Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Just do what I tell you

Katie and I got away for a few days last month. We headed to one of her favorite get-away spots and enjoyed two days and two nights all to ourselves.  On the second day– the day before we were to return home – we ate at our favorite restaurant. It’s an Italian place. It’s quaint and cozy and when we arrived they put us at a corner table all by ourselves. How romantic! Last year when we were there Katie ordered carbonara and I had some pasta seafood dish. Both meals were delicious and the helpings were huge. We both left with leftovers made for another dinner the following day.

Prior to getting away this time, we checked the online menu to see what they were serving. Much to Katie’s dismay carbonara was not listed. Katie loves carbonara. It’s one of her favorite meals and although it’s not at all healthy – being full of carbs and bacon and cheese and saturated with a cream sauce that is, well it is absolutely delicious but fattening as can be. Katie wanted carbonara. She wanted it bad and she was bummed when she didn’t see it on the menu.

We called ahead and made reservations. We always make reservations and on the day of our meal we arrived a few minutes prior to our reservation time. That’s because we are never late - never. It's one of those things Katie avoids at all costs.  And so we were on time and the hostess led us to our romantic corner table.  A few minutes later the waitress gave us our menu. We both went to the Pasta section. As expected, there was no listing for carbonara. Katie’s heart sank. When the waitress returned to take our drink order we asked if they still offered carbonara and she informed us that it was something they put on the menu every now and again. But, she added, "the chef might make it for you if she has the ingredients on hand". Her eyes brightened. Hope!  A few minutes later Katie beamed when the news that she could accommodate us.

And so we ate; she with a heaping plate of carbonara and me with a plate of pasta topped with Italian sausage, meatballs and covered in a marinara sauce loaded with peppers, mushrooms, onions, olives, garlic, oregano – all the good stuff that makes my mouth water – the kind of stuff I absolutely love. We had a great time. We ate tons and left with two Styrofoam containers filled with dinner leftovers. 

Now our weekend away happened to come at a time when the weather had turned cold; not real cold but cold enough. The temps were going down to freezing that night and as we drove back to the hotel I asked Katie, “So you want me to leave the leftovers in the trunk?”  

“No bring them in.”

My eyebrows rose but she was driving and didn’t see my reaction. I thought to myself, “It’s going down to 30 tonight – that’s freezing. Isn’t that just as cold as the refrigerator? Isn’t the purpose to keep this stuff cold and are we not leaving tomorrow morning? Is there a reason why you want me to cart this stuff up six floors at 8pm only to cart it back down the following morning to exactly the same place where it is now?”

I kept my mouth shut thinking how ludicrous it was for me to do what she wanted. Just be sure she heard me correctly I asked again just before we got to the hotel. 

“Are you sure you want me to bring the food up to the fridge? It’s going to be cold tonight.” I added that last bit because I knew she’d put two and two together and make a rationale decision.

“No. Bring it up.”

Ugh! And so I did. I didn’t question. I didn’t argue. I didn’t complain or nag. I knew better. I had asked and then made sure a bit later. The answer was the same and it wasn’t going to change.  I didn’t understand her rationale and didn’t opt to press her into a corner. The issue wasn’t a matter of pragmatism but one of obedience. So without saying more and without ever conveying all of my thoughts that all pointed to the same conclusion: “this is an irrational thing to do that makes no sense,” I just did it.

I put the meals in the fridge and we then enjoyed a quiet evening. We had fun. We stayed up late. We slept in. When we woke the following day we got up and opened the sliding door that led to the patio. The sun was shining brightly. The cold had gone. The temps were quickly rising into the upper 50’s if not warmer and I thought about the trunk of my car – sitting out there in the bright sun - on the black pavement - absorbing all of that radiant energy - and I said to myself, “self, aren’t you glad you kept your mouth shut last night and did what you were told with that food?” 

“Yup,” said myself to its other self.

Need I draw the obvious conclusions for you the reader? I didn't think so. :)

I’m Hers


Rule #1: Never disobey Mistress

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Still Learning the Ropes

It was December 23rd. Katie was stressed. We had mostly gotten everything ready for Christmas but there were still these odds and ends that needed to be done – mostly lots of straightening and cleaning of the house. Family would be here on Christmas but we still had to do this and this and this and we were going out in the evening because friends had invited us over a few weeks ago. Katie had zero energy and was struggling with a cold and feeling frustrated she couldn’t get over it.  She was walking in circles and going nowhere. 

She had just taken a nap and prior to her going up I told her I’d scrub the tile floors, something she said needed doing. Earlier in the day I sat watching her clean another room and wondered why she wasn’t telling me to clean it for her. She wasn’t and so I let her do her thing. But inside it hurt that she hadn’t told me to do get over and help.  Part of me wanted to but another part told me to let her remember she had a sub to do these kinds of things. All she had to do was say the words, “get in here and do this.”

“Can I help you,” I asked after watching her pace the kitchen and working herself up into a frenzy of frustration.

Before she answered I grabbed her by the hand and pulled her to the sofa as a thought popped into my mind. I said, “I want to read something to you first.”

I grabbed the laptop and pulled up the comment that Sandra had written on Kathy’s blog a week earlier and read it, paraphrasing and personalizing it to us.  Here is generally how it came out when I read it ad lib:

“Katie, sometimes you fail to understand that I am a submissive and have a need to serve you. It's not a desire, a kink or a game, it's a need. When you feel guilty and don’t ask much of me, or refrain from pushing me too hard, fearing you might make me uncomfortable, you cheat me out of the service I crave to perform, and limit our femdom relationships to something less than what it could be. I want to give you so much and serve you in ways you can only dream of. In return I want you to be confident enough to demand my service, expect it and then accept it freely and without feeling guilty”

I looked her in the eye and said, “Now how can I help you? Do you understand what I am trying to say?”

She shook her head in the affirmative and then told me I needed to dust the room, vacuum under the sofa and chair cushions and straighten this and that.  I asked for specifics and she told me exactly what I was to do.  I became a happy camper! This is what I wanted to hear.
I’m now writing while she is out stocking stuffer shopping for me.  I am writing this because that incident made me think of those ‘Christmas letters’ I hate getting – you know the ones from distant relatives highlighting their past year and touting how wonderful, successful and incredible everyone in their household has been for the past 365 days.  Yes, I understand there were cool things they did but life isn’t always about vacations, thrills and victories.  Yet I know that when I describe my relationship with Katie here on this blog I may give that same perception; that we are the perfect femdom couple. We aren’t. We struggle. We live in the vanilla world too much. I’ve never been punished, or admonished. I tend to be lazy and Katie is often ‘too nice’ to me and demands little. 

We are happily married but we do struggle. We don’t get it right all the time. We have been going at this for almost four years now and we still are very much like we were prior to me asking to submit.  I am not the perfect sub. I haven’t’ even vacuumed the cheerios and crap that’s under those cushions yet! 

But we do encourage one another and I do remind Katie daily how much I love her and we both try to lead and follow respectively.  I do refer to her as my mistress and she will call me her sub now and again. I do tell her I want to do whatever makes her happy. I do ask before doing . I do all that because I know that leading doesn’t come naturally for her.  She struggles to lead. I struggle to obey but we are both trying.  We are making progress and in doing so we keep our focus on one another.

I need to stop for now and finish my chores before she gets back and gets frustrated because I failed to do what she told me.

I’m Hers

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

We Must Be Boring

As a follow up to the last post.....

While Katie and I were watching Dr Phil (to those of you not in the USA he is a counselor that made it big on the Oprah Winfrey show many years ago. Now he has his own show on TV and discusses topics of psychological interest – often interviewing individuals/couples experiencing various life issues. In any event, the couple that he had on this day had a marriage that was on the rocks. They yelled at one another, told the doc how one threw the other out of the house - locking them out, and then pleaded for them to come back a day later, yada yada yada….

The doc looked at his wife who sat in the front row and said, “Honey, we must live a boring life. All we do is watch Law and Order reruns.”  

The audience laughed and it made me think: here we are doing the exact same thing. Katie and I were sitting at home on an afternoon with nothing to do watching the Dr Phil show – and actually enjoying our time together!  Today I left her a card before I headed off to work. It was a simple card that said “my favorite place to be – is anywhere with you.” There was a boy and girl sitting side by side on a tree branch looking all lovey-dovey at one another. I knew Katie would like it. As for me, I like to add personal touches to cards so I wrote on the inside of this card things like: taking walks, snuggling in bed, eating out, watching our grand-daughter, gardening, watching TV, going grocery shopping, driving in the car, etc….. I filled the card with examples of everyday things that make up our everyday life.

Katie and I, like Dr Phil and his wife, and probably you and your significant other are boring people. Our days are filled with routine. I work 5 days a week. I do the same chores. On weekends we pretty much do the same things. When we go out to eat, we generally go to the same few places every time. We hang out with our same group of friends. We make love in the same positions. We are creatures of habit and routine – and – we – love – it!  We have found the boring things we do together are fun and fulfilling and bonding and keep us close.  Now we also have a bit of femdom that overrides all of those routine chores and events that makes our love for one another even deeper – and things a bit more fun, but we really don’t do lots of eccentric things. Those things – trips, vacations, concerts, holiday traveling, theater, are ‘treats’ that break up the routine. That’s both good and bad. We look forward to them and we are generally glad to come home where we can get back to the routine that is so comfortable.

These next few weeks will take us out of that routine as the holidays do every December. I love Christmas – mostly because I get off work for several days and have more time to hang out with Katie and watch Dr. Phil reruns while he is on his own vacation spending time with his family.  To hang out with her – my best friend is a treat indeed!

Merry Christmas to all.

I’m Hers


Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Statistically Speaking

Katie and I were watching TV when we heard a marriage and family counselor (Dr. Phil) state that having a successful marriage is a 50/50 proposition. About half make it and about half don’t. He went on to say that the chance of a second marriage making it decreases to about 30% (that’s the ‘slot’ where Katie and I fit statistically) but he noted second marriages which came about due to infidelity – meaning the couple was cheating on their former spouse – only has a 5% success rate! Wow! Dr Phil made these comments during his TV show in the context of a woman about to leave her marriage but admitting she also had a lover on the side. He pleaded with her to drop the guy because he knew (statistically) her relationship with him would likely be over within a year or so – regardless how she felt about the guy now.

I hugged Katie when I heard his brief comments telling her I never wanted to be one of those statistics. She agreed. None of do no matter if this is a first-time marriage or a fourth go at it. There is so much pain and anguish when we leave the very person we at one point loved so much.

My initial thought when I listened to him rattle off those percentages was “I hope she keeps me locked.” It’s not like I have any plans on leaving Katie or cheating. I am very much in love with her but I know that no one going into a marriage ever assumes they will be divorcing within a year or five or 10 or 25.  I know I am not above reproach. I know I am able to be tempted just as much as the next guy. I understand the power of the female body and lure. It is for this reason that I hope my Mistress keeps close tabs on me – that she keeps me locked when we are apart, that she makes an effort to keep me close when we are together, that she tells me – and shows me – with unquestioning convincingness that she loves me and wants me just for herself.

There is no better place to be emotionally than knowing you are surrounded completely in the love of the woman whom you are married. There is no better feeling. I told her last night, “I love feeling owned. Feeling owned goes deeper than feeling loved.” But words are cheap. Actions speak volumes. They convey a 1,000 times more potently than words. I love “feeling” Katie’s love so much more than I love hearing it.  Does that make sense? I love it when she crawls on me and around me and on top of me when I get in bed. She pulls me into her and wraps her arms and legs around me, bucks her hips like she is doing ‘you know what’ and groans one of those groans that says “I love you and you are all mine”.  I love it when we make love. I love her moving on me knowing I am the source of her pleasure. I love it when she lets me move within her knowing she loves me ‘this’ much to let me enjoy her body in this way.  I love when she tells me, “we are going out to eat” and I know it’s to one of our favorite places – one filled with so many fond memories.  I love when she tells me that “we are leaving the house by 11 AM” and I know that I need to get a move on to meet her deadline – that her words are inferring, “you better get a move on”.  I love when she waits, standing outside in the chilly air, for me to open the door. I love when she tells me we will be going to the local sports bar to watch my favorite football team play, because we don’t have the NFL network.

It’s the little things she does that speak volumes. Grabbing my crotch, telling me it’s time for breakfast, letting me do chores she could easily do herself, dressing to seduce me or a thousand other things that she does that conveys “you are mine and I love you” feeling.  I hope we never stop doing those little things that made us know how much the other loved. We’ve stopped doing some and I hope we replace the ones we’ve stopped doing with others.  It’s the little things that convey love.  Yes getting the $50,000 Lexus with the big red bow on the top for Christmas works but so does a pair of panties in my stockings! It doesn’t take $ to convey love. It takes effort and overt actions mostly.

I hope you think of all the little things you could be doing for your spouse – or your loved one – to keep your marriage fresh and alive. Don’t become a statistic.

I’m Hers

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Overwhelmed

Maybe it was because I saw her on Wednesday morning before she left to meet a girlfriend for lunch. She had on black slacks and a solid teal top. She looked beautiful. Her eyes sparkled and seeing her so slim, so fit and so stunning made me look at her with awe.

Maybe it was because of the emotion stirred that evening when I got home from work when she returned after spending time with several other girlfriends during their weekly Wednesday girls-night-out gathering. Again she looked delicious, this time wearing a black and white zebra-striped top along with her usual blue jeans.

Maybe it was because of how easily she put aside any thoughts of sex on a Wednesday morning, one of our free mornings that she usually wants to enjoy me intimately. She chose not to take me for her own but rather rose to shower and dress while keeping me locked. I knew as soon as she turned away from me and climbed out from under the sheets that I would not be free until at least Saturday. That thought reminded me quite powerfully just how completely and without question she rules the bedroom.

Maybe it was because of what I saw when she got up on a Tuesday morning. I watched her rise after sleeping. She wore only panties and a nighty-her usual sleeping attire. The nighty was lifted revealing the bottom half of her breast. She looked absolutely gorgeous. Tantalizingly so. I made a comment. She smiled appreciatively and left me locked to go shower and dress.

Maybe it was because of what happened last night while I cuddled behind her. Her body was warm, her hair soft with my face pressed into the back of her neck. With one hand I could feel her muscular thighs, her slender hips, her flat stomach and then those beautiful full breasts. Her beauty overwhelmed me and I felt undeserving and yet so thankful to be holding this lady in my arms. I woke a few hours later in the middle of the night. I was cuddled behind Katie, my arms and legs wrapped around her tightly. Her skin was soaking wet. She was having a hot flash and I was horny. I lifted her top and pulled the sheet down to let her body cool. I ran my fingers ever so lightly over her legs and back, squeezed her shoulder warmly and ran my fingers down her arm trying to make my touches feel cool against her wet skin. I don't know why but I started kissing her neck, her back, her hips, her ribs. She was so beautiful and I loved her so much in that moment. I felt so proud to be known as her husband; even more proud to be known to her as her sub; grateful that she chose to be my dominant - my Mistress wife. In that moment and for the next several minutes I found myself repeating certain phrases. I did so because it seemed right and almost expected of me. I mean, here I was snuggled behind a woman nearly naked; a woman so beautiful in so many ways; A woman who loves me and whom I love.

One might call what I kept repeating to myself a mantra. "You do own me. I am yours and will always be yours." "I love you and I will always serve you." "I will always obey you and view you as my mistress and one who has complete authority over me." I don't know that those were the exact phrases I kept replaying in my mind but they were thoughts similar to that.

I understand the power of positive thinking. I understand to some degree that thinking a certain way leads a person to be that certain way. I understand that by memorizing certain things that those things will quickly come to mind when appropriate situations arise. For me, all I want is to be Katie's, to feel her love to feel her authority, to feel her ownership, to feel her power, and to know that I am loved. I want to obey, serve and be her slave. I want to make her the center of my universe and never let my love and servitude to her deviate from that focal point. I wonder if it would be helpful for me to continue to repeat phrases like those again and again-not to brainwash me, but to help me better serve and better obey this woman who is a diamond that for some reason took me as your own. I wonder what phrases Katie would want me to repeat so as to reinforce? Have any of you been required to repeat mantras for this purpose?

I'm hers