Saturday, November 22, 2014
The Insanity of Repeated Spankings
When I was growing up and did something wrong I was disciplined – spanked to be specific. I can’t tell you how many times I remember my mother saying, “You just wait until your father gets home”. The typical way this played out was that when dad got home, mom would tell him what terrible thing I did, dad would confront me (he had to get worked up to carry out his part of the job, you know), then he’d shout, “Get upstairs to your bedroom.” I’d turn and hightail it up the steps. There were 13 steps in our house – actually 14, but I had to turn right to step on the 14th. I learned real quick that I needed to fly up those 13 stairs because dad would smack my butt until I made the right hand turn and flew down the hall and into my bedroom crying in pain. He always got in 5 whacks no matter how fast I ran. It was whack 4 and 5 that did the damage. The first three just softened me up. When I got to high school I was a sprinter. Maybe dad had something to do with that.
When I reached 5th or 6th grade I don’t remember getting a ‘lickin’. Rather I’d lose privileges like not getting an allowance, not permitted to go over a friend’s house or some other similar pain they’d impose. When I became a parent I modeled my parents – yes I made my children’s butt nice and red when they were young. No I am not an Adrian Peterson but I believe in the adage, spare the rod and spoil the child when the situation arose. I didn't have to spank them many times but I had to a few with each. I now have beautiful adult kids that are model citizens and love their dad – and as an aside so I didn't 'beat' them - if that is what you are thinking. I learned that the key to punishment is not the whacking or loss of a privilege but rather the talking that goes on between parent and child after the emotional storm has passed. The teaching is not in the beating. Any moron can do that. The teaching is explaining why they were spanked and talking with them about how they can make a better choice next time. My parents never did the educational part – maybe they were morons – but to beat a child and then do nothing else…. Come on, we’re better than that. We need to teach so bad actions are not repeated.
As a fifty something adult, I’ve been physically punished by Katie only once. That was about four years ago. I have not been punished since. In the femdom, Domme/sub, Domme/slave world discipline is a part of many adult spousal relationships. My personal opinion is….. Why in the world is an adult woman hitting an adult man? I mean, really, is it really necessary? I understand in the mind of a small child that they don’t yet understand higher levels of learning and so physical pain works wonders when used on a mind that has an IQ not very well developed. But as the brain matures, most parents would agree that other forms of punishment work just as well or better than the spanking they use to use. Now I know that those that read this blog are smart, intelligent, higher level thinking people. You don’t have a 2nd grade brain. You understand things clearly. You may be stubborn but you aren’t dumb. So, if I have you pegged right, why do you need to be repeatedly spanked? I mean, why does your wife need to treat you in the same way she does your eight year old son or daughter? Why do you get treated more immaturely then your fifteen year old? Can you see where I’m going with this? Where's the consistency? Where's the parallel to how we raise children as they develop intellectually and emotionally?
I don’t know that Katie would ever spank me again even if the same situation arose. (I asked her after writing this and learned that she would and do so even harder next time.) I know that if I was your Domme I could drive home my point by dropping you off a mile or so from home have you remove your shirt, give you a cinder block and tell you to carry it above your shoulders to the back door. Believe me; you’d never repeat the wrong you did again. Your hands would be raw, your back and shoulders sore, your chest probably all scraped up from the block rubbing against you – and I wouldn’t even have to raise a hand. Waha – mission accomplished. And if you made the same mistake I’d double the distance next time. Sooner or later you’d get the point real fast.
When I was a child I rarely repeated my mistakes because the pain of the punishment hurt too much. Yes I did things wrong again and again in some areas of my life but as the whacks became harder or if dad opted to follow me into the bedroom to deliver a few more blows, I soon learned the pleasure of the wrong just wasn’t worth the pain of the correction. What I don’t get with domestic discipline is the physical aspect itself but even more – why so many wives are having to repeat the spanking so many times? In my simple mind, if it needs to be repeated then this method of discipline obviously needs to be altered to something more effective. In the medical world they call it evidence based practice, meaning that things are done because they work – or not done because they’ve been shown not to be effective. Insurance companies don’t reimburse if the same treatment is given again and again without improvement demonstrated. If you’ve had a surgery you might be entitled to 10 visits to a therapist but not 20. Insurance companies know the statistics; that a good therapist can return you to full health in those limited visits. They aren’t paying out for the 50 visits they use to do back in the 1980’s.
If your wife spanks you and has to repeat the spanking many times, isn’t the handwriting on the wall? Isn’t it clear to her that this method of punishment isn’t working? Might she need to change tactics? Maybe all she needs to do is to sit you down like the mature adults you are and have a direct conversation with you explaining what she is upset with and what you need to do to prevent a recurrence rather than drag you by the ear over to the bed, and beat the you know what out of you for the 85th time in the past two years? It’s obvious that after 85 times something isn’t working here and that spanking isn't proving to be the deterrent she thought it would serve. After all, the goal here is behavioral modification.
OK, I’ve intentionally tried to stir the pot but I’ve done so with a purpose. I hope that those of you engaged of domestic discipline will chime in and share perspectives. Guys, do you hate to be spanked or is this a game, a form of D/s play in some respects? The proof is in the pudding. If it works it rarely should have to be repeated. If it is repeated often then what’s the deal?
Mistresses…. How do you feel? After all, you’re the one deciding on what form of discipline he will get. Maybe you like beating his ass and so you repeat the insanity of doing something that doesn’t really produce changed behavior. Maybe you do it to please him. Maybe you do it because you enjoy it. Maybe it’s all just a game. Maybe you’ve not thought of other more effective ways of correcting misbehavior. Love to hear the thoughts of others.