I read on the "Women in control" blog a similar story. Lady Grey's husband Karl wants more from her than he is currently experiencing. She noted that maybe he is in a 'ho-hum' state with respect to being her submissive. Lady Grey has decided to remedy that situation by setting up "slave weekends" once a month. These will be three days of intense dominance and I'm sure he will love it. I applaud her for making the effort to listen and address the situation.
Lady Grey made the comment that she believes the Domme bears 95% of the responsibility for keeping things fresh and exciting in the marriage. What an interesting thought!
In a recent post, Kathy made the comment that being a mistress to a man is an act of love but there is no inner thrill with being that mistress. She went on to say that monitoring is imperative and making sure he has no privacy is essential and disciplining is an act of love and a part of the job.
I was thinking back to the past few days of my own life. Over the weekend I worked hard for Katie several hours each day. I didn't have lots of down time but rather made sure I took care of dirty laundry, vacuumed, swept, scrubbed and straightened various parts of the house. On Monday I spent the entire morning in the kitchen cooking and cleaning as I prepared meals for the next several days. I worked hard and did it because that is my role as Katie's submissive. Most every night I massage my beautiful wife and do small things around the house as she orders me. There is the underlying knowledge that she is in charge and that I am obligated to serve - which is what we both want and have agreed to but when she does order me around it's done much the way my friend Scott's wife approaches him. She just tells me what to do. She rarely reminds me that she Owns me or that I'm her submissive or that I have no choice about this, or that I'll always be hers to use as she wants, etc. For example, this morning she said "I can't remember if I opened the door last night before I came to bed. I responded asking if she wanted me to check and she said yes. I came back and she asked if I had checked to see if the dog's food bowl was empty. I told her I didn't. There as a pause and then I asked if she wanted me to check. She again said she did. There was no femdom going on in our discussion and in part, I had to pull out what she really wanted me to do. After feeding the dog I was told to unlock and we made love. Katie isn't verbal when we are close and it has never been a D/s time. After getting up I did my morning bedroom/bathroom chores and then cooked her a hot breakfast. Only once did she make even the slightest comment that had anything to do with me being her sub, or me being Owned, or me being her slave.
My point is that men who submit thrive on being reminded that they are owned and the slave of the woman to whom they are married and bound. If Lady Grey's comment is true then it would seem as if dominant women everywhere would be most conscientious about making sure that their submissive is continually reminded of his position with respect to her, if for nothing else than that it promotes greater submission and compliance with what she expects of him. Scott was bummed and depressed because he received none of that. Karl may be slacking with Lady Grey because of similar laxity.
If I remember correctly, Rika, in her book, stated that one of the requirements of a dominant is to sexually tease her submissive. She believed it was one of the key necessities to making sure that his mind remained focused on her. Making him consume after he orgasms, grabbing his crotch, sucking on him for 10 seconds, revealing a bit more cleavage than usual, telling him that "maybe tonight I will…", or "maybe tonight you will…", using 'catch' phrases that she knows triggers 'that' submissive response are things that the mistress should be doing to make sure that the marriage remains fresh and that her husband continues to be captivated by her lore.
It's one thing to enjoy the fruit of having a submissive or slave at ones' beckon but with that freedom comes the responsibility of making sure that the submissive/slave remains just that. And besides, it is fun! I mean, wouldn't any woman want to do things to play with her husband's mind, teasing and tormenting him in ways that only make his desire for her grow ever stronger? How much effort does that take? Not much, especially given the benefits of a few minutes of play and reminding him that he is indeed hers has such a dramatic impact on his compliance. But it does take effort. It does take energy and sometimes a bit more effort. As Lady Grey noted 95% of the responsibility is the dominant’s to make this happen. If she forgoes her duties and only reaps his hard efforts what will come of him eventually? Will he become depressed like my friend Scott? Will he become lax like Karl? Will he lose interest and no longer desire to live to please and submit? The choice is hers. The choice is always hers since she's the one in charge.