her toes off limits cracked me up. Maybe you should keep a soapy wash cloth handy and humbly ask Katie for another opportunity to give her feet a little attention. Donna was initially against me kissing her feet at first, but now orders me to do that at least once a week.

    I'm glad the two you of two are there for each other, and making the adjustments to daily life together. Hope you keep getting better and looking for those opportunities to learn, IH.

    Scott

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    1. You know, I originally wrote "that she had stinky feet" but she made me change the wording to 'sweaty feet" :) But now I have hope that she too will maybe actually 'want' me to spend some time kissing her in the future. Wouldn't that be nice!

      You know what sucks about healthcare in the US... it takes so freeking long to go from apointment to getting diagnostic tests done, to scheduling a follow up appointment. There must be a doctor shortage in my area! :)

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  2. Very sorry to hear about your back injury - must be awful! You're a real trooper and so is your wife - speedy recovery!

    Sign Me,
    Dominant Woman

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    1. Thank you Dominant Woman, I do appreciate your concern and for that I thank you. Have a great week.

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  3. IH, that was wonderful. I'm sorry to hear about the pain in your back and i sincerely hope it gets better soon.

    I smiled too when Katie denied you access to her feet. Mistress K. loves to her toes sucked. Well, i should say that when I can take her big toe into my mouth and suck it, she can almost orgasm. Funny thing is, neither of us are into foot worship. Well not much anyway.

    Get well my friend!

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    1. I had never given much thought to kiss and feed either. But, when you spend life down there you don't have access to much else. :-)
      Actually, I found that I liked it. I really liked it!

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  4. As a two timer for lower back surgery, I certainly can identify with what you are going through. It's hard to explain to someone what the pain is like. My best characterization is someone straightening out the eye on an electric stove, ramming down the back of your leg and turning it on. if you have ruptured a disc, surgery may well be in your future. What I can tell you is this. The recovery from a back injury is a long process. You have to strengthen the muscles in that area to make up for the bad disc. It is also very easy to hurt it again. I might also suggest you purchase the book, "Treating your own back", by Alison McKenzie. It will help you better understand your condition and also help with your recovery and long term back health. Sorry to hear of your mishap and hope you have better days ahead.

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    1. Wishful4, so, you've had two back surgeries!. What I failed to write in the post was, I've been down this road before. Ruptured a disc years ago. Surgery fixed it but in the back of my mind loomed the common by the doctor "you could always retupture sure this you know". Personally, I'm sure that's what's happened. The signs and symptoms are exactly the same, as is the location of the pain and what kinds of movements cause the pain.
      I am very familiar with McKenzie's book. I know what positions to try to stay in and what ones to avoid and how to stay out of trouble. But, I'm lazy and during the time since the last surgery I have let my posture become that of a lazy guy. And, you should know, it's not so much about strengthening muscles as it is about staying in the proper position. That is the hard part. I mean, who wants to sit perfectly straight and tall all the time? What fun is that?

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    2. Yep! A rupture at L5S1 level, then a re-rupture at the same spot 5 years later. The doc says it's fairly common. That's been many years ago, but I still have a bout with soreness if I do something stupid about once a year. You know the drill. Take good care of yourself. I can't run or jump anymore, but I try to do what I can to keep my weight down and stay in shape. Back exercises are crucial.

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    3. Wishful4,
      Six years for you, 5.5 for me. You would think with how common this condition is, given all of the responses on this post alone of men having low back injuries, that the second MRI wouldn't be needed. But I'm glad they're playing it safe. I just want the process of getting from initial evaluation to a final outcome was a little faster - ie. Surgery. Maybe my days of doing crazy things and lifting objects too heavy for me are over.

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  5. I'm praying for you and I hope you feel better soon. AND I hope that Katie lets you love on her feet! Anyway, God bless you both. J

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    1. J,
      Thank you! I need prayers. And I need those feet too! :-). Your text made me both thankful to have made on wine acquaintances such as you as well as made me smile. Have a great week.

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  6. I'm Hers - as someone who ruptured two discs about 4 years ago and was in agony and couldn't sit or walk further than a few hundred yards for almost 2 months i really and truly feel your pain. However, what really worked for me and what i would recommend to anyone with the slightest problem with their back is pilates. I do stretches every day for about 10 minutes and, fingers crossed, the problem has not recurred. It took me 2 years before i could comfortably cross my legs again and a further year before i could run but it really did work!

    In respect of chores, yes i love doing them too, even to the point that i sometimes get stressed if Owner tells me to stop doing them and do something else instead with Her - which is truly silly! Take care and wishing you a quick recovery.

    p
    x

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    1. Happy Pat,
      Sorry to hear about your woes! Two discs at once! That must've hurt. Yes like you I have to stay down on the ground. Walking is quite uncomfortable and it hurts because I have to let Katie too so much. I feel terrible. She's outside watering flowers right now and I should be doing it while she stays out of the heat. I hate she has these obligations that she has no business doing. But, she insists I stay and rest. And so obey :-) - regretfully

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  7. Sleeping on your stomach is the worst thing for even a healthy back. Try on your back with a pillow under your knees. A back injury is brutal. I wish you well.

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    1. AH,
      In your case, I am sure that has been true but if I were to do that I would have sciatic pain down my leg within seconds and it would slowly grow more intense. Believe me I've tried every position. Regardless, I do appreciate the advice because it tells me you're concerned. :-) Thanks!

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  8. Really sorry to hear about your backj .I once pulled a muscle in my back years ago and could hardly move for a couple days and from the sounds of it you are in much more pain than I was so its hard for me to imagine what your going through. From all the posts so far looks like you have a lot of friends including me wishing you a quick recovery. Will keep you in my prayers... RR

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    1. RR, The 'ole pulled muscle' :) Back when I use to teach I'd sometimes tell this dumb story to make a point. "Yea," I'd say, "haven't you all seen that lady walking down the grocery store isle and all of a sudden scream out in pain as she grabbed the muscles in the back of her leg?" They'd look at me like I was some kind of nut of course and that was my intention. ..... to get their attention.
      Then I'd tell them that to pull a muscle you have to strain it - like work really hard, lift something really heavy, sprint really fast or carry something for a long, long time.

      I don't know about you but I always wonder when I hear comments such as yours if you really did pull a muscle or if you did something else that caused associated muscle spasms. There is a difference and when people can't tell what they did, like "I woke up and now I can't look to the right" I know that although they have muscle spasms and tightness in their neck, it wasn't caused by a pulled muscle. Kind of like granny in the supermarket ain't ever going to pull a hamstring walking down the isle.

      Anyway, thanks for thinking about me and take care. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

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  9. Hope you feel better baby. Yes, John likes doing chores. For him house work, except for changing the sheets, is relaxing. One of reasons femdom works for us is that as my devoted slave husband John completely removes his mind from obligations of the out side world. A difficult time for John is Sunday evening when he knows it will soon be time to give up the life of a slave husband to once again enter into the competitive pressures of the business world. Love,Kathy

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    1. Kathy, I hate Sunday evenings as well. I will often tell Katie that I can't believe the weekend has come and gone so quickly. How interesting it is tho that as much as he hates thinking about Monday, he seems to love his job. Quite the paradox.

      As for my back, I'll make it. I never expected this kind of outpouring of care - it really wasn't the purpose of the post but it sure feels nice to know others do.
      Have a wonderful week.

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  10. Get either book, "Oh my aching back", or "No more back pain" both written by the most prominent back surgeon in America.
    He says, "I you do my back exercises, you'll never be under my knife!"
    It sure helped me after I broke a vertebrae and already had a bad back.
    I also started taking high dose EPA & DPA, which are the active ingredients in fish oil. My Wife sells it at, www.anappleadaycafe.com
    If you decide to take allot fish oil only buy the best that's been tested by IFOS. International fish oil standards does testing and only two companies have had every batch tested.

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    1. Thanks for the advice anonymous. I have a few back books. Haven't heard of that one but will check it out on Amazon. Like most things in life, if we always do the right thing - like daily back exercises we can avoid the pitfalls. I will see what he has to say and go from there. I haven't heard of the fish oil but if nothing else I've learned about IFOS standards. Thank you!

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  11. Hi,

    I am so sorry to hear of your horrible problem. In the past I have also suffered from back and discs problems. I really sympathise, the pain is horrific and can become all consuming. I guess you have already explored all the options out there so I'm sorry if you have heard these two, but just in case try www.serolabelt.com, the belt is quite cheap and I found it helped manage the pain. The other thing that has made a huge benefit to me was visiting a pedomitrist (foot specialist) 4 years ago I saw him and I had purpose made foot inserts, this has enabled my hips to actually be balanced and level. This took a lot of pressure off my lower back and has kept the back problems down to a low grumble and not the debilitating agony of before.

    I hope that this may help and I wish you a speedy recovery.
    m

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    1. m, Thanks for the expressions of concern. They mean more then you know, especially when there is so many that have expressed similar concerns. Isn't it interesting that within this small group of individuals that comment on this blog - it's probably limited to 20-30 - that so many have also had to deal with what I am now?

      I'm happy to hear you can keep your pain at a low grumble and do hope the grumbles never stir again. I will explore your advice. I do have orthotics, not for leg length differences but because of some chronic case of Achilles tendinitis that wouldn't go away years ago when I actually use to run. Maybe I'll put them back in my shoes and give them a try again.

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  12. Oh this is terrible to hear - I hope you find a quick and easy path to get rid of this pain.

    I have back issues too. If I keep up with the exercises I was given from when I was in physical therapy the pain fades away quite nicely. If I slack off for a few weeks it gets worse.

    My best thoughts to you!

    jen

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    1. jen, thanks for the words of encouragement. Isn't it amazing how many have the same issues?

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  13. Hi I'm Hers,
    So sorry to hear about your back. I've never experienced back pain (just lucky), but I have a close friend who has and it can be very tough trying to do just normal activities. I hope your treatment and recovery is quick. About Katie's feet, perhaps she might be more open to you having access to her feet after a bath or shower. Once recovered, I'm sure you can make up for the lost time serving your wife; she knows you need assistance now. Feel better.
    FL

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    1. FL, she can be a stubborn woman. What she likes, she loves and wants it all the time. But if something isn't her thing she wants nothing to do with it. I am finding feet are somewhere in the middle - she doesn't love it, but she doesn't keep me from doing it either.

      Thanks for your words of care. An MRI coming soon, then a decision will be made.

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  14. Hi,

    Real sorry to hear of your back problems. It clearly has given you some time to reflect on how your relationship has developed (and maybe to see it from a new perspective).

    Real sad that Katie won't let you kiss her feet. It is so wonderful to be allowed to do this. Bible tells of Jesus washing feet and the ritual of washing feet occurs in other cultures and faiths. Feet are important. I hope Katie relents.

    I do have one beef about your blog (and others) and that is in the use of the term submissive. As you are presumably, only 'submissive' to Katie, I can't see how you can use that term. My preference and one which is more accurate IMHO is 'obedient'.

    I am not a submissive man, I have, however, pledged absolute obedience to my mistress wife.

    Get well friend.

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    1. Hi friend! Thanks for stopping by. I know exactly what you are referring to when you speak of foot washing and Jesus' view of it. I attended a church in my past that observed Maundy Thursday - the day before the crucifixion, we always did a foot washing on that day. It was a humbling experience to wash anothers but felt so good to have ones' own feet washed.

      As to your latter comment, I need to think about that. Might a man be both?

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