What Safiownz' comment implicitly addresses is the long-term implications that entering into a relationship entails. I had never considered what my life might be like five or fifteen years after submitting Katie. All I wanted initially was to submit and support her as she directed the two of us.
Katie's attitude along with my subsequent self-exploration and a chance encounter with a D/s website eventually brought me to the point where I felt comfortable discussing a possible D/s relationship with her. I approached her with one thing in mind. I wanted to feel her dominance. I knew from what others had written, that this meant I needed to serve and in doing so make her life easier and more rewarding. I was all into that at the time. I distinctly remember sitting beside her. I had just given her a long list of things I wanted to do. The list contained both chores as well as gifts of service. Katie circled those offerings she wanted and crossed off those she didn't want. I was excited and aroused and felt very loved. What I didn’t understand was just how dramatically my life was about to change. I couldn’t have cared less at the time. All I wanted was serve her in any and every way possible.
A week into becoming her full-time chef and kitchen cleaner I realized that I had committed to more than a momentary titillating experience of watching her circle item after item. The fact that I now had to spend a few hours each day cooking meals and doing a myriad of chores was no longer arousing. I remember feeling periodic regret for the next few months. I remember pouting at the inequity of what I had done even though another part of me loved serving. It took some time to fully accept that "this" would be my life forever.
Sexually I had fantasies too but no longer was sex about me. Sex happened on her terms-meaning when she wanted, how she wanted and for as long as she wanted. No longer was I in a position to say "I want you to do this for me". As her submissive, stating my desires was no longer my prerogative. I was told to to deny myself when making love even when I wanted release; to lock in chastity when I wanted freedom; to unlock when I wanted to remain chaste and even to sit when urinating – even when I was free.
I gave up the ability to spend the money I earned. All of it became Katies and although I wanted her to assume this responsibility, there are times when I'd like to spend 'my' money on things I'd like to do. I can't and I refuse to try to twist her arm. I need to let go. I do let go, but sometimes I wish I didn't always have to.
I say this, not because I regret my decision to be Katie's submissive but because I made a commitment in which I didn’t fully understand its ramifications. Safiownz commented how hard it might be for a submissive to leave a relationship even though it turned out to not be what they had hoped. Katie has stated on many occasions that she is never going back to living in a "vanilla" relationship in which we relate as equals. I know I can't even go there even if I wanted. I am her submissive and will be forever. I promised in my marriage vow to live this way.
Early on Katie wrote and told telling me she would control every aspect of me. She stated that she expected me to eventually learn what she desired and that I would live my life knowing that it was her expectation that I would meet those desires. When I first submitted, I didn't understand this. I never even thought what her statements meant. It took many months before I came to fully understand.
And so I wonder: how many submissives live in relationships that aren't what they had expected? I wonder how many dominants live with men that don’t live up to what they hoped? I wonder how many submissives want "out" but are afraid to get out, or can't get out because they are obligated to live as their wife's submissive due to a contract or marriage vow? Femdom isn't for everyone; vanilla isn't for everyone.
Even though my relationship with Katie didn't end up being what I thought, I can say that I am completely happy with her style of dominance and how she rules me as the husband whom she owns. I am loved. I am cared for. I am cherished and I am Owned by a beautiful woman - both inside and out. In the end, things actually turned out to be better than expected - just different than anticipated.
I’m one of the lucky ones.