Friday, October 3, 2014

Intentionality

As I write this post I am writing Katie has chosen to deny me an orgasm for over 90 days. Of those 90 I have spent approximately 80 locked in chastity during the day. However, I have not spent a single night locked as she has chosen to permit me a few hours of freedom. Of course this is solely for her benefit rather than mine. She prefers me spooning tight against her and the Jailbird does nothing but get in the way and disturb her sleep. If that was not her style, then I am sure she wouldn’t think twice about keeping me locked 24/7.

Another routine that she has established is setting out panties for me to wear.  Our routine each morning is for Katie to shower first. The day before I am to drape a clean towel and washcloth over the shower rung and place a folded pair of panties for her to slip into after she dries herself.  When Katie is dry she will choose to either set out panties for me or choose not to. A panty on the counter is an indication for me to put them on and lock up before I leave the bedroom when dressed.

I mention this because so many men comment about having a wife or girlfriend that feels awkward about addressing D/s issues overtly. Katie is cut out of that same mold but she has slowly changed as the months and years living as the dominant partner have lapsed. Yet she is silent in many respects and almost never brings up in a discussion on a topic that has to do with her as my dominant or me as her submissive. However, she is quite intentional in reminding me daily that I am not her equal. The Daily routine of setting out panties is but one way that I know that she is thinking about me as her submissive husband and I love that.

Another overt indicator is her way of checking to make sure that I have obeyed and locked. There is not a day that passes where she will not grab my crotch within an hour of me leaving the bedroom. Typically she will hug and kiss me and follow that with a grab, or reach out while we pass one another in the kitchen or hall and feel my crotch.  There is no exchange of words; rather she simply grabs me hard enough to feel the cage when we are close. I know the grab is coming and so I never try to sneak this by her. There have been a few times when she has neglected to set out panties and found me unlocked.  It is during times like these when she will grab me, then says "hey, where's the cage?" After explaining, I almost always have to go back to the bedroom and put it on.

Another way that I know she has accepted her position as the dominant one has to do with her use of D/s humor. The other day I about sliced the end of my thumb off with a razor knife while trying to make a small repair at work. I ended up getting the severed flap glued on at an Urgent Care facility. I made a comment that night about my need to protect the thumb from bumping into things. She giggled and when I asked what was so funny, she said that I could use the Jailbird cage to keep my thumb safe. We both laughed, but the bigger implication has to do with her comfort level in teasing me about my own predicament as her locked submissive. She loves me locked and is no longer hesitant to make sure I stay that way.

The other night we went to an outdoor concert to listen to one of her favorite local bands. They played 70s 80s and 90s beach music (e.g., Cool and the Gang, KC and the Sunshine band, Marvin Gaye, Earth Wind and Fire, Michael Jackson, etc) for three straight hours. They don’t waste time between songs talking but rather immediately move from one tune to the next. They are great and Katie loves dancing the entire time. She positioned me behind her during the concert to make sure no one got into her purse. For a good portion of the evening she ground her sweet butt into my caged crotch. I know she was enjoying the feel of it against her. She also made sure that my hands remained on either hip –not that I mind feeling her move to the beat of the music.  For me it was fun seeing her in her element and enjoying me all the same.

Throughout my day, Katie will leave reminders that it is me, who is the one who serves her. For example, the other day she washed the dog while he had me run a few errands. By the time I returned she had finished and I didn’t even think to see if I needed to clean up after her. The following morning I walked past the bathroom I noticed a towel on the floor. When I walked into the room to fetch it I saw another in the tub. She had left the mess for me to clean. She never intended to clean up. Her intention was to clean the dog. She knows it’s my duty to clean up after her. And I did. She does this so often I no longer even thank her for leaving these kinds of reminders.

I mention some of Katie’s ‘ways’ to bring to light the power that a small act can have on a submissive man. The dominant need not invest lots of mental or emotional energy to maintain the fact that she is the one who controls, decides and leads. But when she does express her dominance, they go a long way in conveying the message as to who serves and obeys who.

I'm Hers

9 comments:

  1. This is probably off topic, but I wanted to thank you for your blog. It has been quite helpful to me.

    A couple of years ago, my wife was reading 50 shades of gray, and she would describe some of the scenes, kind of like she might be interested in experimenting (a little). I had no idea about D/s relationships, but started researching to determine if there were a couple of things that I could do to add some spice in the bedroom.

    My research began with sexual dominance, and then I stumbled onto the 24/7 service relationships and realized that my wife was the dominant in our relationship. I already kind of knew that going in, she is strong willed, but I never realized it to this degree. She already decides when we have sex, she has certain requirements during sex, she largely took over the finances, and controls much of my free time. It was kind of depressing for me to realize that she had that much control over me.

    I decided to try to embrace this submissive position, and I stopped fighting her. She realized something was up instantly and loved it. I was not arguing with her, I started doing more chores, I was rubbing her feet, and I was going to bed early so we could cuddle. (and she knows I don't like cuddling) She began setting certain goals for me, telling me I needed to have her breakfast ready, really took to it. I found I didn't hate it, I enjoyed pleasing her.

    This went on for about 4 months. During this time she became more controlling and less respectful. She began spending more money, she began going out with her friends more, and drinking more. I had read about this happening to others as their wife learned to take the reigns, and these guys loved it. I found I did not. I do not enjoy being humiliated, disrespected, and I have worked hard to establish a savings and was not about to let her drain it.

    I rebelled, I swung back hard the other way, and fought her on most everything to establish my position. An overreaction, but I was not happy. Now she was not happy either.

    I found your blog and it helped me because you have a wife who is caring and while dominant, is not humiliating you or being disrespectful. I found a couple of other blogs that also showed this sweeter side to the D/s world, it was nice to read that not all D/s relationships involve whips/chains/humiliation/sissification. NotJustBitchy introduced me to the concept of the strong submissive.

    I now have a better understanding of my limitations, which I have a lot. I don't even know if I qualify as submissive, I am not going to agree to obey her in all things, I will not give up complete control, because I am here to help her be a better human being and a better leader. She is back to making most of the decisions, and I bend mostly to her will. If it is D/s, it is barely that, but I think we found our happy spot. We are not fighting as much, she has expressed her happiness, and even thanked me for setting my limits. Your blog helped me find that happy spot in our relationship, and I thank you for sharing your experiences.

    Mostly Vanilla

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    1. Mostly Vanilla,
      What a nice comment!! Thank you for sharing your story. As I read through it I was hoping you were going to tell me that as your wife took more control of you and your marriage that she decided she could go out more and enjoy more time with some of her girl friends and do so 'responsibly'. Things seemed to go sour at that point and I think you were right to bring up your dissatisfaction.

      Contrary to how some believe, I believe we are all fallible - men and women alike. I do not believe that women are the superior sex. I believe we each bring needed qualities to the marriage and it is because of that, that one is attracted to the other. You saw her abusing your finances and called her on it. Good for you.
      It forced you to communicate and come to terms with your specific situation. In the end, you found your happy spot and to me that happy spot sounds very much like a D/s happy spot.
      As I write this on a Saturday morning, Katie is outback pushing the lawn mower. She is doing so because I can't - but even before I injured myself, she'd often mow - not because I couldn't but because she wanted the exercise. Today though, I'm, pretty certain that she wishes I was the one out there pushing instead of her but she is doing it because it needs to be done.

      Like you, we've found our happy spot and it looks pretty vanilla at times. And that isn't bad at all.
      Please stop by again and contribute. Loved having you do so.

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  2. I'm Hers,

    Congratulations. At 90 days I feel you got through the worst of no orgasms and that everything gets easier from now on. I certainly found it so, and have been abstinent for this year.

    My comment would be to encourage Katie to continue denying you - though I'd stop seeing it as 'denial'. I'd encourage you both to remember your last orgasm and to accept that is was your last forever. There is something wonderfully freeing in that.

    Like you, I love my mistress to bits. Having got past all those 'withdrawal' symptoms, I now am able to embrace my submission fully.

    Good luck to you both.

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    Replies
    1. MHD, You are the first to suggest this. Interesting thought. Now why do you want to no longer have another orgasm? I don't think I want to go there as I enjoy the 'withdrawal' :) - the internal torment - if you will

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  3. S usually reminds me once or twice a day that She owns me and that I am Her bitch. (S's slave)

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  4. Glad I am not alone and there are others whose dominants also let them know who is in charge

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  5. MHD- you are officially breaking my heart :p If you are happy Its not my place to say anything but Im really surprised you like living with such strict denial. I have to say you are not the first Ive heard it from tho. And its been requested from a sub im talking to lately. I told him not to make requests lol :p

    with love, Karen

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  6. Hello IH,

    That’s a pretty cool commitment on Katie’s part to deny you for 90 days. It’s also very sweet that she displays ownership of you by placing panties out for you and by checking on the chastity device. (I’ve been lobbying my Donna to make me wear panties, but no luck yet.) You two are blessed to have found a daily ritual that reinforces just who is in charge!

    My Donna is similar to Katie in that she does not discuss her dominant role, and does not use physical expressions of power a whole lot. She does find many other fun ways to assert her power: Giving me “that look” while holding up her empty wine glass; handing me her purse, jacket, computer, cell-phone, towel or any other item I am expected to take care of immediately! Makes me feel good when she does that, kind of like you when Katie leaves things for you to clean up and take care of

    Donna knows that I hate to disappoint her, so she has fun needling me when I fall short in treating her like a Goddess. She’ll tap her toes or give me that look if I haven’t opened up a door fast enough, or she’ll feign disgust while saying, “I can’t believe I had to hang up my own jacket today.”

    She also has no problem with denying me an orgasm, but not to that alarming 90-day interval Katie has imposed on you, IH. The key for us is that Donna is very, very happy knowing that sex between us is completely for her enjoyment. Fortunately for me, Donna has come to understand that I still need intimacy, attention and a little teasing in order to thrive under her command, I just don’t need orgasms. Those are for her to have as often as she desires!

    We are very lucky to have wives that love us enough to accept our submission and give us the control that we crave; in the styles and degree in which they are comfortable. It's fun road to walk down, and one that leads to a strong and fulfilling marriage. I am getting better at communicating and politely asking Donna for things that I might enjoy, but completely leave it in her hands, or her underwear drawer, to do as she wishes.



    Kind regards to you and Katie,



    Scott

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  7. Scott,
    Thanks so much for commenting. I always love to hear about the lives of others. We have so many similarities between us probably both in what we enjoy as well as our wives personalities. They do seem quite similar.
    I asked Katie back in June if she would consider denying me for and extended period and she readily took to this. Of course she never tells me when the end will come and I have no idea. My hunch is that it will be sometime near the end of the year or soon after.

    Your comment about your wife not wanting to discuss dominance or be ovetlly dominant made me smile. This morning Katie asked if I wanted to get up and help her clean the house or if I wanted to stay in bed and sleep in while she cleaned. Her comment made me roll my eyes and later we texted. I told her that I really want to serve and she responded telling me that she needs to get back into the swing of things after having little to no expectations after my back surgery. Her response was telling. She saw what she needed and recognized that she had changed. I do hope she lets me serve her as I did previously. My guess is your wife probably would've had a similar attitude.
    Take care. Stop by again. I know you will :-)

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